Life – Middle Age Fanclub

Always Look on the Bright Side; Things that made me smile in August.

August is a month where I fall out of routine. As a teacher, I’m enjoying the summer break; six weeks of work free bliss. And because of that, I rarely remember to keep up with the routines that I establish during term times, including looking for the little smile worthy positive moments in the news. So, this month, my bright sides are a bit more generalised.

Summer and a bit of a heat wave. Now, I feel it’s best to quantify the term ‘heatwave’. I live in England which is never particularly warm in comparison to a lot of other countries. However, this year, for a week or so we had a bona fide heatwave and temperatures that at times became unbearable. Why smile then, you might ask. Simple. Being without work for 6 weeks meant that I was free to sit out in the garden on such hot days and chat to family or read a book or even, if I was feeling a little more ambitious, do a bit of gardening. And it’s wonderful just to feel the warmth of the sun on your skin. In the north of England it’s easy to get used to the wind and the rain and so it’s always a reason to smile when the sun gets out in summer.

We’ve got a clean patio! Having had a lovely family holiday in Wales we returned to normal life that included the added bonus of a patio now full of weeds. We’d done some work getting them off before we’d left but when we got back home after a week it was like a mini jungle. Now, after much trowel work, boiling water pouring and sweeping our patio looks lovely and it’s been fantastic being able to sit there in the sun without wishing it wasn’t a mess. Sometimes, it’s the strangest of things that can raise a smile!

My son’s GCSE results. Despite the fact that it feels like mere minutes ago that I was regularly picking my kids up from their primary school’s after school club, they’re in fact both finished in regular education. The youngest, my son, finished Year 11 in July of this year and so picked up his GCSE results near the end of August. He passed everything, which was great, achieving excellent results in Maths, English Language and i Media. It’s obviously really stressful for everyone, especially him while waiting for the results, so knowing that he got through it all so well was more than enough reason for a bit of a smile. It’s nice to know that he’s got that particular hurdle out of the way. Now he’s just got to do it all again with 2 year’s worth of A-Levels!

Newcastle. My home city, the place I was born and raised and unfortunately, somewhere I left when I was in my early twenties. Every August gives me plenty of time to visit home and catch up with family and friends. And this August I was lucky enough to be able to visit twice. Firstly, I took my son up to watch a Newcastle United match. Just a friendly game, but it was the first time I’d been in a while and it felt wonderful to be back in the stadium, being part of a fabulous atmosphere and just being able to watch my team. A week later we visited again for a couple of days in order to see family and friends, catching up with everyone that we wanted to see and having a great time. My dad hasn’t been in the best of health for the last year and so it’s good to check in with him and see that he’s gradually getting stronger again. He’s not quite the same, but it’s comforting and more than enough to bring a smile to my face to see that he’s getting better.

Running. I’ve had a strange year with fitness and have never quite got myself to the levels that I want. It’s been very ‘stop, start’ with illness and injury dominating, meaning I’ll get out for maybe two or three runs in a row and then suffer some kind of setback. However, towards the end of August I felt like I’d made a breakthrough. Having injured my back and worrying that I wouldn’t be able to run for at least a couple of weeks, I recovered within less than a week and was running again. Fingers crossed, everything’s been fine since and although I’m not running with a smile on my face – more a grimace – I’m finding a little bit of consistency. There’s always a positive to be found!

So there we have it; another month, another five things to smile about. Hopefully I’ll have lots to smile about in September, despite having to go back to work!

Always Look on The Bright Side: Five Things that Made me Smile in June.

It’s that time again! Time to see if I can help anybody out with a bit of something more upbeat. Every month I make a note of the kind of things that raise a smile in my day and then at the start of the next one, I relay them to you, dear reader. So here are June’s little moments. Oh, and there are seven for the price of five this month!

The sun. Granted, there have been a few days and nights where it has been far too hot, but it’s just lovely to get to this time of year and feel the full warmth of the sun. Especially when you live in northern Britain, where we can go for weeks fully convinced that it’s not actually up there any more. So, despite the fact that it’s led to some pretty sweaty classrooms and a good few uncomfortable sleeps, it’s been lovely to feel the sun again. Here’s hoping that it can stick around for at least a couple of months.

Night time walks. I’ve been struggling to sleep now that the temperature has risen. It’s also affected my running habits; I find running with a pacemaker in this heat can feel absolutely dreadful. And so, I’ve taken to going for walks at night. Usually we’ve been going out after 9pm, either myself and my wife, myself and my son or just all three of us. It isn’t working in terms of helping me sleep, but it’s good as I can’t go out and run so much, so it keeps up a level of fitness. The best of it though, is that it makes for some lovely chats, especially with my son who I don’t always get to chat to, such is his status as bedroom bound typical teenage boy! I really love spending time with my family, so these walks have enabled a bit of that too and that’s definitely something to smile about.

My son finished his GCSEs! This made me smile because it doesn’t seem more than a few minutes since I was helping my wife edge across Leeds to the maternity ward while she was in labour with said son! Fifteen years on – he’s 16 this month – and he’s just finished his formal education. Reason enough to sigh and exhale forcefully at the perceived speed of it all, but also reason enough to smile.

