Middle Age Fanclub

Euro 2024: Five Positives from England v Serbia.

After much hype and excitement England finally got their Euro 2024 campaign underway last night. And in wanting to review things and write about the games, I decided to try to keep things positive. I’ve watched England at enough tournaments over the years to realise that the negatives are a far too easy to trap to fall into. So, positives it is! Oh, and I’ve tried to look beyond the blindingly obvious, so there’s no Jude Bellingham, despite how good he was!

A win and a clean sheet. The two warm up games had me slightly concerned about how we’d fare in Germany, so to start with a win is all that matters. Serbia were no mugs and had plenty of players that could have done us some damage. As a Newcastle fan, I couldn’t help but worry about the haunting figure of Alexander Mitrovic, but he had a fairly quiet game and was subdued well by our defence. In the end, despite not quite ever getting into top gear, we got the job done and that’s all that counts. If it’s true that successful sides often take their time to get up to full speed in tournament football, then we should be looking forwards, not backwards. Let’s be happy about the three points.

Marc Guehi. Although I’ve not seen a huge amount of Guehi, I wasn’t particularly impressed with what I’d seen before the Serbia game. He never really stood out. Last night, Guehi very quickly emerged as a key man though. His stats afterwards spoke volumes. 96% pass completion, 3 clearances, 1 block and all ‘duels’ won. I thought he looked like a seasoned international, despite not having that many caps. He dominated the Serbian forwards, intercepted well when needed and just gave me confidence that the much needed clean sheet would come. Keep up the good work, Marc.

A cameo performance from Jarrod Bowen. I’ll be honest, I wanted to see Anthony Gordon coming on, but sadly that never happened. I like Bowen as a player though; his work rate is superb, there’s no lack of skill, he’s got an eye for goal and is always keen to take his man on. I really thought we needed to be more direct and Bowen brought that during his relatively short time on the pitch. He helped get the ball going away from our goal, which was a relief and when he needed to be back helping out in defence, he didn’t shirk his responsibility. On top of that, his ball over for Kane’s header really deserved a goal and had the keeper not made a great save, Bowen contribution would have made a properly game changing difference.

Jordan Pickford. They say goalkeepers are all mad and Jordan Pickford is a great example of this. Given my club allegiance and his history as a Sunderland player and fan, I’m not Jordan’s biggest fan and I don’t really rate him that highly as a keeper. However, having not had much to do in the match, he turned up when it mattered, making a great save when Vlahovic hit a rocket shot from the edge of the box. An equaliser at that stage could have really spurred the Serbs on and who knows how the game would have ended. So well done to Pickford for the save. Whatever I might think of him, he’s not England’s number one for nothing.

Cesc Fabregas. Not particularly an England positive, but he was on the England game and his punditry deserves some recognition. Given the presence of Rio Ferdinand and all the abject nonsense he’s prone to talking, Fabregas’s common sense, insightful comments were more than welcome at the end of the game when we all just wanted to relax after a tense second half. And he’s right about Phil Foden; with the amount of natural ability that lad has, he has to be demanding the ball more often and taking games by the scruff of the neck.

Is it coming home? Well, I’m not sure. But whatever does end up happening, a win and a clean sheet in the opening game won’t do us any harm whatsoever. Bring on the next group game!

NUFC: Don’t leave me this way!

Whichever way you turn so far this summer, it seems you’ll be hearing or reading about one of our stars leaving. Mostly you’ll hear that FFP, or whatever other set of initials it’s been given, dictate that we have to sell. But then if you choose to delve into the cesspit of social media you might well hear it’s because the player is unhappy or he’s made it known that he wants to join another club. They mostly all want to join Arsenal, for some reason. I can’t begin to think why the likes of Bruno or Isak would be getting in touch with random Arsenal ITKs in order to let them know their plans, but some tool somewhere wants to believe that it’s true.

But should we be living in fear of star players being sold? The answer is that I’m not entirely sure, but what I can categorically say is that there’s possibly never been a better time for the likes of Bruno, Isak and Gordon to put down roots. And that’s sadly not really been the case for a very long time.

As an older Toon fan I’ve watched on helplessly as most of my heroes were sold. In fact, I also had to listen to my dad’s anger when the club sold Supermac. I was four at the time, but let’s just say that he was still ranting about it some years later! Almost 50 years have passed since that moment, so it shows that this certainly isn’t a new problem for fans to deal with.

