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Teaching: New year, new job…first week done!

Having written about my nerves and concerns at starting my new job last time out, I’m happy to say that my first week is now officially done. So, I thought I’d let you know how things went.

It’s safe to say that the first week has felt about a month long and that I’m ready for another holiday. That’s a joke for the humourless and also those people who really don’t like teachers and our allegedly ‘easy jobs’! I am tired though! Anyway, here are the highs and lows of that first week.

The Highs.

We got the band back together. I’m now working with (counts on fingers) 9 people that I’ve worked with before, several of whom are cherished friends and people that I’ve worked with on and off for quite some time now. It’s been lovely, but also surreal at times and I’ve done countless double takes at them walking into my room or just seeing them in corridors and genuinely having the feeling of ‘Hang on, what are you doing here?’ I don’t know when that’ll stop, but it doesn’t lessen the feeling that I’m very lucky to be back in the band. As the frontman, of course before you ask. Me, Ruth, Gemma, Debbie and Emily Smellybumpoo (not her real name, but not far off), it’s great to be back together!

Everyone is so nice. Now, people have been nice before by the way, but having moved from somewhere where I knew everything and everyone really well, it’s been comforting to come somewhere new and meet so many people who have been nothing but friendly and happy to see me. I’ve lost count of the number of visitors to my classroom coming in just to ask me how my day was or how I’m settling in. I mean, sometimes I can walk in my own house and 100% of the people here aren’t particularly moved by my presence, so seeing so many smiling faces pointing in my direction has been a real boost.

No surprises with the students. Kids are just kids, aren’t they? Never an opinion nor a reaction in common and despite my nerves about being at a boy’s school, it turns out that they’re much of a muchness with all the other children I’ve taught before. Probably the best moment of the week in terms of students actually came outside the classroom while I was on duty on the field on Friday. Two students approached me, asking ‘Are you new, sir?’ When I confirmed that I was, one of them told me that he was in my interview lesson months ago and that he was pleased I’d got the job, before wishing me the best of luck and leaving telling me, ‘Yeah, you’re sound, sir’. Praise indeed!

It takes me 7 minutes to get to work. My commute is just 7 minutes. That’s the high, right there.

Fridays are amazing. On Fridays I have a free period and my afternoon consists of a class of lovely Year 7s followed by the final lesson of the week in the library with my Year 8s. For the final part of each library lesson I get to read our class reader to my class, while they just sit and follow. I absolutely love reading aloud in class, always have done, and now I get to end every week of the year doing just that!

The Lows.

Training Days. With the dawn of corporate style academy trusts came many things to complain about. One of the worst is the first day back conference. It doesn’t seem to matter where you go; you can’t escape. And it doesn’t matter what training you choose to do, or who’s speaking because it all adds up to a 7 or 8 hour day of being talked at. This is not my strong point and I’d say that usually at around 7 or 8 minutes in, I’ve stopped listening. My eyes are open, I’m breathing, but frankly, I’m on auto pilot. The lights are definitely on, but it’s not really me that’s at home; I’m more a combination of Elmer Fudd, some sparkly lighting and a bowl of custard, which is useful. This year, there was a motivational speaker. He spoke for over 90 minutes which served to destroy my back and leave me with numb buttocks that may never regain full sensitivity. I’ll also never forget his name or achievements because he mentioned them in almost every other sentence. By the end of it all I felt like I’d done 3 rounds with a UFC fighter! That said, it was still more fun than my old place where I was once asked to contribute to a round of applause the lead school’s GCSE results! Reader, I sat on my hands and grimaced.

There’s always that one class. Let’s just say that they were testing out the new bloke. It was no great surprise, but for a whole lesson one of my classes just would not behave, would not be quiet and would not listen. They were relentless. I felt like a student teacher again, helpless and useless. I was flustered, frustrated and boy, was I sweaty! This cloud had a lovely silver lining though. Senior staff were angered, concerned for me and apologetic, even though there was no need. Boys will be boys, will be boys. The reaction helped show me the strength of the team I’ve joined though. My head of department asked jokingly, would I be back tomorrow. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, as some bloke with a pointy beard and a dodgy earring once wrote.

The lack of sleep. I haven’t made it to my alarm all week. Every morning, I’ve been out of bed before it’s gone off, having been awake for a while beforehand. I’m happy to have made the change, but definitely unsettled by it all. I know I’ll be ok in a few weeks when there’s a lot less newness, but for now, I’m shattered!

Hall, Oates and…Bedingfield? Starting something new can clearly do something strange to your mind. True to form, for some reason I’ve had ‘You Make My Dreams Come True’ by Hall and Oates and ‘Unwritten’ by Natasha Bedingfield relentlessly running round my head all week. Now, I love Hall and Oates and always have done, but Bedingfield is just a mystery. And a massive pain in the arse.

No goats. Believe it or not my new school not only has a forest school, but also a kind of allotment style arrangement for our more vulnerable learners known as the barnyard. Among the animals there we have goats and I bloody love goats! Sadly though, despite keeping an eagle eye out whenever I’ve been in the vicinity I’ve not seen even a hair of a goat. I’m gutted, but hopeful that my first goat encounter isn’t far off! Maybe next week…

I never thought I’d leave my old place. I loved the place, the people and the students. But then life got in the way, as it has a habit of doing and just when I was about as low as I could get, another opportunity presented itself and I was lucky enough to be able to take it.

