Humour – Middle Age Fanclub

Review: ‘Through It All Together’ at the Leeds Playhouse.

You’d think a play that tackles the story of a couple dealing with dementia would represent a bit of a tough watch. And in one sense, it does. But Howard and Sue are so devoted to their football club, Leeds United, as well as each other that the story takes us on a rather different and quite joyous journey. You’ll laugh just as much as you might cry.

Starring Reece Dinsdale and Shobna Gulati, the play is equal parts hilarious, heart wrenching and inspiring. So on Saturday afternoon, while I laughed a lot, I found myself fighting back not only a few tears but also the urge to join in with the Leeds United songs. A tricky headspace for this Newcastle United supporter who simply gritted his teeth and hoped that no one would notice that he may well have been the only person in the theatre not singing the Leeds anthem, ‘Marching On Together’!

Written by Chris O’Connor, ‘Through It All Together’ follows Howard, Sue and daughter Hazel as they try to come to terms with Howard’s dementia diagnosis. Set to a backdrop of Marcelo Bielsa’s first two years as Leeds manager, it makes for a powerful, yet touching piece. As a football fan and Leeds resident for nearly thirty years, I understood the references having lived through the dramatic uplift in the whole city while Bielsa was at the helm. And the play captured that feeling brilliantly while also pulling at the heart strings as Howard and Sue struggle to come to terms with the realities of dementia.

There are subplots too. Obviously there’s the drama of Bielsa’s first couple of years but also some of the heartbreak and tension of Covid and lockdown as well as daughter Hazel’s sexuality. But it’s Howard and Sue’s story that takes centre stage. It’s heart breaking to watch Howard’s fear for his future as well as his decline. And he and Sue’s devotion to each other is just beautiful, with Dinsdale and Gulati perfect as the couple. I certainly seemed to manage to get quite a few things in my eye over the course of the play, that’s for sure. But just as a rainy face may not be too far away, there’s always a laugh around the corner too and if it’s not Howard or Sue that make you chuckle, there are always Dean Smith and Everal A Walsh as a couple of Leeds fans and podcasters to help you swallow back the tears.

Football on stage or screen can be notoriously difficult to get right, but O’Connor”s play captures the depth of the love affair that Leeds fans had with Bielsa and his team perfectly. And the cast here are wonderfully on point too, meaning that there is nothing to grumble about for even the most devoted fan. The love for the team is clear, but the subtleties that come with loving your club are there too, meaning that you might well watch laughing knowingly at yourself a bit, as well as the cast.

Both Dinsdale and Gulati are utterly brilliant in their portrayal of Howard and Sue. The couple’s devotion to each other is simply lovely and both actors are a pleasure to watch as they portray the fear and uncertainty that dementia brings. The couple are completely convincing in both their love for each other and their love for Leeds and I couldn’t take my eyes off them…even as they sang those bloody Leeds songs!

‘Through It All Together’ is a powerful, but also absolutely hilarious play. It’s a brilliantly written story that deals with the ups and downs of both areas of its subject matter brilliantly. Described as a love letter to Marcelo Bielsa and football, it’s also a testament to the power of family and our devotion to those that we choose to spend our lives with. A genuine thing of beauty.

I loved every last second of ‘Through It All Together’, even the bits where I was struggling not to blub like a baby!

I give ‘Through It All Together’…

Always Look on the Bright Side: Five Things that Made me Smile in May.

So, here we are again. Delving into the everyday positives that can be found…even if you tend to wander round with your head in the clouds like me! It doesn’t take much to find something that will be sure to make you smile.

So what did the trick in May?

Toddlers named World Puddle Jumping champions! I mean even without the detail there’s enough to raise a smile even with the headline alone. However, last month I read about Eli and his twin sisters Maia and Neeve from Northampton whose mum had submitted a video of them jumping in puddles to the organisers of the World Puddle Jumping Championships. The championships are run by Wicksteed Park, a tourist attraction in Northamptonshire, who decided that these muddy puddle loving siblings were the winners. There’s no trophy; winners receive a cuddly toy and tickets for a family day out at the park. Let’s hope it’s raining that day!

Star Wars Teabag art! This was such a great story! Artist Caroline West has been busy making miniature paintings of Star Wars scenes on tea bags. As someone who loves a bit of art and is also a Star Wars fan this one was always going to make me smile. Caroline first dries the teabags out, empties them and then irons them flat before painting her masterpieces. And they really are fantastic. Apparently she has created 30 tiny paintings and given them all Star Wars themed names like Brewbacca and R2Tea2.

Another artist! Drawing London using a fine liner. I’ll say it again – I’ve always loved art. I was reasonably good at it as a kid (and can still turn my hand to it a little bit nowadays) but I really admire people who can paint, draw or even take great photographs. This time it’s an artist called Jack Nolan who has drawn the whole of central London using only fine liners. And he’s spent nearly 1000 hours doing it! This raised a smile mainly because of how good it looks, but also for the amount of skill and dedication involved in getting it just right. Have a look for yourselves!

