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Looking to the future – Newcastle United Under 19 v AC Milan Under 19

Newcastle kicked off their final UEFA Youth League game yesterday knowing that it would be their last for a while with opponents Milan already assured of top spot in the group.

As someone who is only able to catch the odd academy or reserve game, I was interested to tune in and see just what the future might have in store for Newcastle fans though. And given the level of opposition and the competition, this one was particularly intriguing.

There was a very early change for Newcastle as Ciaran Thompson was replaced having gone down with a head injury after an aerial challenge in the first 20 seconds. It almost immediately looked like it was going to be one of those days as just with the first team, injuries were now happening freakishly and taking their toll of the youngsters.

And it got worse. Milan opened the scoring on 8 minutes as right winger Liberale cut in on to his left foot and hit a speculative curler, which bounced just as it reached keeper Adrian Janusz and somehow squirmed into the net. It may well have taken a nick of a defender, but really the keeper will be only too aware that he could have done better.

While our youngsters could have sunk without trace against such quality opposition, what happened next showed a lot of courage. Newcastle grew into the game as the half went on. We had lots of the ball and it was noticeable how quickly we tried to get it forward, often going direct into the channels and getting Milan turned.

As the half progressed we seemed to settle nicely, building well from the back and moving the ball skillfully through midfield. It just didn’t want to stick up front though, despite the best efforts of Jonny Emerson and Ben Parkinson. With Milan already through to the next stage of the competition and having made numerous changes to their line up, Newcastle had nothing to lose and it was good to see them growing in confidence as the half drew to a close.

In the second half, Newcastle continued to dominate the ball, but the renewed effort and crisper tackling saw them really take hold of the game and they proceeded to pop the ball around with confidence.

It wasn’t long before their efforts were rewarded as Cathal Heffernan won a header from a corner which dropped at the feet of Travis Hernes who swivelled well and scored from close range. That was on 51 minutes and within four more United had taken the lead.

This time it was Heffernan with the goal. A free kick was curled over and when it was only half cleared to the edge of the box, sub Leo Shahar nodded it forward where Heffernan was waiting to hold off his marker and drill the ball home with a finish that Shearer would have been proud of!

From then on it was pretty much all Newcastle as we controlled the ball and managed to keep Milan at arms length. There were several forays forward from our youngsters and it was great to see the side playing with such energy and confidence.

Amazingly, the young Magpies extended their lead and essentially put the game to bed, on 73 minutes. And it was a lovely move as the ball was worked out of defence via Charlie MacArthur, eventually finding Ben Parkinson who’d dropped deep into midfield. He turned quickly and drove forward before switching the ball to the right edge of Milan’s box. Good work by sub Shaun Neave saw him beat the full back and get to the byline before pulling the ball across the face of goal to find Parkinson, who carried on his run unopposed and was able to steer it home for the goal.

Newcastle were able to see out the game fairly comfortably, keeping Milan at arms length and controlling the game with a real confidence. Ben Dawson could often be heard telling the lads to ‘look after the ball’ and that’s exactly what they did. The final 3-1 scoreline couldn’t really be argued with.

For me, there were a few standout performances. At the back, Heffernan and McArthur look pretty solid. Both are comfortable on the ball and read the game well as well as having a solid physical presence and it wouldn’t be a great surprise to see them as first teamers in the not too distant future. Also in defence, Leo Shahar stood out, using the ball well and dealing well with Milan’s forward players. At only 16, he looks a real prospect. I thought Jonny Emerson and Ben Parkinson looked good too, holding the ball well and driving Newcastle forward. Parkinson’s goal was particularly impressive.

The two who really caught the eye though, were Travis Hernes in midfield and Trevan Sanusi who played wide on the left. Hernes was brought in from Shrewsbury in summer and looks very comfortable on the ball. He’s a big lad, so deals well with the physical side of the game, but possesses a decent turn of pace too. A classy, ball playing midfielder who at times reminded a bit of Jude Bellingham, not to put too much pressure on the lad. I feel sure he’ll be a first team prospect in the near future and is definitely one to watch.

Then there was Sanusi who looks a lad with a big future. Trevan looked confident on the ball and extremely skillful. There were times when he turned his full back inside out, which for a 16-year-old at this level is very impressive. He’s another with a real turn of pace too and certainly seems like the kind of player who’d get a St. James’ Park crowd off their seats given half a chance.

In all, an enjoyable match and a great result. Newcastle’s youngsters dominated for much of the game and deserved the points. Without wanting to put too much pressure on these boys, it looks like we might have a very bright future on our hands.

The Alternative Christmas Playlist

It’s that time of year again. The festive period is well and truly upon us – in fact for some people it’s been with them since the start of November. This means a lot of different things, from office parties to buying last minute presents at the local 24 hour garage, but one of the best things has to be the music.

I must confess that despite feeling of sadness I get as commercial organisations bring Christmas further and further forward each year, I’m a sucker for a Christmas tune. So while I might well grumble at the Christmas decor in the supermarket at the end of October, I’ll soon find myself singing along to anything from Slade to Shakin’ Stevens. I’ll probably even give a grudging whistle along to Mariah Carey, if I’m honest. Christmas can have a funny effect on us after all.

As good as I find Christmas music, by the time you’ve heard it on repeat in every shop you visit for even a few days, you’ve possibly heard enough. So, rather than bang on about the kind of Christmas songs that we’ve heard a million times before, I thought I’d give a mention to some that are perhaps a bit more hidden away and some that you might not have heard before. That said, while I’ve put together an alternative list, there are some that still sit firmly in the mainstream. But, although you’ve probably heard them a lot over the years, they’re still well worth a mention. Which leads us nicely into my first choice…

Fairytale of New York by The Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl. This one’s become even more poignant with news of the death Pogues singer Shane McGowan, but it was always a classic. If you haven’t heard this track, then put simply my friend, where have you been? Whether you consider this part of the mainstream or actually still a bit alternative, it deserves to be on any list of Christmas songs to listen to. What starts off as a melancholic ballad, quickly morphs into a stomping folk tune as the tempo is upped and the band present their own version of a Christmas song. Fairytale of New York reminds us that while Christmas is a time for peace and goodwill to all men, that’s not always possible. Just go on a works Christmas ‘do’ if you need to find out! In recent years the lyrics have come under scrutiny and have been criticised, for their swearing and slurs and a radio friendly, sanitised version is available. But for me, while some winced at the insulting nature of some of the lines – there’s even a homophobic slur at one point – the original, swaggering, sweary version of the song will always be the one I play and sing. Nick Cave called it “the greatest Christmas song ever written” and do you know what? He’s right!

I Was Born on Christmas Day by St. Etienne and Tim Burgess. A proper Christmas banger, this one! St. Etienne were one of my favourite bands in the 90s and were purveyors of what I’d call perfect pop. Well crafted, melodic pop songs were their thing and Sarah Cracknell’s voice was just wonderful. They’re joined by Tim Burgess of The Charlatans on this one and it’s a real festive winner. Upbeat, catchy and featuring some lovely Christmas bells, this is definitely one to brighten up your Yuletide. And for added fun, check out the band performing it on Top of The Pops with Tim looking ever so slightly tipsy!