The Leeds 10k. It’s not been a great year running-wise, so far. Just illness after illness and barely enough energy to get through the day, let alone go out running. Thankfully, I focused myself on a month of training, determined to get into a fit enough state to get round the Leeds 10k. And I did it! It was quite a tough one on a relatively warm day, but I got round in a respectable enough time, so I’ll take that. So although I was shattered as I crossed the finish line, it wasn’t long before I was smiling. I’ve written a blog about the day that’s on the link below if you fancy reading about it.

Power Up signs, smiling more and a bloody cricketer! The Leeds 10k.

Discovering Folk Bitch Trio. I listen to a lot of music. Perhaps not as much as before having a family, but still a lot of music. At work, one of my daily rituals involves listening to BBC 6 Music whenever I get a chance. It’s on as soon as my laptop is up and running in the morning and then back on as soon as I have any non contact time. 6 Music plays a huge range of stuff and this means that I’ll inevitably discover stuff that I’ve never heard before. Usually I make a note of the artist and or song on a Post It and then take that home for Alexa to work her magic. The brilliantly named – and brilliant – Folk Bitch Trio are my latest find. They remind me a bit of First Aid Kit and Haim, both of whom I really like.With Folk Bitch Trio, I enjoyed their music and loved their name. All in all, they made me smile partly because of their name and their music, but also because discovering new music or even old stuff that I’ve never heard is always a reason to smile for me.

New runners. Short and sweet, this one. I’d been after some new running trainers for a while now, but didn’t fancy paying ridiculous money. So, I’d been looking for offers and discounts to help me out while reading a lot of reviews to find what might be the best pair for me. I’ve had a pair of Saucony Ride 17s for a while now and love them. However, I’d got a deal on them and they only cost about £70. Anything comparable now was looking like costing me well over £100. And then, out of nowhere, Sportshoes.com sent me an email with 30% off certain brands and after a bit of deliberation I got some new Saucony Ride 18s for £90! They’re bright orange and beautiful and I’m looking forward to wearing them in and covering lots of miles in them!

June’s gone! Don’t get me wrong; I have nothing against June. But the reason I’m able to smile about it waving goodbye for another year is that we have two family birthdays in June. Again, it’s not that I don’t like the people or their birthdays. What I don’t like is the pressure I put on myself for buying presents for my wife and the pressure that also comes from my daughter’s birthday, which is always a big deal and comes just two days after my wife’s. Life towards the end of June is just chaotic and so, frankly, I’m smiling again now that it’s July!

So there we have it. Proof that even in the smallest things we can find something to smile about…even when your legs feel like they’re going to fall off and you feel sick while dragging yourself up one last hill!

Book Review: ‘The Rise of The Ultra Runners’ by Adharanand Finn

For a while now, ultra running has both appalled and fascinated me. We’re talking ridiculous distances and conditions – running 100 mile races is fairly typical and often involving mountains and other such treacherous terrain. The idea of putting myself through such torture, despite my love of running, appalled me, but the idea that people chose to test themselves to the limits in such events absolutely fascinated me.

‘The Rise of The Ultra Runners’ had been on my ‘to read’ list for a while. It had sat there in one of my book boxes idle, occasionally popping its head up and briefly grabbing my attention before losing out to something shinier. And then one day, I decided that the time was right. It turned out that I really should have picked it up earlier!

The book plots the rise in popularity of ultra running; basically the pursuit of running ridiculous distances over many hours, sometimes days and often in ridiculous conditions. It would seem that there are now plenty of perfectly sane humans getting bored of the shorter distances, you know, like a marathon! For the uninitiated this means that ultra runners are taking on anything from 50k to 160k. In fact, the longest ultra is actually 3100 miles!

As with the last book of his that I read, ‘Running with the Kenyans’, Finn immerses himself in the world of endurance running. In order to write the book, he doesn’t just search out ultra runners, he becomes one and it’s an interesting read. Finn not only runs the races, at one point he even moves in with one of the world’s best ultra runners living in a cabin on a mountain, training with him and generally just trying to absorb everything he can about this world that he’s joined in with.

The adventures of ‘The Rise of the Ultra Runners’ take us all over the world in the pursuit of the ultimate test. Finn talks us through each agonising step in a world where things can change from one minute to the next. It seems that as an ultra runner you never quite know when disaster might strike.

However, these athletes, Finn included, are ridiculously dedicated to their craft. So whether, it’s an injury, the terrain, the weather or just the fact that the climb just doesn’t seem to want to end, these people just don’t seem to ever want to give up. Given that the distances can stretch into the hundreds and sometimes thousands of miles, this is an illuminating read, to say the least. And there was me congratulating myself on keeping going for the final mile of a particularly tough uphill 5k the other night!

‘The Rise of the Ultra Runners’ is a fantastic read whether you’re a runner or not. If you run, it’s about our world, but multiplied by 100 in most cases. If, like me, you often struggle to drag yourself around a 10k then you’ll be amazed at the physical and mental feats described here. The fact that not only can humans push themselves to their physical and mental limits over what feel like obscene distances, but also while they’re literally climbing mountains or battling with ridiculous extremes of temperature will never not fascinate me. But it’s not just that that’s so interesting. With this book, the devil is really in the detail in terms of exactly what we’re capable of.