My daughter arriving home. Not as simple as it sounds, this one. She hasn’t just got the bus back from work or something. I’ve mentioned in a previous ‘Five Things’ how proud I was that she’d sought out adventure in her gap year by travelling to South East Asia and exploring Thailand, Vietnam and Singapore. Well, in the middle of May she returned! There were lots of tears (not mine!) and laughter when we picked her up from the airport, but mainly this was just an enormous reason to smile. Not only is she safe and well, but she’s been through a whole raft of enormous experiences that, as she enters a bit more of the adult world, I hope will stand her in good stead for what she’s got to come in life.

I became a superhero…finally! I started a new job at the beginning of this academic year. It’s an all boys school in an entirely new academies trust after I left my old place having become frustrated with the trust that I was working for. I didn’t feel valued, which struck me as a strange way to treat someone with nearly a quarter of a century of English teaching experience. I was assured by friends who worked at my new place that our trust was vastly different and it didn’t take long for me to realise how true this was. Within a couple of months I was more happy than a middle aged man should have been to be named Star of The Week at our school, with the Head teacher waxing lyrical about me in our meeting. He’d sat in on one of my lessons with a particularly difficult group, so it was great to hear so many positives. And it’s continued with plenty of people having good things to say about my teaching over the last few months. A couple of weeks ago though, things got even better when I was named as a ‘Staff Superhero’ on a document that was sent across the whole trust! Again, lots of nice things were said about me and even at my age it’s lovely to get a bit of credit for hard work. Such pats on the back are not why I do the job, but still, it’s nice to feel valued at any time, really. I’m still waiting on my cape and lycra costume though…

So, there you go; proof once again that even though you might have to upturn a few stones and look a little harder than you might like at times, there are always positives to enjoy and things to turn that frown upside down!

Always look on the bright side: Five Things that Made Me Smile in March.

Despite March being a bit of a dull month, there have actually been more than the usual number of things that have made me smile this time around. So, it’s a bumper month for this particular series, which may or may not make you smile in turn.

My daughter’s off travelling. A double edged sword this one. In actual fact, it’s made me a bit sad. She’s a bit of a whirlwind, my daughter, and so the house is far less noisy and chaotic without her, which is both a blessing and a curse. Put it this way; she’s easy to miss! Essentially though, my little girl is far out of reach and that is a huge worry, as well as being something that I admire her for. I’m very proud of her for doing something so adventurous and so brave. So, it makes me smile. In the build up to going travelling she’s worked three jobs (if you include her successful social media career which does actually bring the money in) in order to save up the funds for the trip. She’s gone with a friend and despite the fact that it feels like maybe they should have done more research and it’s all very scary as a parent, they seem to be coping with life in South East Asia and it makes me smile that they’ve had the guts, determination and imagination to get on and do this. Just under two months until we see her again though…

Applestump Records. I read a brilliant and rather inspiring story about record collector Steve Cook on the BBC website this month. As COVID restrictions hit and Steve and his wife were no longer able to indulge their hobby of touring record shops in the pursuit of elusive vinyl, they came up with a plan; bring the record shop to them! Initially they started a website with just 80 records to sell, but when a chance to sell at a pop up market came along they realised that they might well be able to start a shop. And so, Applestump Records was born and now sells not only records and merchandise, but also stages intimate gigs too. Once upon a time, I’d wondered about starting up a book shop, but never did, preferring the safe option. Steve’s story made me smile…but I probably won’t be following his example any time soon. Not this close to retirement!

Youngest Brit to surf the infamous big waves of Nazare. I’ve been fascinated by surfing for as long as I can remember. I even tried it a few times while on holiday in the Algarve. The waves weren’t the best – more like big ripples at times – but for a few days a bit of a storm hit and we were treated to something that made things a bit more of a thrill. Mainly though, my interest was limited to reading books and articles as well as watching documentaries and films dedicated to surfing and surfers, which is how I happened upon the story of Garrett McNamara and the 100 foot waves of Nazare in Portugal. If you haven’t seen it, Google him and Nazare and have a watch. Anyway, to cut what could be a very long story short, 18 year old Robyn Larg from Scotland recently surfed Nazare becoming the youngest British person to have done so. If you’re any kind of fan of surfing you’ll understand the achievement. If you have five minutes to Google ‘Nazare’, you’ll be amazed by its story.

The Wakefield 10k. Another race done, another step taken in adjusting to life with a pacemaker. I didn’t run as fast as last year, but have been shaking off the effects of a winter bug for what feels like a couple of months. However, I was less than a minute slower than last year’s time, so I’ll take that as it was way faster than I expected. I don’t really care what people think about me banging on about my health or running; every time another race gets completed, I smile because it’s nice to still be alive.