I’m at the very start of that opportunity. It’s been a ridiculously busy week and stressful too. But then, I expected that it would be. I have to say though, I’m really enjoying my work. I miss lots of things and people at my old place and it’s been strange being in a new classroom, not knowing my way around the school – I’ve got lost at least 5 times – and not seeing some of my favourite people. But you know what? I think I’m going to love working at my new place. One week down of a new school year…only 190 more days to go

Teaching: New school year, new job…help!

This September I start a new job. This shouldn’t be a big problem for me, yet I’m more than a little anxious about the change.

As I said, it shouldn’t be something that’s too alarming. I mean for a start, this was my choice. Furthermore, I’m entering my 25th year of teaching – what’s that, you wouldn’t know it to look at me and I should get out of town, you say? It’s true though and in my head that should mean that I’ve seen it all before and that a change like this shouldn’t really have an effect. But it is and there’s quite a lot that’s bothering me. But rather than write about it in a “pick me” as my kids say, kind of way, I thought I’d try to make people smile a bit. Let’s play this for laughs, not for sympathy.

Let’s start with how it all came about. I’d been at my last place for 9 years, most of them blissfully happy ones too. I was appointed as a Lead Practitioner and although at first it felt like the school might not know what to do with me, it was thoroughly enjoyable and I felt like I was contributing a lot. Over the years I felt like I was really helping out at the school and affecting change in my own small way. I’d occasionally run whole school or departmental training. I’d do morning briefings about various things, taking the lead on reading and oracy in particular with the emphasis on getting my ideas across while also giving people a bit of fun at the start of their day. I’d also do fairly regular assemblies. In short, I felt like I was good at my job. Apart from mentoring; I was shit at that.

Three years ago though, I was told that my role was no longer viable for whatever reason and that was that. Unless I wanted to apply to be in charge of KS4 English, I’d be back as a teacher of English only. The KS4 role just wasn’t for me and so I went about my business as a teacher. Sure, I sulked a bit but overall I was professional and did my job to the very best of my ability. The cut in wages and lack of challenge never left me though and I decided that I’d be leaving, as much as it would hurt.

Then, two years ago, I got ill. My heart decided not to bother working properly anymore and it resulted in me having 4 months off work. When I returned, nothing felt the same and I spent large parts of last year feeling really unhappy. Now, I’ll be honest, I probably look unhappy most of the time anyway, but this was different. Inwardly and outwardly, I just wasn’t smiling.

Luckily for me another chance presented itself and with a touch more luck, I got the job. So, just what is it that’s worrying me then?

I’m someone who likes to have fun at work. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a professional first and foremost, but I’ve loved being class clown for a long time too. For me, teaching is largely just showing off.

One of the ways that I like to have fun is via email. Childish, I know, but I love a daft email. Now though, I find myself worrying about how that first email will go down. At my last place, my first really silly one involved asking everyone in the department what music they’d have as their walk on music, if we could bring in such a thing. It’s the kind of thing that I daydream about in meetings. If you must know, I’d have a burst ‘No Limits’ by 2Unlimited, followed by a bit of ‘The Power’ by Snap before finishing with the drama of ‘One Voice’ by Barry Manilow. Genius, I know. I’d look fabulous as well, by the way.

Anyway, after 9 years at my old place everyone was more than used to this type of thing and most seemed to enjoy it. But how will it all go down in a new setting? I’m heartened by the fact that I know some of the people in my department, but still, I don’t want people to think of me as a complete knobhead. Not until they get to know me, anyway.

On a much more serious note, I’m anxious about creating relationships with my classes. It’s always hard and having been at the same school for 9 years, it’s not something I’m used to any more. Sure, I had new classes every year, but this year barely a pupil at the school knows me. I know that after a few weeks they’ll be used to me and I’ll be used to them, but the fact that it can be such a gruelling process is still a little daunting. I’ve never been one of the ‘don’t smile ’til Christmas’ brigade and want students to enjoy being in my lessons so for me relationships are key.

It’s a similar story where relationships with colleagues are concerned. As I said earlier, I already know some of my department having worked with them before, but as for the others, I don’t even think I’ve met them all. I’m really quite a shy person. In my recent leaving speech I joked that probably only 40% of the people present actually knew who I was, but I might not have been too far wide of the mark! Hopefully though, I’m able to come across as far less of a tool than I actually am. I might even try to chip in with some useful comments in meetings, just to smooth the way! Best to get some brownie points in the bag before that first email, I guess!

Learning names is also something to fret about. I’ve never been the best in this area of my job. With students I’m usually quite good, just because I see the same names on a register time and time again, although there’ll always be one or two that slip the net. However, it’s staff names that I really struggle with. There are already a couple of people that I’ve met where I’m unsure of their name. It’s a particular blind spot with me and although there’s always ‘Miss’ and ‘Sir’ to rely on, I always feel guilty about this particular flaw. A whole fresh start with an entirely new staff suddenly feels like an accident waiting to happen. I’m never far off an ‘alright Dave’ situation when I’m talking to a Mike or a Paul and it’s inevitable that I’m only weeks ago from a misnaming faux pas!