As I got older and started attending games it just kept happening though. Kevin Keegan deciding to retire was a blow, but that at least couldn’t be helped. But then we started to sell our biggest and best players. The first notable exit was of Chris Waddle who had shone in the promotion side of ’84 and was tipped for great things by Keegan himself. And he’d go on to achieve them…just with other clubs when he was sold in 1985! Another integral part of that promotion side was Peter Beardsley, but he too was sold, this time in 1987 to Liverpool for a record £1.9m fee. The most heartbreaking exit for me though was that of Paul Gascoigne, a player labelled ‘the best in the world’ by none other than Jackie Milburn. Gazza brought in another record fee of £2.2m when he was sold to Spurs, but the money didn’t offer even a crumb of comfort.

In a world without the internet I would be scanning the pages of the Chronicle or whatever tabloid my dad had brought home from work, for confirmation that the club wasn’t going to sell any of these players. I remember vividly convincing myself that as each rumour hit, that the player wouldn’t leave. Naïve me told myself that there couldn’t possibly be a reason for them to leave. To teenage Graham, Newcastle United was the pinnacle of all achievement, football or otherwise.

However, to Waddle, Beardsley and Gazza the club lacked ambition and the rewards they could gain elsewhere made Newcastle’s offerings small fry. While Waddle and Gazza left for the bright lights of London and later Europe, Beardsley went on to win league titles and an FA Cup with Liverpool. Newcastle United under the chairman Stan Seymour and managers like Jack Charlton and Willie Macfaul just couldn’t compete. Worse still, they didn’t really want to compete either. Think Mike Ashley, but 30 years before.

Later on in life, I’d understand as I realised that there were other clubs that were actually much bigger than us and that all those trophies counted for something. I even discovered that I’d have to leave the North East myself in order to find work. But as a youngster looking at the world through black and white eyes, I was angry, frustrated and heartbroken at the fact that over the course of 3 years we’d dismantled a potentially fantastic side and sold 3 local lads on into the bargain.

Fast forward to now and Newcastle United under the present ownership is a vastly different animal. In fact, if they show even a little bit of patience those players will find there’s no need to leave at all.

Most importantly of all, the players are all clearly very happy playing for Newcastle United. And we know that for a number of reasons. Just look at what they’ve said about the place recently.

Anthony Gordon – “I’ve never come to a stadium where I get the feeling of just pure joy…I absolutely love this place.”

Bruno Guimaraes – “I have never felt so loved at a club before. It is lovely how much the fans love me, I love them as well.” He also recently added that he’s “at my best moment in my personal life, in my professional life”.

Alexander Isak – “I am really, really happy at Newcastle. I love everything about the club, the fans, the city. I don’t really have any thoughts of moving or anything like that. I’m having a great time and I’m very happy with my life.”

They don’t sound like players that are looking to move, do they? And I know that they’re only words and that the badge kissing ultimately doesn’t have to mean anything either, but put it all together and it represents a pretty good measure of their happiness on Tyneside.

Aside from something as direct as saying how much they love the place, there are other reasons why these players certainly should stay at Newcastle.

At the moment, these players are part of a very good team. Without doubt – and with a little bit of luck on the injury front – they could be part of a great team though; a Newcastle United side that goes down in history. Despite what some of the more negative side of our fanbase would have you believe, there’s plenty of room for optimism. A Champions League campaign and a Cup Final appearance within the last two years suggests that we’re very much heading in the right direction, especially when you compare that to the previous 15 years or so.

The team that these players are such a crucial part of also have much responsibility, carrying as they do the hopes of so many supporters. These players could be the first to win a trophy in my lifetime, the first to bring silverware back to Tyneside since that Fairs Cup triumph in 1969. Surely, that’s enough ambition right there? By staying and fulfilling their potential these players could go down in history; so why leave and shirk the challenge?

Unlike with regimes of the past, our owner’s ambitions match that of the players. The idea is to win trophies and the owners are spending money and securing financial backing left, right and centre in order to make that happen. The stadium is fairly certain to be developed and a new training ground is being planned. Our facilities will soon be a match those of any club in the world.

There’s no doubt that new players will be added to the squad where possible in every window, especially if the FFP rules somehow manage to get amended. Players like Bruno, Botman, Joelinton, Isak and Gordon are an integral part of what’s being built and to my mind, there’s very little reason for them to leave unless it’s what they desperately want and is too good and opportunity to miss. For instance, I think we’d all understand if Real Madrid came in for any of our top players…unless you’re like teenage me of course!

Clearly, the future’s bright at Newcastle United and players such as Bruno Guimaraes, Alexander Isak and Anthony Gordon should want to play a big part in that. There are more reasons to stay than there are to leave, even when we’re looking at the situation through black and white tinted spectacles. Let’s just hope the players see it that way!

Always Look on The Bright Side – things that made me smile in May!

These days, there are times when it feels like there’s really not a lot of room for hope or optimism. Too much about our world is more likely to make us scowl than smile. Whether it be war, poverty, global warming or something as simple as bad traffic or talentless celebrities, it can feel like there’s not a lot to smile about. However, if you look really carefully, you’re sure to find at least something good.

