Prime Video Sport – Middle Age Fanclub

‘We Are Newcastle United’; Episode 4 Where Our Lads Belong.

So, after a month worth of episodes, we get to the finale of ‘We Are Newcastle United’. And while we kind of know what happens – it was just last season and the Adidas deal got ‘leaked’ just the other week – it turns out that it’s still well worth a watch.

This one begins with archive footage of that Barcelona game from the Champions League and Tino’s hat-trick, which is timely given the recent Champions League draw. It’s obviously fantastic to watch back, but what occurred to me while I sat watching was what we beat Barca with. So, sure there was Tino, but alongside were the likes of John Dahl Tommason, Temuri Ketsbaia and a 44-year-old John Barnes. OK, that bit’s an exaggeration, but we also had Kenny Dalglish as manager, the bloke responsible for some of the most mind-numbing football I’ve ever watched. Given those facts, maybe our group this year isn’t that ‘deathly’ after all.

As preparations are made for another game, we find ourselves in the posh seats watching the build up to dinner time. As NUFC scran’s version of Eddie Howe reads out the menu, a waitress confesses that she doesn’t know what gazpacho is. Expecting the announcement of a new signing and possible even another twist in the Santiago Munez/Goal saga I shuffled to the edge of my seat only to be deflated almost instantly by the revelation that it is in fact just “cold soup”. Talk about an anti-climax.

Watching the Southampton game again was a strange experience and I sat there feeling just as sick as I did at the time, even though I knew the ending! Amanda Staveley features here too and reveals herself again to be very much a fan, whatever you might think about the PR side of this series. She’s up and down in her seat like a jack-in-the-box and as we watch her at half time it seems she’s just like loads of us are while watching football. But she genuinely doesn’t know whether to watch the second half, feeling that she’ll jinx it, which is certainly akin to my own myriad of superstitions like half time toilet visits, lucky pants, lucky stones (don’t ask) and making sure that I follow the same routine in the build up to any game. Unlike me though, the minute she returns to the inside of the stadium, we score.

Later, we’re treated to another Zoom meeting of the club’s power brokers and not for the first time, it strikes me that the way they all speak feels like the exact antithesis of how it probably used to be. Their knowledge and passion seems clear, whereas a documentary a few seasons ago would have surely just shown Lee Charnley talking through a list of under 23 cast offs we’d taken on trial from other clubs while Mike Ashley sits swigging another can of Carling and picking Doritos crumbs off the front of his latest already grubby George at Asda white shirt. So, if nothing else, the documentary has served as an insight into just how professional the club is these days.

Tonight’s episode is particularly heartwarming with scenes of both Amanda Staveley and Eddie Howe with their kids and Dan Burn paying a visit to his home town and local football club for a Q&A with the youngsters there. All are shown as intense, driven, honest, but also good humoured and fun loving and come across really well. Kieran Trippier also features and when he talks you listen. Again, he’s intense, but what struck me about all four here was how calmly yet passionately they spoke about the club.

And then we’re taken on the journey that we’d all been waiting for. Staveley, Ghoudoussi, Eales et al are off on a seemingly top secret mission and if the broadcaster hadn’t have messed this up a few weeks ago, you can only imagine the excitement at the big reveal. As it is, I’ve decided I’d quite like to work at Adidas HQ, despite the disappointment that their ‘World of Sport’ showed absolutely no sign of Dickie Davies or Big Daddy. But did you see the place? Incredible!

Mind you, despite sealing the biggest deal in the club’s history, I thought the board missed a trick. Now I’m no graduate of Harvard Business School, but I reckon if they’d all turned up clad head to toe in all manner of Adidas clobber and looking like Run DMC, they could well have squeezed a bit more money out of the deal. With that in mind, if anyone at Adidas – purveyors of the coolest trainers on the planet – or NUFC reads this, I’m available for hire. Or a free pair of trainers.

