Newcastle United fans – Middle Age Fanclub

NUFC: That was the week that was.

Sometimes it feels like only the likes of Shakespeare and Scorsese do drama like Newcastle United. And the last seven days or so has encapsulated that perfectly…or imperfectly if you’re a Newcastle fan.

When news broke of the Munoz deal being hijacked on Wednesday night it wasn’t even that much of a shock, really. We’d already lost out on Zadok Zohana little over a week ago. He of course chose Brighton instead of Newcastle United. You can add that to almost the entirety of last pre-season when it felt like anyone we approached went elsewhere and the only quick deal was signing Nick Woltemade, done in the latter stages of the window.

Now, I don’t know much about Munoz apart from YouTube clips, so I’m not overly bothered that he’ll be in red, not black and white next season. But it’s not really the point. Once again we seem to have dithered and somewhat inevitably, lost out. Reports said that the player was keen to come, the price agreed etc. It was also said that he was the top target. And yet still we couldn’t get the deal done!

Earlier in the week we were greeted with the news that Head of Recruitment, Steve Nickson was off to West Ham. I won’t pretend to know exactly which players he signed, targeted or recommended, but whichever way you look at it losing such an important figure within the club doesn’t look good and just adds to the disruption. And it also means that when we should be actively recruiting players were also trying to recruit yet another replacement for someone who should be doing the recruiting. In theatre terms more a farce than anything Shakespearean.

There was also the news that Tino Livramento had picked up another injury and was out of the World Cup. While I feel for the lad, it just made me wonder if he’s ever going to be consistently available for Newcastle.

In the past week or so we’ve also had news about Sandro Tonali, Marco Pallestra and James Trafford. The Tonali to Spurs news just feels bizarre and yet so, so suited to us. Without going into any real detail though, why on Earth would he want to join Spurs? Seemingly, he does though. And the sight of their fans on social media explaining what it will take to get the deal done is galling to say the least. Then there’s Pallestra who our old friend Fabrizio Romano seems determined to tell us is DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO NEWCASTLE! Alright pal, calm down.

The Trafford news just left me cold. Two days of people pointing out that we’re interested once again. No concrete news about any actual transfer, but he’s our top goalkeeping target again. Forgive me if I feel like I know how this one ends already.

For me it’s crucial that we start hearing positive news. I appreciate that the window has only been open a matter of days, but other clubs aren’t waiting around. Brighton and Spurs have both made notable signings. I mean even previously skint Barcelona have made a major signing…

It’s important that we get things right. For weeks now we’ve heard rumours about the list of possible Gordon replacements and now we’ve lost out on the first one we’ve gone for. Already there are worrying echoes of last pre-season and much more of this could prove catastrophic for the upcoming season and the so called ‘project’. Again.

On the flip side, there are positives from the last week. New boy Ewen Jaouen looks to be a player with real potential and with any luck we’ve found our eventual number 1 for years to come. We have several players at the World Cup (ok, it’s not all incredibly positive, but there’s a barrel to be scraped here) and Yoane Wissa has actually scored.

It feels like the next couple of weeks have to be positive though. Players need to be coming in and coming in early. As I write the fixtures are out tomorrow and if you’re anything like me you’ll start looking at runs of games where we might start losing points! Forgive me for preaching positivity and then being so negative, but I’ve supported the club through thin and thinner and this is how I approach every season!

Clearly, we could all just do with some good news!

Farewell and good luck, AG.

At around 9.30 on the evening of 18th March, you’d have been forgiven for thinking that we’d struggle to even give any of our players away come the summer transfer window. With Barcelona 7-2 up on the night of our Champions League Round of 16 second leg, I’d have laughed you out of town had you told me that anyone in black and white would fit in on the other team. And yet, some 72 days later Anthony Gordon has just signed a 5 year contract at the Camp Nou in return for Barca throwing £69m our way.

Some will say good riddance, reasoning that the player has let us down this season with a number of lacklustre performances and a perceived reluctance to feature in the last 4 games of the season. Others, myself included, will remember the many positives and wish the lad the very best of luck.