The Dropped Wallet Experiment. I watched a short film the other day that really gave us all cause for optimism. A reporter in Belfast decided to conduct and experiment to judge the levels of kindness in the city. In each wallet he left his phone number on a note to ask people to call it if they found the wallet. Soon he was taking calls from concerned members of the public who’d found his wallet. When asked why they’d called the number the overwhelming response was that they wanted to be kind or that it was the right thing to do. So, the first thing we find out here is that there are definitely kind people around. In fact, all 10 wallets were returned, which is a definite reason to smile. This made me think of a recent time when I lost my credit card. I hadn’t lost it at all, just misplaced it in my wallet. However, when I asked staff at the shop I’d been in I found myself passed from department to department, all seemingly not too interested in helping. Having finally got a security guard to review his camera footage, I made one last check in my wallet and found the card behind another in a totally different part of said wallet. Suffice to say, the kindness that I witnessed on film from Belfast didn’t seem to exist in my corner of Leeds. I still managed a smile though…this time at my own stupidity!

A rogue ‘eagle’. This one comes via a local Facebook group, so given the extent of the madness found on these, we can reserve judgement on whether it’s true or not! However, having read many of the comments, there have been numerous sightings. Anyway, apparently an enormous eagle type bird has been spotted close to our local area. People assumed it was a red kite that we see locally on a regular basis, but apparently it’s not. It’s actually around where I work, but that isn’t too far from home. There are various reports of various sightings, ranging from just flying around to swooping down and eating local cats. Who knows the truth? Anyway, whatever the truth I’ve been keeping my eyes peeled, scanning the skies in the hope of seeing it. So far, just the usual sparrows, magpies and pigeons though!

Michael Sheen. Michael Sheen is without doubt an excellent actor and frankly, a bit of a national treasure. But a story I read this month has elevated his status even more. Sheen has been busy setting up a debt acquisition company in order to help people in Wales. He used £100,000 of his own money to buy debts of £1m and then just write them off, saying that it seemed like ‘a good thing to do’. Apparently the debts are often ‘bundled up’ and sold off for less than their worth, so Sheen realised that he’d be able to help out. What a fantastic thing to do! Not all heroes wear capes.

And so ends another edition in this optimistic series of blogs. A bumper one too, with 7 stories for the price of 5…which actually cost nothing anyway.

It’s brilliant to find out that there are so many good things going on and so many good people to be thankful for, when at times the world can feel like a cruel, harsh place where only the heartless seem to thrive. I hope you enjoyed reading!

Five Things That Made Me Smile in February.

I try to write this piece every month, firstly as a reminder that whatever stress and nonsense I’m faced with, there’s always something to smile about. It might help serve as a timely reminder for anyone who reads too. I guess you can’t have enough positivity, can you?

Woman buys her husband a chimney. This was a story I read online about a woman who bought her husband a chimney for his birthday. Strange, I know. But this wasn’t just any old chimney stack. It was, in fact, a 42m high chimney stack that’s also a Grade 2 listed building in Derbyshire. The woman said that her husband had always dreamed of owning either a chimney or a water tower that he could then convert and so when she saw one at auction, she decided to bid. The building cost a surprisingly low £3000 ansd the hope it is that it will now be converetd into some kind of “quirky studio space”, which is good because I genuinely thought they were going to try and live in it. I mean, imagine getting an invite for a sleepover and being told you’d got the loft room! A night of terror at 42m up! Anyway, it made me smile because I just thought that the whole thing was very cool.

My cookery adventures. I’ve been branching out with my cooking and expanding my range for a little while now. One thing that I’ve never really cracked has been a decent curry though. Put simply, I’m rubbish at them. However, I wanted to keep trying and so when I found a couple of simple looking recipes I thought I’d give it all another go. The result was a pretty tasty chicken dhansak. There was a snag with it however, in that I didn’t use fresh ginger and so the granules I used made for a bit of a grainy curry. At least I know how I’ll improve it next time! My other culinary experiment was a chicken arrabiata with penne. Again, it was really tasty, if a little spicy, so maybe I’ll be a bit less free and easy with the chilli next time!

I had a haircut. Now this may seems like no big deal and certainly not a reason to be smiling, but it was. Firstly, it was the first haircut I’d had away from my regular hairdresser for probably around a decade…and I survived. But secondly, because my hairdresser has been in hospital I hadn’t had it cut for just short of ten weeks. Suffice to say, I wasn’t looking my best. So, the sheer relief of seeing myself looking a great deal more tidy was enough to crack that smile!

Almost the ultimate Football Manager dream. As a once avid player of the ‘Football Manager’ game this news story couldn’t fail to make me smile. ‘Football Manager’ is a game where you basically choose a team and manage them, controlling tactics, recruitment etc in the hope of bringing success. Aaron Hunt is a Twitch streamer who basically streams his exploits on the game, Football Manager. On the game, he’d played as manager of his local side Daisy Hill and his exploits had been noticed by the club themselves and basically they got in touch to ask him to become their chairman. Now Aaron is tasked with helping Daisy Hill overcome their financial problems and start to move up the league. Like I say, the stuff of dreams for football fans and for someone who was thoroughly addicted to the game years ago, more than enough to make me smile!