Almost a quarter of a century of teaching has seen me acquire quite a lot of ‘stuff’. And finding it a home makes me anxious too. I’m yet to see my classroom and so don’t know if there’s space for all I’ll bring. Further to that is the fact that it’s going to take loads of trips back and forth from my car to get it all in too. I deliberately left quite a lot behind and have even culled some of the stuff I brought home. I mean, I took around half a box of spare worksheets and paper resources that I had knocking around in my old room before looking at them in my front room and realising that, having not probably used any of it for the best part of a decade I’d probably have no need for it anyway! It’s odd the things that you cling on to. Luckily, there are probably only around 7 boxes worth to transport. And then some bags too! Someone help me!

My new job is at a boys school. The first same sex school I’ll have taught in and although I know exactly what to expect (lads, lads, lads, I suppose), it unnerves me a bit. I know it’ll take a bit of getting used to. I know that I’ll spend the first few weeks looking at my class thinking stuff like, ‘There’s something not quite right here’ and doing comedy double takes at the fact that ‘THEY’RE ALL BOYS’!

And then, and by no means finally but I have to end somewhere, there are the little things. The ones that will probably turn out to be nothing, but will almost certainly keep me awake the night before it all begins.

Firstly, I haven’t got my pass yet. And what are we without a lanyard, eh? I mean, a chair of governors once wrongly accused me and a couple of others of turning ours around deliberately at an open evening in order to avoid parental questions, so I’m envisaging a horde of riot police charging at me when I turn up without one. But also, how do I get in to the building? What if no one comes to get me? And then, when I finally get it what do I do if the picture is one of those where my smile is on the wane, so to speak? You know, like it’s sliding off your face? What do I do then?

There’s also the bit where you have to introduce yourself to the whole staff. Sure, it’s just a stand up and wave thing, but if anyone’s going to trip over his own feet on the way up or miss his chair on the way back down, it’s me. My brain has a terrible habit of either making me say stupid stuff or do something even stupider. So, I’m really looking forward to winking at a hall full of people while pointing my fingers or doing a peace sign like some cheeseball gameshow host and all the while not having a clue how any of it happened.

Furthermore, I’ve never parked in the actual car park. I’ve always been in a handy visitor’s space. So what if I park in the wrong place? It’d be just like me to park in Big Tony’s space (the bloke who everyone fears and no one knows what he actually teaches – every school’s got one). I’m not a young man anymore; I could do without all of this!

All this is running round my mind and I haven’t even got to the usual expected raft of IT problems that have haunted me for years. The board that only works on days with an ‘e’ in their name, the forgetting of my own password, wrestling with a more advanced version of ClassCharts than I’m used to and then of course, my nemesis…the bloody visualiser! We still used a telly on a trolley when I first started, so it doesn’t take much in terms of IT to put me in a flap!

Changing jobs has made me feel ludicrously inexperienced again, before I’ve even started. I’m finding myself worrying about things that bothered me as a newly qualified teacher back in the late 1800s. Anyone that knows me will also know that none of this is an exaggeration either! Luckily, I know that really it’s just a case of getting the first month out of the way before I’m into some kind of routine and things are pretty much falling into place. Give it a year or two and they’ll have stopped talking about the amount of times I locked myself out of a building, the ridiculous resources I brought or even my inevitably ill fitting high viz for duties too.

Wish me luck! I think I’m going to need it!

NUFC: Sandro’s back, olé, olé, olé!

There are loads of things that shouldn’t really be exciting, but just are. The two pence machines at the arcade. Jumping waves with the kids. Getting something that scans at the wrong (reduced) price at the self checkout. Christ, for some of us getting a text or a WhatsApp message still causes a flutter. Truth be told though, none of these can hold a candle in the adrenaline stakes to things like white water rafting, bungee jumping or skydiving and yet there’s still at least a tiny bit of excitement to be had from them.

In a weird way, it’s a similar story with the return of Sandro Tonali for Newcastle United. We’re excited to see him back because he’s one of ours, but truth be told we’ve barely seen the lad play. We’ve certainly not seen anything like the best of him, I’d expect. Still though, there’s a skip in the step kind of feeling to the fact that he’s about to be available for selection once again.

In truth, Sandro owes us, really. We’ve stuck by him, just as the club has. His name has been sung lustily by thousands both home and away, but he hasn’t played in front of us for 10 months. But then, it’s not in the nature of Newcastle fans to hold back when it comes to support. Whether we’ve been telling the world that he “drinks Moretti” and “eats spaghetti” or just giving it the old “Sandro, olé, olé, olé”, we’ve been right behind a player that hasn’t kicked a ball for us in a a long, long time. Yes, there’s always a scapegoat or two, particularly if you enter the cesspit of the NUFC hashtag on social media, but in the main our team can be sure of receiving our backing. It’s just what supporting Newcastle is about. If they’re in the shirt, they’ll be backed by the majority at least. I mean, none of us are in it for the trophies…

Tonali’s ban ends this week and it’s already been revealed that he’ll be in the squad for Wednesday night’s game away at Forest in the Carabao cup. I for one, cannot wait. I honestly don’t know what to expect as well. He was someone who I’ll happily admit to knowing nothing about before he signed – I’d never seen him play. And I don’t play FIFA. So, after only 13 appearances and 1 goal last year, there’s still a lot to learn. To haul out the old cliché, it really is just like a new signing. Which given the window we’ve had as I write, can’t be sniffed at!