At the time we signed Gordon – in January 2023 – I was thrilled. For me, we’d signed a player who was raw, hungry, ultra quick and skilful and who had so much promise that his future in black and white looked truly exciting. Although he played in a very different position, there was something about this deal that reminded me of signing Andy Cole. And for me, Anthony Gordon has very much fulfilled that promise. With 152 appearances and 39 goals, I think it’s hard to argue against the fact that he’s done just the kind of job that he was brought in to do.

On the negative side of things, you could point out numerous performances this year when he didn’t look as interested as we’d have liked. There’s no doubt that there have been times when he’s let us down. But, he’s not been alone in that.

Remember though, players aren’t infallible. Anthony Gordon certainly wasn’t. I think he let us down badly against Liverpool in August of last year when he was sent off in first half injury time for a reckless challenge on Virgil Van Dijk. Without that I think most of us would say that we were on for a memorable victory. But wherever you look in terms of the Toon, players will have let us down. Nobody’s perfect. It’s the same with life in general. I mean, I begged for a BMX aged 12 and my parents got me a Grifter. Try doing wheelies on that! Talk about a let down!

But for any lows there have been many more highs. Whether it was hustling PSG defenders into mistakes on that memorable Champions League night in October 2023 when he was absolutely electric or fabulous goals at home against Spurs or versus Man City in 23/24. Whether it was one of many penalties won in our favour or the four goals and 33 minute hat-trick he scored this season against Qarabag. Whether it was the performance against the mackems in the cup win at the stadium of shite or his goal against them at home this season. Anthony Gordon was dynamic, exciting and frankly a menace, typifying the qualities that we would probably all ask for first and foremost in anyone wearing those black and white stripes.

Personally, I’ll remember the player that fell in love with the club, the area and the people and who at times looked like he’d die for that badge. A lad who arrived with potential and left a much better player, but still with some potential to fulfil.

On leaving he talked about how much he owed the club after arriving and feeling “quite lost”. He went on to say “I loved every single minute of being a part of Newcastle United” calling us “an incredible club” and ending with “I’ll be a fan for the rest of my life.” A classy way to end his time here, I thought. He leaves having become an England regular during that time and having been instrumental in the run to winning our first trophy in well over 50 years. Gordon has easily been one of my favourite players of the last few years and I have no doubt that whoever takes his shirt will have to work damned hard to replace that pace, hard work, guile and sheer impact on the team. Yamal’s new mate will be a tough act to follow!

Adiós y buena suerte, Anthony. And all the best, bonny lad!

A Tribute to Tripps.

Kieran Trippier arrived at Newcastle United without a cape that I know of, but clearly prepared to give superhuman levels of effort in order to keep the club in the Premier League. We weren’t quite on our knees, courtesy of the recent takeover and the appointment of Eddie Howe, but without Tripps you wonder if things would have turned out a lot worse.

There was something a bit thrilling about signing an established England international back in January 2022, especially as we were bottom of the league at the time. Add to that the honours – he’d won La Liga with Atletico Madrid in 20/21 and scored for England in the 2018 World Cup Semi Final – and for me this was a signing that was a bit reminiscent of signing Keegan in 1982.

Before he signed many of us had probably resigned ourselves to watching Championship football in season ’22/’23. It was hard to feel any hope or optimism, particularly as for many of us this wasn’t the first time that we’d been struck by that particular Toon depression. After he signed though, it felt like everything might just be alright after all.

Tripps would go on to captain the side, embodying the determination and work rate of his manager, helping us get to safety in that first season and then leading us on an unforgettable journey in subsequent seasons. He galvanised what was pretty much a broken club, influencing other quality players to take the plunge too and set the standard for every last one of the squad to follow. While Eddie is often credited with improving players, it’d be remiss of us to underestimate Trippier’s influence on the likes of Gordon, Miley and Hall.

Trippier’s laser-like focus has remained largely unaltered during his time on Tyneside and even when others have been preferred to him, like Livramento and Miley, he’s always been a positive influence on others. No sulking and pouting, no ‘do you know who I am’ type behaviour, just sheer professionalism and a desire to see the club progress.