As The Snowflakes Fall by Smith and Burrows. This is a from a Christmas themed album called Funny Looking Angels that contains Christmas songs and covers with a hint of Christmas about them. It’s been my go to record at this time of year for a good while now and I could have chosen any track from it. However, I went for something a bit different in ‘As The Snowflakes Fall’. It’s a bit of a waltz really, with a shuffling rhythm and some beautiful harmonies and the song has more than a hint of Elliot Smith about it. So, if you like melodic, folksy type stuff, then this will appeal. To be honest though, I’d thoroughly recommend the entire album…it might just change your life.

Christmas Was Better in The 80s by Futureheads. Starting off with the feel of a traditional Christmas hymn, almost, this one swiftly morphs into just what you might expect from the Futureheads; a post punk, cleverly written romp of a tune. A punk love song to their beloved childhood this one promotes a time when everything seemed better. Life was easier when you could go to bed early and wake up to a pile of presents. With much to sing along to, this is a Christmas track that’s very much worth a listen.

Corpus Christi Carol by Jeff Buckley. A bit of a vocal masterpiece, this one. As you’d expect with the wonderful Jeff Buckley this is truly beautiful. Corpus Christi Carol though is an actual carol from the middle ages. So, if you’re looking for something a bit more traditional on your playlist, then this should appeal. Buckley’s version is stripped right back; just his incredible voice – and he gives a truly stunning performance here – and a guitar, which makes this really quite haunting. So, while this isn’t going to make you feel the same kind of festive spirit as say Slade or Roy Wood and Wizard, it will definitely warm your heart.

Two Thousand Miles by The Pretenders. Another classic and not altogether an alternative pick, but definitely not your everyday Christmas fodder either. This one is about being separated from your loved one at Christmas, hence the title. So, while it’s a Christmas song, it’s certainly not traditional in its content. I suppose it’s highlighting that Christmas is a time for being together, so being apart from the one you love makes it all the more difficult. A beautiful tune though. A great showcase for Chrissie Hynde’s vocals as well.

Just Like Christmas by Low. Another one that’s tinged with sadness, while at the same time being a track that you’ll find yourself singing along with quite cheerily, especially the chorus. With it’s shuffling rhythm and Christmas bells it’s a definite toe tapper and there’s even a little instrumental break in the middle that always reminds me of The Love Cats by The Cure. Although the lyrics get a little bit morose – apparently it wasn’t like Christmas at all – this is definitely a tune to check out with its references to a snowy winter. And it always reminds me of the band First Aid Kit, which is all the more reason to check it out.

Christmas Time (Don’t Let The Bells End) by The Darkness. After a slightly down beat couple of tracks we definitely need a mood change. So what better than a bit of Christmas tinged hair metal? This tune is just an absolute romp, complete with trademark falsetto vocals, riotous guitars and a healthy smattering of humour. With its brilliantly singalong chorus, you’re on to a winner with this and maybe just a little bit of a Christmas drink!

Winter Song by Lindisfarne. I’ve sort of shoehorned this one in as it’s not strictly speaking a Christmas song. However, Lindisfarne being from Newcastle has helped its inclusion, along with the fact that it’s actually really good. This one draws on the band’s memories of winters in the North East of England which can often feel long, dark and bloody cold. There’s a vulnerability to Alan Hull’s voice here that is somewhat perfect for the slight hint of bitterness of the song. Anyway, it’s just brilliant, so give it a listen!

Last, but not least…Wonderful Christmastime by The Shins. This is just a wonderful cover of the Paul McCartney classic by American indie legends The Shins. You’ll know the original, but now say hello to this brilliant cover. There’s almost a Phil Spector style ‘wall of sound’ quality to this one at times, yet at others it’s really quite stripped back. As a fan of the original, I was surprised how much I enjoyed this cover when I first heard it. I think you’ll enjoy it too!

So there you have it. A Yuletide Top 10 of alternative Christmas classics. I hope you’ll search them out as they’ll come in handy as an antidote when you’ve had just a bit too much of the usual stuff!

Gallowgate Cult Heroes; Number 3 Imre Varadi

When I first started writing this series, I wondered how far back I’d be able to go. I’m trying to write more about players that I actually saw play, rather than just delving into the history books – and Wikipedia – and providing you with a list of stats. So, in essence I’m restricting myself to going back as far as the late 70s at best and even then, my memory won’t always be reliable.

The third player in the series is one that I only just remember, as well as being one of my first ever black and white heroes.

Imre Varadi was signed, with not a great deal of fanfare from Everton in the summer of 1981. A 22-year-old Londoner, with a Hungarian/Italian background, he was brought in by manager Arthur Cox to help solve what had become a major goalscoring problem. With the previous season’s strikers – the likes of Bobby Shinton, Alan Shoulder, Mick Harford and a young Chris Waddle – struggling to find the net, Varadi faced a challenge. However, he must have felt that he couldn’t really fail, given that the previous season’s top scorer had been Shinton with 7 goals. And so, a memorable, but brief chapter began.

Newcastle were languishing in Division 2 (now the Championship) at the time but in his first season (81/82) Imre scored a commendable 20 goals in 47 appearances. However, it took him a while to actually find the net. When he did eventually did though it was spectacular as he bagged a hat-trick in a 0-4 away win at Cardiff. Suddenly, things were beginning to click into place. In the next game, this time at home to Derby he scored a brace in a 3-0 home win.

Varadi had electric pace, an eye for goal and was more than capable of an eye-catching piece of skill. He was unpredictable and brave, doing the number 9 shirt proud. It was easy to see why a success starved Gallowgate would take to him so quickly. But things were about to change on Tyneside.

In the summer of 1982 Newcastle United grabbed the football world’s attention by signing the England captain Kevin Keegan from Southampton. How we’d managed to sign the twice Ballon D’or winner is anyone’s guess, but we did and he would go on to help change the history of the club. It was the beginning of the end of Varadi though.

The season started well, with Varadi providing the assist for Keegan’s winning goal in the first game of the season at home to QPR. In goalscoring terms though he made a slow start. While strike partner Keegan scored 3 goals in his first three games, Varadi didn’t score until the sixth week of the season.

However, by the end of the season he had scored 22 goals in 43 appearances and was again a roaring success as he finished as top scorer. Keegan himself only made 16 league appearances, scoring 21 goals and was rightly idolised. And this was possibly what would cost Varadi. Newcastle, having finished 5th that season went all out for promotion the next, signing John Ryan for a then club record fee of £250k, David Mills and a 22-year-old called Peter Beardsley in the summer with Imre being sold to Sheffield Wednesday for £180k.