My first 10k of 2025! OK, so this one made me grimace more than smile, but it definitely brought that smiley feeling! I’m currently training for a 10k race in the middle of March and have been slowly but surely building up my distances with that in mind. It’s been quite tough as I’ve not really been myself and feel that I’m still suffering the after effects of a flu bug that I had in January. So getting up to my required distance has been a bit of a chore. However, with a week off for half term I took the opportunity to go out for a morning run, rather than the after work variety that I’ve been subjecting myself to since early January. It was a chilly, but sunny day so I went out in long sleeves, gloves and running tights under my shorts, but it was fantastic to be out in the daylight for once. It felt like Spring was edging ever closer. To cut a long story short, I wasn’t quick – clocking just over 55 minutes – but, despite the hills around where I live, I got that first 10k of the year under my belt. Despite not really feeling that good, I’d broken down a big barrier. With a bit more training, I’ll be quicker at least! Roll on March 16th and the upcoming Wakefield 10k!

So, there you have it; five more reasons to keep smiling, even if sometimes it involves putting yourself through some kind of Hell to get there!

Film Review: ‘Marcel The Shell with Shoes On’.

If someone was to recommend a film to you where the premise was that a man discovers a talking shell and makes a documentary about it, you would be forgiven for deciding that this wasn’t the film for you. Furthermore, no one would question you doubting that someone’s sanity. And yet, here we are…

The idea behind ‘Marcel the Shell with Shoes On’ is ludicrous to say the least. To be fair though, nobody’s telling us this is real life and there have always been ludicrous ideas in some of our most loved films. ET, Star Wars, The Hobbit…it’s a list that could go on and on. And it gets even sillier though when you realise that Marcel the shell lives in an Airbnb with his grandma…also a shell. That said, I can only write about the film in glowing terms and say that you have to see ‘Marcel…’!

Having moved into an Airbnb, documentary maker Dean stumbles across Marcel the shell, who of course already lives there. Being only an inch tall, however, he’s thus far survived without being discovered. Somehow, a friendship of sorts is formed and Marcel is quick to introduce the aforementioned grandma as well as Alan, his pet ball of lint.

The film documents Marcel’s life and the friendship between him and Dean. We learn that Marcel used to have a whole family living here, but following a break up of the people who were renting the house, the family had disappeared. Marcel’s only clue as to their whereabouts is a picture of the man’s car and suitcase. Marcel is sure that his family were bundled up into the suitcase.

It’s a ludicrous idea at first, but you can’t help but warm to Marcel, almost immediately. He looks cute, he sounds cute and as the film goes on we find out that he’s both funny and caring as well as being vulnerable, which I guess you might expect of a shell.

When Dean then uploads a video of Marcel to the internet in order to help him find his family, the results are exactly what you’d expect. Marcel goes viral and the world becomes obsessed with finding this talking shell…and his grandma. Luckily, Dean is very protective and careful about who he lets into this world and soon the hunt for Marcel’s family is quietly on.

‘Marcel the shell…’ is just a lovely film. The relationship between Marcel and Dean is a real feelgood thing and the film is done in such a way that it all seems perfectly natural and dare I say it, believable. At first, I found myself kind of scoffing at the whole thing, but before too long I was completely under its spell. I won’t spoil things with any more detail, but suffice to say there’s a lot to take in.

Laughs, sadness, happiness, internet fame; what more could you want from a film about a shell who lost his family? If you’re after a film that will invariably make you smile and take you away from the troubles and seriousness of modern life, then ‘Marcel the shell with shoes on’ could well be for you.

I give ‘Marcel the shell with shoes on’…

Five Things That Made Me Smile: December and January.

Confession time. I had so much to smile about over Christmas, New Year and in January that my title is now somewhat lacking in the truth. So while I call this series of blogs ‘5 Things That Made Me Smile’, this one has a few more. Call them a Christmas bonus, if you will.

Christmas. The first thing that made me smile was Christmas itself. I love Christmas and always have done. It still feels kind of magical, even at my age. I love giving and receiving presents, seeing our decorations and also the efforts made by others around the town where I live or wherever I might be visiting. I love going home to see family and old friends I love Christmas television and always find myself watching old films that I haven’t seen for years. I love the fact that at some point I can just switch off, forget about work, forget about problems and even forget about what day it is! There’s loads to love about Christmas and it never fails to make me smile.

The first term in my new job. I started a new job in September at an all boys school and it’s been very demanding, but also lots of fun. It’s nice working in a school in the lead up to Christmas as everyone, regardless of whether or not they celebrate it, gets excited. This year though, what with the new job and some family illness thrown in for good measure, I was pretty much exhausted by the time the term came to an end. I’m enjoying my role though, so there’s every reason to smile.

A Shooting Star. There was a lot of talk of various planets being visible to the naked eye in the skies over Yorkshire during January. So, one night, when I noticed that the sky was incredibly clear and I was sure that the big orange star that I could see was Venus (it wasn’t!), I took my camera outside to try and get some decent photographs. I failed miserably and came back in. Then something told me to turn around and go back. When I did, almost immediately a shooting star whizzed past left to right, directly in front of my house. I’ve haven’t seen one since I was in my teens and it made my night, so this was definitely something to smile about.

