I’d really hoped that having my pacemaker fitted would spell the end of all my heart related problems. Like, really hoped. It’s been almost four years now and for most of that time I’ve felt comfortable. Frustrated with having to have a pacemaker and angry at my crappy heart, but comfortable with the idea that everything seems to be running smoothly and that this little machine has made everyday life a lot less eventful.
And then it got eventful again. Not in a good way either. I didn’t meet loads of new people and start living some kind of extraordinarily exciting life. No, eventful in that my heart decided to go back to its old tricks.
I’m a regular runner. Running was something that signalled that life was getting back to normal after my pacemaker and the time off work that went with it. As soon as I was able to go out for a run again I just felt a whole load better and the more my fitness built up, the more my confidence with my device grew.
So when, after a run earlier this year, my heart just decided that it wouldn’t slow down, I was more than a little crestfallen to say the least. Sadly, it wasn’t a one off either. Although it didn’t happen with any regularity, it did keep happening. So while my heart would be beating at about 140bpm while I was running, when I stopped something would flutter in my chest and that would mean that I was in for another episode. My heart would continue to beat at that rate or more for anything from a few minutes to a few hours.
Now if you don’t know, having your heart racing for that length of time is scary and exhausting. And any normal person might seek help. Not me though. Determined that I wouldn’t learn my lesson from the months worth of episodes and a collapse that eventually led to my pacemaker, I kept quiet and hoped that it would just go away. I ignored the cold sweats, the nausea, the numbness down my left hand side and the gradual increase in pain in favour of an eventual dizzy feeling that might make me pass out. Because that would mean that it was over and that I could just rest and live with a normal heartbeat again.
Then, at the back end of August I finished a 5 mile run on a particularly glorious morning and began to walk home. A few steps later there was a familiar flutter and I knew that my heart beat wasn’t going to settle down. This lasted for around 5 hours, at the end of which I’d decided I better tell someone. So I waited for my wife to get home and kept my fingers crossed that for the rest of the day my children wouldn’t notice if dad went a funny colour.
Fast forward a few weeks and I was strolling nervously across Leeds to attend the Pacemaker Clinic at the LGI not knowing what would happen. Work had very kindly given me some time at the end of the day to ensure that I got there on time and now I was walking slower and slower in order to put off the inevitable for as long as I could.
There was nothing new waiting for me. The same spiel as ever before, the same types of tests and the same episode of a technician literally playing with my pacemaker in order to manipulate my heartbeat and make me feel sick. And at the end of it all they were able to tell me that some episodes had been my heart, while others had been the pacemaker. The plan now is to wait a month and take a download from my heart monitor and see what that reveals. Another waiting game.
I haven’t had an episode since the one in August. I’ve been out running a few times to test things out and so far, there’s been no adverse reaction. I’m making sure that I give myself a proper warm down afterwards in order to give my heart the chance to just settle down naturally, but I know that there’s no magic formula here. And so I just have to wait.
I’m hopeful that there’s little or nothing wrong. It only happens after a run and even then very infrequently. So, at worst it might mean that my Olympic dreams are over. I guess all I’ve got is to wait until the middle of the month to have some light shed on things. Until then, I suppose the best I can do is to get on with things and try not to worry. Am I back to square one? I don’t think so, but all I can do is wait to find out.