I remember rumours about Varadi’s relationship with Keegan at the time and since then have heard the same type of things mentioned time and again in relation to his departure, but I really wouldn’t know. Whatever the reason, it seemed a strange move to get rid of the top scorer of the previous two seasons. Varadi scored goals and was popular with the fans and yet was still sacrificed to a rival. Mind you, Keegan would do the same himself as manager, years later, with Andy Cole, ending up explaining himself to confused and angry fans on the steps of the Milburn stand.

Imre Varadi was the first number 9 that really captured my imagination. I wasn’t old enough to remember Supermac and there’d been precious little else to grab on to during my fledgling years as a Toon supporter. I remember being enamored by Peter Withe, but even then I was only 6! My other favourite player had been midfielder Micky Burns, but there was nothing that excited me as much as Varadi did when he signed. I knew nothing of him, but that first hat-trick had me hooked! I’d fallen in love with a club that felt like it gave precious little back, but when Varadi got the ball and ran it felt like there was a bit more of a point being there.

With 42 goals in 90 games, Imre Varadi had a decent strike rate and was the kind of striker that excited the fans. But with a young Chris Waddle coming through and Peter Beardsley set to make an amazing impact with Kevin Keegan, maybe letting him go was the correct decision. By the end of his career he’d become very much a journeyman pro, ending up with 17 clubs in all, so perhaps his two years with us was par for the course.

In recent interviews, Varadi has expressed great love for his time with Newcastle and for a couple of years, there were a fair few of us who loved him right back. But cult hero or not, nobody could really compete with King Kev, could they?

Middle Aged Gigging – ‘Embrace’ at Leeds O2 Academy…on a school night!

I’m quite sure that nothing can make you feel older or more middle aged than a night out. Not a party with friends or meeting people you know for whatever it might be; no, a night out. In public, with people that you have little or no knowledge of beforehand. Going to a gig is a prime example of this. Thursday night at Embrace was no different for a couple of reasons!

As is now usual, we get to the Leeds Academy early. Having had heart surgery last year, the barrier offers protection for this paranoid old fella, so it’s become our home from home at gigs. However, beyond the comfort, you can never resist a look round and tonight when I do, I’m greeted by a very definite feeling that the usually familiar middle aged audience at an Embrace gig has been infiltrated by…youth! Not even a smattering. Tribes of the buggers, pockets of them everywhere you turn. As I said, there’s nothing that can match their power in making you feel old. And it’s not long before it gets worse.

Within minutes support band The Slates take to the stage. Immediately I’m thinking, ‘I could be all of your dads’. They’re sooo young! And yet, from the first chords of the opener tonight, I’m nothing but impressed. The energy is brilliant and you can’t help but root for these lads. The sight of them does remind me that I have to teach my Year 10s first thing in the morning though. Regardless, their set just makes me smile. Stand out tracks would be ‘What Have You Done?’ and ‘Hello, don’t you know’?, but in truth it’s all impressive from The Slates who look and sound like a band with a bright future ahead of them, even if they do make me feel ancient.

The Slates

There’s a hint of early Arctic Monkeys in there and you can hear the Britpop, but there’s also some ska at times, which given their age and the era of music that they must have grown up with, brings to mind the influence of The Ordinary Boys. Whatever their influences, it doesn’t really matter. The Slates are excellent tonight and they throw themselves into this gig, clearly enjoying their moment. Subsequently, it’s infectious and I’m sure that they’ll leave with more than a few more fans tonight. I’ll definitely be searching out their music.

After a quick shuffle around of equipment on stage it’s time for another support act; Tom Speight. The energy is certainly no less, but it’s different. Tom Speight is, as the name suggests, a solo artist, although he is backed by another singer, a girl who I think he called Hedara who had a great voice (apologies though if I’ve got the name wrong). His music is kind of folky and there’s more than a nod to the pop of the likes of Turin Brakes and maybe even Starsailor.

Tom Speight

Speight’s set is energetic and he makes an immediate impact on the crowd. He does a remarkable job of ‘filling’ the room with his sound, given that this is just two voices and a guitar. Both voices though, are strong and emotive and they work really well together. It’s not long before we’re tapping and nodding along and later, with a little bit of persuasion we’re singing along too. Songs like ‘Wonderful Wonder’ and ‘Everything’s Waiting For You’ go down really well and by the time the set ends, we’ve been teed up nicely for the return of Embrace.

Tonight Embrace are performing their album ‘The Good Will Out’ in full as part of its 25th Anniversary celebrations. Suddenly, my age isn’t an issue! I fell in love with these songs and this band a long, long time ago so it’s safe to say that I’m excited to be right at the front for the gig. It’s also a year to the day since I had heart surgery, so it’s a lovely way to celebrate getting through what’s been a tough year.

There’s a hero’s welcome for the band when they take the stage and it’s not long before they’ve launched into opener ‘All You Good Good People’. The pace is set and it’s just going to be our job to keep up now. But it won’t be a problem. I can’t hold back a huge smile at the first line, ‘I feel like I’m meant something’ and as if I needed a reminder on this day of all days, it’s good to be alive. It feels like the whole room is taking off with everyone singing every lyric and as is always the case with Embrace, it’s a joy to be here.

By the time we’ve reached one of my all time favourite songs, ‘One Big Family’, the atmosphere is electric. It’s always great to see a band on home turf as the atmosphere is generally special. Tonight is no exception. By the end of the track I’m well and truly out of breath and realise that I’d been more or less screaming the lyrics back at the band, so if you were at the front and near a skinny bloke in a black t-shirt with a white beard, I can only apologise. Mind you, I’ll only have to do it again, because I was probably even screechier during ‘Retread’.

Discussing the gig on our way back to the car afterwards we talked about the emotion of seeing Embrace and the fact that it feels like a happening rather than simply entertainment. It’s what I imagine being in church feels like when there’s a gospel choir, simply because I feel like I’m almost lifted up and carried along by the band and the songs. There’s no doubt that the chief protagonist in all of this is singer Danny, who never fails to get the crowd going and he’s on good form tonight and clearly enjoying himself, even encouraging us – even the old folk – to dance during some of the songs. I tried Danny, I tried…

Obviously, given my attachment to the songs, I’d say that the whole album is done wonderfully tonight. But for me, the middle section of tracks ‘I Want The World’, ‘You’ve Got To Say Yes’ ‘Retread’ and ‘Last Gas’ is absolutely blistering.

As we end the set with the ‘la la la la’ singalong that is ‘The Good Will Out’ it’s clear that everyone’s had a wonderful night. As ever, I’m left wondering just how long an Embrace crowd would willingly do the ‘la la las’ for if we were just left to it. Hours, I’d wager. Brilliantly though (and sadly, if you love a ‘la la la’), with a ‘greatest hits’ style encore to come, it’s not quite done.

There are five songs on the encore tonight. ‘We Are It’, ‘Refugees’, ‘Dry Kids’ ‘Gravity’ and ‘Ashes’ – all are amazing. Dry Kids makes a welcome return and Gravity – the first dance at our wedding – has me tearing up as usual (middle age can be a funny old thing, kids). Before them though is Refugees which is just incredible and Richard’s vocals are simply superb. I’m a little bit spellbound by Mike’s drumming on this track too and I’m absolutely knackered by the end of it, which is unfortunate because as we all know, we’re ending with live favourite Ashes.