One thing I really liked about Tripps was his on field behaviour. Always calm and composed. If he made a mistake, the hand went up in apology. If others made a mistake he was the first to give encouragement. A proper professional, an inspirational captain and a superb team mate.

There won’t be many among us without a positive memory of Tripps. For me, his performance in the vital away win at Leeds in January 2022 stands out. He was immense that day against Bielsa’s team and helped secure a rare clean sheet and three points at a time when we desperately needed things to start going our way.

He’s scored vital goals too with my personal favourite being the curling, dipping free-kick in the win at home to Everton in February 2022. This was only our third win of the season and a goal that would help us get out of the bottom three. He made ‘tiny arms’ Pickford look stupid as well at the same time! Such was the beauty of that free-kick that I was inspired to write a poem about it as well! It’s on the link below if anyone fancies a look.

https://middleagefanclub.co.uk/2022/02/13/poetry-blog-kieran-trippier-over-the-wall/

And of course, Tripps was superb in the Carabao Cup final win drawing on his big game experience to get us through the match. Firstly, he delivered the corner for Dan Burn’s towering header for the opener and then he was immense in those last 10 minutes when Liverpool were piling on the pressure.

That’s been the story of Trippier’s 4+ years in Toon. When the pressure’s been on, he’s invariably been there with the big game experience to calm it all down and push people to greater heights. In leaving, he’ll leave a huge hole in the squad and it’s to be hoped that he’s passed enough of his experience on so that things don’t suffer to much.

In the future, it’d be great to see him return in some capacity. For now though, it’s goodbye. Go well, Tripps and thank you.

Magpie Moments Episode 8.

Welcome along to the latest Magpie Moments, the column that celebrates the great, the terrible and the typical moments that we might have shared as Mags. This time around features Leicester away, Laurent Robert in Hollywood and Micky Van der Ven practising a hobby when probably he should have concentrated more on his football.

Leicester away, 2018. The King Power Stadium, April 2018 and Newcastle are sitting just below mid table in the first season back in the Premier League under Rafa. Jonjo Shelvey had opened the scoring on 18 minutes. We’re 66 minutes in, trying to defend our one goal lead when it happens. A 30 second passage of play that should go down in the club’s history. It won’t, but it should. With Leicester on the attack Newcastle produce 9 tackles in 30seconds, to let the home team know they’re in for a fight. Each tackle is roared on by the travelling fans. First Mo Diame puts in two, one from being prone on the grass. Then it’s DeAndre Yedlin’s turn with a sliding interception followed by a stretched clearance. As the ball breaks it’s down to Matt Ritchie to put in a sliding challenge. Paul Dummett is next with a typically robust challenge and all the while the away following are getting louder and louder as Leicester players seem to be suddenly not so committed. Jonjo Shelvey and Ayoze Perez join in before Christian Atsu wipes a Leicester player and the ref blows for the foul. And then, just for good measure Dummett flattens someone going up for a header. Newcastle would go on to win the game 2-1, ending the day in 10th position and ultimately staying up. That 30 second collection of tackles was not just a Magpie moment; it was a clear sign that this team were up for the fight and fully committed to the shirt. I wonder if today’s players can look at themselves and say the same?

Robert’s free kick goes to Hollywood. This was a memorable goal in its own right. Laurent Robert scoring a peach of a free kick in March 2005 to win the game against Rafa Benitez’s Liverpool. When the free kick was given over on the East Stand side of the box it looked ripe for a good delivery into the box, maybe something Shearer could get his head on. Instead, Robert just hit a trademark shot which flew high into the Leazes end net. It was a fantastic goal, but would become known for more than just the three points it won. Throughout the game it was noticeable that there were extra subs knocking about on the touchline at times. And then at the end there were people in black and white shirts who weren’t Toon players, celebrating. It turned out that they were actors from the film ‘Goal’ and that Robert’s free kick – or a version of it – would end up in the film as the winner in a Champions League match. It also produced these faces from ‘scorer’ Santiago Munez, which I always think are worth revisiting.