Since being banned for breaching betting rules by the Italian Football Federation, we’re told that Sandro has been working hard. “Incredibly hard” in fact according to Eddie Howe. And rightly so, to be fair. He’s trained as normal while also finding time to learn English, which will benefit him enormously. He’s also made numerous visits to Italy to undergo counselling for his addiction.

It’s to be hoped that being able to train regularly with is team mates will have helped help Sandro immensely, acting almost like an extended pre-season. Howe says that Sandro is popular within the group and so it’s to be hoped that he can slot straight into the action quite smoothly. I guess all that’s likely to be missing is match sharpness, but hopefully his reading of the game, natural athleticism and footballing intelligence can compensate in those first half dozen appearances. After that, it’s to be hoped that he’s flying for the rest of the season.

It could be argued that the highlight for Tonali in a black and white shirt was his debut. The link up play with Bruno and Joelinton promised much, the range of passing and the drive to get on the end of the cross and volley in the opening goal, well you couldn’t have written that. Now, after ten months of frustration for all, he’s back and vowing to repay everyone at the club. This far into his career at Newcastle, it shouldn’t be exciting. But it is!

Welcome back, Sandro!

Book Review: I Blame Morrissey by Jamie Jones

Music and sport can do funny things to a person. Those of us who take an interest in either or both can become unhinged, erratic, obsessive and just plain odd because of how they make us feel. In fact, if you’re a fan of both, you may well get to a certain age and look back in wonder, unable to fathom out some of your decisions, while simultaneously still believing that they were right all along. People won’t understand you and you won’t understand what there is to understand, but quietly you’ll be fully aware of just what a weirdo you probably are.

Jamie Jones is one such weirdo and ‘I Blame Morrissey’ is his attempt to explain his obsessions with music and to a lesser extent, football.

Jones grew up in the 90s – like me – and was obsessed by music and football – like me. However, while I made some ridiculous decisions while following bands and Newcastle United, I managed to allow life to get in the way and eventually grew into a reasonably well adjusted adult. Sort of. Jamie Jones – and I can’t disguise some kind of jealousy – got more and more obsessive until he was allowing his life to be dictated by song lyrics. And as crazy as that might sound to some of you, it all makes for some incredible stories.

‘I Blame Morrissey’ tells the tale of a young man growing up and trying to navigate the world around him while also dedicating himself to following music and Peterborough United. And for most of the time, music and Peterborough win out, meaning that relationships are doomed because of perceived messages in songs and important dates and occasions missed because Peterborough have a game in some meaningless competition. I mean, we’ve all been there, right? Right?

Jones’s teenage years were dominated by girls, Peterborough United and musicians like Billy Bragg. But like any good music fan his journey takes on various twists and turns, many of them familiar to me and most likely to some of you too. Thus, if you are of a certain age there will be something here for you; a memory to empathise with or the reminder of a song that brings it all flooding back. There are festivals from a time when it was the music that was the most important thing. There are tales of The Charlatans, Morrissey, Ride, the Britpop years, of loves lost and found and of any number of decisions made in the name of whatever the latest obsession happens to be. There’s even some Teenage Fanclub, which obviously resonated with the bloke who writes this blog.

There’s a lot of this book that I feel like I lived myself. A great deal of the rest of it buzzes with a familiarity and a nostalgia that I simply couldn’t get enough of. And for that reason, everything about the book was a joy for me; like stepping back in time.

If you grew up with posters on your bedroom walls that you sometimes talked to, if you ever bought items of clothing because your idols did, if you ever changed your walk or your body language just to be more like your heroes or if you ever endangered a friendship, relationship or even your own life just to go and see a band, then ‘I Blame Morrissey’ will be right up your street!

I give ‘I Blame Morrissey’…

Ben Brereton Diaz v Fabian Schar – what really happened?

So, even though we got three points and recorded a clean sheet in our first game of the new season at the weekend, there was really only the one talking point. What on God’s green earth was Ben Brereton Diaz’s reaction to Fabian Schar’s so called headbutt all about? I mean, I could end this one early and just confirm that he’s a massive cheat, but I’ve been having a think and wrote a few alternative ideas down, just for a bit of fun. Here’s what might have actually happened.

The famous sniper in the stands returns. The same person who got Steven Taylor all those years ago against Villa, the same one who regularly targets Mo Salah and sometimes hangs around SJP to get a pot shot at Miggy.

Or could it be the same one who ‘shot’ at Donald Trump a little while back? And if it made a superhero like Donny fall, then why not a bang average Premier League footballer? Will Diaz appear for his next game with an elastoplast on his forehead like Trump’s famous ear bandage, just to be even more convincing? Maybe, like Trump’s supporters, Southampton fans will follow suit. Who knows? Whatever happens, Diaz will forever look like a tw*t.

Thinking about the future. We all know that footballers have a short career. And gone are the days when they could just go and run a pub when they hit thirty something. So maybe Diaz is thinking of becoming an actor and just getting his audition in early. If they ever remake Platoon, he’s got to be up for a role along with the aforementioned Taylor.

