Middle Age Fanclub

Gallowgate Cult Heroes number 13 – Santiago Munez and Santiago Munoz.

They say that the truth is stranger than fiction and in the case of Santiago Munez and Santiago Munoz, that couldn’t be more true! For while both have Toon connections and a bit of a cult following for a time, neither actually had any actual impact on the first team. Yet still, both are immediately memorable.

It gets even stranger though. Munez of course is a fictional character and was the young Mexican striker from the film ‘Goal’, signed by Newcastle to then go on and become a bit of a superstar. Munez’s story is brilliant though and it’s actually been mentioned by some signings in terms of being one of the reasons that they knew about Newcastle! Jonas Gutierrez, Massadio Haidara and Papiss Cisse all mentioned the film as helping with their awareness of the team and Callum Wilson said, “…it’s all about Newcastle. It got the little boy in me all excited and you’re thinking, yeah that’s the one for me!”

If you don’t know the film ‘Goal’, Munez is spotted by a scout playing in LA and offered a trial at Newcastle. Despite the odds – his dad nicked his secret stash of money so he couldn’t afford the plane fare, but was saved by his grandma who used her secret stash to buy one for him – Munez arrives on Tyneside and overcomes bullying, asthma (no, really!), the weather and homesickness to eventually strike up a decent partnership up top with Gavin Harris, another cult hero…

Nowadays he’d be scuppered by Shola and a loan to some team in Belgium fighting a relegation battle and we’d never hear from him again, but thankfully his cult status was assured by the magic of Hollywood!

I remember being at matches at the time ‘Goal’ was being made, sitting in Level 7 and spotting people in Toon kit crouched by the pitch, behind the advertising hoardings. At the final whistle they’d run on and celebrate with actual players, with cameras capturing the footage for the film. And I was at the Liverpool match that was used as Munez’s moment of glory when movie magic transformed a Laurent Robert freekick into a last minute winner by the fictional Mexican cult hero. Strange times indeed!

From Newcastle Munez is transferred to Real Madrid where the drama continues. However, despite a troubled time, he eventually turns things round and scores in the Champions League final against Arsenal, which I think proves once and for all that Hollywood doesn’t quite understand football! Apparently the rumour that Mikel Arteta still insists that Arsenal were the best side in the tournament that year isn’t actually true though!

Fast forward some 16 years from the original ‘Goal’ and we actually signed Munez’s near namesake. The subtly different Santiago Munoz was signed on loan from Mexican side Santos Laguna. Sadly, during his 18 months on Tyneside he was only really an academy signing and even then, didn’t make more than a handful of appearances.

For me though, the thing that makes Munoz a cult figure is that his signing was just so typical of Mike Ashley. If ever a signing summed up the Del Boy approach of our former owner, it was this one. A low level of risk, that if it paid off and Munoz was a success, could be milked to the maximum using the comparison between him and the bloke from ‘Goal’! You can almost see and hear Ashley salivating at the prospect of this moment of genius paying dividends! Sadly for Money Mike, Munoz spent most of his time here injured and although he made a substitute appearance in a pre-season game, he was pretty much always destined to return to Mexico. A gamble that was all too typical of Ashley, but one that for a short while captured the imagination of many of Mag!

Of course neither of the Santiagos is really a cult hero. But both, particularly Munez and ‘Goal’, have had an impact on the club and the fanbase. At the time I was fascinated by the fact that we’d be featured in a film and couldn’t wait to see it, especially as I’d been there on occasions when they’d been filming. The film itself will always be synonymous with the city and even now it gets mentioned by players. I could be wrong, but I’m sure it was referenced by Bruno when he signed.

So, Santiagos Munez and Munoz can be classed as Gallowgate Cult Heroes, even if they barely spent more than a few minutes on our pitches!

Middle Aged Moans and Creaking Bones.

It’s been a bit of a difficult start to the year in terms of health and fitness. It started with me catching some kind of bug just after New Year, which pretty much knocked me for six. It felt flu-like (I promise it wasn’t just the mythical ‘man flu’) and really didn’t help in preparing for the term ahead at work, as well as the new year in general. And it’s been largely downhill ever since…

A few Sundays ago, I was meant to be running the Pontefract 10k, easily one of my favourite races of the year. Training hadn’t been going well though and the most I’d ran in over a month had been 4.5 miles, which was a long way short of what I needed to complete for a 10k (6.2 miles). Still, despite the lack of miles in the legs I’d resolved to run and just give it everything I had in order to get over that finish line in a half decent time. And then the Saturday before happened.

