The Pacemaker Diaries – summer’s been a bummer.

A bit of a cathartic post, this one. I’m aware that I’ve written a lot about my heart surgery last year and I’m aware of the fact that it might just be getting boring. It’s getting that way for me too. But despite my many quiet vows to not let the pacemaker define me, it’s kind of a tough one that! So this post is sort of cathartic because it allows me to vent my frustrations as well as publicly celebrate my successes, however minor they might have been.

So, my recovery continues. I’m still very aware of my pacemaker; you can literally see it when I take my top off (steady ladies), there’s a scar that looks red raw when I’ve done any exercise and more than anything else, I can just feel it sitting there in my chest. It doesn’t hurt or anything like that, but it does get sore after exercise or if I’ve had to take on any lifting.

Thankfully though, I’m now running regularly. I manage to get out twice a week and have been pretty much exclusively running 10ks recently in preparation for an upcoming race. That race is the Morley 10k, which I ran in October of last year before collapsing a few weeks later and then finding myself in hospital a few weeks after that. So all the omens are good! At the time of running it, I felt good and strong and despite the fairly undulating course and the fact that I was actually very poorly, managed a time of 54 minutes! I don’t think I’ll get anywhere near that this time around!

That said, for a recent hilly 10k that I ran around town, I clocked a time of under 57 minutes, so I’m not actually too far short of pushing for a similar sort of time as last year. Maybe, with a decent tail wind for the last couple of miles, I can achieve something worth shouting about. It would certainly help me get past the whole ‘woe is me and my pacemaker ‘ thing!

My body continues to frustrate me though. As far as I’m concerned, I’m out of shape and carrying a bit of a belly, although my wife tells me I’m being ridiculous. When I’m feeling more rational I can put the aches, the pains and the belly down to middle age, but I still feel unhappy with it and I’m fairly sure that had I not had the health issue that I’ve had, I would be in a lot better shape physically. Four months off work with nowhere near enough exercise and far too much snacking has clearly taken its toll and I’m struggling to get back into shape.

I found summer really tough and for long periods felt as low as I can remember ever feeling. As is my habit, I tried to hide it from everyone and seemed to be getting away with just being labelled occasionally grumpy, but if I’m honest, I just couldn’t cope with it. Running kept me sane and when I was out on those early mornings I hardly had a care in the world. But at home, on holiday, visiting family, I just felt awful. It wasn’t anyone else’s fault. I felt impatient with those around me and angry at what’s gone on since last year with my health. In terms of recovery, being so frustrated and angry really doesn’t make things easy and I’ve genuinely felt like I couldn’t move on.

The peak of it came when I just felt I had to talk to someone. Not like me at all, but I knew I had to try. I tried repeatedly, but something always got in the way and then one afternoon while she was at work and I was at home, my wife called me about something and I just confessed to how incredibly sad I felt. She’s been brilliant!

Talking a lot has certainly lightened the load, but I’m still considering counselling or just joining some kind of support group. I did this when I first got my pacemaker as I really struggled with what felt like the injustice and the worry of it all and it did me the world of good to hear from other people in the same situation and just to share a few things.

Part of the reason for the summer being such a tough time was that I stepped down from coaching my junior football team. The club wanted me to get rid of 4 players in order to make space for others that they were dropping down to us from our A team and I just wasn’t going to do it. I hoped they’d see reason, but when they didn’t I walked away on principle. I’d always tried to be a totally inclusive coach and when the club decided to release players based on ability, that was enough for me. They tried to dress it up as something else, citing players commitment as a reason, but it simply wasn’t anything to do with it.

I’d coached the team for 7 years and loved it. It had always helped me with my physical fitness and mental health too and so to lose it hit me hard. I managed to get a couple of the players that were dropped fixed up with a new club, but the fact that I could no longer coach kids I’d coached for years and years – including my own son – knocked me for six and just deepened the sadness I was already feeling.

The issue dragged on a bit because parents were actually on my side and so there’s been a lot of complaints flying around. However, the club have actually emailed one of the parents of a lad who was dropped and told some rather creative lies about me while being incredibly loose with the truth about what actually happened. I could have got very angry, but I’ve just decided to leave it. If it makes people feel better about themselves to tell blatant lies, I haven’t really got the time for that in my life. Not at the moment. Talk about kicking a man when he’s down!

I still go to watch the team, as my lad still plays and most of the squad are still ‘my’ players, but I just won’t have anything to do with the people at the club now. One or two in particular should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves, but I guess that some people are just never in the wrong! Karma can be a bitch though, so we’ll wait and see!

For now, I’m just trying to be as positive about life and recovery as I can. I’ve thrown myself into work and whether I’m happy or not, I’m trying to be as positive as is possible. So, I’ve dug out my Disney teacher voice for the new year 7s so my natural grumpiness doesn’t scare them and I’m putting positive comments on our ClassCharts whenever I think someone’s done something good. I’m trying to make sure that I explicitly praise as many students as possible whenever they’ve gone beyond the ordinary and I’ve not sent one email about how pointless a meeting is yet! I’ve even been early for a few of them as well. Inner me’s not particularly fooled, but the positivity is genuinely helping. It probably sounds stupid, but while I’m being positive, I’m not being negative and not feeling sorry for myself. Does that make sense?

So life, as ever, is full of ups and downs. And while there are a few too many downs for my liking at the moment, I’m hoping to work my way out of the way I feel before the end of the year. In November I’ll have had a pacemaker for a whole year and if I’m honest, it is a comfort. As far as I can tell, the old issues with my heart are fixed. Now, however difficult I find it at times, it’s just time to get on with life again in the best way that I can.

Poetry Blog: Roots

This one is an autobiographical poem. It’s about a lot of things in my life, but mainly things that have happened, or feelings that I’ve felt since I left home to go to university. It was a long time ago, but due to the upheaval it’s something that I probably still think about every day.