Garlic Surprise? Even the most biased Newcastle fan can’t think that Fabian Schar was entirely blameless. You stick your head in, you’re asking for trouble. That said though…it was all Diaz’s fault, the cheat. But what if Fabian had eaten one of his famous garlic surprise (with extra garlic) sandwiches before the match? Or had a cheeky lamb bhuna for his pre-match meal. I mean, they’re famous for their love of curries in Switzerland, apparently. Death breath plus a very sensitive nose? Could be…

Karaoke? It’s a little known fact that Ben Brereton Diaz is a big, big fan of karaoke. Apparently, he’s got his very own machine. A top of the range one from Tandy with disco lights and everything. Could it be then, that in an effort to diffuse the situation, he was simply bursting into song. I mean, by the look on his face he’s got to be doing Total Eclipse of The Heart by Bonnie Tyler, right? Either that or he’s just a dick.

Hair problems. Fabian Schar leans in towards Diaz’s head and in an effort to pull away and, in the spirit of fair play, not get Wor Fabby sent off he lashes himself back just too quick and gets a stray lock of hair from that frankly magnificent mane in his eye. Listen, back in the day, I too had magnificent long, flowing locks. Or was it a shit mullet? I’m too old to remember. What I do remember though, is picking up a similar injury at a Europe concert at Newcastle City Hall in the late eighties. I think it was during The Final Countdown and believe me, it stung.

Or maybe all of this is just b*ll*cks and the truth is that VAR failed us and Ben Brereton Diaz is a cheat? In the end though, three points is all that matters. Ain’t karma a bitch, Benny boy?

NUFC: Reasons to be cheerful…

Let’s be honest, even for the most positive and patient of Newcastle fans it’s been a bit of a frustrating pre-season. It seems like a lot of our fans had expected a bit of a spend up after the last second PSR related drama that led to the sales of Yankuba Minteh and Elliot Anderson. Now was the time, in their informed opinion, for us to spend big. In fact, some of them seemed to think that they had a genuine insight into how the PIF work and that now they’d just be throwing money at big name signings.

And yet, here we are. Hardly in crisis, but with some of our fans seemingly apoplectic with rage for a range of reasons such as a £65m transfer taking too long or, at the time of writing maybe not actually happening, a club in a town you’ve never heard of in America being unable to afford Miggy Almiron and well, John Ruddy. Aye, John Ruddy seems to be a very unpopular 4th or 5th choice keeper with some people!

Anyway, in the interest of balance and hopefully common sense, I thought I’d offer some reasons to be cheerful. So, in no particular order, here they are.

The transfer window doesn’t close until August 30th! Now, I’m no mathematician, but that still leaves a decent amount of time for us to make more signings. So that right winger that most crave could well arrive yet! We all know that the last few days of the window are always when it all starts to heat up and so I fully expect us to get some quality in even if it takes until those last few days. And for the real naysayers, that’s also plenty of time for us to get rid of a few too!

Lloyd Kelly and Will Osula. For me, both are very good signings. Hear me out. Lloyd Kelly looks both solid and agile. He’s no slouch either. Fitting in with the Eddie Howe criteria, he appears to be a very good character too and so you’d imagine he’ll fit in well. In my opinion, he improves us even just as a back up, but I suspect we’ll see quite a lot of him this season, should he steer clear of injury. Will Osula is another good signing. OK, it’s all potential and statistically there’s not a lot to back things up, but I’m hopeful that he’ll make the step up and maybe just be inspired by the support that he’ll get. I remember people questioned the signing of Andy Cole at the time and look how that turned out. The lad is young, so let’s give him time. Osula is quick, skillful and athletic which are all good qualities for a modern day striker. And if Eddie can work his magic, then we might just have got a steal at £10m.

Football’s back! I take a different view to most during pre-season in that I actually quietly enjoy the lack of games to worry about. Maybe it’s down to my formative years watching teams managed by Bill McGarry, Jack Charlton and Jim Smith or maybe just a direct result of Mike Ashley’s tenure, but while I miss watching football, I don’t miss the stress of it all and the idiot that it turns me into! Like I say though, I’m definitely in the minority here. So, crack a smile and enjoying getting back to the match, man! And regardless of whoever might be playing right wing, just support the team as you always do!

Sandro olé, olé, olé! By the time you read this it’ll be under a fortnight until Sandro Tonali is able to make his return in black and white. There was a lot of excitement when he signed last year. Here was a Serie A superstar and mainstay of AC Milan’s midfield signing for the Toon! I mean, what a signing! And then he made a great start with a goal and Man of The Match performance against Villa, as well as an unexpected appearance at ‘Spoons too! After that, there were more tidy performances, although he looked like he was still finding his feet a bit. And then, the betting allegations surfaced and all of a sudden he was banned. But Sandro was not forgotten, hence the chant. Sandro Tonali’s return is within touching distance and adding him into a midfield with Bruno and Joelinton is very much a reason to be cheerful.

Joe Willock. Injury restricted Joe Willock to just 9 starts and 5 sub appearances last season and there were times when we missed his guile and hard running. Since signing on loan under Steve Bruce in 2021 he’s played 95 times and scored 15 goals, creating some amazing memories in that time and in the last year or so he’s struck up an excellent relationship on the pitch with Alexander Isak. I, for one, can’t wait to see the lad back.

The future’s bright! In terms of youth, last season was all about Lewis Miley. He was superb and it was a joy to see another local lad break through into the first team. As we gear up for a new season, Trevan Sanusi seems to have had a breakthrough in pre-season and been the standout performer in terms of our young players coming through. And I’ve no doubt that he’s got a real future at the club and will make his first team debut in this coming season. However, he’s not the only prospect that could make strides in ’24/’25. Add in the likes of Alfie Harrison, Cathal Heffernan, Leo Shahar, Alex Murphy, Travis Hernes and even younger players like Anthony Munda and Sean Neave and there’s a lot coming through the ranks that can offer some hope. And don’t forget, another Miley – Jamie – has been performing pretty well in pre-season too!