When it comes, I think we all summon up a last little bit of energy and there are people pogoing everywhere you look. As ever, ‘Ashes’ feels like an event in itself and I think I might have run out of superlatives at this point. Suffice to say, that it’s just another moment where I’m thankful to be here because as tired as I feel, it’s nothing short of a pleasure to be able to completely lose myself in what is an absolute tune.

It’s been a brilliant night, again. Twenty five years of ‘The Good Will Out’ and a little bit more than that of watching Embrace live. We’re off to bed late on a school night, but I’m sure my Year 10s will understand!

Gallowgate Cult Heroes; Number 2 Brian Kilcline

Signing a player who’s better known as ‘Killer’ sounds like the kind of thing you’d only experience via the pages of a 1970s comic. And in many ways, Brian ‘Killer’ Kilcline’s story would go on to feel like pure fiction.

Brian Kilcline was Kevin Keegan’s first signing in his first spell as Newcastle manager. A typical Keegan singing? No, but in many ways Killer was one of the most important signings the club ever made. He gave a team, that had previously cowered at the first scent of a problem, a spine and was one of the major reasons that the club avoided relegation in the season that he joined. Make no doubt about it, Newcastle United were in deep trouble and in grave danger of tumbling into Division 3 (League One now). Brian Kilcline was Keegan’s first port of call in order to make sure that didn’t happen.

Signed from Oldham in 1992, Kilcline was immediately made club captain. Having previously captained Coventry to an FA Cup win in 1987, he had valuable experience to add to a dressing room that was a mixture of underachieving journeymen and raw kids. Killer was 29 when he signed and was charged with the business of giving the squad a sense of belief as well as a metaphorical kick up the backside. At the time our squad included such luminaries as Ray Ranson, Mark Stimson, Peter Garland and Archie Gourlay, but previous manager, Ossie Ardiles, had put all his faith in youth and players such as Lee Clark, Steve Watson, Lee Makel and Robbie Elliot. While we were playing some pretty football, we just weren’t winning games and were sinking fast. I remember week in, week out having that sinking feeling that we couldn’t possibly survive. Then, along came Keegan and Killer!

Brian made his Newcastle debut in a 1-1 home draw against Barnsley, replacing Darren Bradshaw in the starting line up after the team were beaten 3-1 away at Blackburn. Newcastle were stuck in 22nd place in the division at this point. Seven days later, with Killer again in the side, we recorded a 0-1 away victory at Port Vale and moved up to 19th.

From there we’d go on picking up points so that by the time we’d beaten Sunderland 1-0 at home at the end of March we were sitting in 17th place and looking far more comfortable with Killer marshalling the defence.

However, 5 successive defeats followed, with Kilcline sidelined through injury for three of them and Newcastle plunged back into trouble.

Ultimately, the side did enough to stay up with successive victories against Portsmouth and Leicester and Kilcline’s place in history was already assured. Those two games will go down in club history and while the home game v Pompey will always be associated with David Kelly’s late winner, it was Killer’s defence that kept a rare clean sheet that day. Similarly, the game away at Leicester will be remembered mainly for the performances of players like Kelly, again, and Gavin Peacock, as well as a pitch invasion by home fans, but Killer’s influence that day cannot be underestimated as Newcastle held their nerve enough to get over the line in one of the most dramatic games I’ve even witnessed as a Newcastle fan. Forget winning games in the Champions League, this was like the Alamo (it was a battle, look it up, kids).

While Killer will be remembered as the man who Keegan trusted to guide the club to safety during one of the darkest periods in its history, it shouldn’t be forgotten that the very next season he captained the team to promotion. Keegan famously referred to him as “the most important signing I ever made for the club” and instantly secured Killer’s status as a true legend for Newcastle United. However, he was to start only one game for us in the Premier League and moved on to Swindon soon after. There, Killer made 10 appearances in the Premier League, but left for Mansfield Town in 1995 amid suggestions of a falling out with the Swindon manager Steve McMahon.

Later in his career Killer began to explore his more imaginative side, living for a while on a narrow boat, before spending his time travelling the world with wife Lynn once he’d retired. Nowadays, Brian lives in rural Holmfirth in Yorkshire where he spends time managing rental properties and renovating houses. In the recent past he has still turned out for Newcastle legends teams too.

Although he only spent a short amount of time on Tyneside, Killer was undoubtedly a hero for Newcastle. Not only did he help to save the club from a disastrous relegation to League 1, but he led the side to the promised land of the Premier League a year later too. In doing so he had a huge influence, not just on the future of the club itself, but also on a group of young players such as Lee Clark, Steve Watson, Robbie Elliot and Allan Nielson, players who would go on to have a bright future with the club.

Brian Kilcline; looked like a Viking, played with grit, passion and determination, led like a legend.

NUFC: Dan Ashworth and the changing face of the academy.

Some months ago, I wrote an article about the state of the Newcastle United academy. It was largely a tale of failure over the years and of neglect, particularly during Mike Ashley’s tenure, with gambling on talent released by other clubs or kids being brought in from non league to compliment the local talent. In short, the academy hadn’t been working, with only a handful of first team players of any quality emerging over the course of far too many years.

However, like Gary Barlow and his band of oiled up and oddly dressed mates once sung, ‘everything changes’ and in the case of our academy there’s now more than a hint of hope again.

So how have things changed then? Well, it would appear to be down to the masterplan of one man; Dan Ashworth, who seems driven to rebuilding our club from the bottom up. And thus, the whole approach to investment in our younger years has begun to take on a bit of a transformation.

As a fan, it’s nice to feel like there’s a plan. As someone who’s followed the club since the late 70s, ever since I was able to understand the concept of youth teams, our system has never felt like it’s the work of a professional football club and we’ve lagged behind names as wide and varied as Manchester United, Liverpool, Crewe Alexandra and even Sunderland. While others have appeared to have had some kind of conveyor belt producing first team ready players, we’ve been metaphorically hunting down the back of the sofa for small change. For every Gazza type of success, there have been dozens of young players released from the club. If anything, it’s felt like a fluke when a young player has actually come through to the first team.

Our new plan appears to be effective in its simplicity. We’re scouting the best young players in all age groups from various countries and attempting to bring them to the club. We’re investing money. I mean, you’d have imagined someone might have thought of it before now, really. Of course, it’s a wider net than just that, but it’s still simple all the same.

It’s the picture closer to home that really interests me though as it seems like we’re delving down the age groups and attempting to cherry pick the best talent from the home nations too. However, where before we seemed to be happy just to take a chance on kids who’d been released from other Premier League clubs – Charlie Wiggett, Rosaire Longelo and Remi Savage spring to mind – now we’re upping our game somewhat.