Gavin and Stacey. This Christmas saw the final ever episode of Gavin and Stacey. If you don’t know of it, Gavin and Stacey is a popular comedy drama on the BBC. The previous episode, another Christmas special, had been 5 years ago, so this one was much anticipated. It’s fair to say that it was worth the wait. I won’t bore you with the details or spoil the surprise if you intend to watch it, but it certainly didn’t disappoint. The star of the show, James Corden, has become a bit of a marmite figure over the years, but personally I haven’t got a problem with him. As Smithy, he plays an excellent part and it’s him and Nessa (Ruth Jones) that this one revolves around. There was a lot to like about this final ever episode, as several storylines from over the years were finally tied up. And the ending was pretty much perfect. All in all then, a lot to laugh – and smile – about!

Not a snow day, but a snow week! Just to be clear, I love my job. But whenever we get a snow day, such is their rarity, it’s nothing short of a cause for celebration! So when it snowed quite heavily here in early January my hopes were up. By the Monday though, just as the new term was starting, I was up out of bed and getting ready for work. However, when I checked my phone, it said that school was closed. And when it happened again the next day, I was delighted. And you can probably imagine my state of mind when on the Wednesday we were told that we’d be closed for the rest of the week! I was setting work online for around 7.30 every morning and checking my laptop for any questions or queries from students throughout the day, but really, my time was my own. I’ve never had a three week Christmas break before, and probably won’t get one again, so this was truly special!

Walk, walk, walk. The aforementioned snow week meant that on a couple of occasions I could walk my daughter to work when she had an early start. I’m not one for lying in bed, it wasn’t a problem and when it was dark and icy it was nice to know I could just be a dad and make sure that she was safe. On a couple of occasions it was lovely and sunny and so once she was at work I just kept on walking. Plenty of exercise, loads of fresh air and everywhere I went looking that little bit better because it was blanketed in snow!

First run of the year. I’d spent about a month before and during the Christmas period suffering with a flu type bug. It really took it out of me and meant that I couldn’t get out and run. So, when I was able to get out a day before the snow and ice struck it felt fantastic. I only ran a 5k and didn’t push myself too hard, but after a month of feeling terrible, it was just brilliant to be able to get around my route! I’m gradually building up my distances again as I have races in March, April, May and June, so I’m determined to be in the best shape. That little 5k was hopefully the start of a good year of running and definitely a reason to allow myself a bit of a smile.

A wireless pacemaker. The final thing that made me smile came from the news. I read an article about the development of a wireless pacemaker that’s smaller than a triple A battery. Apparently it’s been described as a ‘game changer’ for heart patients. There are two devices that ‘talk to each other’ and keep the heart beating normally. Amazing stuff! It can also be fitted via a vein in your leg, meaning a lot less risk of infection and no ugly chest scarring. Who knows, maybe I’ll have one when mine gets changed in about 8 years time? Or maybe there’ll be even more developments by then?

All in all, it was a great Christmas period. Work even managed to extend it quite a way into January as well. What’s not to like about that?

Poetry Blog: Icebreaker

We had a week’s worth of snow days for our first week of the half term, which meant that despite setting work and trying to get stuff done around the house, I actually had a bit of time on my hands. Struck by inspiration today, I sat and wrote a poem. It’s not in any way serious, although the actual physical acts described did actually happen. Part way through writing something serious I just decided it was too good an opportunity for something silly and so changed the way it was going. I hope you like it.

Icebreaker

After two days trapped in limbo by first, several whole inches of snow
and now an actual coating of not only quite thick but also horribly slippy ice,
action is called for.
And when people call for action you'd like to think it's you they have in mind...

You've already lugged the deadweight of a kid's beach bucket full of grit for miles across this frozen corner of West Yorkshire.
Your back, damp with manly sweat, is already hurty.
Now, you stand in what is either a power pose or your audition for Drag Race, shovel in hand even though the snow has made it's metal handle really cold and you've forgotten your gloves.
The only bloke in the street brave enough to tackle the ice. Behind their curtains they watch you, rapt, you think.
Frankly, if you're forced to say so yourself, you're a hero.
They will call you Icebreaker. Maybe.

Seizing your tool and raising it high,
you plunge it at the ice.
It rebounds with force but your teeth remain intact.
Oh, for an axe.
Not to be deterred, you plunge once more and a whole whisp of snow
leaps into the air...then lands back on the very ground you were working on.
Nevertheless, your momentarily spirits soar.
You thrust once more, again, again and again, ignoring the cold and mindful, ever mindful of the imaginary fact that the whole street are watching and probably, later on, will take to their doorsteps to clap their appreciation of their hero key worker, only stopping when the last of the snow is gone.

Ten minutes later, wheezing and clutching your back,
you limp back to the house, muttering and licking the bleeding knuckle
that you nicked on your own spade,
having cleared an entire two square feet of treacherous snow and ice.
In your mind you are a gladiator who fears no foe.
In the hallway mirror you look like Albert Steptoe.