So, while we might not have got your preferred option in at centre back, right wing or even up front – yet – I’d hope you’d agree that there are still plenty of reasons to be cheerful as a Toon fan! Here’s to a successful ’24/’25 season!

Poetry Blog: Pier

This is a poem that, as we near the end of another British summer, just seems appropriate. It’s hopefully one that lots of people can relate to, especially us Brits.

I wrote this after we had headed to Llandudno for a short break in summer last year. We spent time walking along the promenade as well as up into the hills that can be found just a short distance from the sea. We’d spent time relaxing, eating cake and drinking coffee in lovely cafes and of course, we’d spent time in the amusements! This is where the poem came from because the amusements in Llandudno can be found on the pier.

Pier

Your eyes dart everywhere,
as you walk, you're bombarded from above 
by a terror that could leave a lasting scar
or worse still, a stain, a smell, 
a memory that could ruin coastal towns forevermore
and yet still, you can't quite concentrate on the airborne menace.

Rough boards trodden on for hundreds of years
promise pleasure while hinting at danger
with every glimpse of the waves far beneath.
Children wander aimlessly, 
all grabbing hands and voices that match the decibels of those gulls.  

Groups of adults attempt to keep them in check,
while flocks of teens loiter with barely disguised intent.
Ice creams and candy floss are wolfed down
for fear of attack from above and the hordes
of ever more bold screeching thieves.

Duck inside an arcade and the senses
are overwhelmed by the kaleidoscope colour
of copycat prizes combined with the sounds of machines
competing busily for attention,
while people push past, eager for a moment of mindless fun.

Copper coins, salvaged from a long cherished jar,
are thrust with military precision into a slot
in the hope of the displacement 
that will win tokens to be exchanged for tat,
yet still, it is an Olympic podium style thrill 
that's felt as those coins finally crash.

Hours later, as you blink again into the sun  
and set foot on more solid ground,
pockets are lighter, nerves shredded,
arms ache and knees creak as you trudge, 
wearily away, excitement over, another seaside day almost at an end.

On a previous trip to the one described above I’d actually been divebombed and flown into by a seagull. It sort of clonked me on the head! They’re a menace at most seaside towns these days. However, I’ve never had my food stolen by one or indeed suffered the indignity of being hit by their flying poo!

I’m not really a fan of the amusement arcades, despite being so when I was younger. However, my family love them and so every trip to a coastal town means spending hours in multiple arcades, never really feeling the tension and excitement that they do at the jeopardy of the machines.

Regardless, I was struck by just how much was actually going on when we made this trip and found myself making notes in some downtime, which later would become this poem. I hope you enjoyed it!

It was a bittersweet July.

It’s been a little while since I’ve actually written anything. In fact, this is the first time I’ve got my hands on a keyboard in the month of August. Suffice to say that July was a bit of an emotional one and as a result, it took its toll on me.

The most bittersweet part of it all was leaving work. I’d worked at Thornhill Community Academy in Dewsbury for 9 years, having trained there – it was my second teaching practice school – 25 years ago. All in all that’s a long time to be associated with a place of work and a community. I always felt like I’d go back there and when I did, I didn’t think I’d leave before retirement.

Nothing lasts forever though and having suffered with my health over the last couple of years I was finding less and less enjoyment in my work. Having all but collapsed there in 2022, my classroom made me feel uncomfortable and at times really quite sad. Add that to a raft of other problems and I knew I’d have to leave. So, when an opportunity to work with some of my friends came up, I eventually applied and was lucky enough to get the job.

Leaving a job I’d been in for almost a decade was a real wrench though. I’ve made lots of friends, had the professional pleasure of working with some brilliant people, loved the school and hopefully had a positive effect on some of my students. I was almost moved to tears during my leaving speech, but just about managed to keep it together – if you were in the room, I can confirm that there were no tears, just a really ugly crying face!

I’ll miss so many people and September is going to feel very strange indeed, but I hope that my new start will serve to inspire me a bit and whet my appetite for teaching once again, as well as helping me to get over what really has to be the final hurdle in my recovery from illness! I mean, how long can it take?!

Despite the upheaval, I actually feel positive. I’m probably far too old to be making a fresh start, but I feel like I have the energy and the people around me to make it a success. More to the point, I feel like I want to make it a success. I feel enthusiastic, while also feeling like there’s no way I want to let people down. So in September, I’ll be enjoying a far shorter commute and throwing myself into it all at an entirely new school while working with more than enough familiar faces to allow me to feel fairly comfortable from the off.

Of course, the end of an academic year signals the start of summer for those of us in education. And so, as sad as I felt to leave my job I had the benefit of 6 weeks holiday to cushion the blow and mix some sweetness into the bitterness.

First up in the break was heading to Wales for a family holiday and that never fails to raise a smile and make me feel relaxed. The weather wasn’t perfect, but we still managed a few days on the beach, as well as trips out to Barmouth and Pwllheli. All in all, to finish work on the Friday and then be on a beach the next day made for a lovely couple of days. Then, to add in lots of fun in the week that followed added up to a genuinely brilliant break.