On the Saturday before the race, I woke up feeling fine. I’d had a decent sleep and was up and showered early and ready to go. The usual Saturday plan is to head to a local country park in order to volunteer for ParkRun or just get some washing in and then head to the supermarket to do the weekly shop. With my son busy revising, it meant that we wouldn’t be volunteering, so once the washing was in I headed to the supermarket where, up to a point, everything was going swimmingly.

Suddenly though, as I headed to the checkout, I felt violently sick and my stomach was turning more than my washing machine. I dumped my trolley and ran to the toilets, just in case – can you imagine the eternal shame of throwing up in your local supermarket? Nothing happened though and so when I felt a little better I rescued my shopping and went and paid for it.

It happened again though, almost the minute that I walked in through my front door. To cut a long, repetitive story short, I ended up in bed, sleeping like a baby for the next couple of hours. On waking up, I realised pretty quickly that I wouldn’t be making the trip to Pontefract the next day.

This was the second race in two months that I’ve had to pull out of. The first one, in April, was just because I felt extremely tired. I didn’t even really want to race, having done the same one last year and hated every second of it! It was only bloody mindedness that made me enter again!

And so, that Pontefract Sunday was spent trying to pick myself up from feeling low and working out how to put things right. I had four weeks until my next race – the Leeds 10k, which is always fantastic. I decided just to take a slightly different approach and resolved to think less about times and distances and just make sure that I get out and run. No excuses, no pondering and deliberating and talking myself out of things…just get out with a minimum distance in mind and run. Hopefully fitness would come and as the race approached I would be able to start preparing properly and getting some longer distances in.

As I write on 2nd June, it’s been going well. I dragged myself out and did a post work 5k on the Monday evening after having missed out on Pontefract and I’ve been keeping going since then with 4 runs in total as well as several long walks and some yoga. My latest run was a Friday morning 10k which was nowhere near as tough as I’d expected and although I was slightly irritated with my time (just over 56 minutes) I’ve told myself that it doesn’t matter and that if I can run under 55 minutes for the Leeds 10k, then that will represent a bit of a triumph.

Hopefully, by the middle of June I’m approaching some sort of fitness. In an ideal world I won’t be struck down by another bout of mystery illness and so be able to just slowly build my strength back up. It’s been good just to give myself a kick up the backside and adopt a ‘no excuses’ attitude.

Roll on Sunday 15th June and the Leeds 10k! Fingers tightly crossed until the actual day though!

Book Review: ‘The Rise of The Ultra Runners’ by Adharanand Finn

For a while now, ultra running has both appalled and fascinated me. We’re talking ridiculous distances and conditions – running 100 mile races is fairly typical and often involving mountains and other such treacherous terrain. The idea of putting myself through such torture, despite my love of running, appalled me, but the idea that people chose to test themselves to the limits in such events absolutely fascinated me.

‘The Rise of The Ultra Runners’ had been on my ‘to read’ list for a while. It had sat there in one of my book boxes idle, occasionally popping its head up and briefly grabbing my attention before losing out to something shinier. And then one day, I decided that the time was right. It turned out that I really should have picked it up earlier!

The book plots the rise in popularity of ultra running; basically the pursuit of running ridiculous distances over many hours, sometimes days and often in ridiculous conditions. It would seem that there are now plenty of perfectly sane humans getting bored of the shorter distances, you know, like a marathon! For the uninitiated this means that ultra runners are taking on anything from 50k to 160k. In fact, the longest ultra is actually 3100 miles!

As with the last book of his that I read, ‘Running with the Kenyans’, Finn immerses himself in the world of endurance running. In order to write the book, he doesn’t just search out ultra runners, he becomes one and it’s an interesting read. Finn not only runs the races, at one point he even moves in with one of the world’s best ultra runners living in a cabin on a mountain, training with him and generally just trying to absorb everything he can about this world that he’s joined in with.

The adventures of ‘The Rise of the Ultra Runners’ take us all over the world in the pursuit of the ultimate test. Finn talks us through each agonising step in a world where things can change from one minute to the next. It seems that as an ultra runner you never quite know when disaster might strike.

However, these athletes, Finn included, are ridiculously dedicated to their craft. So whether, it’s an injury, the terrain, the weather or just the fact that the climb just doesn’t seem to want to end, these people just don’t seem to ever want to give up. Given that the distances can stretch into the hundreds and sometimes thousands of miles, this is an illuminating read, to say the least. And there was me congratulating myself on keeping going for the final mile of a particularly tough uphill 5k the other night!