Hence, this blog. It’s something I do whenever I can find enough to write about that’s genuinely made me smile. But it’s been missing from my site for a little while because I’ve really struggled to find something that gives me any optimism.

Well, that all changed last month. So, here we go…and as a bonus, there’s more than the usual five things too!

The sun! Now granted, there’s not been a lot of it in our corner of the world, but it’s still enough to raise a smile. Being able to wander round in shorts is always refreshing (even with my legs!), but even little things like not having to worry about the rain have been great too. On a couple of weekends I’ve even been able to sit our in my back garden and read my book in the sun, which for me is always a blessing. Here’s hoping that there will be a lot more sun to come in the next few months!

A school library in a plane. As an English teacher I’ve always been a fan of libraries. So reading about a primary school in Bristol that has turned a plane fuselage into a library really made me smile. St. Helen’s Primary in Alveston had previously saved up to buy the fuselage in order to turn it into a library as well as an outdoor classroom. The pupils seem to love it and the school have also created a book club that meets in the plane library too!

Eriskay FC. This was another thing that I read about on the BBC website. Eriskay FC play their football in the Outer Hebrides, which if you don’t know, are a series of islands off the west coast of Scotland. Their pitch has been named by FIFA as one of the eight most remarkable places to play football on the planet. Now, as someone who used to coach in junior football, I’ve visited some weird and wonderful pitches. None have been as remarkable as this one though. Have a look for yourselves!

Not only are their sheep grazing on the pitch – and all that they leave behind to clear up before you play – but it’s far from a flat surface. And imagine the breeze coming off the sea!

This year’s Pontefract 10k! I’ve already written about this race on a previous blog, but it’s safe to say that it made me smile for a number of reasons. Firstly, it’s just a race that I really enjoy. It’s got a really friendly atmosphere and it’s quite a testing course too. Secondly though, smiling for this one was a conscious decision. I’m sick of being caught grimacing or looking like I might be about to die by race photographers and so this year I decided to keep an eye open for them and make sure that I was smiling as I approached them! It almost worked as well, but having seen some of the official photos it seems clear that yes, I’m smiling, but also I look shattered! Finally, the race also made me smile because it represents another step forward in living with my pacemaker and there can’t be enough of those!

John Bishop. John is a stand up comedian and last month we went to see his live show. We’ve never seen John live before, but he’s always been a very funny man. A lot of his set revolved around middle age issues and so I was able to empathise, as well as laughing along heartily. We’ve seen a few comedians so far this year and being able to sit and laugh for a couple of hours is an extra good medicine if you’re feeling any kind of stress or strain. Anyway, I wrote a review of the gig for another website, so feel free to have a read on the link below.

https://rgm.press/john-bishop-live-in-halifax-what-happened/news/

Childhood Sweethearts. I think I’m getting old, you know! And this next bit shows it! I was reading the BBC website one morning and stumbled across a tale of lost love with a happy ending. I suddenly couldn’t resist a click! Bill and Anne were just 13 when they first met and Bill fell head over heels in love. However, he dithered about making his move and then, well, life just got in the way. But a chance meeting with a friend of Anne’s on a golf trip many years later led to them eventually getting back together. And the smiliest part of it all? The couple eventually got married, aged 77! You can read Bill and Anne’s story on the link below.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cnee2wjxpvzo

I’m sure you’ll agree that May had a good few reasons for smiling and I hope it was a good month for you too. I hope you enjoyed reading and that what you’ve looked at maybe raised a smile with you too!

Poetry Blog: ‘A Day at the Lake’

This is a poem about one of our first family holidays, when there was just the three of us. It’s one of those memories that I think will always stick with me and one that I can summon really easily.

The poem is about a tiny bit of a break we had in the Lake District when my daughter was just a toddler. It covers those protective feelings that you have as a parent. A swan nipped my daughter’s finger when she was giving bread to the ducks and it threatened to spoil the day. Later, when she’d calmed down, we moved round the lake a bit, took our shoes and socks off and had a bit of a paddle, or a plodge as we call it where I’m from.

Anyway, have a read.

A Day at the Lake

Earlier that day a rogue swan had nipped at your finger
after you'd steeled yourself and trusted mum enough
to offer it some bread.
You sobbed into her warm, protective arms,
soothed just a little by her calming words,
while nearby I seethed with rage,
fists clenched, tensed, 
until common sense reminded me that
you can't punch swans.
They belong to the queen, you know.

Later, plodging in the lake on a different shore
and at a suitable distance from your attacker and his cronies,
your little hands gripped mine and told me
that you didn't much like the numbing cold of the water
on your legs and didn't want to feel the spite of pebbles
digging into your bare feet.
But you clung on, held your own, as you always would.