So, there you go. Luckily, I’m well practiced at laughing at myself, what with being a bit of a kn**head and all. In my defence it was very cold and the ice was very thick. I went out later and did more as well. And before anyone questions my logic, there’s a bit of a grit shortage so I was keen to use a little bit and then dig the rest of the ice out, saving some grit for later.

I have to say, it was a poem that I really enjoyed writing. I haven’t written or finished one in ages, but this one is more or less a first draft. I wrote it down in my note back with a few arrows pointing to late additions when I changed my mind about its seriousness.

I hope you enjoyed it. Maybe it’ll raise a smile the next time your clearing some ice and snow. If you’re as heroic as me, that is!

Review: Rhod Gilbert at the Grand Theatre in Leeds.

Rhod Gilbert is a notoriously dour comedian. A bit miserable and matter of fact. Funny though, but cynical and blunt. And tonight we’re promised that things will get beyond blunt.

Rhod’s latest tour – Rhod Gilbert and the Giant Grapefruit – is all about his battle with cancer over the last 3 years. Well, they do say that we can find humour in anything.

As he takes the stage he’s quick to warn us that things are going to get dark. But we know why we’re here and exactly what the circumstances of the show are. Gilbert has fought and beaten head and neck cancer, after the discovery of a growth – that’ll be the grapefruit – on his neck. Ironically, this was found during a trek in South America to raise funds for his local cancer hospital. And as the man himself says, when life throws you lemons, you make lemonade. But when life throws you grapefruits, you’re never going to be sure quite what to do. But, like comedians are inclined to do, he made a joke out of it and took it on tour.

It’s a very different night of comedy that begins with the comic asking if there are any people in the audience who’ve also had cancer. But it works. There are, I suppose as you’d statistically expect, a fair few audience members who have gone through and recovered from cancer. A couple of people have even had the same cancer as Gilbert and so some of tonight is spent discussing what they’ve been through. It’s never indulgent and always funny (which feels like a weird thing to write even now).

It’s a brilliant show. Gilbert is, as ever, engaging and forthright. Nothing is held back, meaning that a few thousand of us are treated to tales of cancer based constipation that we probably could have done without! But, even when we’re cringeing about it, we’re laughing. Along the way, we’re treated to tales of John, Rhod’s driver while he was unable to drive himself, who is ridiculed mercilessly.

As promised, there are lots of darker moments tonight. It’d be impossible to avoid after a 3 year cancer journey. But it’s actually uplifting. Brutally honest and all the while searching for a bright spot, but it’s dark. I find myself wondering whether or not it’s ok to laugh at times, but realise that the whole room is laughing so it’s probably the whole point. Sometimes, when the chips are down, if you don’t laugh, well you’ll probably cry and I know which I prefer.

There’s a brilliant section near the end of the set where Rhod gives out awards for those who’ve featured in his battle against cancer. I won’t give the game away as some of you might go to see the show in the coming months, but there’s a brilliant tale involving a trip to get treatment that almost ended up in Aberdeen of all places. And remember, Gilbert lives in Wales! There are also awards for those who reached out to Rhod during his last 3 years, some with wise and beautifully written, sage pieces of advice…and others where it’s just plain weird.

The show ends with Rhod now offstage and a video that was made during his treatment. Keeping with the themes of the night, it’s funny while also being really sad at times and we’re given just that extra little bit of insight into Gilbert’s character. Thankfully, it’s been a happy ending and I dare say that there was more than just me in the room who was choking back a few tears as Rhod rang the bell to signal that he’d beaten cancer.

Welcome back, Rhod!

Teaching: I’ve been on a course…

This week, as a work thing, I did something that I haven’t done for years. So long in fact, that I really can’t remember how many years it’s been, but it wouldn’t surprise me at all if it’s been well over a decade. I went out on a course.

I’ve long had an aversion to courses. I’m not good around new people and really can’t be bothered trailing to anywhere different with all the navigation issues that it can create. And that’s before you get to the chaos that going out on a course can create. You leave behind a classroom full of resources and a day’s worth of classes doing – or simply not even attempting – all of the work you’ve spent time creating and then setting for them. So basically, your room is at the mercy of whoever’s covering your lessons and a load of students frothing at the mouth at the prospect of you not being there. A course you say? I’ll just stay at work, if it’s all the same.

There was no avoiding this though. Firstly, I’m at a new school and so keen to make a good impression. But secondly, this was a course for mentors and I needed to be there in order to learn how to use the software that I’ll be working with as mentor to a new teacher or an ECT as I’m required to call them nowadays.

I started the day by making the kind of mistake I’ve previously laughed heartily at in others. Yes, I didn’t check the dress code, meaning I was the only person to turn up in a shirt and tie! Oh, the horror as I walked in! I almost wore a suit though, so I was relieved that I could just quietly rid myself of my tie and not look too stiff in amongst the sea of hoodies and jeans.

There were plusses though. I got to leave the house later, meaning more time to lounge about over breakfast, the course didn’t start until later than work, we got a free lunch and then we were treated to an early finish, so it turned out to be not so bad.