‘The Rise of the Ultra Runners’ is a fantastic read whether you’re a runner or not. If you run, it’s about our world, but multiplied by 100 in most cases. If, like me, you often struggle to drag yourself around a 10k then you’ll be amazed at the physical and mental feats described here. The fact that not only can humans push themselves to their physical and mental limits over what feel like obscene distances, but also while they’re literally climbing mountains or battling with ridiculous extremes of temperature will never not fascinate me. But it’s not just that that’s so interesting. With this book, the devil is really in the detail in terms of exactly what we’re capable of.

The further I got through the book, the more fascinated I got. And the more fascinated I got, the more I thought about trying an ultra marathon myself. The reality is that I most likely won’t ever have the time, but it’s an idea that I still can’t shake and I’d love for there to be a time where I was able to train for one and make it happen.

And for me, that’s the genius of the book. It tackles something that will seem utterly ridiculous for the majority of us and yet, we’re still compelled by what we read. This reader, despite the onset of middle age, a pacemaker, asthma and a terrible habit of eating crisps and chocolate and drinking red wine read it and genuinely thought he’d be able to run a 50k race. And let’s not get started on my genuine fascination with a 100 miler in South Africa!

I give ‘The Rise of The Ultra Runners’

Sell Anthony Gordon? Please, step away from the internet!

Like any fully grown adult I realise that it’s futile to get too bothered by stuff you read on social media. Whether it’s to do with politics, music or sport – particularly football – there’s always someone having a rant or disguising their desperate attempts to get attention by starting with ‘unpopular opinion but…’. Over time, we learn just to move on and don’t engage. However, occasionally, you can’t believe what you’re reading rendering you helpless against actually replying.

I understand that everyone’s entitled to an opinion, by the way. It’s just that sometimes those opinions can’t really be justified, especially when the object of your negative opinion is an integral part of the team who’s actually done very little worth even complaining about. I mean, we’re talking here about a young, gifted player with loads more to give, after all.

On Sunday night, within minutes of the Arsenal match ending Twitter was alive with people telling anyone who’d engage with their madness that Newcastle should be selling Anthony Gordon. See Sven Botman the week before too. Reasons for this ranged from his perceived arrogance and over confidence to questioning his ability, work rate and feelings towards the club. If I saw one person saying “he doesn’t want to be here” then I saw a hundred. How do these people know this?

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I’m replying with this piece.

It’s my belief – and hopefully that of many other Mags of sane mind – that we shouldn’t even give a second’s thought to selling Anthony Gordon. And I really can’t envisage a situation where Eddie Howe thinks that it would benefit Newcastle United to do so. Having spent decent money to buy him and then having had the patience to wait and get him up to speed with the team’s style, Howe created a monster in Anthony Gordon. A force going forward as part of a devastating three and a workhouse going back the other way to help the full back.

I was all for his signing and I’m even more for keeping him. Gordon fits perfectly into Howe’s system and as others have said elsewhere, ‘form is temporary but class is permanent’. People are pointing out that his form hasn’t been the same since the red card against Brighton in the FA Cup. That might be so, but personally, I thought he made a decent impact as a sub in the game away at Brighton and it can’t be said that he’s not capable of a ‘moment’ when one is needed. That blistering form that we’ve got behind in the past couple of seasons will undoubtedly return.

Gordon is clearly an excellent player; a European Championship winner at Under 21 level and now a senior England international, a Champions League player and Carabao Cup winner with Newcastle. A player who more than fits the make up needed for success in the modern era – a grafter, pace to burn, an eye for goal and a team player. Why would we even think about selling?

It’s been quite a journey for Gordon since he signed in January 2023. Despite the price tag, he didn’t walk straight into the team and had to be patient before his chance came. There was even a bit of a tantrum away at Brentford when he was subbed on and then off later when Eddie was looking to protect him from injury. He was quick to realise the error of his ways and apologise. From there he knuckled down and went on to be a vital player as we went on to qualify for the Champions League. Since then, Gordon has largely been a fan favourite and another example of a player who seems to absolutely love life at Newcastle United.

If, like some of the internet ITKs would have us believe, Gordon is sick of life at the club (and I don’t for one second believe this), then he needs to knuckle down and work hard once again. I think the player himself would say exactly the same. I’d be staggered if it came out that he was looking to leave.

Everything about Anthony Gordon is exactly what our club needs. A grafter, a realist, a student of the game who works incredibly hard both on and off the field on both his game and his mindset in order to improve and someone who gives everything week in week out for a crowd who have taken him to their hearts, but also just a very, very good footballer. Imagine selling him and then having to sit and watch as he returned to play against us. I’d guarantee that he’d give our defenders nightmares, however good they might be. I remember being constantly worried about him when he played for Everton – apart from the time that I found myself worried for him as he picked a fight with Tripps and found himself nearly knocked into next week by Fabian Schar and Nick Pope!