The series closes as we knew it would; with a happy ending. In the midst of it all there’s a shock as Amanda Staveley swears…then cries. Eddie Howe is as humble as ever. And fans and players enjoy one of the greatest nights in the club’s recent history. The message from all is clear: We are Newcastle United…and we might just have a few more happy endings planned too!

In almost closing myself , I do have a few daft observations about tonight’s episode and the series in general.

Tonight, the voiceover has one fan telling us, “We will name our kids after these people”. Now, given my age that won’t be very likely. However, I’m hoping that my future grandchildren Joelinton, Wor Yasir, The Stave, Tripps and Big Dan Burn will take to their names like the champions I expect them to be and won’t get bullied at school.
It was great to see Joe Willock lose himself in the euphoria of the Leicester City game and sing ‘Tell me ma, me ma’ like a fan, but I think he failed his X Factor audition.
Could someone get Dan Ashworth a bigger chair, please?

4. As good as this series was, it would have been even better with 100% more Jacob Murphy.

I’ve enjoyed ‘We Are Newcastle United’ immensely. PR exercise or not, I’ve loved watching it and was glad that we never looked stupid or small time. It’s been reassuring to see how well the club seems to be run and that everyone involved cares. And it’s all been captured very well. At the end we were told that “Something exciting is going to happen”. I hope so, I really hope so!

‘We Are Newcastle United’; Episode 3 Changing The Toon

I must admit to a tiny bit of a crisis of confidence before writing this latest article. I mean, who wants to read my ramblings about a programme they’ve inevitably already watched? But then I remembered that there are shed loads of grown adults out there who video themselves watching live football, swearing their heads off and acting like babies for all the world to see. So with so little to lose, I wrote the article!

If ever there was a collection of images that sums up the change in Newcastle United since October 2021 it’s there for all to see in episode 3. Granted, one side of the images isn’t here, but is undoubtedly etched in the mind of all of us. I talk of course of the players taking ice baths in wheelie bins and paddling pools during Mike Ashley’s reign. In this episode though we see the enormous changes in recovery technology brought to Newcastle by the new regime with a glimpse of the new hydro therapy pool. The difference is massive and the progress is there for all to see. Professional athletes being treated like professional athletes; who knew that this might help?

Later in the episode, while visiting Atlanta ahead of the Premier League Summer Series, Darren Eales refers to Newcastle as ‘a 130 year old start up’ creating a stark image of what the new owners must have found when they first arrived. Graeme Robson of Wor Flags later talks candidly about the fact that the new money can’t be ignored, but really all we wanted was for the club to be run properly. Not very convenient for the narrative touted by a lot of the media, but the truth all the same and a truth that ‘We Are Newcastle United’ needed to convey.

In this episode the players and the fans move more into focus. We start with Alexander Isak’s brace against Forest away and are reminded of the karate kick finish for the first. A hell of a goal and a hell of a start to what I must say has been my favourite episode so far.

As we move on to the build up to the home game against Manchester United it’s hugely positive. For me, the insight into the small touches by Eddie Howe are really interesting. Just things like greeting every player as they arrive at the training ground – ‘How’s that knee, Joe?’ – and then the enthusiasm on the training pitch and the encouragement – ‘Yes Cal…love that Callum’ are just lovely. I’m not naïve enough to think it’s anything special either, but you get the feeling that this is relentless from Howe and his staff. I, for one, would thrive hearing that type of thing every day.

Later in the show, when asked about the Carabao Cup Final defeat, Eddie tells the interviewer that ‘Any defeat you have is always in there, somewhere.’ Again, it’s the attention to detail and the steely determination that we all love, especially when defeats under the last regime were greeted with unwanted days off for the players and impromptu holidays for the manager. Not every time – no one can afford that many holidays – but enough so that every time that Eddie speaks you admire him just a little bit more. Although after a while, I’d have to tell him that my name’s not actually Callum…

Next there’s a focus on the lads and lasses at Wor Flags with an insight into their work and the preparation that went into the huge surfer flag that covered the bottom tier of the Leazes. Firstly, this serves to show the dedication of the fans – from those that donate money to make it all possible to the volunteers who put everything in place and organise the whole thing. Secondly though, it confirms that I’d be absolutely no use to them. While they’re unfolding, hauling and precisely positioning flags that cover almost an entire stand and weigh half a tonne, I still have to have my wife guide me through the folding up of a picnic blanket. I guess there are levels to this kind of thing, but it serves to illustrate the passion and dedication that is felt around Newcastle United.