However, the whole experience left me with a number of questions as well as wanting to share a few observations too…

The first thing that occurred to me was the name of the thing. They’re no longer courses, apparently. No, now we go on conferences. So when did that change? And why? It’s clearly the way things are these days, with academy chains running things like businesses and referring to people on courses as ‘delegates’. Ridiculous, really. I mean there were around 30 of us sat in a classroom watching and taking notes as two presenters talked us through some slides. It didn’t feel like what I imagined a conference to be. I thought conferences were about ‘networking’ (perish the thought and pass me the sick bag) and maybe standing around drinking wine and being waited upon with nibbles. I got to sit at a desk and settled for jacket potato with cheese and beans for dinner! Not even a warm plastic cup of chardonnay in sight!

The school we were at was one that I used to drive past daily for a decade. I actually imagined that one day I’d work there. It was a short commute for me and had a name that conjured up far more positive and idyllic images than the reality. Now though, following some dark days for them, they’ve knocked it down and rebuilt the place and I have to say, it was an impressive building. It’s nice to see that money is being spent in education…if only we could recruit more teachers.

Even a brand spanking new building has its drawbacks though. For about the first hour of being there, every few minutes the sound of gushing water would interrupt us. No one had any idea where it was from, but boy did it sound close. Very off-putting, I can tell you! I was sure that we were going to get soaked at any time! And then there was the school bell. I say bell, but it sounded like the kind of alarm you expect would signal an approaching apocalypse. And it just seemed to go off so often! A ‘conference’ with the threat of drowning or zombie panic. It’s no wonder it’s taken me so long to get back out there!

While watching our presenters go about…well, presenting, it struck me that this was the kind of job I’d have liked. I love the showing off aspect of my work and have always loved giving assemblies or running training for staff, so I’d like a bit of that there presenting I reckon. But then, it occurred to me that I’d be very worried about the amount of questions I’d have to fumble an answer for and that I’d probably really just want to be telling stories and doing dad jokes – not what your average ‘delegate’ wants in these corporate heavy days of education. Maybe I’ll stick to the classroom after all!

The two presenters we had were very good and yet still my abiding memories of them talking to us revolved around their language choices. No sweary Marys, don’t worry, but just using phrases I’d either never heard before or just hadn’t heard in years. Firstly, one of them kept saying ‘Hell’s Bells’, which I thought had died out years ago and then the other referred to students as being like ‘giddy little kippers’, which really threw me as the only kippers I’ve ever encountered were dead and being offered up as part of guest house breakfasts. So, not giddy at all. But all was forgotten and forgiven when one of them kept using the word ‘twiggle’, which I’d never heard. Going on the context of use, I worked out it must be a verb meaning to change something slightly, like to ‘tweak’. But twiggle seems like a great word and I’d encourage all 14 people who read this to start using it immediately!

In the afternoon though, an old ghost returned to haunt me. Every so often in teaching someone latches on to a person who’s had an idea and set themselves up as some kind of guru. It’s particularly irksome, because almost every idea is recycled from years before and these people aren’t reinventing any wheels. Anyway, just after dinner, there he was smugly standing there jabbering on about something I wasn’t listening to on a video. I won’t mention his name (it’s not even a proper name), but suffice to say it soured those few minutes until he disappeared again!

Overall though, despite my reservations, I had a pretty good day and actually learnt some stuff. Best of all? It was the compliments. I genuinely think that I’m a hopeless mentor and yet still the presenters told us on several occasions, “you are all amazing” as well as referring to us regularly as “special”. I must remember to tell my wife!

Middle Age: Tales of the unexpected.

I’ve been writing this blog for 6 years now. The original idea was to sort of diarise stuff about getting older; welcoming in middle age and documenting what it was like, if you like. That quickly changed when I realised that I’d given myself a platform where I could write about…well, anything!

Six years ago, I’d had a heart operation and so my first 3 blogs were about that. It was the reason for starting the blog. I suppose it was kind of cleansing. A way to let people know how I was feeling without having to do any of that awkward talky stuff that I’m not a great fan of. But then I got to liking writing about all manner of stuff and noticed that there were more than just my friends reading. So suddenly, there I was typing up my thoughts and feelings about music, fashion, young people, football and eventually even plucking up enough courage to share some poetry.

It’s been a while though since I wrote about middle age, but recently I got to thinking about some changes I’d gone through that I hadn’t really expected. So, I thought I’d give the rest of you advance warning of some of the perils of middle age. Something to look forward to, eh? And if you’re already of a similar age or older, some of this might resonate and make you chuckle.