In the recent past, under Ashley, we did take the odd chance on youth. But it was never an expensive or risky gamble. The signing of Regan Thomson is a case in point as we paid £60k to Queens Park to bring the highly rated 16-year-old to St. James’ in 2020, beating Celtic and Rangers to his signature and then failed to develop his talents. Thomson was released in summer 2022 and as of June this year has been without a club having left East Kilbride back in Scotland. I must confess, I’d forgotten all about him. Similarly, Jake Turner was taken from Bolton after they’d gone into administration but didn’t make the grade here, although he is playing league football with Gillingham now.

Under Dan Ashworth’s guidance lots changed in the youth ranks. While we still have a fair number of local lads battling to follow in the footsteps of Sean Longstaff and Paul Dummett, the focus feels like it’s shifted somewhat and moved up a gear, if you like. The shift began with the signing of Garang Kuol last year, but the pace has stepped up even more since then.

This summer saw Newcastle bring in several highly rated youngsters from various domestic clubs. And we’ve started young too! Firstly, there was a compensation fee paid to Port Vale for 14-year-old midfielder Michael Mills. Then, we shelled out a reported 5 figure fee for 16-year-old striker Kacey Wooster from Southend’s academy.

After that we’ve also signed up a number of highly rated young players for the Academy and Under 21 sides, both of which have underperformed for years. England Under 17 internationals Leo Shahar from Wolves and Travon Sanusi from Birmingham have come in and seem to have made an immediate impact. On top of that we’ve also signed 17-year-old midfielder Travis Hernes from Shrewsbury, a kid who’d already made first team appearances for the League One Shrews.

But the investment in youth didn’t stop on these shores. Of course, we signed Yankuba Minteh (19) from Odense, a player who already look first team ready with his loan exploits at Feyenoord. Add to that the signing of Cathal Heffernan from AC Milan and it’s clear that we’re intent on making our youth set up far more competitive than ever.

Obviously, when investing in youth there’s never a guarantee of success. Year in, year out for instance, there seems to be a ‘highly rated’ striker in the academy set up and yet a breakthrough to the first team is rare. Even Andy Carroll had been played at left back for much of his youth career with the club. In recent years Elias Sorensen, Tom Allan and Tom Heardman were all touted for success after Carroll, but none was able to make the step up.

I’ll confess to knowing little of our new arrivals. Obviously though, Minteh looks to be a real find. I actually watched Hernes play for Shrewsbury against Leeds, but couldn’t say I noticed anything special that night. After that, I’m guessing. Experience tells me that someone with Heffernan’s background might well be a good bet for the first team in the future. And Travon Sanusi comes with a glowing reputation. As for the rest, who knows? Luckily though, the scouting network has been vastly improved in the two years since the takeover and in Dan Ashworth we have someone with a track record that we can trust.

You can be sure that the additions at youth level will continue through the season and year after year from then too. At the time we signed Heffernan there was also a lot of talk about signing his international team mate Kevin Zefi from Inter too. It didn’t come to fruition, but I’d be surprised if moves aren’t still being made. And with scouts working hard across the world, there will be other targets being constantly monitored too.

The professional approach to youth team football is a refreshing change of direction for the club. Newcastle United are now establishing themselves as an attractive proposition and you can be sure that will catch the eye of many talented youngsters who end up with their choice of clubs. With Ashworth at the helm it feels like we can rest assured that we’re now a totally viable option and that hopefully we’ll be regularly producing first team regulars from within our own ranks.

These are much needed exciting times for our academy set up. The future’s bright. The future’s black and white and it appears to be in very good hands!

Running: The Morley 10k, 2023.

Last Sunday, the 8th October saw the second ever Morley 10k race. It marked a quite significant date for me personally too though, as it was almost 11 months since I had the heart surgery to have my pacemaker fitted.

It’s been something of an eventful (almost) year. Sadly more downs than ups too, but all of that has been well documented in other blog posts throughout the last 11 months. However, when I was in hospital I made a vow that I’d complete at least three 10k races by the time my one year pacemaker anniversary came around. Sunday was the third and it was significant because it had also been the last one I’d done before everything went wrong for me in October and November of last year. Here’s how it went.

I felt sick with nerves as I stood on the start line. My family were a only few metres away on the pavement and on more than one occasion it crossed my mind to go and join them and tell them that I couldn’t do the race. People felt too close, it was too warm and the hill that we were starting on looked as daunting as hell, even though I’d ran it countless times before. The day before I’d been genuinely excited about it, but now, around an hour and 10km away from the finish line almost everything was telling me just to walk home.

Start lines of races can be funny things for me. Sometimes, I stand there feeling genuinely intimidated. Everyone seems fitter and younger than me. They’ve got much better trainers. And when I’m feeling particularly sorry for myself, none of them have health problems like me, either. Stupid really, but that’s how it can be. On other occasions, you get the feeling that everyone wants everyone else to have the race of their life. The excitement is palpable and the atmosphere is infectiously positive.

Thankfully though, I talked myself out of any silly decisions and got myself across the start line bang on 9am!

It’s a hilly course and while I won’t talk you through every step, there’s a lot to talk about and almost all of it involves running. Firstly, quite a few of the town came out to show their appreciation of the nine hundred and odd of us who thought it was a good idea to be up and running so early on a Sunday morning. Perhaps they were a bit bewildered by it all and who could blame them, but I really hope that the event grows and grows and becomes a staple for both runners and residents, because it was genuinely lovely to see people out cheering us on and from a personal point of view, it’s a real boost. I still don’t believe the stewards who shout out stuff like, ‘You’re looking good!’ as I pass, but by God their positivity helps! For the record though, I generally look like a tall, skinny bloke whose head has been replaced by a sweaty red balloon when I’m running, so cheers to anyone who puts a positive spin on that!

On Sunday, it quickly became apparent that my legs weren’t feeling too powerful. If you’ve seen them, you’ll know why! But I’d put the training in; plenty of runs, lots of hills, lots of 10ks and lots of other exercise. So, it was a bit of a puzzle, but I just put it down to my mood more than anything else and tried to relax as best I could.

Having got through the first long climb, we turned right and ran through Morley town centre and then down the hill towards Morley Bottoms. The flat and the downhill was much appreciated and gave me the chance to gather my thoughts a little bit, as well as picking up a little bit of pace. By the time we came to another long climb I was well into my running and it felt like I was coping well. It helps knowing the route so well, although I hadn’t ran it this year in preparation, but I’d had plenty of practice at hills as it can feel like that’s all Morley is at times!

Once we’d climbed said hill it was time to double back on ourselves and the race takes to the other side of the road and back down again. By this point several of the leaders had long since passed us as well as probably a couple of hundred others who all looked like they were coping better than me! I opened my stride a bit on the downhill section and, realising that we had at least a mile of downhill or flat sections, decided that it was time to start finding a bit of pace. Halfway back down the hill I spotted something on the other side, still climbing the hill that spurred me on even more – someone running in a T-Rex suit! Dodgy heart or not, I was not being caught by that!