As episode 3 rolls on to the Manchester United match, it’s hard to imagine the stadium looking any better and while some of the camera work is very much reminiscent of shows like The Apprentice, it’s very much appreciated. St. James’ Park is always an impressive sight and a thing of beauty but the documentary really celebrates the place here. The surfer flag looks incredible, but Wor Flags member Graeme’s excitement and pride is arguably even better.

This was by far the most emotional episode so far for me personally. I know lots of people said that the cup final footage brought them to tears, but not me. However, seeing the scenes in the dressing room both before the Manchester United game and at half time almost makes me crack.

Callum Wilson’s story later on, adds to the raw emotion and gives us an intriguing insight into not just the player, but the man and what makes him tick. The smile is infectious and instant, almost making it hard to imagine what he has gone through to get to this stage. But then key words like ‘turmoil’ and ‘adversity’ dominate during the visit to his old school and for me it serves to show that Callum Wilson found not just a football club, but a home when he joined Newcastle United. Wilson has played a massive part in its upturn, yet even in these more positive times he’s quick to flag up the importance of hunger and anger in achieving his goals. And I think it’s quite a neat parallel to the anger and determination of the fans in almost forcing change a couple of years ago.

And then, alongside some beautiful sweeping shots of the stadium and the odd bridge, we hear from some of the fans about the importance of Newcastle United. Again, there’s a big contrast here. Firstly, a Hindu fan speaks beautifully about the club being ‘the great equaliser in the city’ and how, when the time comes, he wants to be reincarnated as a Newcastle fan. Then we hear from 4 primary age kids, perched on a wall and one of them reflects about his sadness at the season ending soon, but that ‘summer’ll be good…wi’ hot tubs and that’. I’d like to think that they both speak for us all in their own way!

Speaking of speaking for us all, I’m sure I’ll be doing just that when I say that Anthony Gordon’s enquiries about pillows had us all on the edge of our seats. After already packing in quite a bit of drama, Gordon’s sleepy time enquiries promise to ramp it up another notch. Pillowgate turns out to be a bit of a let down though, with no one bar Anthony himself giving a shit. Even Nick Pope’s revelation that he sleeps with a pillow between his legs falls strangely flat. Still, if anyone was ever curious about how many pillows the likes of Gordon and Tripps sleep with, they got their answer.

At the end of the episode we get to re-live the remarkable events of the Spurs game. An extraordinary performance that will live long in the memory of every fan. As the goals flow and a rival is thoroughly humiliated the voiceover states, ‘What a time to be a Newcastle United fan’. I’ll drink to that and look forward to episode 4, but before I do, I have a question.

Has anybody else noticed the woman in the opening credits – and she’s there at the Spurs game too – arms aloft in celebration just shouting ‘No…no’? See, some of us are so wrapped up in the joy of this club that we forget how to celebrate. Newcastle United, that.

‘We Are Newcastle United’; Episode 2 Tell me ma, me ma.

I know that lots will view this programme as mere PR – and they’d have a case too -but I for one, am thoroughly enjoying it. Thus, from the moment the ever engaging Amanda Staveley states that “the city is just alive” I’m invested in episode 2. Call me simple, but I just love watching things I love on the telly!