I’m from a city in the North East of England called Newcastle Upon Tyne. If you’re from the U.K no doubt you’ll know of it. If you’re anywhere else, you may still have heard of it and if not, give it a Google; have a look at the bridges and stuff, because it’s a wonderful place. For my money, it’s the greatest city on the planet, but then we’d all make that claim, wouldn’t we? Trust me, I’m right though because it’s a city that seems to make an indelible impact on its people and it certainly did on me.

I lived in Newcastle until I was 19 and can vividly remember, aged 18, telling my Year 13 form tutor that I’d never leave. I genuinely couldn’t envisage a time when I’d leave the place. There just wasn’t going to be a reason to take such drastic action. And then there was, so I left. After 3 years away at university I spent another 5 or 6 months back at home, trying to find a job that never came my way. This was ’90s Newcastle and it felt like I’d never get a break in a city that seemed like it was being cut adrift by a government that had all but destroyed all of our industry. So, I headed south to the Midlands to move in with the girl that later became my wife. We’re still together and nearly 30 years later I still live away from ‘home’, but closer now at least, in Yorkshire.

Roots

Geordie jeans and a head full of dreams
you left your home town, not even suspecting
that you'd never return.
The bridges, the monument, the shops and 
even the river would lose their warm familiarity
and before too long become almost alien,
making you feel strange, yet not a stranger,
displaced, without roots 
and never quite at home, wherever you went.
Every turn presented another stage of 
cultural change and gentrification
while you stood still, a statue without a plinth,
slowly shrinking into yourself 
until you didn't really recognise who or what 
you'd become, functioning behind a mask.
No direction and the wrong turn at every junction,
when the road forked you found the dead end,
falling into a self made trap, again and again
with only glimpses of light to keep you from the dark,
so that even the way ahead was stumbled upon
and even then only chance would keep you from being 
back to square one.
The beacon at your side the only part
of those last ten years,
to stave off the loneliness and put you
back together when,
you'd fallen off the wall again and again,
so that now, still Geordie jeans and a head full of dreams,
there's a reason to face each new day
and a heart to call a home.

The poem is about moving away and then watching the city change. That might have been changing in that I lost my sense of belonging there but also lost the ‘geography’ of the place, if you like so that however often I went back there would be more and more times when I just couldn’t remember my way around or couldn’t place things anymore. Add in the fact that my parents moved from my childhood home to a new village and it all led to me feeling a little alien in and around Newcastle.

The city also grew and was given a bit of a facelift in certain areas, making it far less recognisable and far more difficult to feel at ‘home’ in. Gradually, while I didn’t fall out of love with the city, I began to feel like I just didn’t really know it anymore which was heartbreaking given how attached to the place I had been growing up.

The Geordie jeans bit is about clothing, but heritage as well. There’s jeans and genes in there. The genes are obvious, I suppose. ‘Geordie Jeans’ however was, shall we say, a clothes shop when I was growing up that was a bit ‘budget’, but it was all that my parents could afford. So, I’d be kitted out for home and school in their stuff and very self conscious about it as a teenager.

The latter end of the poem is about all of those feelings coming together to have an adverse effect on my mental health. When we first moved away I knew we wouldn’t stay there, it was just after leaving university too, so there was career uncertainty too. If I’m honest, that’s stayed with me right up until the present day, as much as I love my job and the place where I live.

There’s a little bit of optimism towards the end of the poem. I still retain those dreams, however far away they might seem and as I said earlier, I still have my wife by my side looking after me and giving me strength wherever I go and in whatever I do.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the poem. It’s opened up a few ideas along similar lines in my head, so I might write more about those times if I can find the time.

Group of Death or Just Another Reason to be Cheerful?

It was inevitable wasn’t it? If anyone was going to be drawn in anything that might lend itself to being labelled the group ‘The Group of Death’, it was Newcastle United. Throw in the fact that Sandro Tonali is granted a swift return to his boyhood club and this one can rightfully take its place on the ever increasing list of ‘most Newcastle United things ever’.

Obviously, there’s been a huge amount of attention on us since the draw. The media seems split; some rubbing their hands with glee at the prospect of us getting dumped out of the competition early, while others have spoken up and declared that we’ll qualify from the group.

It’s been pretty one-sided where opposition fans are concerned. That loathing that the likes of Sunderland, Manchester United, Liverpool and others have has been well and truly fed and their fans are everywhere with their crying laughing emojis, salivating at the prospect of our impending Euro-downfall. Strange really, but there you go.

But should we be going along with the ‘Group of Death’ narrative and fearing our Champions League campaign? Or should we just be lapping it up?

I’ll be honest, when I watched the draw, I was reduced to a kind of well rehearsed sigh when we were placed in Group F alongside AC Milan, PSG and Borussia Dortmund. It made me laugh because it was so predictable. In a way, we all kind of knew that we’d end up in this sort of group.

Group F is undoubtedly a tough one. But is it tough in terms of being a group we’ll struggle to get a point out of? Or is it just a challenge? We’re in against three European giants, that’s for sure. Two of our group are previous Champions League winners, Dortmund with one and AC with 3 as well as 4 European Cups. All have made it to a semi final in the last 4 years. And AC Milan have had 13 Champions League campaigns since ’02/03, having gone past the group stages in all but one of those. Meanwhile, PSG have made it to at least the last 16 every year since the ’12/13 season and were runners up in the 2019/20 season.

Then you can add in just some of the names that our lads will come up against. Reus, Adeyemi, Sule and Schlotterbeck at Dortmund, Leao, Musah and Giroud at Milan and then just the likes of Donnarumma, Hakimi, Muani and Mbappe at PSG! But don’t forget players like Botman, Bruno, Joelinton, Tonali, Isak and Wilson who’ll all be desperate to pit themselves against such illustrious opposition.

There can be no doubt that we’re in illustrious company! It would be nice to put our record over the last 10 or so years up in contrast, but it makes the stats above even scarier reading!

However, maybe we should look to Eddie Howe in all of this. When we were putting several noses out of joint last season Eddie famously said the following; “We’re not here to be popular and to get other teams to like us. We’re here to compete.” What better time to remember that mantra?