Later still, as we made our way back,
you ran off across a thigh high meadow
that laughed along with you,
your awkward limbs flailing for speed and distance,
enjoying this rare but heady mix of freedom and terror
and a loosening of the reigns for once,
because, swan now a distant memory, surely lightning could not strike twice
in such a beautiful spot as this.

With the determination that you've clung to for life,
you ran and ran, giggling loudly at your sudden independence,
ignoring the cries of 'not too far'
until it was decided that there was too much rope
and I caught you, scooped you up,
pretending to drop you for another thrill,
then hauled you up, onto my shoulders
as some kind of halfway house between wrapping you in cotton wool
and letting you know that sometimes, it's good to test the limits.

I joke about it in the poem, but I was beyond angry at that swan! And I really had to stop myself from behaving terribly. I guess it was another one of those days when you discover the lengths that you’re prepared to go to as a protective father!

Whenever I think about that day, I can clearly picture my daughter running away from us across the meadow as we headed back to the car. White shorts dungarees, a pink t-shirt and a rainbow belt around her dungarees with her hair in pigtails. She’s always been a little headstrong and I think we saw early signs of it that day, although it remains a really happy memory and it was particularly funny at the time. Like any newish parents though, we were over-protective and so, while we laughed we probably both wanted to just take off across the field and catch her, just to make sure that no more harm came to her! And eventually, we did!

I hope you enjoyed the poem.

Another step in the right direction: The Pontefract 10k 2024

Sometimes life’s just not fair. When I first looked at the projected weather forecast, 5 days prior to this race, it told me that it would be relatively cool and that there might even be a chance of light rain. So, in many ways ideal conditions for running. But as the day got closer the forecast changed and Sunday brought temperatures in the 20s and no cloud cover. Just what I would have wanted to avoid!

A year ago, the Pontefract 10k was my first race after having surgery to have a pacemaker fitted. Obviously, it brought its own challenges and in the end I was happy to finish in just under an hour. This year, with a lot more runs under my belt – albeit often taking two steps forward to then take two or three back – I was hopeful of a much better time. And then the hot weather decided to put in an appearance.

Last year’s race was meant to be the final one ever, but then late last year someone told me that Pontefract was on again and following a quick online search I found myself entering once more. I’ve ran this race for the last four years now and absolutely love it. There’s always a friendly, welcoming atmosphere, it’s well organised and despite the undulations of the course (so many hills!), it’s just a really enjoyable run.

I do feel a little bit guilty about doing runs like this. In the grand scheme of things it’s not that long ago that I was collapsing in front of my family and scaring the life out of them, so insisting on running these races might be a bit much. However, they in turn insist on coming with me and I know they’ll spend the time between seeing me start and seeing me finish worrying, but at least they can hopefully see that I’m getting stronger and stronger. However we all feel, I’m very grateful for their love and support and it’s always a boost when I see them near the end. Or hear them before I see them as is often the case!

We arrived early this year as we had to pick up my race number, but despite my fears of an enormous queue, it only took a minute or so to sort out. So we found a sunny spot and stood chatting in the sun for a while, with me doing the occasional bit of half-hearted stretching. All the while, at the back of my mind was the thought of exactly how hot it was going to be out on the run, meaning that my usual pre-race nerves were ramped right up.

Before I knew it though, we were shuffling forward and a local DJ was counting us down. And then, we were off! I gave a quick last wave to my family and began to run and gather my thoughts.

Pontefract starts with a long, long hill and every year I have to concentrate hard to pace myself as otherwise I go too fast and then suffer for it in the middle of the race. Today though, I’m still shaking off a bit of a cold and so as a consequence I’m running fairly steadily and hoping that it’ll pay off towards the end when I can really up my pace. Fingers crossed! Even this early though, my mouth was beyond dry, so while I’d half-heartedly told myself that I could run about 51 minutes, the heat was going to make that a tough ask.

Pontefract is a lovely run. It’s largely rural, so for most of the race you’re in the middle of the countryside and I used that a bit today in order to try and forget about the heat. The one problem with this rural landscape is that the chances to run in the shade are few and far between and so while I was slowly baking I tried to take my mind off things by taking in the views. I was kidding myself if I thought it was really going to work though and it wasn’t overly long before the heat was beginning to take its toll.

However, by around the halfway point I had ran for 25 minutes, meaning that a reasonably quick run was in sight. But oh, those pesky hills! There are a number of steep climbs on the way back towards the finish and so, combined with the heat, the second half of the race began to feel quite brutal quite quickly.