There is no way that we should be looking to sell Gordon. Many questioned whether we’d wasted £40m when he signed and have been made to eat their words ever since. Now that he’s having a small dip in form, those same types are back again.

So, rather than typing ‘Unpopular opinion, but…’ when you’re next craving attention and following it up with some ludicrous rant against yet another Toon player, why not just leave the box room and pop downstairs and ask your mam for a cuddle instead?

NUFC: Why we shouldn’t fear Sunday.

Following the result at Arsenal there seems to have been a bit of an outbreak of fear with some of our supporters. And while I understand that it would have been far more comfortable to have a Champions League spot sewn up before now, I also don’t think we should be too worried about Sunday’s game. Your worry or even misplaced anger won’t change anything, after all.

Sunday is without doubt a huge game. A massive occasion that could bring massive rewards for the club in terms of not only financial gain, but also the kinds of trips and occasions that Europe’s top competition brings. Over the years, trips to places like Dortmund, Barcelona and Paris have helped make memories that will last a lifetime for those lucky enough to get there.

So, without doubt, there is a lot at stake this Sunday. But for a number of reasons – while not underestimating Everton at all – I don’t think we should be too fearful. We’re third in the league for a good reason, for goodness sakes!

A quick look at our team is reason enough not to panic. The nucleus of the side has been together since Eddie first arrived and have faced big games on big stages on many occasions. Those who have arrived since have never shied away from those occasions either. The squad is full of quality, big game players. Bruno, Isak (if he’s fit), Sandro, Fabian Schar, Dan Burn, Anthony Gordon…I could go on. Every member of that team is capable of a big game performance and have proved it on multiple occasions in the past couple of seasons. From crucial relegation scraps to cup finals, they’ve been there.

Remember when we worried about how Dan Burn might cope with Kylian Mbappe? Well, he did, pocketing the now Real Madrid star, scoring and leaving him looking a little bit perplexed by his trip to Tyneside as his team were absolutely walloped. And of course, this year it was BDB who scored the first goal at Wembley as we won our first trophy since 1969. He also won the Man of The Match that day today. It feels like he enjoys a big occasion, eh?

In the middle of the park Bruno Guimaraes and Sandro Tonali have the quality to run any game they play in and have done for much of the season. Even on Sunday against Arsenal they bossed the game for the first half. Both are capable of moments of absolute magic and both are clearly Champions League standard players, so with three more points needed, I feel sure that we can trust our midfield, whoever the third member is this weekend. I’ve followed Newcastle for over 40 years and can’t remember many better than those two in the heart of our midfield.

Then there’s Isak up top, a doubt at the moment, but a player that, if fit, is capable of moments of magic as Everton have found out in the past. The lad is world class, simple as that. Failing that, there’s Callum Wilson who while he’s struggling for form a little at the moment is always capable of that moment of brilliance that’s always needed from a top striker.

Without a doubt, our crowd has a part to play on Sunday. And again, we’ve done it before on countless occasions. Without banging on about the noise, the effects of yet another incredible Wor Flags display and all the rest, I would just echo what’s already been said on Magpie 24/7 and various other places on social media – make it a bear pit, a horrible seething mass of black and white, backing the lads to the hilt and letting the opposition know that this is St. James’ Park, where next season we’ll be hosting Champions League games.

I’ve heard that Everton will be ‘on the beach’ but I don’t agree. Needless to say, Pickford will be having sleepless nights at the prospect of spoiling the day, but I think whatever eleven they put out will be out there to spoil things and gain at least a point. We need to make sure that they have no say in matters and we’re perfectly capable of doing just that.

When asked about the game and the prospect of gaining another Champions League spot Eddie simply said- “You want it to be in your own hands”. Well, it is and I genuinely believe that we won’t let that slip.

NUFC – The ones that got away: Ayoze Perez

The rumoured signing of wonderkid Antonio Cordero, as well as being quite exciting, got me thinking about another player signed in similar circumstances. With Cordero attracting lots of attention in the Spanish Segunda B and rumoured interest from the likes of Real Madrid and Barcelona, I realised I’d heard this kind of thing before.

For Cordero, read Ayoze Perez. Signed in 2014 for around £1.7m from Segunda B club CD Tenerife, Perez himself was rumoured to have attracted interest from some of Spain’s biggest clubs. And yet, despite the club being run into the ground by Mike Ashley, we still had enough appeal to gain his signature. Of course, seeing the scouting reports on Perez alongside the rumoured interest of some of La Liga’s big guns would undoubtedly have the pound signs flashing in big Mike’s greedy eyes! I mean, imagine the profit from that initial £1.7m layout if he was anything like as good as he seemed!