A personal highlight for me was being able to fit in two runs. I run on every holiday and have done for a while now when we go to Wales. However, usually I head up some nearby hills before running down to a nearby coastal village and then looping back around again towards our cottage. This time, feeling tired, I decided to take a flatter route which would enable me to do something I’ve never done before; run along the beach.

The beach at the end of the road is a couple of miles long and then, if you’re lucky and the tide’s out sufficiently, you can clamber over some rocks onto a beautiful, peaceful little cove. I was able to do just that on both of the occasions that I ran. Both times I went out early in the morning and both times there was barely another soul to be seen. It was amazingly peaceful, while also being really hard work as sand just saps the strength from your legs.

On the morning of our last full day, not only did I run along the beach, but when I got round to the quiet cove there were two herons feeding in the shallows and I was able to sit and watch them for ages while having the whole place to myself. More than enough to make you smile!

So, having left behind a place of work that gave me a fantastic 9 years and felt all the sadness that you’d expect, I was able to spend a wonderful week with my family and experience the kind of calm coupled with genuine elation that I’m guessing doesn’t come along too often. Like I said, it was a bittersweet July!

NUFC: The Magnificent Sevens, Part 2.

In the second of this series I’m having a look at another 5 of my favourite number sevens. As I mentioned last time, I’ve always loved watching wingers and so I thought I’d write a couple of blogs about some of the ones I’ve loved watching most. Mind you, as a disclaimer I have to point out that some of our best number 7s haven’t really been wingers at all!

‘Jinky’ Jimmy Smith. Growing up, I’d hear about someone called ‘Jinky’ a lot. It sounded like a daft name, but my dad would regularly bang on about him. Eventually, as I got old enough to understand and old enough to go to games, I started to listen. Sadly for me, ‘Jinky’ had left by the time I was able to watch him play. His skills lived on though, with tales of his genius passed on by my dad and grandad, as I’m sure they were for many of my generation. From what I could gather, Smith was a bit of a maverick; one of those unpredictable players that a crowd might fall in love with while never truly knowing what they’re going to do next. ‘A box of tricks’ is how my dad described him and if you need a modern reference point, then perhaps Hatem Ben Arfa would have been a similar type of player. Jinky – nicknamed so because of his ability to ‘jink’ past an opponent – was a skillful player. Already a Scotland international when he joined the club, he would become a crowd favourite because of his flair and willingness to take on defenders. Making 179 appearances and scoring 16 goals, Jim became a real crowd favourite until tragedy struck and a series of knee injuries forced him into retirement aged just 29.

Darren Jackson. Darren Jackson will always bring back special memories for me. Partly because I just liked him as a player, but mainly because I happened to look quite like him in my late teens and was genuinely mistaken for him on a couple of occasions. Believe me, having someone stop you in the Metrocentre to ask if you’re a footballer will stay with you for a while! Jackson was signed in 1986 from Meadowbank Thistle for the princely sum of £240,000 and while he was never a world beater, he was definitely a player who seemed to be giving everything he had for the club. Slightly built, but quite skillful, Jackson had the ability to take on full backs and – as John Barnes once memorably rapped – get round the back. As such could usually be relied upon for an assist or a decent attacking performance. He was quite a fiery character too and never let himself be intimidated by some of the old Division 1’s more burly defenders. His career on Tyneside lasted just 3 seasons, taking in 69 appearances and 7 goals and I for one was saddened when he was sold to Dundee United for £200,000 in December 1988.

Tony Green. Younger supporters have possibly never even heard of what is likely to be their grandad’s favourite ever player. In fact, there can’t be that many people left who actually saw him play. But to those who did, the mere mention of Tony Green’s name is likely to light up their eyes and bring a smile to their face. Signed for £150,000 – big money in 1971 – Green only made 39 appearances before his career was ended by a knee injury. He was an integral part of Joe Harvey’s rebuilt United, the star of the show in a team that included the legendary Supermac. Green had it all; searing pace, skill, hard work, an eye for a pass and a will to win. Without having seen him play, perhaps the best thing to do is to leave it to those who did. So here’s what Stan Mortensen, Joe Harvey (his mangers at Blackpool and Newcastle) and Harry Crosby (my old man and a bloke who spent many a year in the Leazes end) had to say about Green. Mortensen – “He was never afraid to take on a man…which allied to his enthusiasm, ability, guts, strength and temperament makes him a great player.” Harvey – “After they made Tony Green they threw away the mould. His skills thrilled me in a way that no one else has ever been able to achieve.” My dad (a man of few words, unless he’s regaling you with tales of Aussie Gold Hunters or something!) -“The best player I ever saw. Simple as that.”