Micky Van der Ven’s breakdancing. In April 2024 Newcastle United would hammer Spurs for the second consecutive year. In 2023 it had been 6-1 and a year later we would trounce them by four. Both performances were superb, featuring some incredible goals. But there were two moments that stood out in the 4-0 game, both involving Spurs’ defender Van der Ven. On two separate occasions, rather than try and stop Newcastle from scoring he just tried to distract them with some breakdancing. It didn’t work as first some Swedish bloke turned inside VDV’s backspin and scored before Anthony Gordon did more or less exactly the same two minutes later. Undeterred, VDV just carried on like a teenager with a roll of lino from the 80s!

So, if proof were needed that at Newcastle United there was never a dull moment, that’s three more bit of evidence for you! God only knows what the next episode might bring.

Gallowgate Cult Heroes number 23 – Mike Mahoney.

Mike Mahoney is the first goalkeeper I remember playing for Newcastle United. I would have been about 6 when I went to my first match and saw him play, but I’d heard of his legend long before from my dad singing his song when he came in drunk from the match!

Standing at only 5′ 11”, Mahoney was small for a keeper, even in those days. This was 1974 and he had been a regular with fourth division Torquay United, but Newcastle manager Joe Harvey was confident enough in his abilities to buy him for the princely sum of £25,000. He only made 2 appearances that season, but his time would come.

Mahoney appeared 37 times in the ’75/’76 season, taking over from the popular Willie McFaul and Newcastle finished 15th in the table. Despite his size Mahoney was agile and could always be relied upon to produce a spectacular save or two. He couldn’t save us from defeat in that season’s League Cup final though.

Despite the presence of another good keeper in Roger Jones, Mahoney would play every game in the ’76/’77 season and was voted our Player of the Year. He’d earned the popular terrace tribute song of “Mick Mahoney, super goalie, la la la la la”! With Newcastle finishing 5th and earning a UEFA Cup spot, the stage seemed to be set for Mahoney to go on and make the number 1 shirt his own for a long time.

However, the following season (’77/’78) was a disaster and Newcastle were relegated. Before the season even started there was the threat of strike action by players who were desperate for Richard Dinnis to be appointed manager. They got their way, but Newcastle spent almost the entire season in the relegation zone. Mahoney would only make 23 appearances and having been hit by a bottle in the away leg of our UEFA Cup tie against the Irish side Bohemians, he suffered a loss of form and was never the same keeper again.

New manager Bill McGarry clearly didn’t rate Mahoney and he was sold to Chicago Stings in the November of the ’78/’79 season. From there he played in the North American Soccer League for California Surf and the Los Angeles Lazers until his retirement in 1986. Mike joined the coaching staff of the Lazers for a couple of years until the club folded. He would stay in the States until he returned to England in 2018 to coach at Bristol Manor Farm.

Although only on Tyneside for a relatively short amount of time, Mike Mahoney definitely became a bit of a cult hero.

NUFC: How do you solve a problem like a Wissa?

It’s pretty much been a season of near disasters for Newcastle United. You can go as far back as pre season and the shocking defeat to Celtic. Last minute losses to Arsenal and Liverpool at home, countless injuries, Marseille, Man City in the cup, sunderland, Barcelona and the surrender of 25 points from winning positions. Add to that the shocking drop off in form of our great early season hope, Nick Woltemade. Yoan Wissa, however, might just trump the lot.

I think we all knew that we’d had our pants pulled down when we agreed to pay a reported £55m for a bloke who was about to turn 29 in summer. I’m not sure any of us could have forecast what would come next though.

I have to admit that a few years ago, Wissa was a player that I liked the look of. He was playing second fiddle to Ivan Toney, but on the occasions that I saw Brentford play, he looked dynamic and dangerous. He looked a player with the potential to be the main man at a Premier League club. And he still might be, but this season has made him look anything but.

What we’d probably all hoped for was that quick, dynamic striker that played for Brentford last season. With 20 goals in total, four seasons as a Premier League player and 137 appearances, it appeared that we were getting someone who knew his way around the league. It’s turned out to be an entirely different matter.