The further I got through the book, the more fascinated I got. And the more fascinated I got, the more I thought about trying an ultra marathon myself. The reality is that I most likely won’t ever have the time, but it’s an idea that I still can’t shake and I’d love for there to be a time where I was able to train for one and make it happen.

And for me, that’s the genius of the book. It tackles something that will seem utterly ridiculous for the majority of us and yet, we’re still compelled by what we read. This reader, despite the onset of middle age, a pacemaker, asthma and a terrible habit of eating crisps and chocolate and drinking red wine read it and genuinely thought he’d be able to run a 50k race. And let’s not get started on my genuine fascination with a 100 miler in South Africa!

I give ‘The Rise of The Ultra Runners’

Always look on the Bight Side; Five Things that Made me Smile in April.

This month’s ‘Five Things…’ is a little bit different in that I haven’t really had time to make my usual list. Add to this that for two weeks I was on Easter holidays and out of my routine and it means that this wasn’t something that I gave much thought to. So this month is a little bit off the cuff. But I hope it still serves to show you that we can usually find something to smile about, however simple.

The first thing – and the most obvious – that had me smiling was the Easter break. As a teacher I get a two week end of term break at Easter and this year, because of the timing of the holiday, I also got an extra day for Easter Monday. Now, I know lots of people complain that teachers get too much time off, but I have a number of responses to that. Firstly, I’m presuming that as a child, you went to school. Therefore, you know the drill. When a term or a half term ends, there’s a break. It’s not new. Secondly on this, if it troubles you that much, do the training, invest the time and become a teacher. Thinks of the holidays! But, I digress. Two weeks off gives a person time to rest, relax, reset and reflect. And while sometimes my life feels far too busy and chaotic, rest, relaxation, the chance to reset and reflect are more than enough to make me smile.

My fence. The first week of the Easter break was almost entirely spent in sunshine. And so, being in my middle age that was the cue to do lots of things in the garden! One of these things was to start painting my fence, which hadn’t been painted since we had even better weather during lockdown. Suffice to say that by the end of the break the view into my garden was way better than it’s been for years! Boring, I know, but sometimes – especially at my age – it’s the simple things that raise a smile!

The Bluetones. The Bluetones are one of my favourite bands and have been for around 30 years. If you don’t know, they’re an indie pop band who were big in the Britpop scene of the 1990s and they make wonderful, thoughtful indie pop music. Anyway, I went to one of their gigs last month, in York. They were brilliant, as always, which was reason enough for a bit of a smile. If you’ve never heard them, then I implore you to check them out. However, it was a consequence of writing a review that made me smile even more. Having posted my review on a Bluetones fans group on social media it started to do really well in terms of views. Always a reason to smile. People were leaving positive comments. More smiling. And then, one comment really caught my eye. It was from the father of the singer in the support band, Balter, who said that he was thrilled to see that I’d mentioned them and that his son, the singer was chuffed too. So pleased were they that they actually asked if they could use my comments in their promotional material going forward. I can’t lie; I was delighted! They’re @balterband on Instagram by the way, and well worth checking out.

It’s Spring. The weather’s getting better, the days longer and lighter, the birds are singing and everywhere you look, something is in bloom. Just last night I was able to come home from work and within about half an hour was sat in my garden reading my book and enjoying the sun. So despite the stress of life, Spring and all that it stands for can really make a difference.

Ballpoint pen artist. This relates to an article I read about Cy Baker, a wildlife artist who has partnered with the Wildlife Trust to produce 16 drawings on canvas of various British wildlife, using only black ink. It caught my attention – and made me smile – for a number of reasons. Firstly, I studied Art at school and had a little bit of a talent for it. I still enjoy dabbling every once in a while, although I’m really not that good. I’m keen though! Art kind of runs in the family too, with several cousins and at least a couple of uncles displaying genuine talent for drawing, painting and photography. Closer to home, my daughter is a really talented artist, although like me, is a bit lapsed. I hold out some hope that it’ll be something that she goes back to though. I really admire people who can draw and paint though as I realise what a skill it is having struggled manfully with it for years! So to see Cy’s talent is really quite the thrill. The idea that a person can produce something as amazing as the image below using just a biro is quite incredible to me and a real inspiration.

And with that, and the face of an incredible biro drawn badger, I’ll say, hope you had a great April and have a great May too. Keep smiling!

Always look on the bright side: Five Things that Made Me Smile in March.

Despite March being a bit of a dull month, there have actually been more than the usual number of things that have made me smile this time around. So, it’s a bumper month for this particular series, which may or may not make you smile in turn.