Rob Lee. Legend has it that Kevin Keegan persuaded Rob Lee to join Newcastle rather than Middlesborough by telling him that we were technically closer to London because of the airport. Lee wasn’t keen to move so far from his London roots, but I’m sure he’d agree that the potential for home-sickness didn’t last long. Signed from Charlton for a bargain £700,000, Lee is – in my humble opinion – one of the greatest players Newcastle fans have witnessed in the modern era. He started as a right sided wide player, all power, turn of pace and in possession of a neat line in body swerves and as a result was popular from the start of his time. In later years he’d play more as an attacking central midfielder and wherever he played, powerful, driving forward runs were his hallmark. Staying with the club from 1992-2002, Lee had many highpoints in his Toon career. For me though, three stand out; firstly, his ghost ‘goal’ at Brentford in 1993 when he hit a volley from inside his own half following a clearance only for the ref to blow up for a free kick. Then, there was his hat-trick – all headers if I remember rightly – in our first game back in Europe since 1977. I didn’t get to go to the game and there was no TV coverage, so myself and a mate listened on the radio and when Lee scored after only a minute, we went mental! Finally, Rob gave me one of my favourite memories ever when he scored the equaliser at Wembley in the FA Cup semi-final against Chelsea in 2000. If I close my eyes, I can still see him leap and power that header into the back of the net and although it amounted to nothing as we lost, it’s a cherished memory. After surviving the Ruud Gullit era, Lee was eventually sold to Derby in 2002, when truth be told, he was past his best. For those of a certain age and those that remember Keegan’s Entertainers, Robert Lee will always be a favourite and an adopted Geordie.

Joelinton. Big Joe, J7, Joey…however you know him, it’s safe to say that none of us could have envisaged the player that Joelinton would become! Joelinton Cassio Apolinario de Lira was signed from Hoffenheim for a record fee of £40m and given the number 9 shirt, and sadly didn’t take long to look like a bit of a waste of money. In truth, he was played out of position, but still, the four goals in his first season was definitely not the return we’d hoped for. And while I always hoped there was a player in there somewhere, when he was struggling against Rochdale or blasting the ball into his own face when it would have been much, much easier to score, I didn’t think we’d still have Joelinton today. But thank goodness we do. Big Joe only took the number 7 shirt when Callum Wilson was signed, but it was Eddie Howe’s arrival and not the change of shirt that made the difference. And what a difference it was! We’re all familiar with the Norwich game and the whole transformation into a powerhouse midfielder, so I’ll save the repetition. However, as we prepare for a new season – Joe’s 6th in black and white – I think we’re all hopeful that he can stay injury free and push us back into Europe. The power, the pace, the attitude and the love of the fans – Joelinton’s turnaround has been remarkable really, seeing him become a vital part of the team as well as a Brazilian international too. In fact Joelinton has become so popular that not only does he have his own song, but a couple of years ago he became the face of a new fashion trend as the bloke who’s face we’d wear on Hawaiian shirts! As the song says, ‘He’s Brazilian’ and ‘we think he’s f***ing brilliant’!

So, there you have it. The second part of my Magnificent Sevens piece and my final five favourite players to wear the shirt. I hope you enjoyed reading about them, whether you agreed with me or not!

Book Review: ‘Above Head Height’ by James Brown.

Confession time. I had a little bit of a misspent youth. Nothing to panic about. Not committing crimes, not doing a great deal to disrupt others and not going out of my way to be obnoxious. My misspent youth consisted of doing the kinds of things that were important to me for as much as my time as was humanly possible, while neglecting the stuff that seemed boring, but on reflection might have actually done me some good.

My misspent youth largely revolved around football. Naturally, there were girls a bit later too, but I was no Casanova. Mind you, I spent endless hours playing football and I was no Maradona either! But wherever I could and whenever I could, I played football. ‘Above Head Height’ is a book for all of us who have obsessed and continue to obsess about football. ‘Above Head Height’ is what happens when your misspent youth continues through your entire adult life.

If you love football, then ‘Above Head Height’ is a must read. Even if you only have a casual interest in the game it’s still definitely worth a look. Brown – the former editor of the groundbreaking Loaded magazine – takes us through his own personal obsession with football, from days and nights playing any-number-a-side street football right up to his present day situation where he plays football with various social groups about 4 or 5 times a week. It’s an encyclopedic look at the game and why we play it, as well as why we get so obsessed and so for those of you like me and James, it becomes a very interesting read.

Brown’s experience of football as a kid will be familiar to a lot of us and as such, offers a huge slice of nostalgia for simpler football related times. Huge sided, barely organised games in the street, the park or wherever there was space and playing until you were either dragged in by a parent or it was just too dark to see anymore. Sometimes even that wasn’t enough to stop us!

‘Above Head Height’ takes us on Brown’s journey through football in its many guises. It’s a path well trodden for many of us. There are his experiences with school teams, playing with gifted players, playing at college and university, early adult five-a-side leagues and then onto time spent coaching his son’s team (something which a lot of us will have stumbled into inadvertently!).

This is more than just a book about football and a football obsessive. ‘Above Head Height’ starts with the funeral of a fellow player and Brown touching on the fact that, despite having spent years playing with this man, he really didn’t know him. He could pass comment on his playing style and pay tribute to his organisational skills – he was the bloke who organised the league – but what did he really know of the man he’d spent so much time with?

Ultimately, ‘Above Head Height’ is a book about friendship, camaraderie, obsession, health, fitness and the realisation that none of us are getting any younger. Football is just the orange or black and white checkered sun that it all orbits around. Of course, there will be family, careers, births and deaths, but sometimes it will feel like none of it is as serious as our feelings for the beautiful game!

If you remember the Wembley Trophy (or the penny floater if you’re from my neck of the woods), if you’ve ever spent far too long explaining the whys and wherefores of your latest ‘world-class’ goal, if the phrase ‘jumpers for goalposts’ still makes you smile and if you still dream that you might just get the call to play professionally, then ‘Above Head Height’ will be right up your street.

I give ‘Above Head Height’…