So far, Wissa has scored 3 goals and contributed just one assist in 23 appearances. At the time of writing, in 427 minutes of Premier League action he’s managed just the one goal. There’s been little else to redeem him. His contributions have been tepid and it’s already gotten to the stage where he looks a little desperate when he gets on the pitch which is inevitably leading to errors and snatched shots when chances present themselves. In short, he looks lost.

Of course, time will tell whether this year can be put down to the lack of a pre-season (his own doing) and the early injury that ruled Wissa out for so long. But will he even get that time?

For me, Wissa’s signing highlights a lack of scouting depth. The last minute farce of signing an Isak replacement should never have happened. Even before we knew that the rat wanted out, we should have been targeting his successor. It feels like we weren’t. And if we have a look at some of the other new strikers in the league it makes our decision to sign Wissa look all the more desperate and unimaginative.

Brentford had signed Igor Thiago from Club Brugge in 2024, but injury ruled him out for most of last season. However, looking at his stats for this season puts our scouting to shame. So far, Thiago has 21 goals in 40 appearances and has just made his debut for Brazil. He’s 24; not even in his prime, but with enough experience to suggest that he has all the tools to lead the line at a bigger club. He’d been playing in Europe for just over 2 seasons when Brentford bought him. He wasn’t unknown.

In July 2025 Everton signed Thierno Barry from Villareal for £27m. After a shaky start he’s now made 31 appearances and scored 6 goals. Not an incredible record, but he’s only 22 and was signed at half the price of Wissa. He’s also a French Under 21 international who’d been playing regularly in Europe since 2022. Would his raw talent and potential have been a better bet last year when we’d committed so much money already to signing Nick Woltemade?

Even in the dark place down the road they have a summer signing who has been a success. Brian Brobbey signed from Ajax having scored 35 goals in 92 appearances. Quick and powerful, his potential looks huge and even though he’s not exactly lit up the goalscoring charts, he looks to be another player who would have fit right into our team.

To be clear, I’m not saying any of the above would have been the answer to all of our problems. But it’s interesting to look and see that all of them have had a greater impact than our £55m man.

Would Eddie Howe have been able to mould and nurture any of this potential into a better option than Wissa? I guess we’ll never know. However, his work with other players in our squad would suggest so. Or would an alternative have went the same way as Wissa? After all, Eddie certainly hasn’t worked any magic there and as we approach the end of the season Wissa is looking more and more like a forgotten man.

In then end, we’ll never know if anyone else would have worked out better. But for me, Wissa’s signing and the fall out from what was a farcical summer window shows that this is an area where we have to do better.

With another even more crucial window approaching and the need for more striking options well documented it’s vitally important that Ross Wilson gets it right. And if he’s still Newcastle’s number 9 next season, then Yoanne Wissa has to start the season in top form.

NUFC: A time for heroes.

So Wednesday night came and went with a result that we couldn’t really argue with. Sure, the scoreline was painful and we’d competed well for three quarters of the tie. But I think we all knew – however deep down – that Barcelona away would spell the end of another European adventure.

As I write I’m not sure I’ve really fully recovered. It’s still bizarre to look at and there’s still a sense of disbelief about what happened. But a couple of days of reflection has told me that there was still stuff to be pleased about.

We had some more truly great European nights making the most progress we’ve ever made in the Champions League in the process. We matched the current Champions League holders – yawn, again – and despite the result, matched Barcelona for much of the tie. And when push comes to shove, we only lost 3 of 12 games. We’ll have learnt a huge amount from those 12 games and younger lads like Lewis Hall, Malick Thiaw, Lewis Miley and others will be better players for that experience. But the dust has to settle now.

As it stands, we’re about to launch ourselves into an eight game mini season, starting with the sister lovers down the road at home on Sunday. Six of the teams that we’ll play currently sit outside of the top 10, meaning that there are some very winnable games to come. Could there be a final fantastic twist in the season still to come?