My daughter’s off travelling. A double edged sword this one. In actual fact, it’s made me a bit sad. She’s a bit of a whirlwind, my daughter, and so the house is far less noisy and chaotic without her, which is both a blessing and a curse. Put it this way; she’s easy to miss! Essentially though, my little girl is far out of reach and that is a huge worry, as well as being something that I admire her for. I’m very proud of her for doing something so adventurous and so brave. So, it makes me smile. In the build up to going travelling she’s worked three jobs (if you include her successful social media career which does actually bring the money in) in order to save up the funds for the trip. She’s gone with a friend and despite the fact that it feels like maybe they should have done more research and it’s all very scary as a parent, they seem to be coping with life in South East Asia and it makes me smile that they’ve had the guts, determination and imagination to get on and do this. Just under two months until we see her again though…

Applestump Records. I read a brilliant and rather inspiring story about record collector Steve Cook on the BBC website this month. As COVID restrictions hit and Steve and his wife were no longer able to indulge their hobby of touring record shops in the pursuit of elusive vinyl, they came up with a plan; bring the record shop to them! Initially they started a website with just 80 records to sell, but when a chance to sell at a pop up market came along they realised that they might well be able to start a shop. And so, Applestump Records was born and now sells not only records and merchandise, but also stages intimate gigs too. Once upon a time, I’d wondered about starting up a book shop, but never did, preferring the safe option. Steve’s story made me smile…but I probably won’t be following his example any time soon. Not this close to retirement!

Youngest Brit to surf the infamous big waves of Nazare. I’ve been fascinated by surfing for as long as I can remember. I even tried it a few times while on holiday in the Algarve. The waves weren’t the best – more like big ripples at times – but for a few days a bit of a storm hit and we were treated to something that made things a bit more of a thrill. Mainly though, my interest was limited to reading books and articles as well as watching documentaries and films dedicated to surfing and surfers, which is how I happened upon the story of Garrett McNamara and the 100 foot waves of Nazare in Portugal. If you haven’t seen it, Google him and Nazare and have a watch. Anyway, to cut what could be a very long story short, 18 year old Robyn Larg from Scotland recently surfed Nazare becoming the youngest British person to have done so. If you’re any kind of fan of surfing you’ll understand the achievement. If you have five minutes to Google ‘Nazare’, you’ll be amazed by its story.

The Wakefield 10k. Another race done, another step taken in adjusting to life with a pacemaker. I didn’t run as fast as last year, but have been shaking off the effects of a winter bug for what feels like a couple of months. However, I was less than a minute slower than last year’s time, so I’ll take that as it was way faster than I expected. I don’t really care what people think about me banging on about my health or running; every time another race gets completed, I smile because it’s nice to still be alive.

The Dropped Wallet Experiment. I watched a short film the other day that really gave us all cause for optimism. A reporter in Belfast decided to conduct and experiment to judge the levels of kindness in the city. In each wallet he left his phone number on a note to ask people to call it if they found the wallet. Soon he was taking calls from concerned members of the public who’d found his wallet. When asked why they’d called the number the overwhelming response was that they wanted to be kind or that it was the right thing to do. So, the first thing we find out here is that there are definitely kind people around. In fact, all 10 wallets were returned, which is a definite reason to smile. This made me think of a recent time when I lost my credit card. I hadn’t lost it at all, just misplaced it in my wallet. However, when I asked staff at the shop I’d been in I found myself passed from department to department, all seemingly not too interested in helping. Having finally got a security guard to review his camera footage, I made one last check in my wallet and found the card behind another in a totally different part of said wallet. Suffice to say, the kindness that I witnessed on film from Belfast didn’t seem to exist in my corner of Leeds. I still managed a smile though…this time at my own stupidity!

A rogue ‘eagle’. This one comes via a local Facebook group, so given the extent of the madness found on these, we can reserve judgement on whether it’s true or not! However, having read many of the comments, there have been numerous sightings. Anyway, apparently an enormous eagle type bird has been spotted close to our local area. People assumed it was a red kite that we see locally on a regular basis, but apparently it’s not. It’s actually around where I work, but that isn’t too far from home. There are various reports of various sightings, ranging from just flying around to swooping down and eating local cats. Who knows the truth? Anyway, whatever the truth I’ve been keeping my eyes peeled, scanning the skies in the hope of seeing it. So far, just the usual sparrows, magpies and pigeons though!

Michael Sheen. Michael Sheen is without doubt an excellent actor and frankly, a bit of a national treasure. But a story I read this month has elevated his status even more. Sheen has been busy setting up a debt acquisition company in order to help people in Wales. He used £100,000 of his own money to buy debts of £1m and then just write them off, saying that it seemed like ‘a good thing to do’. Apparently the debts are often ‘bundled up’ and sold off for less than their worth, so Sheen realised that he’d be able to help out. What a fantastic thing to do! Not all heroes wear capes.

And so ends another edition in this optimistic series of blogs. A bumper one too, with 7 stories for the price of 5…which actually cost nothing anyway.

It’s brilliant to find out that there are so many good things going on and so many good people to be thankful for, when at times the world can feel like a cruel, harsh place where only the heartless seem to thrive. I hope you enjoyed reading!

Five Things That Made Me Smile in February.