As it turned out, Ashley would see a cracking return on his investment when Perez eventually tired of the club’s lack of ambition and signed for Leicester City in a deal worth £30m.

However, before that Perez would prove to be a valuable asset on the pitch too. Playing largely as either a second striker, attacking midfielder or a left winger Perez always gave his all for Newcastle. And yet, he became quite a divisive figure, often finding himself the scapegoat for losses or poor performances. Personally, I was always pro Perez. I found him to be a cracking little footballer; skillful with an eye for goal and a decent turn of pace and brave when he needed to be.

Ayoze stayed in Toon for 5 seasons, making 195 appearances and scoring a total of 48 goals. But was his time just that of another footballer who came for a spell and then left when he got fed up, having not really produced the goods? Or was Ayoze one that got away?

For me, Perez falls into the latter category and I feel that he could have been an absolute superstar for us. But, he found himself at a club whose only ambition seemed to be to finish 17th or above in the Premier League and in the end it was no surprise that he left. Here was a player that would go on to win an FA Cup winners’ medal, play successfully in La Liga and eventually represent Spain at Euro 2024, picking up a winners medal in the process. In many ways, he fulfilled his ambitions only when he left the club.

Perez had many great moments and performances over the five seasons he spent on Tyneside. And while he wasn’t the most prolific goalscorer – that wasn’t his job by the way – he had a happy knack of producing goals when it mattered. For quite a small player he was also pretty good with his head, scoring a good few flicked near post headers in his time due to his ability to time runs across defenders.

Watching a few highlight reels what struck me most about Perez was his ability to find space and also his vision and the way he’d be able to thread a pass through a small gap when nothing looked on. For me, his best football was played under Rafa and it was then that his passing ability was illustrated perfectly in his link up play with the likes of Salomon Rondon and Kenedy.

For me, Ayoze Perez was definitely one that got away. Yes, he was with us for a relatively long period of time, but I still believe he left us in his prime. To say that he went on to play for the best international side in Europe should tell us enough. He had all the attributes to be a real game changer in the right team, but unfortunately, apart from the Championship winning side of ’16/’17 he was never part of a consistently competitive Newcastle side.

During his final couple of years at the Toon, Perez seemed to become a bit of a scapegoat for some fans. For me, this was unfair to say the least. Perez was a clever player with a positive attitude who always put in a shift for the team. He was both durable and versatile, rarely succumbing to injury and often playing wherever he was asked for the sake of the team. In my opinion, definitely one that got away.

A little bit of creative writing.

As an English teacher I often find inspiration via my job. In the past I’ve written poems about Year 11 classes who are leaving as well as events such as World Book Days and even the old ‘live’ lessons that we used to have in lockdown.

I’ve also sometimes found myself inspired by the subject matter of the lessons I teach. We often provide examples of the type of work that we’re expecting and sometimes this has come in the form of creative writing. This was the case with the following piece that I thought I’d share. It was written as an example piece of creative writing for my Year 10 group. The brief revolved around an image of a tree clinging to a hillside with the instruction; ‘You are the tree: explain what life is like.’ So, while the class were working on planning their response, I sat at my laptop and knocked out the following 200 or so words in response about the tree you see below. At the moment, it remains a first draft but I hope to find the time to develop it into something more, like a short story.

I wanted to share it because after much thought, I still didn’t really know what to do with it. So, here it is.

Letting the days go by...

You might think life is easy being a tree. Maybe you’re a mighty oak, sprouted from a tiny acorn, fully grown now; the mightiest tree in the forest. You might be a palm tree, letting the days go by, basking in the endless heat of a tropical island. A thing of beauty, revered by humans for our giver of life qualities and covered in blossom once a year, if you’re really lucky. Easy, huh?

Well actually, no. Some of us are barely clinging on here. Some of us have just about enough soil to keep a set of roots in. And that’s before we get to the fact that I’m literally hanging on for dear life on the side of an actual mountain.

Sure, I’ve got leaves to give me some semblance of warmth and to make me look just a little more attractive than your average weed. But I don’t even grow straight. No one’s going to mistake me for a mighty redwood, stretching majestically for the sky. In fact, no one would have the first idea what kind of tree I actually am. I’m sure everyone just feels sympathy for me, stuck out here with no shade from the sun and no natural shelter from getting a pummelling from every approaching, savage storm. Because let me tell you, when it blows, it blows full blast up here.