Obviously though Sunday is huge. Whatever the status of either team, when we meet it’s always huge. And we really owe them one after the game in December. It wasn’t any kind of stylish win for them, just more the fact that we thoroughly let ourselves down. We just didn’t turn up and that cannot be the case on Sunday.

It would be great if all of the usual talk had some substance for once. Over the years I’ve gotten sick of hearing Newcastle players giving it the big one before big games and talking in cliches and soundbites about how ready we are and what we’re going to do. I’d hoped that the Carabao Cup final had put an end to any big game mentality issues. All I want on Sunday is that we turn up and are aggressive and absolutely on the front foot. Take the game to them, make sure there’s nowhere to hide and not a second to dwell on the ball and make sure that class tells in the end. We shouldn’t be giving an inch at St. James’.

Sunday isn’t about bragging rights or being ‘north east top dogs.’ Yes, it’s about pride, but it’s much more than that. Win and we kick start the season…again. Lose and the pressure’s on and frankly it’s a disaster. A win would make be psychologically massive as we attempt to climb the table, but because it’s them, it would undoubtedly do wonders for the club at this time. You might even argue that it sets up a feelgood factor going into next season too because a loss means that we’re starting from scratch when the same game comes around next year.

Every aspect is important, starting with the crowd. We have to make the atmosphere horrible, no excuses. Their lot need to be at the very least unnerved, while our lads need to be inspired. Win our battles, keep the ball, play fast and play 100% focused. If we’re being outbattled and outthought by Dan Bellend and Granit Xhaka then maybe a few need to be giving up. Given what’s just happened and what’s to come, we cannot lose. We just have to win.

Just this morning I watched a video of the highlights of the derby win on New Year’s Day, 1985. One of the first I can remember being at. We were superb that day, dominating, winning convincingly and seeing two mackems sent off for their headloss. We could do with seeing that spirit and that dominance this again weekend. A Peter Beardsley hat-trick wouldn’t go amiss either, but there’s no hope there! Perhaps Nick Woltemade is in the mood for revenge?

It’s crucial that we use all of the big game experience gained over the last four years, take the game to them and channel that aggression in order to keep eleven on the field. I for one couldn’t stand to see another referee ruin a game this season! And I couldn’t stand their lot and the media reminding us for another season of how long it is since we beat them in the league!

Last season, when the club needed a hero, eleven of them stepped up and left Wembley as “f***ing legends” to quote our captain. A year on and we need them to step up again, starting on Sunday and then carrying on for the seven games after. So let’s be positive about Sunday and then the rest of the season. We can only look up, in my opinion. No half measures, no mistakes, no excuses.

We’re Newcastle United. Howay the lads!

Magpie Moments Episode 7

Welcome to another edition of Magpie Moments. I’d like to think that this edition encapsulates the feeling that Newcastle United can be a very different kind of club. It’s not just glory and despair; no, we do a great line in the downright bizarre as well. But, we’ll start with a lovely goal just to remember that we are actually capable of a bit of unbridled joy as well!

Mark McGhee channelling Mexico ’86 Diego Maradona! It was October 1989 and Newcastle United were flying high near the top of the old Division 2 in the hunt for promotion. We’d started with a 5-2 thumping of promotion favourites Leeds, Micky Quinn getting four on debut and been reasonably consistent all season, sitting in 5th with what should have been a simple home game to come against Bradford. Newcastle being Newcastle though, nothing is ever straightforward and going into the final minute of the game, we’d huffed and puffed, missed a penalty and hit the post. Enter Mark McGhee who’d finally broke his scoring duck in late September and had scored in the previous 3 games. Taking the ball from a throw in McGhee held off his marker, future Toon centre half Peter Jackson, and eventually turned towards goal. Although not being blessed with any pace to speak of McGhee had momentum and simply barrelled his way past defenders, slaloming left and right until he was out in front of goal and able to slot the ball past the keeper. A simply brilliant goal! I was on the Gallowgate and the reaction was chaotic; sheer relief coupled with an instinctive need to stay on your feet while all around you pushed, shoved, jumped and hugged. Watching the goal again on YouTube I was amazed to hear commentator Roger Thames describe McGhee as “hurtling towards the danger zone”. He didn’t. In fact, it looked like he didn’t have the energy to celebrate when it went in, instead being dragged to the ground by Micky Quinn. The season would end woefully with the infamous play off defeat, but this was another moment where being a Toon fan is just the best thing in the world!