I kept checking my watch for both speed and distance covered and stayed really focused, even though I was slowing down with every climb. And then as we reached a hydration point I completely lost focus and slowed right down while trying to grab a bottle of water and then take a few big gulps without throwing the whole thing down myself. It was only when I threw the bottle to one side that I realised that I was jogging and that I should have tipped the remaining water over my head!

As we got close to the finish two things happened – firstly, I could feel a numbness in my wrist and left hand as my hands swelled up (again) in the heat. Off putting to say the least! Secondly though, I managed to find a last bit of energy in order to speed up significantly for the last mile.

As I turned into the final straight before the finish line I just decided to sprint. I knew that my time wasn’t going to be exactly what I’d been aiming for, but I was still well inside the 55 minutes that I’d told my son to expect for me. My legs were like jelly and I was far too hot, but I managed to pass a couple of people before just about staggering over the line!

It’s always a weird feeling finishing a race. I got a little bit emotional after this one last year as it had been the first race since my pacemaker and I was genuinely a little scared about doing it. At other times I’ll feel fairly fresh and be able to wander through the finish enclosure smiling and looking halfway alive still. Today, I revert to what is more or less type for me; shattered. I know I must look an old vagrant and like I might just fall over, but I don’t much care. I’ve done it and I’ve got a huge grin on my face.

So now it’s back to training for me. I’ll have a look at whether there are any other races to enter in the coming months, but in the meantime life outside of work and family will just be about running and recovering. I’m still fully aware that I’ve had a major scare and with the reasoning being that the fitter I am, the stronger I am, it’s just about more of the same.

I’m still here, I’m still able to run and I remind myself of this kind of thing every day! So however shattered I might feel after something like this, it’s still something to smile about.

Running: As Spring heads into Summer, here’s a cautionary tale.

I’ve labelled this as a running blog, but with the weather beginning to heat up, I guess it’s just a cautionary tale for lots of us, really.

On Friday I went out for my usual after work run. I’m currently training for an upcoming 10k and so had hoped to run the same distance, just to see how it felt. However, even as I went out at just before 6pm, it was still 24 degrees, which is hot for us northerners. It would have been hot to sit in, but I chose to go for a run!

It was an absolutely beautiful evening. The sun was shining in a lovely blue sky and there wasn’t much of a breeze. But it didn’t take long for me to realise that this was going to be a bit of a struggle.

After a couple of miles, while I wasn’t struggling, I was uncomfortable. The heat meant that I was losing my focus and in turn I was thinking about the fact that I was too warm, too thirsty and beginning to feel tired. I had also begun to fuss about little things; my right trainer didn’t feel tight enough and this was beginning to really bug me, so I had to focus again quickly. I began to think about my route and also to give myself short term goals like quickening my pace or dropping my shoulders a bit or even just counting my steps to retain concentration.

It didn’t work. In the end I got my mileage all wrong. First, I got confused between two routes and took a wrong turning, believing that I had enough route left to comfortably manage the 10k without having to run up a ridiculous hill for the final half mile. Then, having checked my watch a few times, I misread how far I’d gone. The heat befuddled my brain enough that I couldn’t add up anymore and a while later was dismayed to find that I’d only done 4 miles when I thought I’d have covered 5! I knew then that managing a 10k was going to be difficult.

But things got worse. As I got closer to home I realised that my left hand was feeling a bit numb. Now, as a heart patient, any left sided action (pain, numbness etc) can leave you panicking. Something about it didn’t feel right and I was quite concerned. I kept on running though and as I did I realised that my watch felt too tight on my wrist. So, with a little difficulty. I loosened it off. But this still didn’t solve the numbness.

Slightly later and closer to the end of my run I noticed that my hands looked swollen. On closer inspection my wedding ring felt absurdly tight and as a man with thin, girly fingers this was a bit of a surprise! My hands and wrists had swollen right up and I can only put it down to being far too hot. Needless to say, after just short of 6 miles and with a big hill to come before I’d hit home, I stopped, rather than risking reaching boiling point!

When I eventually made it home my hands were still so swollen that I had to just stand with them in a sink of ice cold water for a good 10 minutes, while occasionally taking them out in order to drink more water. Despite trying to run in shade I’d put myself in real danger.

As I said, it’s a cautionary tale. And so, I’ll end with a bit of common sense advice (which I failed to adhere too because I clearly lack common sense). If you’re out for a run in the heat you’d be wise to…

Hydrate properly. Drink enough beforehand and maybe take some with you. And when you finish, drink copious amounts of water!
Maybe wear a hat, regardless of how gormless you think you’ll look. It’s still a better look than swollen hands or ending up flat on your back on a pavement somewhere.
Find the shade. Run in as much of it as you can manage.
Wear some suncream or sun block.
Make sure that you warm down and stretch properly once your exercise is over with.
And if your hands swell up so that you look like someone holding a couple of red balloon animals, get them in some water as quickly as possible!