I try to write this piece every month, firstly as a reminder that whatever stress and nonsense I’m faced with, there’s always something to smile about. It might help serve as a timely reminder for anyone who reads too. I guess you can’t have enough positivity, can you?

Woman buys her husband a chimney. This was a story I read online about a woman who bought her husband a chimney for his birthday. Strange, I know. But this wasn’t just any old chimney stack. It was, in fact, a 42m high chimney stack that’s also a Grade 2 listed building in Derbyshire. The woman said that her husband had always dreamed of owning either a chimney or a water tower that he could then convert and so when she saw one at auction, she decided to bid. The building cost a surprisingly low £3000 ansd the hope it is that it will now be converetd into some kind of “quirky studio space”, which is good because I genuinely thought they were going to try and live in it. I mean, imagine getting an invite for a sleepover and being told you’d got the loft room! A night of terror at 42m up! Anyway, it made me smile because I just thought that the whole thing was very cool.

My cookery adventures. I’ve been branching out with my cooking and expanding my range for a little while now. One thing that I’ve never really cracked has been a decent curry though. Put simply, I’m rubbish at them. However, I wanted to keep trying and so when I found a couple of simple looking recipes I thought I’d give it all another go. The result was a pretty tasty chicken dhansak. There was a snag with it however, in that I didn’t use fresh ginger and so the granules I used made for a bit of a grainy curry. At least I know how I’ll improve it next time! My other culinary experiment was a chicken arrabiata with penne. Again, it was really tasty, if a little spicy, so maybe I’ll be a bit less free and easy with the chilli next time!

I had a haircut. Now this may seems like no big deal and certainly not a reason to be smiling, but it was. Firstly, it was the first haircut I’d had away from my regular hairdresser for probably around a decade…and I survived. But secondly, because my hairdresser has been in hospital I hadn’t had it cut for just short of ten weeks. Suffice to say, I wasn’t looking my best. So, the sheer relief of seeing myself looking a great deal more tidy was enough to crack that smile!

Almost the ultimate Football Manager dream. As a once avid player of the ‘Football Manager’ game this news story couldn’t fail to make me smile. ‘Football Manager’ is a game where you basically choose a team and manage them, controlling tactics, recruitment etc in the hope of bringing success. Aaron Hunt is a Twitch streamer who basically streams his exploits on the game, Football Manager. On the game, he’d played as manager of his local side Daisy Hill and his exploits had been noticed by the club themselves and basically they got in touch to ask him to become their chairman. Now Aaron is tasked with helping Daisy Hill overcome their financial problems and start to move up the league. Like I say, the stuff of dreams for football fans and for someone who was thoroughly addicted to the game years ago, more than enough to make me smile!

My first 10k of 2025! OK, so this one made me grimace more than smile, but it definitely brought that smiley feeling! I’m currently training for a 10k race in the middle of March and have been slowly but surely building up my distances with that in mind. It’s been quite tough as I’ve not really been myself and feel that I’m still suffering the after effects of a flu bug that I had in January. So getting up to my required distance has been a bit of a chore. However, with a week off for half term I took the opportunity to go out for a morning run, rather than the after work variety that I’ve been subjecting myself to since early January. It was a chilly, but sunny day so I went out in long sleeves, gloves and running tights under my shorts, but it was fantastic to be out in the daylight for once. It felt like Spring was edging ever closer. To cut a long story short, I wasn’t quick – clocking just over 55 minutes – but, despite the hills around where I live, I got that first 10k of the year under my belt. Despite not really feeling that good, I’d broken down a big barrier. With a bit more training, I’ll be quicker at least! Roll on March 16th and the upcoming Wakefield 10k!

So, there you have it; five more reasons to keep smiling, even if sometimes it involves putting yourself through some kind of Hell to get there!

It seems you’re never too old for something new.

A couple of weeks ago I had a week off work. Half term for us teachers and a time to try and rest, relax and take stock of how the year has gone so far.

It never quite turns out that way though. Although the older I get, the more I find myself unable to do a great deal other than resting at times. However, the week was a bit different. I felt more tired than usual, something I put down to being poorly at the run of the year with some kind of flu bug that has clearly taken a bit more of a toll than I’d realised. As a result, as much as I wanted to get things done, I found that I just didn’t really have the energy. Thus, the tarpaulin on the garden furniture remains more off than on and the fences haven’t seen a lick of paint either.

As with most old stuff though, essential maintenance is required whenever the chance arises. And so, this week meant that it was time for a hair cut as well as a visit to the dentist. Yep, I really know how to use that holiday time, eh?

Both occasions ended up being far more nerve wracking than I’d wanted. In fact one of them felt slightly traumatic.

I hadn’t had a haircut since the middle of December and so the natural waves of my hair had kicked in and it was really quite the unruly mess. Big hair with the 80s long gone! But this wasn’t the problem. I’ve had the same hairdresser for around 27 years now and had been forced to find someone new, at least temporarily. This had happened once before, about ten years ago when my hairdresser was in hospital and it was a disaster for my hair. I’d gone to a chain salon in a shopping centre and received a clinical haircut that looked like it’d been done by a butcher…using a knife and spoon.