We can either fear this campaign or relish it. I mentioned some of our ‘star’ players earlier and it can’t be denied that we’ve got some squad of players! So, even as a naturally pessimistic football fan, I choose to relish our Champions League campaign. It excites me to see Newcastle United mixing it with the best like this and I can’t wait for it to start.

It can be viewed as a bit of a free hit, where everyone else is expecting us to fail and indeed hoping for it as they follow the recent trend of Geordie hate, simultaneously denying rivalry or even interest, while rabidly informing various social media formats of their hatred for this small club. So what better way to get even further up the noses of those often misinformed idiots than going to places like the San Siro and the Parc des Princes and having a right old go.

However, the free hit theory could also be viewed as a bit of an insult to what Eddie Howe and his team have built over the past 2 years. While we might not have started quite as well as we would have liked this year, we still have one hell of a team. And then thinking back to last year, there were so many games where we just battered teams. We mixed it with the best that our league had to offer and finished up with a Cup Final appearance and a Champions League spot. And if we’d converted one or two of those draws into wins, we’d have been top 3! Make no mistake about it, Newcastle United can get out of this group, however ‘deathly’ it might be viewed. It’s no good doubting ourselves!

It’s a well known fact that we’ve waited two decades for some more Champions League action and while there have been some UEFA Cup games in between, life at the very top level has been sorely missed. Even the Intertoto Cup win in 2006 and Scott Parker’s clear delight at lifting the ‘trophy’ couldn’t really satisfy the thirst for success! (That’s sarcasm by the way, for anyone who missed it).

Whether it’s a difficult group or not, this is an opportunity not to be missed for several reasons. For starters, it puts us firmly in the spotlight. A harsh spotlight, but something of an opportunity all the same. Kieran Trippier talks of pressure as a privilege; well we’ve got loads of that privilege coming our way now and it has to be viewed as an opportunity to let the rest of Europe and to some extent the world, know what Newcastle United is all about.

Being in the spotlight opens up much needed revenue streams too. It’s the kind of money that will help us to keep moving forward and you can bet your life that those in charge will be working hard to maximise the potential that’s on offer.

Let’s not forget also that their are players watching too. So, when we approach top European talent in the future we can point to this campaign – and hopefully more – as a reason to join the club. We can show anyone watching the passion of European nights under the lights at St. James’ Park and you’d hope that there can’t be many players who wouldn’t fancy sampling the kind of atmosphere that we’ll create.

And then there’s us, the fans. I still vividly remember watching Andy Griffin conquer Juventus in 2002, Bellamy scoring at the death against Feyenoord, Shola in the Nou Camp and of course Tino. Now, we get to do it all again, heading to some of the finest cities and stadiums in world football. Dortmund with Signal Iduna Park, 81,000 fans and the famed Yellow Wall, the Parc des Princes in Paris and the famous San Siro where we once took over 10,000 fans on a night when we probably should have beaten Inter as well.

So, yes, the Group of Death represents a scary prospect. But if our players aren’t excited by these games, then you’d have to ask why not. I fully expect them to be completely up for the challenges ahead. And if we thought we’d get an easy ride in the biggest club tournament in the world, then we were kidding ourselves.

At times, you’ll be on the edge of your seat, both physically and metaphorically. At others you might be utterly euphoric and there’ll be moments where you might well be watching it through your fingers or chewing your nails down to your elbow. However you watch it and whatever you expect from the Group of Death, let’s just enjoy it!

Howay The Lads!

No planner, a chimp, naps and IT problems: It’s Back to School ’23/24

September is not my favourite month, it’s safe to say. It’s the end of one generally lovely part of my life and the beginning of something very different. Time for a lot of us to turn what has become a rather pleasant routine on its head. Time again for early starts and rainy commutes. Time for what seems like constant noise where there had been solitude for much of the days that had spread out in front of us. Yep, these last couple of weeks have meant that it’s been time to go back to school.

For once, I didn’t get the full treatment in terms of ‘The Fear’. Of course, I didn’t want to go back and thoughts of chaos in the classroom seemed to permeate almost everything I was trying to concentrate on. My mood worsened and I was ranting and grumbling even more than usual. As usual, I tried to turn the return to work into a positive by doing stuff like taking the occasional trip to the shops to search out some new shirts, as even if I may not actually look good, I think it’s important to at least try and kid myself that I do. However, for once, I didn’t suffer with back to school nightmares where I’m standing in front of a class who simply aren’t listening and are talking over me, whatever I say or threaten them with. So that was a blessed relief and a nice change.

However, when I realised on the afternoon of the last day of the summer holidays that I still hadn’t ordered a planner, it became clear that I just wasn’t really that organised or even slightly ready for what was to come. Still though, despite their attempts to take over the world, Amazon proved its worth and with a few clicks I had exactly the same planner as last year on order. It wouldn’t arrive until the Tuesday, but I’d muddle on through…

If you’re a teacher reading this I’m sure you’ll share my absolute hatred and horror at the first INSET day. If you’re SLT reading this, then that last sentence was for comedic effect; we’re all delighted to be there and hanging on your every word. But maybe, on that particular high note, you should stop reading now.

Few things in teaching can feel as futile as the first INSET day. A friend tells me that he’s rarely listening that day and that he often finds himself hating three quarters of the people in every room that he enters. Apart from his own department, who are all wonderful. I’ll keep him anonymous, because that’s quite a bold statement, but just so that we’re clear, he’s definitely not me, but a friend.

Our set up dictates that we all head over to the lead school in our academies trust for the morning and so, on the first Monday back, I was in a car share chatting to a pal, while listening to The Smiths and wondering why the people in the back had definitely just mentioned that someone they knew might just be a swinger. It’s the kind of 20 minute journey that feels like it takes 4 hours and almost every road is about 6ft wide and undulating. And this year someone was talking about swingers.

On arrival at our INSET day, it’s a bit like being a pilot as numerous ‘important’ people in high viz jackets attempt to steer you into exactly the right parking space, as if parking where you want would represent a level 9 security breach, whatever that is.