Episode 2 covers the awkward subject of the Carabao Cup final; its build up and the actual game itself. And while I understand that the focus of the show is on the boardroom – or Alnwick Castle as it’s known in these circles – I think the episode suffered a little bit by not covering slightly more in terms of the fans here. Surely there were more stories to be told given the length of time between out last and latest appearances at Wembley? But perhaps I’m being hyper critical because actually, I think the story that was told, was told very well.

From the moment a Toon fan expertly catapults the wire attached to the giant Newcastle top over the shoulder of the Angel of The North, we’re getting a flavour of what this all means. No other fans mess about with Antony Gormley’s statues in the way that we do! In between various Geordies telling us of their excitement there are sections of board meetings and it displays just how tirelessly Staveley and the gang are working to take the club forward. It made me laugh when Peter Silverstone said that they’ve contacted 1193 companies in their pursuit of a shirt sponsor as I’m guessing that Lee Charnley was working at slightly different levels when he got Fun88 to part with a few million.

As a seasoned telly watcher, I also think that I may have uncovered how the series ends. The key is in Amanda Staveley referring to literally everyone as ‘my angel’. With this in mind, I’m now wondering if the last one will end a la Spartacus, with first Callum Wilson, then Eddie Howe, Miggy, Bruno, the tea lady, several of the ball boys and girls and all of Wor Flags claiming “No, I’m Amanda’s angel” before finally everyone agrees that in actual fact it’s Bruno’s dad that’s Amanda’s angel…and everybody else’s by the looks of things in this episode. Sorry, if that becomes a spoiler, by the way.

Suddenly though, it’s cup final day and we hear what it means to the local lads in the squad. Dan Burn tells us about going to games and worshipping Shearer – I’m Alan’s angel, by the way Dan – before making an impassioned dressing room speech, but it’s not that that impressed me. No, I was more impressed by the slow-mo shot of Big Dan rising to make a defensive header in training, which only needed a bit of David Attenborough over the top of it in order to be awarded a Bafta, in my opinion. I’m not ashamed to say it, but I think it made me fall a little bit in love with Blyth’s finest.

Other highlights included the old lad in the pub who told his mate, “Peter, if it’s 1-0…I wouldn’t be able to to do anything. I’d be pissed out me brains!” I think it summed it up for a lot of us who simply can’t put into words how much some success would mean. Get that lad a statue, I say!

Episode 2 also gave mackems the first chance to play their inevitable game of ‘FTM Bingo’ with one Newcastle fan referring to the Geordie Nation and then some Sam Fender played underneath a section of the show at one point. Still not enough for them to get a line, let alone a full house though, so no doubt they’ll be sat there with their dobbers in hand, salivating again next week…some might say as usual!

Watching the footage of the Carabao Cup final didn’t feel emotional for me and I know that from social media some people have said that they shed a few tears. Sure, it was a tough watch to see various faces going through the emotions and people like Dan Burn just gazing forlornly into the crowd at the end. For me though I thought that the show covered it well and in fact, it just made me think that those lads will remember that feeling, as we all will and we’ll be better next time. And there will be a next time.

After that we were back with the big guns on the board, with Peter Silverstone taking us into the commercial department, which was illuminating about the state the club had been left in. The revelation that we only have about 40 staff charged with bringing in commercial income whereby a club like Arsenal have around 150 is the kind of detail that us ordinary fans probably never think about, but it illustrates perfectly the amount of catching up the club have got to do.

And then we were privvy to a Zoom call where catching up was the whole agenda with the announcement of the Sela deal and the fact that we were finally earning more than just enough to cover Mike Ashley’s crisp budget from our front of shirt sponsor.

The episode ended on a happy note with the victory over Wolves and the season getting back on track. I have a feeling that Miggy was Amanda Staveley’s special angel that day.

So, now we’re set up for episode 3 and an incredible upturn in results and performances, as well as the emergence of Eddie Howe channeling Rab C Nesbitt and swearing like a trooper. It’s safe to say I’m really enjoying the show and actually, even though fans or players aren’t really the stars here, it’s an interesting take on the club. There’s still not enough Jacob Murphy, mind you…