Fast forward a decade or so and my hairdresser – also a good mate – was in hospital again and had been for over a month. He’d been home and then back in hospital repeatedly and while I was obviously worried about him, there was an evermore nagging feeling that I was going to have to find someone else to give me a trim.

This would be only the second time anyone other than my actual hairdresser had cut my hair in getting on for 30 years. Actually, that’s a lie; my wife clippered it in lockdown!

Now I don’t know what you’re like, dear reader, but this bothered me. Really bothered me. Despite doing some research and checking out numerous reviews of local barbers on Google, it just didn’t feel right at all. I asked around about where others got theirs cut and still it made no difference. I didn’t want anyone else to cut my hair. However, I was starting to look like a wookee and my teenage son, who also has his hair cut with me, was beginning to worry about his image! Enough was enough.

Now you’d think it would be straightforward from this point, but no. I’d narrowed my choice down to two places and was even quite sure about which I’d go to. It was closer, better reviews and cheaper too. It made perfect sense to just go there…

We walked up towards this new barber’s as it was reasonably close and yet, I was so nervous about it that I took a detour. Thinking that we could arrive coming down the hill, with the advantage of being able to see if anyone else was in, my plan was immediately scuppered as we turned the corner to find that the owner was stood outside, opening up. This spooked me and for a few seconds I decided that we were heading to our second choice. Then, realising how old I am and how ridiculous I was being I played for time, taking us on another detour…for no reason in particular!

It’s amazing the amount of nerves, self doubt and just general sense of panic something different can create in me!

Eventually, we made our way into the barber’s shop. It was empty aside from the owner and he was welcoming from the start, which helped put me at my ease a little more. I decided to go first just to get it all over with and also because there was no one other than my own son to watch! Explaining what I wanted I envisaged the barber’s interpretation being to clip the sides and back down to the skin and then leaving me with just a clump of hair left sitting atop my head, like you’d see on literally every other British 12-year-old these days.

The result was a decent haircut and a pleasant experience all round. My fears were unfounded and my panic just a waste of time. The barber – Ozzie – was warm and friendly and left me looking way smarter than I did when I walked in. There were still differences that I wasn’t fond of though. Where my usual barber knows that I don’t want any ‘product’ on my hair afterwards, the new guy sprayed my head liberally, first with some kind of setting spray and then, weirdly, with liquid cologne! I was too polite to scream ‘Nooooo’ as he picked it up though!

Later that day we had dental appointments. Now these usually fill me with mild dread anyway. But this time around featured an absolute about turn of a change. Firstly, our dentist practice has relocated from its small, beaten up premises into a shiny new, vast place that’s been converted from a former furniture store in the middle of town. If I say it’s instagramable, I’m sure you can begin to imagine it. So just walking into the place felt a little bit daunting.

The worst thing was that the appointment was with someone new. Yes, another new person and this time messing with my teeth! We’ve had the same dentist for years now and I wasn’t the only one that was a little bit nervous about this change. My wife even made enquiries as to our usual dentist’s whereabouts in the hope that we might be able to change to her!

In the end, it all turned out quite well. Our new dentist was really nice and personable and everything went swimmingly. However, there was one thing that stayed exactly the same and just as unpleasant as ever about the dentist appointment. Usually my teeth get a bit of a clean with some type of electronic device and it’s often a bit painful as she scrapes away at my teeth, occasionally jabbing whatever the instrument is into my gums. This time though, I got the cleaning, but without the electronics. I think this had something to do with my pacemaker and the new dentist being a little bit cautious. So, cleaning my teeth just involved some sort of sharp instrument being rived around my teeth, with bits of stuff being dragged out from various gaps, much to my distaste. Sorry to sound like a child, but it hurt!

So, less than a week after my latest birthday and I’m reminded that nothing can ever stay the same. Like I said, you’re never too old for something new, regardless of whether you want it or not!

Poetry Blog: ‘Before…’

This is a poem about an old couple that I know.

Before...

Despite your immobility and the hand that you've been dealt
there are still small pleasures to be had.
So while the future may seem bleak and at times futile,
that past reminds you that there was once another life.

So you gaze longingly at the picture from a bygone era,
black and white, faded where it had been folded into a pocket 
and curled on one corner,
you laughing uproariously into the camera,
hands held, heads beginning their thrust skyward
and the lost seaside glamour of a loosened tie and unbuttoned shirt,
sleeves rolled, the best dress, curled hair 
and a handbag dangling from your forearm.
I can hear you cackle, imagine him singing in a club singer voice, 
something he wouldn't sing without a drink.
All before the smudge of violence,
the stain of a temper that lurked on the horizon, hidden away
but always there, ready to remind you that nobody's perfect.
All before the drinking and the smoking, the lack of money and the sickly child that saw you give up your sliver of independence.

Still, the moment is captured, the laughter tangible,
the sense of fun and happiness branded on your face,
and the hope and optimism that you thought could never be defeated, all shouting back at you, a reminder of a life lived
and the simple fact that we must exist for these snatched moments 
of ordinary triumph that still make our day decades on from the event.