Enjoy the warmer weather!

NUFC: Ten Things to Love About Bruno.

As we approach the end of another Premier League season rumours seem to be intesifying about Bruno Guimaraes. Across every type of media there seems to be almost a desperate push for the move. Whether it be Manchester City or Arsenal, PSG or Real Madrid, someone somewhere seems to think that Bruno is better off elsewhere.

We could go on and on about why, but that’s not the point of this piece. Southern based press, conspiracy theories and all that can wait. People seem to think that Bruno needs to leave but I’m guessing the vast majority of Newcastle fans would disagree.

Bruno Guimaraes joined Newcastle in January of 2022 from Lyon at a cost believed to be in the region of £36 million. He wasn’t quite an instant hit as Eddie Howe held him back in order to properly acclimatise to the rigours of the Premier League. Instead, he would come on as a sub in a number of games before finally making his full debut away at Southampton. And what a debut! It was in this game that Bruno scored his first Toon goal – an outrageous back heeled volley from a Dan Burn header across goal, right in front of the travelling fans. A star was born!

It’s fair to say that the love affair started that evening and has moved on at pace ever since. Bruno fell for us and we returned his feelings ten fold. In fact, you could say that we love Bruno almost as much as he loves Joelinton. The bastard (more of that later, if you didn’t understand).

For me, Bruno is easily one of the best central midfielders I’ve seen in over 40 years of supporting Newcastle. I can look back on a lot, but without thinking too deeply would struggle to come up with many to rival Guimaraes. Gazza, Robert Lee, Gary Speed and Yohan Cabaye spring straight to mind, but after that I’m reaching a bit. I mean, when you were raised on a diet of players like Kevin Dillon, John Trewick, Pat Heard and Amdy Faye, midfielders begin to stand out for all the wrong reasons.

But comparisons are not what this is about. Rather than ramble and confirm what we all already know (he’s dead good at football), I thought I’d give you ten reasons why I (and probably a lot of us) love Bruno.

He just strikes me as a cracking lad. Bruno and family just make for a lovely story. His kids are Geordies and his wife seems very happy with the whole set up. Bruno seems to have time for everyone; a ready smile and a willingness to immerse himself in the city and the region.
He’s a current Brazilian international. Ever since I watched the Brazil team in the 1982 World Cup and heard about their 1970 side, I’ve been a little bit in love with their footballers. Apart from Fumaca, of course. He was shite. But the fact that Bruno gets in that side is a hell of a yardstick of his quality and I like that being part of Newcastle United.
His kids are Geordies and Bruno seems to be very proud of that fact and of just being able to be a part of our culture. For a lad to come halfway around the world and be obviously so in tune with this kind of pride is just wonderful. Imagine Mbappe, Ronaldo or many other so called superstars being the same. You can’t, can you?
His nickname/pet name for Joelinton just seems to be ‘bastard’. Much like Mirandinha being taught swearing by Gazza back in the 80s, someone has clearly got to Bruno! And Bruno seems to love it!
His celebrations. For a lot of us fans, football is about passion and joy. Bruno echoes that as a player. Whether he’s climbing on to advertising hoardings, doing little dances, kissing the badge, telling various people he loves them or just hoisting up a corner flag, Bruno seems to have something for every occasion. And he clearly revels in expressing that joy. So much so, in fact that there are occasion where he scores and gives us about 5 different layers of celebration! Remember the knee slide at Southampton away, remember the stripping off against Leicester at home, remember the flag waving at home to Sheffield Utd! There’s lots to love.
His laugh. If you’ve watched him on any of the club’s videos you’ll have heard that high pitched laugh. It always raises a smile and is just another sign of Bruno being a bloke who just loves life.
He’s ridiculously uncoordinated, yet still a brilliant footballer. I’ve seen Bruno play darts and I’m sure I’ve watched a video of him riding a bike or a scooter or a skateboard. He was shocking at all of it! It’s one of those little quirks that we can’t fail to like. Pu a ball at his feet though…different story.
His dad. Never before have I shown such an interest in Dick. The man behind the number 39 has become a part of the whole story of these last two and a bit years. Whether he’s accompanying his son and his family while they get interviewed or joining in with the singing in the pub or on the concourse at an away game, the man has become an unlikely star. None of us would have realised that Bruno’s arrival would lead to us loving Dick too…
His passing. I’m guessing we’re all fans of the outside of the boot pass that Bruno has, especially when it comes off. There was a notable one against Luton at home this year that led to Kieran Trippier’s goal. Bruno also does a nice line in ‘no look’ passes, with a one in to Miggy against Wolves a particular peach. The other one that springs to mind is a pass that I don’t have a name for, possibly because I don’t play FIFA. However, it’s a pass that almost looks like he’s scuffed it, almost a scoop. He seems to pretty much miss hit the ball, like he’s trying to dig it out of the turf and it’s quite a common pass that he makes. Teenagers might tell me it’s a knuckle ball, but I don’t know. Anyway, it’s a passing style that I like in amongst a range that I’m a big admirer of.
VAMOOOOOOOS! None of us are surely going to tire of that any time soon.