Going white. I’m 52 now and so far, while I’ve been going grey since my early thirties, it’s been a pleasingly slow progression. I’d say that most of my hair is still black and that thankfully, aside from some patches in the sides, I’m more pepper than salt. However, following an operation I wasn’t able to shave for a while. I was fine with this. Being happy to be alive will make you far less vain and so being unshaven and subsequently growing a beard didn’t phase me at all. What did bother me though, was the fact that my beard came through as largely white! I mean, when there was a bit of growth, say after a week or so, I was beginning to resemble some kind of apprentice Santa Claus! Definitely not the change that I was expecting.
Losing my hair. To clarify, I still have a decent head of hair. There are far more who are far younger than me who have lost a lot more hair. That said though, lately I’ve really noticed how much I’m receding. And while in reality there’s very little chance of it, I’ve been beginning to fear the development of a hair island at the front of my head! My forehead is definitely growing where there used to be hair! Like I say, I think it’s a way off as yet, but it’s really bothered me.
Strange marks and blemishes. Another unwanted imperfection has been the development of marks and blemishes on my body. I already have three notable scars – two on my chest and one on my right calf – so I could do with the latest additions to my body! A year ago, I got an infection right at the top of my left leg, just where it meets the hip. I’ve no idea how, but it ended up as a real mess when the cyst burst and I ended up at the doctors. Even he took a deep breath when I revealed the mess that my leg was in. Anyway, a year later and the marks are still there, like two ugly red scars. I also have a mark on my shin that I can’t explain and right in the middle of the large scar on my chest it’ll sometimes get dry and itchy, making for another horrible blemish. Add to this a small red area on the end of my nose and it’s becoming a bit of a problem! It seems that when these things happen nowadays that my body just can’t move on! It’s honestly one of the worst bits about middle age that I’ve encountered so far!
My body. Having been slim all my life, middle age is no fun. I used to be able to eat anything and it had no effect. Now though…ooof! Too much spice = heartburn, coffee = feeling sick, pizza, I’m steering clear of as I think I’m developing an aversion to cheese, red wine (oh, red wine), that used to be my best friend, gives me nightmares and a thumping heart in the night! And it all makes me put on weight. I have a belly that I’m really not fond of, but try as I might it just won’t shift. My body is not enjoying middle age!
Bruises. Suddenly, bruises are taking far longer to heal and going far bluer or greener than before. What’s that all about? I rarely bruised as a young man, but now the slightest touch against almost anything and I’ve got a nasty bruise. This means that, as a teacher, I have a more or less permanent bruise at the top of my thigh where I’ve walked into yet another desk as I do my ’rounds’ in the classroom!
Memory. Now, I’ve never had a great memory. I’m terrible at remembering birthdays and rarely know the lyrics of songs, despite the fact that I may have been singing them on and off for over 30 years. However, middle age has now brought the curse of not being able to remember why I came into a room. The kitchen is the favourite here and it often doubles up as I remember why I’m there – to get something out of a cupboard – but can’t remember what the something was that I was getting.
Hair growth. If you’re wondering, yes, this is a strange thing to include in the same piece as a bit where I worried about hair loss. But that my friends is the weird and ‘wonderful’ world of growing into middle age. Sometimes, everything’s a conundrum! Suffice to say, since the onset of middle age I seem to be sprouting hair in places where I don’t really want it. Firstly, I have more back hair than I’d like. It’s not a great deal, but I’d prefer none really. I’ve always been quite hairy anyway, but my back seems to have decided to play catch up with my chest, arms and legs over the last few years. My eyebrows too have gone rogue. The hair there is just taking on a life of its own and I’m finding myself having to trim it regularly to stop it encroaching up my forehead. And then, there’s my nose. Not just hair in there, but growing on the outside too and while both have been a constant in adult life, it would seem that they’re now just heading into some form unwanted of overdrive! Believe me, shaving the outside of your nose is no fun whatsoever!
A realisation of my uselessness. I’m not really useless. There are lots of things that I can do and lots that I’m actually good at. However, what worries me is far more fundamental. The older I get, the more I’m finding that the essential ‘man stuff’ is a bit beyond me. There’s just loads of stuff that I cannot do. Let me explain. Recently, one of the spotlight bulbs in our bathroom stopped working. This wasn’t a problem. They were easy to change, I’d heard. Just press on the outside, it’ll drop down from the ceiling and you pop the bulb out and put another in. Except ours didn’t. Naturally though, being a bloke, I couldn’t resist a half hour struggle with it first, which succeeded in me breaking the unit leaving it now dangling from the ceiling! The springs to hold the unit in place were either left dangling with the light or flew off into the loft which meant a long time spent crawling around our loft space trying to find them amongst the insulation. No fun, dear reader, no fun! Suffice to say, another two bulbs went soon after, leaving us with one working spotlight. It turned out that our electrician had fitted the less than easy to change versions and only after several trips to YouTube was I able to figure it out and even then fixing it all was far from easy. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so frustrated. Add to my spotlight woe the fact that I won’t go near electrics having electrocuted myself quite badly in the past, I don’t like speaking to people on the phone and that I can’t change a tyre and I’m stuck in middle age feeling pretty useless!

It seems really unfair that just because you get to this stage in life that a million unexpected things start to happen to you. I mean, the health worries have been more than enough and I thought all the awkward changes I needed had come in puberty. I imagined my next stop was pensionable age and all that would happen would be fully expected! This present pit stop is not at all enjoyable!

Anyway, less moaning and more positivity. I’m still here and most of my hair is still its natural colour! Until next time…