Jonas released. It takes a certain kind of boss to display a complete lack of sympathy, empathy or interest in an employee who has been diagnosed with cancer. And Mike Ashley was that certain kind of boss. So when Jonas Gutierrez was given his diagnosis of testicular cancer the club were slow to help. Then, when he returned after treatment it was felt that he was “a liability”. He wasn’t selected because his contract stipulated that a certain amount of appearances would trigger an extension. Hence the final day shenanigans and screaming up to the director’s box following his selection and goal against West Ham that year. But this wasn’t the biggest example of lacking any humanity here. No, that came when John Carver broke the news that Jonas was being released. By phone. When Jonas was on holiday. Yep, ‘Carvs’ – who was only following orders from above – rang Ryan Taylor to break news of his release and when it transpired that Jonas was there too, Carver simply asked Taylor to put him on! I mean, imagine that. “Hiya Jonas. Aye it’s John Carver. Good holiday so far? Tayls behaving himself? Why am I ringing? Oh, aye…well you know how you’ve been poorly and that? Well, Mike’s asked me to call, just out of courtesy like, to tell you that we’ll not be renewing your contract. We’re releasing you…hello? Jonas? Hello?” You stay class, Ashley.

The Indian War Cry. Readers of a certain vintage will know what this alludes to instantly. But lots of younger fans won’t have a clue. This was a ‘moment’ that used to happen every home game in the 80s. If memory serves me rightly, there was never a prompt or a traditional time for it, but during every match a bloke used to stand up in the corner of the East Stand nearest the Gallowgate and belt out an Indian war cry. There’s footage of it on YouTube and a bit of research tells me he was called Davy, but try as I might I could never locate his whereabouts from where I stood in the Scoreboard at the time. What can I say? It’s just another one of those moments that makes our club as mad as a box of frogs, as they say.

So there you have it. More weird and wonderful moments from over the years of supporting the Toon. And here’s to a few more next time!

The usual drama, but a much needed win!

As a Newcastle fan of almost 50 years I’ve gotten used to the fact that there will always be moments. Over the years there have been more bad moments than good ones, but after a while you get used to that and learn to savour the good ones even more.

Last night’s game was packed with moments and all the ups and downs of a pantomime, so isn’t it a shame that yet again one of the main ones was brought about by inept refereeing. But more of that later.

Our performance against Manchester United was the type that we had gotten used to during Eddie Howe’s tenure. High energy, committed, quick. However it was also the type of performance that we are seeing less and less of this season. Regardless, it was wonderful to watch, especially against that lot.

There were a lot of magnificent individual performances across the park. You could name every player and not be wrong. But some stood out more than others and it was nice to not just be praising Lewis Hall for once.

Kieran Trippier was magnificent. He’s been doubted all season; past it apparently, the legs have gone. Well last night he led like a legend, throwing himself into challenges, urging the lads on, making clearance after clearance and always keeping the ball safe with intelligent passing.

Dan Burn was peak Dan Burn. A captain without the armband, but also throwing in a few incredible 50 yard passes to switch the play across to Tripps. Arron Ramsdale, in for Nick Pope, was in fine form and kept us in the game when it could have slipped away.

In midfield, Joelinton rolled back the years with an all action display, driving us forward and breaking up opposition play with that familiar aggression that we’ve all come to love. Alongside him, Sandro Tonali was the midfield maestro from Milano once more.

It was fantastic to see that intensity can still be our identity and all the better for Will Osula’s crowning moment. Many of us would have settled for a draw at that point, but while Kieran Trippier possibly just saw an out ball and Dan Burn has admitted that he was screaming for Osula to take it to the corner, the man himself had other glorious ideas!

And what an idea it was!