Then, it’s breakfast with staff from every other school in the trust – I estimate that we have 804 schools by the state of the canteen as we walk in – and my compliments to the chef have to go to the individual who served up my orange juice and pain au chocolate as it made me feel like I’d just arrived at a luxury spa in rural France…sort of.

I’ll spare you anymore great detail of the morning, but suffice to say it was a delight to share reading strategies that I introduced to the staff of my own school around 4 years ago as well as those from partner schools and see them greeted with the kind of enthusiasm that indicated that no one had been listening four years ago. I’ll look forward to see someone else introducing them as their own some time soon and resolve to try very, very hard not to scream or shout obscenities.

There was also mention of Steve Peters, the psychiatrist made famous for his work with many of the UK’s top athletes. It reminded me that it’s entirely possible that I only have the chimp part of my brain that functions. And if you haven’t read the book, that won’t mean anything to you. Basically , Dr Steve says that it’s the chimp part of your brain that makes you do stupid stuff. Don’t worry though; it’s not a real chimp.

Looking round at lunch I noticed that one of our new starters didn’t get the casual dress memo; a lone young man in shirt and tie while everyone else in in jeans, t-shirts and the like, which is always brilliant and I also spotted the worst deputy head I’ve ever had the displeasure of working with, as he now seems to be employed by our trust. A number of years back I had to be restrained by a friend to prevent me having ‘a chat’ with said deputy after he simply forgot to turn up for an observation I’d spent untold hours preparing for. So, it was lovely to see him again.

At the end of that first day, I left work late feeling exactly the same way as I do every year – unprepared for the rest of the week and wishing that someone would grasp the importance of giving teachers time on these kinds of days rather than just workshops and speeches.

The rest of the week actually wasn’t that bad though, although I’m teaching three different subjects this year and would relish the chance to warmly thank our government for their assistance with this development. Without your ineptitude and inability to fund the creation of attractive working environments that might attract and keep new staff year in year out, I wouldn’t get to challenge myself with bottom set Year 9 PHSCE, so thanks for that. It wouldn’t be the same just being an experienced English teacher tasked with just teaching English.

One irritation about the rest of the week was that it was conducted through a heatwave, which if you’re a teacher you’ll know is exactly the same thing that happens every year, without fail. Five and a half weeks of rain followed by weather that would be more at home in the outback. My classroom is air-conditioned, so it’s quite nice, but it’s never fun when every class that comes in gives you a weather report, then points out that my room is lovely and cool before giving it ten minutes and informing me that they’re too cold.

It felt like a long week and I must admit it was a struggle in terms of tiredness – I nearly wrote fatigue there, but it was 5 days, for goodness sakes – and as I adapted to my routine for the 24th year, there were a few late finishes.

Happily, I managed to fit in two impromptu naps – don’t worry they were at home, not at work – so perhaps it’s right what they say about every cloud as it was a joy to re-discover my ability to fall asleep while reading. It may not be a skill to add to a CV any time soon, but it’s definitely something that I excel at and am really quite passionate about.

More joy came with the number of students who pointed out that I now had a beard. It was great to be reminded of this fact, especially as I’ve had said beard for around 9 months now and would have paraded it in front of almost all of them for several of those months last year. So, if anyone wonders of it’s a problem for teachers to get students to retain information on any number of complex subjects from Shakespeare to trigonometry, that might just help with the answer.

There have been the usual snags over the last couple of weeks. Every teacher surely knows that every photocopier in the building will break within 24 hours. And we’ll all still try to fix them or use them, despite the sign telling us they’re knackered.

In further technology news, my board is still making the same noise (it literally goes ‘doodly doo’ loudly and repeatedly) at random points of every lesson as it did in July. A temporary fix was put in place then; so temporary that it just never worked and the noise just continued. I was promised it’d be fixed. I was also promised that the wire that runs from my computer to my board would be replaced as it meant I had to hurdle it to get around that part of my classroom. Reader, I’m still hurdling.

There have been the delights of shared classes too. This year it feels like I share 94 groups, although it’s only three. But this still means the need to locate your books when needed as well as the sheer nightmare of working out where each class has got to while they’re with the other teacher. Often, this is just solved with an email, but it never fails to make things awkward! It also means that for the umpteenth year running, I’m an entire class’s least favourite English teacher and I get to hear that ‘Miss doesn’t do this’ or ‘Miss is nice’ at least 14 times a lesson.

Finally came a personal snag highlight in that where I park there are a few trees and it’s at this time of year that they seems to shed some kind of white sap. So, for the last two weeks, I’ve been possibly quite unique in being the only bloke driving a black and white polka dotted Mazda through West Yorkshire for the last two weeks.

As we edge towards the end of the second week I at least have reason for some optimism. My desk is roughly two metres wide and 1 metre deep. As I type, I think you can still see actual desk over approximately half of that area. Knowing that the piles of paper and books will inevitably grow, that 50% of desk is very much a reason to be cheerful!

Book Review: ‘Tick Tock’ by Simon Mayo

There’s a dedication in the front of this book that reads, ‘It’s another page turner, Mary!’ and it’s not wrong. Put simply, this is just a great read; the kind of novel that you just don’t want to put down.

‘Tick Tock’ is the latest novel from Simon Mayo, best known as a radio DJ in the UK. It’s what I suppose you might call pandemic literature, inspired as it undoubtedly is by what we the kinds of things went through with Coronavirus. This time though, the mystery virus seems to be a rare strain of tinnitus and as such, pretty harmless. But soon and with information being drip fed from various angles, we learn that this is something far more serious and life threatening.

Kit Chaplin is the head of English at a small and fairly exclusive high school in central London. Rose, his daughter goes to the same school and Kit’s presence there is an irritation to say the least and Kit knows it. Lilly, a vaccinologist, is Kit’s partner and her daughter Jess also goes to the school, meaning that there’s yet more workplace awkwardness. Little do they know that soon life at the school will provide a great deal more to think about than whether or not they might bump into each other in a corridor during the change over of lessons. Life as they know it, is about to change in a big way.