For me, it’s essential that we keep Bruno. For all the talk of that £100m clause, he’s worth much more to the club and the team. The goals, the showmanship, the clinical passes, even the run of games he went on this season to avoid that crucial yellow card are all illustrative of just how integral Bruno Guimaraes has become at Newcastle United.

Talk of him leaving feels ridiculous. Release clause or not, there shouldn’t be a valid reason to sell Wor Bruno!

Book Review: The Garbage King by Elizabeth Laird

The Garbage King is a story that’s largely aimed at kids, probably from Year 6 upwards. However, a good story is a good story, no matter who it’s aimed at. I stumbled upon it when I was looking for ideas for my reluctant reader son to try and thus, having read only good things about the book, I decided to give it a go myself!

The Garbage King tells the story of street children in Ethiopia and helps us to understand that regardless of their background, children are essentially very vulnerable and that anything can happen to any of them. Such is the case with Dani and Mamo, two kids from opposite ends of the social scale who end up on the street together.

After a harrowing episode in his early life where he’s sold to a rural family as a slave, Dani escapes back to Addis Ababa and begins his life on the streets. So far, life has been brutal and painful for Dani and the streets of Ethiopia’s capital don’t make things any better.

Meanwhile, across town Mamo lives in a lovely house in a quiet, exclusive area. He has the trappings of a wealthy family, but is failing in school and his strict father is not impressed. Fearing his fate when his lack of academic progress is revealed, he decides that there’s only one thing for it; to run away. Before he knows it he too is living on the streets. But while one boy relies on his wits and guile to stay alive, the other is a sitting duck. And then a chance encounter between the two boys changes both of their lives.

The Garbage King is an excellent read. Elizabeth Laird gives the reader a brilliant, and I have to assume authentic view, of life on the streets of Addis Ababa. Certainly, as I was reading I felt like I could easily imagine what it looked like as well as hearing the sounds of the city and even being able to imagine the smell of some of the food being described. It was clearly not the kind of hustle and bustle that would be safe for a child though.

Danger seems to lie at every corner of Laird’s Addis Ababa, making The Garbage King a tense read at times. As a reader, there’s a genuine sense of fear for both of the boys, but especially the naïve Mamo. Luckily though, he has Dani to look out for him, so although life is now distinctly uncomfortable, there’s slightly less immediate danger.

There are twists and turns to The Garbage King, making it a real page turner at times. As poor Mamo lies freezing at night, too terrified to sleep, it made me think of my own son and how frightened I’d be if he happened to find himself in a similar situation. It’s bad enough when he’s out camping!

Laird’s characters are fantastically written. We’re onside with Dani from the very start of the novel. Life is tough for him, but he doesn’t complain. In fact, he shows guts and determination in order to get out of the initial situation that he finds himself in and when he’s finally made safe by the kindness of a stranger, we feel happy for him. He’s bright and likeable and so when fate deals him a losing hand, we’re willing things to get better. And when the various dangers of life on the busy city streets catch up with him, we’re desperate for him to stay safe.

As the novel rolls on the boys find their feet on the streets. As there’s safety in numbers, they fall in with a small gang, but danger and misfortune is still never far away. For now though, life is a lot better than it could have been had they not seen off a few of the predators that lurk in the shadows. Ultimately though, both boys just want life to return to some sort of normality

Will Dani ever see his sister again? Will Mamo be able to return home to his strict father? Well, you’ll have to read and find out!

I give ‘The Garbage King’…

Poetry Blog: Blackbirds

This is a poem I wrote about a scene I watched from my kitchen window while doing the dishes. It was on a recent Spring evening, just as the sun was beginning to dip behind the trees. It had been a sunny day and crucially, I’d just cut the grass earlier that day.

I looked up to see a couple of blackbirds, which on closer inspection I could see were a male and a female. So, channeling my inner Cilla Black (one for older readers there and an old TV matchmaker if you don’t know) I immediately placed them together. Man and wife, if you like. A mam and dad, probably, foraging for food for their newborn Spring chicks. The birds love it when the grass has been cut; I’m not entirely sure why.

The fact that they were at opposite ends of the garden and that their movements were both graceful and jerky, yet obviously on the same wavelength reminded me of dancers in a ballroom. It was something I remembered days later when I had the time to start drafting the poem. Here it is.