There are a couple of influences on what I wrote. The repetition of ‘You might’ and the phrase ‘letting the days go by’ in the first paragraph came from the song ‘Once in a Lifetime’ by Talking Heads, that was going round my head at the time. It influenced the name of the piece of writing as well, as you can see. The other is right at the end with the phrase ‘it blows full blast’ which I just took directly from the Seamus Heaney poem, ‘Storm on The Island’ as, if I remember rightly, the task asked students to try and include references from the poem.

Anyway, I hope you like the writing. If I get back to developing it, I might even post it again.

Always look on the Bight Side; Five Things that Made me Smile in April.

This month’s ‘Five Things…’ is a little bit different in that I haven’t really had time to make my usual list. Add to this that for two weeks I was on Easter holidays and out of my routine and it means that this wasn’t something that I gave much thought to. So this month is a little bit off the cuff. But I hope it still serves to show you that we can usually find something to smile about, however simple.

The first thing – and the most obvious – that had me smiling was the Easter break. As a teacher I get a two week end of term break at Easter and this year, because of the timing of the holiday, I also got an extra day for Easter Monday. Now, I know lots of people complain that teachers get too much time off, but I have a number of responses to that. Firstly, I’m presuming that as a child, you went to school. Therefore, you know the drill. When a term or a half term ends, there’s a break. It’s not new. Secondly on this, if it troubles you that much, do the training, invest the time and become a teacher. Thinks of the holidays! But, I digress. Two weeks off gives a person time to rest, relax, reset and reflect. And while sometimes my life feels far too busy and chaotic, rest, relaxation, the chance to reset and reflect are more than enough to make me smile.

My fence. The first week of the Easter break was almost entirely spent in sunshine. And so, being in my middle age that was the cue to do lots of things in the garden! One of these things was to start painting my fence, which hadn’t been painted since we had even better weather during lockdown. Suffice to say that by the end of the break the view into my garden was way better than it’s been for years! Boring, I know, but sometimes – especially at my age – it’s the simple things that raise a smile!

The Bluetones. The Bluetones are one of my favourite bands and have been for around 30 years. If you don’t know, they’re an indie pop band who were big in the Britpop scene of the 1990s and they make wonderful, thoughtful indie pop music. Anyway, I went to one of their gigs last month, in York. They were brilliant, as always, which was reason enough for a bit of a smile. If you’ve never heard them, then I implore you to check them out. However, it was a consequence of writing a review that made me smile even more. Having posted my review on a Bluetones fans group on social media it started to do really well in terms of views. Always a reason to smile. People were leaving positive comments. More smiling. And then, one comment really caught my eye. It was from the father of the singer in the support band, Balter, who said that he was thrilled to see that I’d mentioned them and that his son, the singer was chuffed too. So pleased were they that they actually asked if they could use my comments in their promotional material going forward. I can’t lie; I was delighted! They’re @balterband on Instagram by the way, and well worth checking out.

It’s Spring. The weather’s getting better, the days longer and lighter, the birds are singing and everywhere you look, something is in bloom. Just last night I was able to come home from work and within about half an hour was sat in my garden reading my book and enjoying the sun. So despite the stress of life, Spring and all that it stands for can really make a difference.

Ballpoint pen artist. This relates to an article I read about Cy Baker, a wildlife artist who has partnered with the Wildlife Trust to produce 16 drawings on canvas of various British wildlife, using only black ink. It caught my attention – and made me smile – for a number of reasons. Firstly, I studied Art at school and had a little bit of a talent for it. I still enjoy dabbling every once in a while, although I’m really not that good. I’m keen though! Art kind of runs in the family too, with several cousins and at least a couple of uncles displaying genuine talent for drawing, painting and photography. Closer to home, my daughter is a really talented artist, although like me, is a bit lapsed. I hold out some hope that it’ll be something that she goes back to though. I really admire people who can draw and paint though as I realise what a skill it is having struggled manfully with it for years! So to see Cy’s talent is really quite the thrill. The idea that a person can produce something as amazing as the image below using just a biro is quite incredible to me and a real inspiration.

And with that, and the face of an incredible biro drawn badger, I’ll say, hope you had a great April and have a great May too. Keep smiling!

Gallowgate Cult Heroes: Number 12; Paul Gascoigne.

While we’ve all seen incredible footballers, it’s rare that a player will literally take your breath away. I can’t think of many that we’ve had over the years who would have the ability to do that on a regular basis. Paul Gascoigne took people’s breath away time and time again. Paul Gascoigne took people’s breath away even when he was 18 and making his debut. Paul Gascoigne was a phenomenon. Or to use today’s parlance, he was a generational talent.