‘Tick Tock’ tells a tale that in a way, we all kind of already know. The tale of a pandemic, of ignorance, pain, misinformation and more. And it’s the more that makes this well, more than just a pandemic story. Suddenly, in among the science, there’s also an espionage shaped twist as ‘Tick Tock’ takes us in a direction that we might not have seen coming and it’s a race against time to try to save lives.

I remember reading my first Simon Mayo book, the YA novel ‘Itch’, and for what seemed like hours of reading thinking, ‘Oh, I didn’t see that coming’ as I hung on for dear life. ‘Tick Tock’ has the same thrilling qualities. It’s really well researched too, so as I reader I found myself wanting to read on in order to find out more about the burgeoning pandemic, the possibility of a vaccine and the research behind it. It all adds up to – as I said at the top of the page – a real page turner.

Mayo’s characters are excellently written too and I found myself empathising with English teacher Kit, as someone who does the same job with the same loves and frustrations. Being the father of two teenagers I felt familiar with his home situation too and found myself smiling at every rolled eye and worrying for him when he and Rose were caught up in the hysteria of the pandemic. The stress of the pandemic is obviously all too familiar given our situation a few years back and yet the narrative still feels compelling and original.

The virus moves at a fast pace, as does the narrative and you’ll find yourself feeling desperate to know what’s going to happen next, what fresh twists might be taken and perhaps more importantly, who will make it through. Tick Tock’s cover tells us ‘your time is running out’ and with the somewhat breathless pace of the book, it really does feel that way at times, as you immerse yourself in the increasing sense of panic that is gripping the nation.

‘Tick Tock’ is a brilliant read and another triumph for Mayo. Not only is it an excellent thriller, it’s one to keep you thinking too. So, while you’re trying to figure out who might die, you’re also left with a number of underlying sub plots, wondering how it all fits together. But fit together it does, brilliantly, constantly making you ask questions; the kind of narrative that might just keep you awake at night!

If you love a thriller, give ‘Tick Tock’ a read. However, if you simply enjoy a good yarn, I’d say give it a go too. Complex at times, worrying at others, but a fantastic novel every step of the way.

I give ‘Tick Tock’

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Isaac Hayden; where did it all go wrong?

So Isaac Hayden has left the club for Standard Liege of all places. And while it might only be on loan for the season, it’s clear that his future lies elsewhere and that you possibly wouldn’t expect to see him in the black and white stripes again, even though his contract runs all the way through until June 2026.

Hayden joined Newcastle from Arsenal in July 2016 having spent the previous season on loan at Hull City in the Championship. His experience in the division would prove key to a newly relegated Newcastle team, who at the time were losing quite a few stars who weren’t so keen to drop down a division after we were relegated. He signed a five year contract and quickly became a favourite of both the fans and Rafa himself, who Hayden told one interviewer would wait for him in the car park in order to impart more advice on his game!

Isaac established himself as a defensive midfielder who wasn’t shy in the tackle, was physical, athletic, hard working but also had an eye for a pass. At a time when we were losing considerable talent in the midfield department with players such as Moussa Sisoko and Andros Townsend departing, Hayden felt like a bit of a godsend. As an established England Under 21 player and at a bargain £1.5m, it looked like Rafa had unearthed a gem!

Benitez flagged up Hayden as a player with real potential when he signed for the club and in that Championship winning season, he was a key performer. Making 38 appearances and scoring 2 goals, including a beauty away at Cardiff, Hayden had a strong first season, showing himself to be a leader in the team. In fact, he would make himself at home at the club over the next few years, despite some problems settling at first. It was to his credit though, he knuckled down and stayed and it was this type of determination that made him a bit of a fan favourite.

When Rafa left in 2019 and we ended up with Steve Bruce, even that wasn’t enough to force Hayden to leave! In fact, as he’d played under Bruce at Hull, Hayden continued to improve. In 2020 there would be another Toon highlight for Isaac when he scored a late winner with a header against Chelsea at the Gallowgate end; cue crazy scenes of unbridled joy around the ground!

By 2021 though, Isaac had picked up a serious injury and his Newcastle career wouldn’t ever be the same. When he wasn’t named in the Premier League squad for the second half of the 21/22 season, things looked pretty bleak. Consequently, in June 2022 Isaac joined Norwich on a season long loan, but injuries continued to dog his progress and he only managed 12 appearances.

For me, Hayden represents a bit of a puzzle. I rate him as a player and always enjoyed watching him play in black and white. I genuinely thought he had enough class to continue in the Premier League, but he never quite made his mark.

However, given his athleticism, intelligence and strength I’ve wondered if, given a break, he could have been a classic case of a player that was ripe for what we might refer to as a proper ‘Howeing’. If you look at what Eddie has done with players like Joelinton and Sean Longstaff, you could be forgiven for thinking that Hayden could have been another who would have benefitted from Howe’s coaching. Then again, perhaps Big Joe and Longstaff’s gains have just come at the expense of players like Isaac Hayden. And of course, there’s also the matter of fitness, which Hayden has struggled with for the past couple of seasons.

Furthermore, when you look at the standard of our midfield these days, it’s just very clear that we’ve moved on. So while Hayden was a player that many liked, I suppose we have to ask whether he’d get into our team, having been Howed or not. The short answer is probably no and exactly why he’s on the move. As good as Hayden was on his day, was he a Bruno, Longstaff, Tonali, Joelinton? Again, no and with younger players such as Anderson and Miley coming through, I guess it’s clear to see that Isaac Hayden just couldn’t stay.

Whatever has happened at Newcastle for Isaac Hayden, I think it’s a bit of a shame. However, as we all know only too well, this is a very different Newcastle United to the one that he joined back in 2016 and so there were always going to be casualties of such immense change.

Now 28, Hayden moves to Liege no longer a young player with potential. With almost 200 career appearances, the Belgians are getting an experienced player who could make a real difference to their season if he can stay fit. Let’s hope it works out for him.