However, for much of the final hour of the match many of us would have been preoccupied with Peter Bankes and the pantomime that he cobbled together alongside his pals from Manchester; the villain of the piece, making the rules up as he went along. A bizarre performance capped off by his inability to keep control or even time. Two yellows for Ramsey when you could argue that neither was worthy of a card. Yes, he went down, but firstly there was contact, secondly he just looked to have lost his footing and finally, he didn’t appeal in any way for a penalty. But I suppose when Man Utd are appealing for the sending off it’d be rude not to.

On several occasions Bankes failed to issue a card when Man Utd players waved imaginary yellows at him. And when Bruno Fernandes added telling him to f*** off twice later in the match, he ignored that too.

Next, he conveniently forgot how to tell the time, which when your watch is presumably digital is quite some feat! At the end of the first half Bankes basically played until our opposition scored. Maybe he forgot who their manager was.

In the end we overcame it all and 10 men or 12, 95 minutes or 99, the only numbers that mattered were those of the scoreline.

Mick Hucknall, Deirdre Barlow, Shaun and Bez, the little fella out of Take That…your boys took one helluva beating!

NUFC: Whatever happened to the dark arts?

Once upon a time, Eddie Howe took a team of down on their luck footballers who just seemed to be waiting for the inevitability of relegation to swallow them up and, with the help of one or two additions, turned them into a bunch of cold eyed killers for whom losing felt totally unacceptable. This was done with a dose of positivity, a total change in attitude and a healthy dollop of the dark arts.

So whatever happened to those likely lads?

Well, with a bit of investment and a lot of momentum that team we call United saved themselves from relegation, got to the Champions League and then won our first trophy in 56 years with last March’s Carabao Cup win.

Then what?

Some would say that we scraped our into the Champions League spots for this year with a run of unconvincing form that culminated in an insipid performance on the last day of last season in defeat against Everton. Something was missing and some among our ranks would say that it still is.

We used to be a team who weren’t afraid to lean on a bit of shithousery. Kicking the ball away, feigning injury to slow the game down, deliberately putting two balls on the pitch and just generally being a bit nasty, physical and in your face when it was needed. A snarling, growling beast of a team that went for the opposition’s throat with a level of success that shook up the Premier League. They even changed the rules just to put our nose out of joint a little when they decided that only one person could be in the technical area. Eddie and Jason take note. Lately though, there’s been less and less of this kind of thing.

I don’t think it’s too harsh to say that performances have been at times a bit insipid this season. None more so than what we served up at the dark place for the derby. What was needed was fight, hard work and a bit of bite, yet what we got was just passive and disorganised. Where we should have been snapping into tackles and making maximum use of the dark arts, what we actually served up was a very pale imitation of Eddie Howe’s Newcastle United.

Amongst all the calls for more creativity and flair what we need more than anything is a more back to basics approach that let’s opponents know that they’re in a game.

There have been hints at this recently in the victory against Manchester City and the first half against Chelsea where we hunted in packs and never let them settle. Yet the consistency is still lacking, even when you factor in our recent back to back wins.

I write this on the morning of the Leeds game. Aye, dirty Leeds, a team renowned for their physical approach and just a general all round nastiness since the 70s and Don Revie’s boys. They earned a reputation and just seem to have worn it like a badge of honour ever since, regardless of players or management. Elland Road too has long been a bear pit with a partisan atmosphere that starts with the dark arts before the team’s even warmed up.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating a change so drastic that we get a ‘dirty old Toon’ identity or anything similar, but it seems clear that we need to get back to at the very least making teams feel uncomfortable when they play Newcastle United. We used to knock teams out of their stride and mess with their rhythm with a box of tricks that straddled the line between right and wrong. We used to bully teams and let them know they were in a game, but this season has been an altogether more passive affair.

From Wor Flags, through the stands and all the way across every available social media platform the cry this season seems to be ‘Let’s get into these!’ and yet the occasions when it actually happens have been few and far between for a while now. It’d be great to see a return to the dark arts. It’d be great to have that snarling, spitting beast of a team back!

Howay the lads, let’s get into these again!