I first saw Gazza play in the FA Youth Cup final in 1985. It was a two legged affair and even though we were fairly ordinary in the first leg, drawing 0-0, Gascoigne stood out. He was captain of the side and it was obvious that he had something a little bit special. In the return leg at Vicarage Road they would win 4-1 to take the trophy and Gascoigne starred, scoring twice and just running the show. He was put into the first team squad for their game the next day, but didn’t make an appearance. Paul Gascoigne had arrived.

There wouldn’t be a great deal of point in me rambling you through Gazza’s time in Toon here, minute by minute, day by day. Some of us – of a certain age – will well remember him. And if you’re too young to have witnessed him, there are far better people than me to inform you. Search out his YouTube highlights, track down a book on Amazon or in an actual bookshop or just talk to your mam, dad, uncle etc. You’ll find put all you need to know and then some.

However, it’d be remiss of me not to mention a few things, especially as I have a personal memory of Gazza. So here you go.

I met him once, briefly. When our school was celebrating it’s 75th anniversary – big up the Blaydon Comp massive – part of the celebrations was a sponsored cross country race. Aye, we knew how to celebrate in Blaydon! Now, my form tutor lived next door to Newcastle’s captain at the time, Glenn Roeder, and had arranged for him to come and start the race. Cue much excitement from us Toon fans. Yet on the morning of the race, he wasn’t there. And then Gazza appeared, sent by Roeder himself. From somewhere, a football appeared and suddenly me, some mates and Gazza were having a kickabout! It only lasted a short time, but even then Gascoigne could do things with a football that the rest of us could only dream about. I remember as well that Gazza grabbed another kid and held the starting pistol to his head; if we think about how his personality revealed itself more and more as he got older and more famous it was just Gazza being Gazza, I suppose.

Paul didn’t stay long at Newcastle. His time here was only from 1985 until 1988. But on the pitch he was incredible at times. He was a skilful central midfielder; a great passer with more than the odd trick and the ability and balance to drive past markers as if they weren’t there. The first performance that sticks in my head – as much as anything sticks in my head at this age – was against Blackpool in the League Cup in 1987. It was a second round tie in October and although Newcastle fell behind quite early, we rallied to win in style. Gazza was magnificent throughout and in the second half especially just seemed to be finding himself on the end of chance after chance after chance. He finally scored with a rocket of a first time strike from the edge of the box that nestled in the top corner of the Leazes net. Even at such a young age, he had ran the game.

Later that year he would be pretty much the only positive – apart from the narrow win – in a Simod Cup match at home to Shrewsbury. Less than 8000 were in attendance on an absolutely foul night, to see a terrible game of football. But the one shining light was Gazza. The conditions were horrible – driving rain, freezing cold and a blustery wind, yet it felt like Gazza walked on water.

Another thing I loved about Gazza was watching his warm ups. As a lad of around 15 I would get to the ground early and watch the players warming up and while some would stretch, jog and sprint, Gazza just seemed to spend all his time either pinging balls around, often trying to hit people walking around the perimeter of the pitch or doing keepie ups. He was brilliant and where others were restricted to just their feet and head for ball juggling, Gazza would be using his heel, his shoulders and everything in between.

One of the more staggering things about Gazza’s time in Toon was what Jackie Milburn said about him in an interview. The then News of The World writer claimed that Gazza – at 18 – was “the best in the world”. A bold claim, but hard to disagree with as a wide eyed young Toon fan.

Having made just 92 appearances, Paul would go on to break many a heart in the summer of 1988 when he decided to leave Newcastle for the bright lights of London and Tottenham Hotspur. The £2.2m fee would fund a spending spree for Newcastle, but it could be argued that Gazza would never be replaced. Just four years later and on the back of some staggeringly good performances for England at Italia 90, Gazza would join Lazio. Worldwide fame and injuries though would mean that he would never quite be the same player.

For an all too brief 3 years though, he was our star player and for those who witnessed his greatness, he will never be forgotten.

Were you lucky enough to see Gazza play? Could he really have been ‘the best in the world?’ Let us know!

Middle Age Gigging: The Bluetones at The Crescent in York.

Easter always confuses me. I mean, I get the eggs and the chocolate and stuff, don’t get me wrong. The bunny, I’m not entirely sure of, but it’s the whole Jesus bit that plays havoc with my brain. I’ll be honest, I’m never sure what happened and when. He died and then came back again and I’m imagining died again a bit later. Thankfully, my confusion is allayed this Easter Sunday as I’m off to York to watch The Bluetones and while my knees will probably die midway through the set, I’m sure they’ll be back again by Tuesday…ish.