So, this poem is about an old couple looking back on a nice memory from when they first met. A photograph is discovered and it prompts some memories of what they got up to when they were younger. The poem is about making the most of the kind of times when you have no ties, no responsibilities and can afford to just let go. It’s about the fact that life doesn’t always go the way you imagined, but that there’s always stuff to hold on to and cherish.

As kids, we don’t really stop to think that our parents or any other older adults we might know, had a life before we came along. Even as adults, it’s an uncomfortable thought. But just like being young and carefree ourselves with all of the risk taking and stupid decisions, they would have done all of this too. Having seen the photograph in the poem, I can imagine the younger side of the old couple, but I also know the older side too. It’s a weird contrast and shows just how much people change and are forced top change, in a way.

This was what I wanted to come out with the poem; the fact that we’re all young once and that however much fun we might be having or whatever plans we put in place, things change.

Anyway, as ever, I hope you enjoyed the poem.

Five Things That Made Me Smile: December and January.

Confession time. I had so much to smile about over Christmas, New Year and in January that my title is now somewhat lacking in the truth. So while I call this series of blogs ‘5 Things That Made Me Smile’, this one has a few more. Call them a Christmas bonus, if you will.

Christmas. The first thing that made me smile was Christmas itself. I love Christmas and always have done. It still feels kind of magical, even at my age. I love giving and receiving presents, seeing our decorations and also the efforts made by others around the town where I live or wherever I might be visiting. I love going home to see family and old friends I love Christmas television and always find myself watching old films that I haven’t seen for years. I love the fact that at some point I can just switch off, forget about work, forget about problems and even forget about what day it is! There’s loads to love about Christmas and it never fails to make me smile.

The first term in my new job. I started a new job in September at an all boys school and it’s been very demanding, but also lots of fun. It’s nice working in a school in the lead up to Christmas as everyone, regardless of whether or not they celebrate it, gets excited. This year though, what with the new job and some family illness thrown in for good measure, I was pretty much exhausted by the time the term came to an end. I’m enjoying my role though, so there’s every reason to smile.

A Shooting Star. There was a lot of talk of various planets being visible to the naked eye in the skies over Yorkshire during January. So, one night, when I noticed that the sky was incredibly clear and I was sure that the big orange star that I could see was Venus (it wasn’t!), I took my camera outside to try and get some decent photographs. I failed miserably and came back in. Then something told me to turn around and go back. When I did, almost immediately a shooting star whizzed past left to right, directly in front of my house. I’ve haven’t seen one since I was in my teens and it made my night, so this was definitely something to smile about.

Gavin and Stacey. This Christmas saw the final ever episode of Gavin and Stacey. If you don’t know of it, Gavin and Stacey is a popular comedy drama on the BBC. The previous episode, another Christmas special, had been 5 years ago, so this one was much anticipated. It’s fair to say that it was worth the wait. I won’t bore you with the details or spoil the surprise if you intend to watch it, but it certainly didn’t disappoint. The star of the show, James Corden, has become a bit of a marmite figure over the years, but personally I haven’t got a problem with him. As Smithy, he plays an excellent part and it’s him and Nessa (Ruth Jones) that this one revolves around. There was a lot to like about this final ever episode, as several storylines from over the years were finally tied up. And the ending was pretty much perfect. All in all then, a lot to laugh – and smile – about!

Not a snow day, but a snow week! Just to be clear, I love my job. But whenever we get a snow day, such is their rarity, it’s nothing short of a cause for celebration! So when it snowed quite heavily here in early January my hopes were up. By the Monday though, just as the new term was starting, I was up out of bed and getting ready for work. However, when I checked my phone, it said that school was closed. And when it happened again the next day, I was delighted. And you can probably imagine my state of mind when on the Wednesday we were told that we’d be closed for the rest of the week! I was setting work online for around 7.30 every morning and checking my laptop for any questions or queries from students throughout the day, but really, my time was my own. I’ve never had a three week Christmas break before, and probably won’t get one again, so this was truly special!

Walk, walk, walk. The aforementioned snow week meant that on a couple of occasions I could walk my daughter to work when she had an early start. I’m not one for lying in bed, it wasn’t a problem and when it was dark and icy it was nice to know I could just be a dad and make sure that she was safe. On a couple of occasions it was lovely and sunny and so once she was at work I just kept on walking. Plenty of exercise, loads of fresh air and everywhere I went looking that little bit better because it was blanketed in snow!

First run of the year. I’d spent about a month before and during the Christmas period suffering with a flu type bug. It really took it out of me and meant that I couldn’t get out and run. So, when I was able to get out a day before the snow and ice struck it felt fantastic. I only ran a 5k and didn’t push myself too hard, but after a month of feeling terrible, it was just brilliant to be able to get around my route! I’m gradually building up my distances again as I have races in March, April, May and June, so I’m determined to be in the best shape. That little 5k was hopefully the start of a good year of running and definitely a reason to allow myself a bit of a smile.