Good luck for the rest of the season, Isaac.

‘We Are Newcastle United’; Episode 4 Where Our Lads Belong.

So, after a month worth of episodes, we get to the finale of ‘We Are Newcastle United’. And while we kind of know what happens – it was just last season and the Adidas deal got ‘leaked’ just the other week – it turns out that it’s still well worth a watch.

This one begins with archive footage of that Barcelona game from the Champions League and Tino’s hat-trick, which is timely given the recent Champions League draw. It’s obviously fantastic to watch back, but what occurred to me while I sat watching was what we beat Barca with. So, sure there was Tino, but alongside were the likes of John Dahl Tommason, Temuri Ketsbaia and a 44-year-old John Barnes. OK, that bit’s an exaggeration, but we also had Kenny Dalglish as manager, the bloke responsible for some of the most mind-numbing football I’ve ever watched. Given those facts, maybe our group this year isn’t that ‘deathly’ after all.

As preparations are made for another game, we find ourselves in the posh seats watching the build up to dinner time. As NUFC scran’s version of Eddie Howe reads out the menu, a waitress confesses that she doesn’t know what gazpacho is. Expecting the announcement of a new signing and possible even another twist in the Santiago Munez/Goal saga I shuffled to the edge of my seat only to be deflated almost instantly by the revelation that it is in fact just “cold soup”. Talk about an anti-climax.

Watching the Southampton game again was a strange experience and I sat there feeling just as sick as I did at the time, even though I knew the ending! Amanda Staveley features here too and reveals herself again to be very much a fan, whatever you might think about the PR side of this series. She’s up and down in her seat like a jack-in-the-box and as we watch her at half time it seems she’s just like loads of us are while watching football. But she genuinely doesn’t know whether to watch the second half, feeling that she’ll jinx it, which is certainly akin to my own myriad of superstitions like half time toilet visits, lucky pants, lucky stones (don’t ask) and making sure that I follow the same routine in the build up to any game. Unlike me though, the minute she returns to the inside of the stadium, we score.

Later, we’re treated to another Zoom meeting of the club’s power brokers and not for the first time, it strikes me that the way they all speak feels like the exact antithesis of how it probably used to be. Their knowledge and passion seems clear, whereas a documentary a few seasons ago would have surely just shown Lee Charnley talking through a list of under 23 cast offs we’d taken on trial from other clubs while Mike Ashley sits swigging another can of Carling and picking Doritos crumbs off the front of his latest already grubby George at Asda white shirt. So, if nothing else, the documentary has served as an insight into just how professional the club is these days.

Tonight’s episode is particularly heartwarming with scenes of both Amanda Staveley and Eddie Howe with their kids and Dan Burn paying a visit to his home town and local football club for a Q&A with the youngsters there. All are shown as intense, driven, honest, but also good humoured and fun loving and come across really well. Kieran Trippier also features and when he talks you listen. Again, he’s intense, but what struck me about all four here was how calmly yet passionately they spoke about the club.

And then we’re taken on the journey that we’d all been waiting for. Staveley, Ghoudoussi, Eales et al are off on a seemingly top secret mission and if the broadcaster hadn’t have messed this up a few weeks ago, you can only imagine the excitement at the big reveal. As it is, I’ve decided I’d quite like to work at Adidas HQ, despite the disappointment that their ‘World of Sport’ showed absolutely no sign of Dickie Davies or Big Daddy. But did you see the place? Incredible!

Mind you, despite sealing the biggest deal in the club’s history, I thought the board missed a trick. Now I’m no graduate of Harvard Business School, but I reckon if they’d all turned up clad head to toe in all manner of Adidas clobber and looking like Run DMC, they could well have squeezed a bit more money out of the deal. With that in mind, if anyone at Adidas – purveyors of the coolest trainers on the planet – or NUFC reads this, I’m available for hire. Or a free pair of trainers.

The series closes as we knew it would; with a happy ending. In the midst of it all there’s a shock as Amanda Staveley swears…then cries. Eddie Howe is as humble as ever. And fans and players enjoy one of the greatest nights in the club’s recent history. The message from all is clear: We are Newcastle United…and we might just have a few more happy endings planned too!

In almost closing myself , I do have a few daft observations about tonight’s episode and the series in general.

  1. Tonight, the voiceover has one fan telling us, “We will name our kids after these people”. Now, given my age that won’t be very likely. However, I’m hoping that my future grandchildren Joelinton, Wor Yasir, The Stave, Tripps and Big Dan Burn will take to their names like the champions I expect them to be and won’t get bullied at school.
  2. It was great to see Joe Willock lose himself in the euphoria of the Leicester City game and sing ‘Tell me ma, me ma’ like a fan, but I think he failed his X Factor audition.
  3. Could someone get Dan Ashworth a bigger chair, please?

4. As good as this series was, it would have been even better with 100% more Jacob Murphy.

I’ve enjoyed ‘We Are Newcastle United’ immensely. PR exercise or not, I’ve loved watching it and was glad that we never looked stupid or small time. It’s been reassuring to see how well the club seems to be run and that everyone involved cares. And it’s all been captured very well. At the end we were told that “Something exciting is going to happen”. I hope so, I really hope so!

Poetry Blog: ‘Routine’

It’s been a while since I wrote any poetry. Anything complete, that is. There are several pages of notes and drafts in various notebooks and on my phone, as it goes and I definitely need to find time to get some of them finished. I know that there are notes and stuff because I’ve just looked. Every so often when I look I find one that I remember little or nothing about, although they’re usually from some stage of my time at home recovering from heart surgery last year.

Today’s poem is one of them. On first view it looked more or less complete, but once I read it again I made a few changes and additions and came up with what’s below. It’s a poem about the frustration of the every day routine, when the every day routine is slow, dull and painful.

Routine

As the gulls cry above
they seem to mock you,
gliding as they do, freely,
uninterrupted across another slate grey sky
almost laughing at the state you're in.