I knew that picking up the pace could be a risky strategy though. I didn’t feel quite right and was wary of simply running out of steam by the end when, surprise surprise, you head up a really steep incline to the finish. That said, I knew my family would be waiting anxiously at the end of this section, given my health issues and so I felt it was better to get to them sooner rather than later.

Morley Bottoms on race day is fantastic. Just a wall of noise and smiling faces. It felt great to run through and although I couldn’t see my family for a while, I spotted them eventually and gave them the thumbs up as I actually wasn’t feeling too bad. Shortly after passing them was the halfway point and knowing the route, it felt like the end was almost in sight.

My plan from the start was to try and run around 55 minutes, but it wasn’t long before the pacer had passed me. However, by the time we’d got to around 4 and a half miles I’d caught him again. Sadly, as we began to climb another hill, I lost him once more! I stayed optimistic by reminding myself that the T-Rex still hadn’t caught me though!

By the time I got to Morley Bottoms for the second time and almost the finish, the place seemed to have got even louder and more enthusiastic. I was feeling genuinely sick though, so the noise and the fact that a couple of people – cheers Steve and the lass that I didn’t recognise! – called out my name, which again was a timely boost. I was almost there.

The hill up from Morley Bottoms turned into my own personal Everest! It’s so steep! Virtually all strength drained away from my legs straight away and it was a case of just keeping moving. I almost convinced myself to stop and walk, but kept going as there was so much encouragement and I was utterly relieved to reach the point where it evens out a bit.

As we passed the town hall I heard my family before I saw them and again it provided a timely boost. Bizarrely, it prompted a sprint finish from me too, something I didn’t realise I had in my locker any more at my age. The heart didn’t matter, the tired legs and aching body were of no concern and by the time I crossed the line I was catching the few people in front of my having gone past one or two in the last hundred yards!

I thought I’d be emotional, but wasn’t. I was just elated. The time wasn’t quite what I wanted, but it wasn’t half bad for a bloke with a dodgy heart and pipe cleaners for legs. And anyway, when everyone looks so pleased and the whole town is out cheering you on, it’s kind of difficult to start crying in front of the post office!

So clutching my medal and my bag of sweets – they’d ran out of water, apparently – I scanned the crowd until I found my family again, reassured the kids I was ok, had some photos taken and then we all wandered off happily back down the inevitable hill to go home.

Big thanks to Morley Running Club for everything they do to put this brilliant event together. Same time next year?

Gallowgate Cult Heroes – Number 1; John Burridge.

There’s an old saying that always gets trotted out when talking about what we’ll politely call ‘journeymen’ footballers. You know the one, ‘more clubs than Jack Nicklaus’. Funny eh? See what they did there? Anyway, the first player I’m going to look at kind of sums up exactly why that old saying exists as he had more clubs than the pro shop at St. Andrews, let alone Jack Nicklaus! My first Gallowgate Cult Hero is goalkeeper John Burridge.

Universally known as ‘Budgie’, John Burridge signed for Newcastle from Southampton in July 1989, leaving almost 2 years later. To this day, he remains the only player I’ve ever turned up specifically early to watch warm up! But more of that later.

Burridge started his league career with Workington Town in 1969, when they were still a league club, before moving on to Blackpool a couple of years later. He then moved around a lot of clubs including, Aston Villa, Crystal Palace, QPR, Wolves and Sheffield United. By the time he’d signed for us he was 38 years old and had been playing for 20 years and had 10 clubs. Newcastle were in the old 2nd division or the Championship, as it’s now known and Burridge had come in alongside other new signings like Micky Quinn and Mark McGhee. Hopes were high for a possible promotion campaign.

Hopes, however, were ultimately dashed and having failed to gain automatic promotion Newcastle famously crashed out in the semi finals of the play offs to the old enemy, Sunderland. In the first leg of the semi, we played away at the old Roker Park and Burridge had his finest cult hero moments in black and white, diving down to his right to save a late Paul Hardyman penalty. But the drama didn’t end there as Hardyman then ran to where Budgie was lying, clutching the ball, and kicked him square in the head! He was immediately sent off, but Budgie was rightly raging!

Despite skiving school and standing in a very early morning queue, I remember that I couldn’t get tickets for that away leg – you see, ticketing isn’t just a modern day problem! However, we managed to get tickets for a beam back of the game at Whitley Bay Ice Rink of all places. In the hysteria following Budgie’s save, I missed the kick in the head entirely and remember just being delighted at the sending off, but completely in the dark as to why Budgie looked like he wanted to kill someone!

Burridge was a maker of spectacular saves, starting with one in the first minute of his debut against Reading when flew across the goal to tip an early header over the bar. So, a good shot stopper in today’s language. He possessed a confidence like no Newcastle goalkeeper I’d seen before too. But with that confidence came many rushes of blood to the head and while Burridge was a keeper who liked to command his area, there were a few terrible errors in there too.

As I said earlier, I quite liked getting to home games early in Burridge’s time, just to watch his warm ups. I was 17 at the time and had never witnessed anything like it! Burridge, who described himself as “a clean living lad” was a big advocate of being in the best condition, fitness wise. If I remember rightly he practised yoga, which was something I hadn’t even heard of in those days! But his warm ups were something else. While others would just be pinging footballs around the place, Budgie would be like a contortionist, stretching himself into ever more painful looking positions, before walking on his hands, one armed push ups or doing something that just looked like he was dancing really, rather than warming up. Follow the link below and you’ll see what I mean. It’s from his Palace days, but he was still warming up in a similar fashion when he played for us.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRulE9858eE

Speaking about his fitness and what was needed to play in goal, he once told a reporter, “You’re not a football player, you’re a handball gymnast”. He was a specialist goalkeeping coach at the time and was still making occasional appearances on the bench, despite being 43 by this time.

Another Budgie tale that sticks out for me was when the Toon visited Elland Road to play Leeds in that heartbreaking ’89-’90 season. Leeds would eventually go on to take the title, but we’d beaten them 5-2 on the opening game of the season, so the home team were determined to flex their muscles that day. To that end, as the Toon players walked into Elland Road legend has it that they were greeted by the sight and sound of Vinnie Jones screaming and bench pressing in a weird attempt to intimidate our boys. Budgie’s response was to add 10 kilos to each side of the weights and quickly do ten reps, before telling Jones, “That’s how you do it

By the time Kevin Keegan arrived as manager in 1992 Burridge had departed, heading to Scotland to play for Hibs. He briefly rejoined the club in 1994 as a back up keeper and goalkeeping coach, but despite declaring his loyalty to Keegan in typical Budgie fashion – “I would give the guy my eyes!” – he was soon on the move again.

In all, Burridge had 29 clubs, 19 of which were in the football league. He continued to be a colourful character wherever he went and still holds the record for being the oldest Premier League player of all time. He was 43 years and 162 days old when he played for Manchester City against QPR in May 1995. If my memory serves me rightly, he even played against us in that same season and had an absolute blinder, keeping a clean sheet. Later, whilst player manager of Blyth Spartans Budgie was convicted and fined for selling fake leisure wear and just last year, aged 70, he played in a friendly for Hibs. He even claimed not to be retired in a recent interview.