A wireless pacemaker. The final thing that made me smile came from the news. I read an article about the development of a wireless pacemaker that’s smaller than a triple A battery. Apparently it’s been described as a ‘game changer’ for heart patients. There are two devices that ‘talk to each other’ and keep the heart beating normally. Amazing stuff! It can also be fitted via a vein in your leg, meaning a lot less risk of infection and no ugly chest scarring. Who knows, maybe I’ll have one when mine gets changed in about 8 years time? Or maybe there’ll be even more developments by then?

All in all, it was a great Christmas period. Work even managed to extend it quite a way into January as well. What’s not to like about that?

The Pacemaker Diaries: It’s been two years.

You wouldn’t know it with the amount that I probably bang on about it, but I genuinely didn’t want having a pacemaker to define me. Still, I write about it, think about it constantly, find myself telling people things about it and frequently catch myself looking at my scar in the mirror or prodding away at the bit at the top of my chest where my wires are sticking up, right at the surface.

That said, a quick search of my posts tells me that the last time I wrote a ‘Pacemaker Diary’ was actually in November 2023, a whole year after it was fitted. So, even though it’s been mentioned in some pieces I’ve written since, maybe I’m not banging on about it quite as much as I imagine. Anyone I speak to regularly can feel free to correct me on that though!

I was prompted to write this post because of Facebook memories of all things. In the lead up to Christmas and New Year just gone it felt like every few days there’d be something popping up where I was thanking people for their support or updating friends on my progress. They reminded me of both how poorly I’d been and also how far I’d come and they made me do a lot of thinking about the little machine that sits in my chest.

It’s been over 2 years since I had the pacemaker fitted. I didn’t pay much attention to the anniversary this time around. Sometimes there’s just too much going on in life for you to pause and have a think about stuff. But those Facebook memories changed all that and made me want to write something down about what life’s like these days. Self indulgent? I don’t know really, but I guess if you think that way you have the option of clicking that little x in the corner of your screen and not reading on.

I think writing about it simply helps me get on with life, which might be a bit more understandable when I tell you what it’s all like.

The pacemaker makes me feel a lot more comfortable about life, that’s for sure. I hardly ever worry about my heart. But paradoxically, it is always there to remind of just how poorly I was and the long, long time that it took me to get better. On top of that it’s a constant reminder of how low it all made me feel and the worryingly negative effects it had on my mental health.

There are both positives and negatives when it comes to having this device though and those reminders on social media made me think about a few of them. The first is just a bit of a change, I suppose, although does feel slightly negative. These days, my heart literally thumps when there’s not really been a great deal of effort. I’ve noticed it when climbing stairs and also that when getting into bed and straightening out the duvet, once I settle down my heart will be thumping! As someone who had an unnaturally low heart rate prior to all this – one of the reasons for the pacemaker – that takes a bit of getting used to!

Having the pacemaker has really made me focus on my health and fitness to the point where I’m really quite obsessive and possibly even a little evangelical about running! Silly really, but it genuinely makes me feel strong being able to run, especially in actual races. I couldn’t recommend it enough, even though I’m aware it’s not everybody’s cup of tea!

Another negative is that I live with a heart monitor by the side of my bed. This makes me feel really, really old! The monitor doesn’t do much, but I’m aware it’s feeding data back to the hospital which still feels a little bit weird. As I mentioned earlier as well, I have another scar as well as a strange bit on my chest where my wires just stick upwards. It’s a neat little scar, but those wires spoil things and coupled with the big scar that I have on my chest from a childhood heart operation, it’s not a great look!

My condition means that I still get heart palpitations, albeit nowhere near as regularly as I was having them for large parts of 2022 before my operation. However now, when they come I can rest assured that the pacemaker will kick in after about 5 seconds and stop them. It’s still quite a frightening thing, especially when it feels like the pacemaker isn’t going to react. The thought of having them for untold hours and just trying to get on with my day while wondering if I was about to pass out is a memory that still lingers! Still, that pacemaker is reassuring though.

Another drawback is that my left arm and shoulder don’t seem to work very well anymore. My scarring is really close to my left shoulder and I assume that it’s affected things as I haven’t got full movement and my left arm isn’t as ‘strong’ as it used to be. I mean, it wasn’t strong anyway, but it’s just a bit pathetic nowadays!

The final gripe I have is with my aftercare. I’ve only had one follow up appointment with a cardiologist since it all happened. Even that wasn’t actually scheduled. It was an appointment about a 24 hour monitor I’d worn, but in between times I’d had to have my pacemaker fitted, so the appointment was made later because the cardiologist didn’t realise and had to spend a load of time reading my notes before actually seeing me! Since then – January 2023 – there have been a couple of scans done but no meeting with actual doctors, which feels wrong.

I have had a letter from my hospital saying that a planned appointment had been rescheduled for later in the year, but I hadn’t even been informed about the planned appointment, so it’s all a bit of a mystery really! Luckily, I feel fit and healthy but it is concerning not to be speaking to someone when we’re almost 2 years on from the last appointment.

All in all, it’s been a bit of a whirlwind. Two years of major change that, just when you think you’ve almost forgotten about it and are living pretty normally, comes back to haunt you via bloody Facebook of all things! Clearly, while this pacemaker doesn’t really define me, it’s never going to leave me either!