Balter (thanks people of Bluetones Fans on FB!) are tonight’s support act. They remind me a bit of Vampire Weekend yet wear the jeans of a weekend spent at Spike Island, which it turns out is still a winning combination. The only snag is that they all look like they should be in Year 10 at high school, which instantly makes me feel even older than I am. And I’ll be honest at times that gets in the way for me. As the singer struggles with everything from his pick to his guitar strap I just want to put an arm around him and tell him it’s fine, but he clearly doesn’t need my ‘fatherly’ act and carries on manfully.

One of the last things I was expecting from them was a cover of Twist and Shout. Probably the actual last thing would have been that I enjoyed it…yet, here we are. As with everything they play tonight, it’s just superb. All in all Balter give us an energetic set tonight, full of lovely melodies, bits of Carlos Santana style guitar, sunglasses and engaging songs that are all well received by a room full of people who’ve probably never heard them before. If there’s any justice they’ll go very far indeed.

The Bluetones never fail to make me smile. They never have and tonight is no exception. From the moment they stroll on stage there’s no doubting that this will be yet another fantastic night.

With more new music to promote in the shape of the recently released ‘In the Cut’ EP, this turns out to be a bit of a different set. And it’s nice to greet certain songs like long lost friends, while struggling to remember the words to certain others. But this isn’t really in my skillset anyway and so I’m at times reduced to just dancing, slightly open mouthed and attempting to form the odd word or noise, all the while having a whale of a time regardless!

Beginning the night with ‘Are You Blue or Are You Blind’ followed by ‘Bluetonic’ is akin to having the winning lottery numbers though and so we’re off to a cracking start. ‘A New Athens’ is next and for me is one of the highlights of the set. Then it’s ‘You’re No Fun Anymore’ before Mark almost apologetically – and not without the trademark wit – introduces new track ‘Cheap Hotel’, which sounds great.

Chats with Mark Morris should be prescribed on the NHS, such is his effect on an audience. And he’s in great form tonight taking us on trips that touch on Bargain Hunt and daytime TV, the merits of York, 99p shops and his various experiences in ‘showbiz’, all with a heavy dose of sarcasm and self deprecation and all accompanied by an audience who are only too happy to play along. That said – and it’s a bit of a pet peeve for me – there are those tonight who seem to want to just chat loudly all the way through the set and are calling out stuff like ‘move on’ while the singer has a bit of a ramble. I’m no ‘serious muso’ type, but I’ve always loved music and it’s a genuine thrill for me to see my heroes any time I can, regardless of the fact that I’m far, far from the wide eyed teenager I was once. So, chatty people, f you could kindly fuck off when it comes to any future gigs, that’d be much appreciated, I’m sure by more than just me…

The hits, as they say, just keep on coming though and after a blistering ‘Fast Boy’ we’re treated to ‘Marblehead Johnson’, ‘Billy Balfour (which I swear gets better with every listen) and the wonderful ‘Carnt Be Trusted’ before the aforementioned ‘In The Cut’ makes an appearance and reminds York that these lads have still got the gift for writing fantastic indie pop.

Songs like ‘Cut Some Rug’ and ‘Keep The Home Fires Burning’ feel to me like getting a big cuddle, such is their familiarity, so when ‘The Fountainhead’ comes along it’s like the rare and only kind of group hug that I could tolerate, if that makes any sense.

By now, various joints are telling me that the set is nearing a close, but the sound of ‘Slight Return’ is a shot in the arm and stifles my yawns somewhat. In my defence, I’d taken part in a hotly competitive egg hunt just hours before and I’m no longer of an age when I can easily manage two big events in one day!

The set closes with ‘The Last Song But One’ which I don’t think I’ve ever heard live before followed by the brilliant ‘Putting Out Fires’ but of course we know that it’s not quite over yet.

There’s an encore of new song ‘London Weekend Television’, which feels quite punky and sounds pretty incredible, I must say. Then, given it’s Easter Sunday, we’re treated to a rendition of ‘I was a Teenage Jesus’ which is a real thrill, even if I fail to remember whole swathes of the song apart from the chorus and the line about the ‘coolest sandals’. As I say, I’ve never had much of a memory for lyrics, but it doesn’t spoil the treat!

We end tonight, as is the tradition, with the glorious ‘If’ and although it’s been stripped down and doesn’t include any snippets of The Eurythmics ‘Obsession’, ‘Jump’ by Van Halen or any of the other spontaneous silliness, it doesn’t matter. Tonight has been another triumph for The Bluetones and I’ll take that every day of the week…and even Easter Sunday.