Perhaps the best Burridge story that I could find though, was the one where Budgie played a whole game for Wolves in a Superman outfit against us in the ’82-’83 season, after making a £100 bet with Kevin Keegan that he’d do it.

Clearly, Budgie was a one off and the type of character that has drifted out of the game in recent years, but it was always a pleasure to watch him play for Newcastle United!

Group of Death or Just Another Reason to be Cheerful?

It was inevitable wasn’t it? If anyone was going to be drawn in anything that might lend itself to being labelled the group ‘The Group of Death’, it was Newcastle United. Throw in the fact that Sandro Tonali is granted a swift return to his boyhood club and this one can rightfully take its place on the ever increasing list of ‘most Newcastle United things ever’.

Obviously, there’s been a huge amount of attention on us since the draw. The media seems split; some rubbing their hands with glee at the prospect of us getting dumped out of the competition early, while others have spoken up and declared that we’ll qualify from the group.

It’s been pretty one-sided where opposition fans are concerned. That loathing that the likes of Sunderland, Manchester United, Liverpool and others have has been well and truly fed and their fans are everywhere with their crying laughing emojis, salivating at the prospect of our impending Euro-downfall. Strange really, but there you go.

But should we be going along with the ‘Group of Death’ narrative and fearing our Champions League campaign? Or should we just be lapping it up?

I’ll be honest, when I watched the draw, I was reduced to a kind of well rehearsed sigh when we were placed in Group F alongside AC Milan, PSG and Borussia Dortmund. It made me laugh because it was so predictable. In a way, we all kind of knew that we’d end up in this sort of group.

Group F is undoubtedly a tough one. But is it tough in terms of being a group we’ll struggle to get a point out of? Or is it just a challenge? We’re in against three European giants, that’s for sure. Two of our group are previous Champions League winners, Dortmund with one and AC with 3 as well as 4 European Cups. All have made it to a semi final in the last 4 years. And AC Milan have had 13 Champions League campaigns since ’02/03, having gone past the group stages in all but one of those. Meanwhile, PSG have made it to at least the last 16 every year since the ’12/13 season and were runners up in the 2019/20 season.

Then you can add in just some of the names that our lads will come up against. Reus, Adeyemi, Sule and Schlotterbeck at Dortmund, Leao, Musah and Giroud at Milan and then just the likes of Donnarumma, Hakimi, Muani and Mbappe at PSG! But don’t forget players like Botman, Bruno, Joelinton, Tonali, Isak and Wilson who’ll all be desperate to pit themselves against such illustrious opposition.

There can be no doubt that we’re in illustrious company! It would be nice to put our record over the last 10 or so years up in contrast, but it makes the stats above even scarier reading!

However, maybe we should look to Eddie Howe in all of this. When we were putting several noses out of joint last season Eddie famously said the following; “We’re not here to be popular and to get other teams to like us. We’re here to compete.” What better time to remember that mantra?

We can either fear this campaign or relish it. I mentioned some of our ‘star’ players earlier and it can’t be denied that we’ve got some squad of players! So, even as a naturally pessimistic football fan, I choose to relish our Champions League campaign. It excites me to see Newcastle United mixing it with the best like this and I can’t wait for it to start.

It can be viewed as a bit of a free hit, where everyone else is expecting us to fail and indeed hoping for it as they follow the recent trend of Geordie hate, simultaneously denying rivalry or even interest, while rabidly informing various social media formats of their hatred for this small club. So what better way to get even further up the noses of those often misinformed idiots than going to places like the San Siro and the Parc des Princes and having a right old go.

However, the free hit theory could also be viewed as a bit of an insult to what Eddie Howe and his team have built over the past 2 years. While we might not have started quite as well as we would have liked this year, we still have one hell of a team. And then thinking back to last year, there were so many games where we just battered teams. We mixed it with the best that our league had to offer and finished up with a Cup Final appearance and a Champions League spot. And if we’d converted one or two of those draws into wins, we’d have been top 3! Make no mistake about it, Newcastle United can get out of this group, however ‘deathly’ it might be viewed. It’s no good doubting ourselves!

It’s a well known fact that we’ve waited two decades for some more Champions League action and while there have been some UEFA Cup games in between, life at the very top level has been sorely missed. Even the Intertoto Cup win in 2006 and Scott Parker’s clear delight at lifting the ‘trophy’ couldn’t really satisfy the thirst for success! (That’s sarcasm by the way, for anyone who missed it).

Whether it’s a difficult group or not, this is an opportunity not to be missed for several reasons. For starters, it puts us firmly in the spotlight. A harsh spotlight, but something of an opportunity all the same. Kieran Trippier talks of pressure as a privilege; well we’ve got loads of that privilege coming our way now and it has to be viewed as an opportunity to let the rest of Europe and to some extent the world, know what Newcastle United is all about.

Being in the spotlight opens up much needed revenue streams too. It’s the kind of money that will help us to keep moving forward and you can bet your life that those in charge will be working hard to maximise the potential that’s on offer.

Let’s not forget also that their are players watching too. So, when we approach top European talent in the future we can point to this campaign – and hopefully more – as a reason to join the club. We can show anyone watching the passion of European nights under the lights at St. James’ Park and you’d hope that there can’t be many players who wouldn’t fancy sampling the kind of atmosphere that we’ll create.

And then there’s us, the fans. I still vividly remember watching Andy Griffin conquer Juventus in 2002, Bellamy scoring at the death against Feyenoord, Shola in the Nou Camp and of course Tino. Now, we get to do it all again, heading to some of the finest cities and stadiums in world football. Dortmund with Signal Iduna Park, 81,000 fans and the famed Yellow Wall, the Parc des Princes in Paris and the famous San Siro where we once took over 10,000 fans on a night when we probably should have beaten Inter as well.

So, yes, the Group of Death represents a scary prospect. But if our players aren’t excited by these games, then you’d have to ask why not. I fully expect them to be completely up for the challenges ahead. And if we thought we’d get an easy ride in the biggest club tournament in the world, then we were kidding ourselves.

At times, you’ll be on the edge of your seat, both physically and metaphorically. At others you might be utterly euphoric and there’ll be moments where you might well be watching it through your fingers or chewing your nails down to your elbow. However you watch it and whatever you expect from the Group of Death, let’s just enjoy it!

Howay The Lads!

No planner, a chimp, naps and IT problems: It’s Back to School ’23/24

September is not my favourite month, it’s safe to say. It’s the end of one generally lovely part of my life and the beginning of something very different. Time for a lot of us to turn what has become a rather pleasant routine on its head. Time again for early starts and rainy commutes. Time for what seems like constant noise where there had been solitude for much of the days that had spread out in front of us. Yep, these last couple of weeks have meant that it’s been time to go back to school.