Beneath there is no flight, no such freedom
as you struggle through the curtained drizzle,
checking your pulse, taking deep breath after deep breath,
careful to slow your steps 
and evermore conscious of how helpless you must look,
knowing that you will collapse like a man at the end of a month long expedition,
somewhat gasping and groaning at your discomfort,
but trying to hide your fatigue 
as you return indoors
where only the slow death march of daytime TV
and snacking await.
The beard, the boredom and the bitterness
that come with early onset uselessness slowly grow,
the ticking of every clock in the place 
the only soundtrack to both your thoughts and your days,
while you sit, restless, clueless about how this all came to pass.

I’ve no idea when this was written. It could have been any of several weeks where I just couldn’t see an end to the weakness and fatigue that I felt. What I do know is that I felt angry. Livid at the fact that while having a pacemaker fitted was undoubtedly essential for me, it came with no real warning. I never would have suspected that the palpitations and dizziness I’d been experiencing on and off for months would have needed anything more than tablets to be sorted out. Maybe that’s why I’m an English teacher and not a cardiologist!

While I’m still a little angry and frustrated, the days of freezing cold, lonely walks are long gone. And while I’m not as healthy as I’d like to be, I’m a lot better than whenever this was written.

I’m gradually coming to terms with the changes that surgery has brought about and slowly recovering, although I think it’s going to be a lot longer before I feel quite myself again. So the poem is reflective of the kind of bleak times that I rarely, if ever seem to have anymore, but it intrigued me when I found it.

Anyway, I hope it made for a decent, interesting read! Feel free to leave a comment.

‘We Are Newcastle United’; Episode 3 Changing The Toon

I must admit to a tiny bit of a crisis of confidence before writing this latest article. I mean, who wants to read my ramblings about a programme they’ve inevitably already watched? But then I remembered that there are shed loads of grown adults out there who video themselves watching live football, swearing their heads off and acting like babies for all the world to see. So with so little to lose, I wrote the article!

If ever there was a collection of images that sums up the change in Newcastle United since October 2021 it’s there for all to see in episode 3. Granted, one side of the images isn’t here, but is undoubtedly etched in the mind of all of us. I talk of course of the players taking ice baths in wheelie bins and paddling pools during Mike Ashley’s reign. In this episode though we see the enormous changes in recovery technology brought to Newcastle by the new regime with a glimpse of the new hydro therapy pool. The difference is massive and the progress is there for all to see. Professional athletes being treated like professional athletes; who knew that this might help?

Later in the episode, while visiting Atlanta ahead of the Premier League Summer Series, Darren Eales refers to Newcastle as ‘a 130 year old start up’ creating a stark image of what the new owners must have found when they first arrived. Graeme Robson of Wor Flags later talks candidly about the fact that the new money can’t be ignored, but really all we wanted was for the club to be run properly. Not very convenient for the narrative touted by a lot of the media, but the truth all the same and a truth that ‘We Are Newcastle United’ needed to convey.

In this episode the players and the fans move more into focus. We start with Alexander Isak’s brace against Forest away and are reminded of the karate kick finish for the first. A hell of a goal and a hell of a start to what I must say has been my favourite episode so far.

As we move on to the build up to the home game against Manchester United it’s hugely positive. For me, the insight into the small touches by Eddie Howe are really interesting. Just things like greeting every player as they arrive at the training ground – ‘How’s that knee, Joe?’ – and then the enthusiasm on the training pitch and the encouragement – ‘Yes Cal…love that Callum’ are just lovely. I’m not naïve enough to think it’s anything special either, but you get the feeling that this is relentless from Howe and his staff. I, for one, would thrive hearing that type of thing every day.

Later in the show, when asked about the Carabao Cup Final defeat, Eddie tells the interviewer that ‘Any defeat you have is always in there, somewhere.’ Again, it’s the attention to detail and the steely determination that we all love, especially when defeats under the last regime were greeted with unwanted days off for the players and impromptu holidays for the manager. Not every time – no one can afford that many holidays – but enough so that every time that Eddie speaks you admire him just a little bit more. Although after a while, I’d have to tell him that my name’s not actually Callum…

Next there’s a focus on the lads and lasses at Wor Flags with an insight into their work and the preparation that went into the huge surfer flag that covered the bottom tier of the Leazes. Firstly, this serves to show the dedication of the fans – from those that donate money to make it all possible to the volunteers who put everything in place and organise the whole thing. Secondly though, it confirms that I’d be absolutely no use to them. While they’re unfolding, hauling and precisely positioning flags that cover almost an entire stand and weigh half a tonne, I still have to have my wife guide me through the folding up of a picnic blanket. I guess there are levels to this kind of thing, but it serves to illustrate the passion and dedication that is felt around Newcastle United.

As episode 3 rolls on to the Manchester United match, it’s hard to imagine the stadium looking any better and while some of the camera work is very much reminiscent of shows like The Apprentice, it’s very much appreciated. St. James’ Park is always an impressive sight and a thing of beauty but the documentary really celebrates the place here. The surfer flag looks incredible, but Wor Flags member Graeme’s excitement and pride is arguably even better.

This was by far the most emotional episode so far for me personally. I know lots of people said that the cup final footage brought them to tears, but not me. However, seeing the scenes in the dressing room both before the Manchester United game and at half time almost makes me crack.

Callum Wilson’s story later on, adds to the raw emotion and gives us an intriguing insight into not just the player, but the man and what makes him tick. The smile is infectious and instant, almost making it hard to imagine what he has gone through to get to this stage. But then key words like ‘turmoil’ and ‘adversity’ dominate during the visit to his old school and for me it serves to show that Callum Wilson found not just a football club, but a home when he joined Newcastle United. Wilson has played a massive part in its upturn, yet even in these more positive times he’s quick to flag up the importance of hunger and anger in achieving his goals. And I think it’s quite a neat parallel to the anger and determination of the fans in almost forcing change a couple of years ago.