Blackbirds

The lights dim and a sultry dance begins
in the garden ballroom,
tentative at first, but gaining pace and rhythm as the minutes pass.
Trees sway and rustle in the evening breeze,
an audience inspired to move,
adding occasional ripples of polite applause
as our pairing settle to a tantalising flirtation, 
at first far apart, yet soon together tripping the light fantastic,
their dark figures striking a pose,
drawing ever closer with each beat of the dying sun
and as the light sighs its last
this dance will reach collapse
and these two distant partners,
now nestled close, will return to the humdrum beat
of their something else, their everyday
a life away from this brief, glamorous scene
until time and hunger dictates they should do it all again.

The idea with the poem was to use an extended metaphor of a ballroom and a pair of dancers to describe what was essentially two blackbirds out getting food. It was the way they moved, almost in tandem, that inspired the idea of the ‘sultry dance’ in the ‘garden ballroom’ and then it became a challenge to add as many dance references as I could so that a poem was formed.

It’s the second time I’ve written about blackbirds as I like to watch them in the garden. They can be quite territorial and there have been several occasions when one has flown way too close, squawking at me as if to warn me off. I don’t think they understand the idea of home ownership! Anyway, maybe somehow they’ll sense that I’m writing about them and make me the honorary president of their fanclub!

I quite like this poem. I’d have liked to spend more time drafting, but given time constraints – I’m a busy boy at the minute – I’m quite pleased with how it turned out. Maybe it’s one I’ll return to in time. I hope you like it too though!

The Apprentice: Here comes the final!

So, after what feels like a lifetime chock full of business tasks fuelled by a combination of bizarre decisions and downright ineptitude, we’re mere hours away from another Apprentice finale. And even though I don’t feel that I’ve been as invested in the candidates as I might have been in previous years, I cannot wait!

This year’s finalists are gym owner Rachel Woolford and pie company boss Phil Turner. And it’s anyone’s guess who’ll win out. Unless you’re Lord Sugar of course, who I reckon won’t just guess who he gives £250,000 to.

Even in the interviews it felt like a bit of a lottery in terms of who would make the final. However, once it emerged that Tre didn’t have a business plan or really, a product and that Paul had chosen the wrong plan and that you or I knew just about as much as he did about scrubs, then the field was kind of narrowed down. In fact, given what happened in this year’s interview episode, I’m considering just turning up myself next year with some ideas scrawled down on a crumpled piece of paper titled, ‘Why I need Lord Sugar’s £250,000′ by Graham aged 53. I reckon I’d still have a bit of a chance of making the final.

Of the two finalists, it’s perhaps inevitable that we might look on Rachel as the favourite. Not only has she shown a fair amount of business acumen, hard work and determination throughout the series, but she’s up against Phil! Phil! The very same Phil who lost all of the first 9 tasks and seemed to be in the boardroom fighting for his life every other week. But then again, he’s in the final for a reason. We have to presume that Lord Sugar and his people have spotted something in him, surely. None of us has much idea what it might be though!

Last week, Phil added to his Apprentice legacy by revealing in the interviews that he hasn’t seen a set of accounts for his business for about a decade. OK, I’m exaggerating there, but the bloke literally sat and told scary Mike Soutar that he hadn’t seen his accounts for a couple of years. I’m no business viking (as no doubt someone must have referred to themselves over the years), but that feels like me not looking at the fuel gauge in my car for a fortnight and just hoping that I’ll keep getting to where I’m going.

Both candidates seem to have successful businesses and both just want to make them bigger. Fair enough. Rachel wants more gyms – and while we continue to obsess over how we look on social media then we’ll always need more gyms! I mean, where else would the country’s vain halfwits find mirrors big enough to pose in?

Phil, on the other hand, wants to expand his pie business after admitting that he didn’t have the vision to take it any further. And after he made a truffle flavoured vegan cheese that didn’t really taste of truffle…or cheese for that matter, in the last task, you can possibly see why he thinks he lacks vision I suppose.

Conspiracy theorists will have you believe that Phil is being set up to win. I mean, I certainly can’t remember a series where someone failed so spectacularly every week and then still made the final. Some have also pointed to the fact that in his win or bust task – the vegan cheese one – he was given the strongest of the other candidates on his team. But then, some of these people probably still think that the Earth is flat.

So, get yourselves set for an exciting final. There’s no clear favourite, but definitely an underdog. But, with the help of some, if not all of the other candidates from the series, there will be one last task to get through before Lord Sugar decides who he’s going to invest in. And of course, there’s my favourite bit of all; where the two successful candidates have to walk into the room for their pitch, usually down one of the longest walkways or staircases in the modern world. It has to be one of the most awkward TV moments of the year and every year a little bit of is secretly hoping for a trip!

The Apprentice 2024 Final. Can’t wait!