For once, I didn’t get the full treatment in terms of ‘The Fear’. Of course, I didn’t want to go back and thoughts of chaos in the classroom seemed to permeate almost everything I was trying to concentrate on. My mood worsened and I was ranting and grumbling even more than usual. As usual, I tried to turn the return to work into a positive by doing stuff like taking the occasional trip to the shops to search out some new shirts, as even if I may not actually look good, I think it’s important to at least try and kid myself that I do. However, for once, I didn’t suffer with back to school nightmares where I’m standing in front of a class who simply aren’t listening and are talking over me, whatever I say or threaten them with. So that was a blessed relief and a nice change.

However, when I realised on the afternoon of the last day of the summer holidays that I still hadn’t ordered a planner, it became clear that I just wasn’t really that organised or even slightly ready for what was to come. Still though, despite their attempts to take over the world, Amazon proved its worth and with a few clicks I had exactly the same planner as last year on order. It wouldn’t arrive until the Tuesday, but I’d muddle on through…

If you’re a teacher reading this I’m sure you’ll share my absolute hatred and horror at the first INSET day. If you’re SLT reading this, then that last sentence was for comedic effect; we’re all delighted to be there and hanging on your every word. But maybe, on that particular high note, you should stop reading now.

Few things in teaching can feel as futile as the first INSET day. A friend tells me that he’s rarely listening that day and that he often finds himself hating three quarters of the people in every room that he enters. Apart from his own department, who are all wonderful. I’ll keep him anonymous, because that’s quite a bold statement, but just so that we’re clear, he’s definitely not me, but a friend.

Our set up dictates that we all head over to the lead school in our academies trust for the morning and so, on the first Monday back, I was in a car share chatting to a pal, while listening to The Smiths and wondering why the people in the back had definitely just mentioned that someone they knew might just be a swinger. It’s the kind of 20 minute journey that feels like it takes 4 hours and almost every road is about 6ft wide and undulating. And this year someone was talking about swingers.

On arrival at our INSET day, it’s a bit like being a pilot as numerous ‘important’ people in high viz jackets attempt to steer you into exactly the right parking space, as if parking where you want would represent a level 9 security breach, whatever that is.

Then, it’s breakfast with staff from every other school in the trust – I estimate that we have 804 schools by the state of the canteen as we walk in – and my compliments to the chef have to go to the individual who served up my orange juice and pain au chocolate as it made me feel like I’d just arrived at a luxury spa in rural France…sort of.

I’ll spare you anymore great detail of the morning, but suffice to say it was a delight to share reading strategies that I introduced to the staff of my own school around 4 years ago as well as those from partner schools and see them greeted with the kind of enthusiasm that indicated that no one had been listening four years ago. I’ll look forward to see someone else introducing them as their own some time soon and resolve to try very, very hard not to scream or shout obscenities.

There was also mention of Steve Peters, the psychiatrist made famous for his work with many of the UK’s top athletes. It reminded me that it’s entirely possible that I only have the chimp part of my brain that functions. And if you haven’t read the book, that won’t mean anything to you. Basically , Dr Steve says that it’s the chimp part of your brain that makes you do stupid stuff. Don’t worry though; it’s not a real chimp.

Looking round at lunch I noticed that one of our new starters didn’t get the casual dress memo; a lone young man in shirt and tie while everyone else in in jeans, t-shirts and the like, which is always brilliant and I also spotted the worst deputy head I’ve ever had the displeasure of working with, as he now seems to be employed by our trust. A number of years back I had to be restrained by a friend to prevent me having ‘a chat’ with said deputy after he simply forgot to turn up for an observation I’d spent untold hours preparing for. So, it was lovely to see him again.

At the end of that first day, I left work late feeling exactly the same way as I do every year – unprepared for the rest of the week and wishing that someone would grasp the importance of giving teachers time on these kinds of days rather than just workshops and speeches.

The rest of the week actually wasn’t that bad though, although I’m teaching three different subjects this year and would relish the chance to warmly thank our government for their assistance with this development. Without your ineptitude and inability to fund the creation of attractive working environments that might attract and keep new staff year in year out, I wouldn’t get to challenge myself with bottom set Year 9 PHSCE, so thanks for that. It wouldn’t be the same just being an experienced English teacher tasked with just teaching English.

One irritation about the rest of the week was that it was conducted through a heatwave, which if you’re a teacher you’ll know is exactly the same thing that happens every year, without fail. Five and a half weeks of rain followed by weather that would be more at home in the outback. My classroom is air-conditioned, so it’s quite nice, but it’s never fun when every class that comes in gives you a weather report, then points out that my room is lovely and cool before giving it ten minutes and informing me that they’re too cold.

It felt like a long week and I must admit it was a struggle in terms of tiredness – I nearly wrote fatigue there, but it was 5 days, for goodness sakes – and as I adapted to my routine for the 24th year, there were a few late finishes.

Happily, I managed to fit in two impromptu naps – don’t worry they were at home, not at work – so perhaps it’s right what they say about every cloud as it was a joy to re-discover my ability to fall asleep while reading. It may not be a skill to add to a CV any time soon, but it’s definitely something that I excel at and am really quite passionate about.

More joy came with the number of students who pointed out that I now had a beard. It was great to be reminded of this fact, especially as I’ve had said beard for around 9 months now and would have paraded it in front of almost all of them for several of those months last year. So, if anyone wonders of it’s a problem for teachers to get students to retain information on any number of complex subjects from Shakespeare to trigonometry, that might just help with the answer.

There have been the usual snags over the last couple of weeks. Every teacher surely knows that every photocopier in the building will break within 24 hours. And we’ll all still try to fix them or use them, despite the sign telling us they’re knackered.

In further technology news, my board is still making the same noise (it literally goes ‘doodly doo’ loudly and repeatedly) at random points of every lesson as it did in July. A temporary fix was put in place then; so temporary that it just never worked and the noise just continued. I was promised it’d be fixed. I was also promised that the wire that runs from my computer to my board would be replaced as it meant I had to hurdle it to get around that part of my classroom. Reader, I’m still hurdling.

There have been the delights of shared classes too. This year it feels like I share 94 groups, although it’s only three. But this still means the need to locate your books when needed as well as the sheer nightmare of working out where each class has got to while they’re with the other teacher. Often, this is just solved with an email, but it never fails to make things awkward! It also means that for the umpteenth year running, I’m an entire class’s least favourite English teacher and I get to hear that ‘Miss doesn’t do this’ or ‘Miss is nice’ at least 14 times a lesson.

Finally came a personal snag highlight in that where I park there are a few trees and it’s at this time of year that they seems to shed some kind of white sap. So, for the last two weeks, I’ve been possibly quite unique in being the only bloke driving a black and white polka dotted Mazda through West Yorkshire for the last two weeks.

As we edge towards the end of the second week I at least have reason for some optimism. My desk is roughly two metres wide and 1 metre deep. As I type, I think you can still see actual desk over approximately half of that area. Knowing that the piles of paper and books will inevitably grow, that 50% of desk is very much a reason to be cheerful!