And then, alongside some beautiful sweeping shots of the stadium and the odd bridge, we hear from some of the fans about the importance of Newcastle United. Again, there’s a big contrast here. Firstly, a Hindu fan speaks beautifully about the club being ‘the great equaliser in the city’ and how, when the time comes, he wants to be reincarnated as a Newcastle fan. Then we hear from 4 primary age kids, perched on a wall and one of them reflects about his sadness at the season ending soon, but that ‘summer’ll be good…wi’ hot tubs and that’. I’d like to think that they both speak for us all in their own way!

Speaking of speaking for us all, I’m sure I’ll be doing just that when I say that Anthony Gordon’s enquiries about pillows had us all on the edge of our seats. After already packing in quite a bit of drama, Gordon’s sleepy time enquiries promise to ramp it up another notch. Pillowgate turns out to be a bit of a let down though, with no one bar Anthony himself giving a shit. Even Nick Pope’s revelation that he sleeps with a pillow between his legs falls strangely flat. Still, if anyone was ever curious about how many pillows the likes of Gordon and Tripps sleep with, they got their answer.

At the end of the episode we get to re-live the remarkable events of the Spurs game. An extraordinary performance that will live long in the memory of every fan. As the goals flow and a rival is thoroughly humiliated the voiceover states, ‘What a time to be a Newcastle United fan’. I’ll drink to that and look forward to episode 4, but before I do, I have a question.

Has anybody else noticed the woman in the opening credits – and she’s there at the Spurs game too – arms aloft in celebration just shouting ‘No…no’? See, some of us are so wrapped up in the joy of this club that we forget how to celebrate. Newcastle United, that.

‘We Are Newcastle United’; Episode 2 Tell me ma, me ma.

I know that lots will view this programme as mere PR – and they’d have a case too -but I for one, am thoroughly enjoying it. Thus, from the moment the ever engaging Amanda Staveley states that “the city is just alive” I’m invested in episode 2. Call me simple, but I just love watching things I love on the telly!

Episode 2 covers the awkward subject of the Carabao Cup final; its build up and the actual game itself. And while I understand that the focus of the show is on the boardroom – or Alnwick Castle as it’s known in these circles – I think the episode suffered a little bit by not covering slightly more in terms of the fans here. Surely there were more stories to be told given the length of time between out last and latest appearances at Wembley? But perhaps I’m being hyper critical because actually, I think the story that was told, was told very well.

From the moment a Toon fan expertly catapults the wire attached to the giant Newcastle top over the shoulder of the Angel of The North, we’re getting a flavour of what this all means. No other fans mess about with Antony Gormley’s statues in the way that we do! In between various Geordies telling us of their excitement there are sections of board meetings and it displays just how tirelessly Staveley and the gang are working to take the club forward. It made me laugh when Peter Silverstone said that they’ve contacted 1193 companies in their pursuit of a shirt sponsor as I’m guessing that Lee Charnley was working at slightly different levels when he got Fun88 to part with a few million.

As a seasoned telly watcher, I also think that I may have uncovered how the series ends. The key is in Amanda Staveley referring to literally everyone as ‘my angel’. With this in mind, I’m now wondering if the last one will end a la Spartacus, with first Callum Wilson, then Eddie Howe, Miggy, Bruno, the tea lady, several of the ball boys and girls and all of Wor Flags claiming “No, I’m Amanda’s angel” before finally everyone agrees that in actual fact it’s Bruno’s dad that’s Amanda’s angel…and everybody else’s by the looks of things in this episode. Sorry, if that becomes a spoiler, by the way.

Suddenly though, it’s cup final day and we hear what it means to the local lads in the squad. Dan Burn tells us about going to games and worshipping Shearer – I’m Alan’s angel, by the way Dan – before making an impassioned dressing room speech, but it’s not that that impressed me. No, I was more impressed by the slow-mo shot of Big Dan rising to make a defensive header in training, which only needed a bit of David Attenborough over the top of it in order to be awarded a Bafta, in my opinion. I’m not ashamed to say it, but I think it made me fall a little bit in love with Blyth’s finest.

Other highlights included the old lad in the pub who told his mate, “Peter, if it’s 1-0…I wouldn’t be able to to do anything. I’d be pissed out me brains!” I think it summed it up for a lot of us who simply can’t put into words how much some success would mean. Get that lad a statue, I say!

Episode 2 also gave mackems the first chance to play their inevitable game of ‘FTM Bingo’ with one Newcastle fan referring to the Geordie Nation and then some Sam Fender played underneath a section of the show at one point. Still not enough for them to get a line, let alone a full house though, so no doubt they’ll be sat there with their dobbers in hand, salivating again next week…some might say as usual!

Watching the footage of the Carabao Cup final didn’t feel emotional for me and I know that from social media some people have said that they shed a few tears. Sure, it was a tough watch to see various faces going through the emotions and people like Dan Burn just gazing forlornly into the crowd at the end. For me though I thought that the show covered it well and in fact, it just made me think that those lads will remember that feeling, as we all will and we’ll be better next time. And there will be a next time.

After that we were back with the big guns on the board, with Peter Silverstone taking us into the commercial department, which was illuminating about the state the club had been left in. The revelation that we only have about 40 staff charged with bringing in commercial income whereby a club like Arsenal have around 150 is the kind of detail that us ordinary fans probably never think about, but it illustrates perfectly the amount of catching up the club have got to do.

And then we were privvy to a Zoom call where catching up was the whole agenda with the announcement of the Sela deal and the fact that we were finally earning more than just enough to cover Mike Ashley’s crisp budget from our front of shirt sponsor.

The episode ended on a happy note with the victory over Wolves and the season getting back on track. I have a feeling that Miggy was Amanda Staveley’s special angel that day.

So, now we’re set up for episode 3 and an incredible upturn in results and performances, as well as the emergence of Eddie Howe channeling Rab C Nesbitt and swearing like a trooper. It’s safe to say I’m really enjoying the show and actually, even though fans or players aren’t really the stars here, it’s an interesting take on the club. There’s still not enough Jacob Murphy, mind you…