Category: Article

Teaching: New year, new job…first week done!

Having written about my nerves and concerns at starting my new job last time out, I’m happy to say that my first week is now officially done. So, I thought I’d let you know how things went.

It’s safe to say that the first week has felt about a month long and that I’m ready for another holiday. That’s a joke for the humourless and also those people who really don’t like teachers and our allegedly ‘easy jobs’! I am tired though! Anyway, here are the highs and lows of that first week.

The Highs.

We got the band back together. I’m now working with (counts on fingers) 9 people that I’ve worked with before, several of whom are cherished friends and people that I’ve worked with on and off for quite some time now. It’s been lovely, but also surreal at times and I’ve done countless double takes at them walking into my room or just seeing them in corridors and genuinely having the feeling of ‘Hang on, what are you doing here?’ I don’t know when that’ll stop, but it doesn’t lessen the feeling that I’m very lucky to be back in the band. As the frontman, of course before you ask. Me, Ruth, Gemma, Debbie and Emily Smellybumpoo (not her real name, but not far off), it’s great to be back together!

Everyone is so nice. Now, people have been nice before by the way, but having moved from somewhere where I knew everything and everyone really well, it’s been comforting to come somewhere new and meet so many people who have been nothing but friendly and happy to see me. I’ve lost count of the number of visitors to my classroom coming in just to ask me how my day was or how I’m settling in. I mean, sometimes I can walk in my own house and 100% of the people here aren’t particularly moved by my presence, so seeing so many smiling faces pointing in my direction has been a real boost.

No surprises with the students. Kids are just kids, aren’t they? Never an opinion nor a reaction in common and despite my nerves about being at a boy’s school, it turns out that they’re much of a muchness with all the other children I’ve taught before. Probably the best moment of the week in terms of students actually came outside the classroom while I was on duty on the field on Friday. Two students approached me, asking ‘Are you new, sir?’ When I confirmed that I was, one of them told me that he was in my interview lesson months ago and that he was pleased I’d got the job, before wishing me the best of luck and leaving telling me, ‘Yeah, you’re sound, sir’. Praise indeed!

It takes me 7 minutes to get to work. My commute is just 7 minutes. That’s the high, right there.

Fridays are amazing. On Fridays I have a free period and my afternoon consists of a class of lovely Year 7s followed by the final lesson of the week in the library with my Year 8s. For the final part of each library lesson I get to read our class reader to my class, while they just sit and follow. I absolutely love reading aloud in class, always have done, and now I get to end every week of the year doing just that!

The Lows.

Training Days. With the dawn of corporate style academy trusts came many things to complain about. One of the worst is the first day back conference. It doesn’t seem to matter where you go; you can’t escape. And it doesn’t matter what training you choose to do, or who’s speaking because it all adds up to a 7 or 8 hour day of being talked at. This is not my strong point and I’d say that usually at around 7 or 8 minutes in, I’ve stopped listening. My eyes are open, I’m breathing, but frankly, I’m on auto pilot. The lights are definitely on, but it’s not really me that’s at home; I’m more a combination of Elmer Fudd, some sparkly lighting and a bowl of custard, which is useful. This year, there was a motivational speaker. He spoke for over 90 minutes which served to destroy my back and leave me with numb buttocks that may never regain full sensitivity. I’ll also never forget his name or achievements because he mentioned them in almost every other sentence. By the end of it all I felt like I’d done 3 rounds with a UFC fighter! That said, it was still more fun than my old place where I was once asked to contribute to a round of applause the lead school’s GCSE results! Reader, I sat on my hands and grimaced.

There’s always that one class. Let’s just say that they were testing out the new bloke. It was no great surprise, but for a whole lesson one of my classes just would not behave, would not be quiet and would not listen. They were relentless. I felt like a student teacher again, helpless and useless. I was flustered, frustrated and boy, was I sweaty! This cloud had a lovely silver lining though. Senior staff were angered, concerned for me and apologetic, even though there was no need. Boys will be boys, will be boys. The reaction helped show me the strength of the team I’ve joined though. My head of department asked jokingly, would I be back tomorrow. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, as some bloke with a pointy beard and a dodgy earring once wrote.

The lack of sleep. I haven’t made it to my alarm all week. Every morning, I’ve been out of bed before it’s gone off, having been awake for a while beforehand. I’m happy to have made the change, but definitely unsettled by it all. I know I’ll be ok in a few weeks when there’s a lot less newness, but for now, I’m shattered!

Hall, Oates and…Bedingfield? Starting something new can clearly do something strange to your mind. True to form, for some reason I’ve had ‘You Make My Dreams Come True’ by Hall and Oates and ‘Unwritten’ by Natasha Bedingfield relentlessly running round my head all week. Now, I love Hall and Oates and always have done, but Bedingfield is just a mystery. And a massive pain in the arse.

No goats. Believe it or not my new school not only has a forest school, but also a kind of allotment style arrangement for our more vulnerable learners known as the barnyard. Among the animals there we have goats and I bloody love goats! Sadly though, despite keeping an eagle eye out whenever I’ve been in the vicinity I’ve not seen even a hair of a goat. I’m gutted, but hopeful that my first goat encounter isn’t far off! Maybe next week…

I never thought I’d leave my old place. I loved the place, the people and the students. But then life got in the way, as it has a habit of doing and just when I was about as low as I could get, another opportunity presented itself and I was lucky enough to be able to take it.

I’m at the very start of that opportunity. It’s been a ridiculously busy week and stressful too. But then, I expected that it would be. I have to say though, I’m really enjoying my work. I miss lots of things and people at my old place and it’s been strange being in a new classroom, not knowing my way around the school – I’ve got lost at least 5 times – and not seeing some of my favourite people. But you know what? I think I’m going to love working at my new place. One week down of a new school year…only 190 more days to go

Teaching: New school year, new job…help!

This September I start a new job. This shouldn’t be a big problem for me, yet I’m more than a little anxious about the change.

As I said, it shouldn’t be something that’s too alarming. I mean for a start, this was my choice. Furthermore, I’m entering my 25th year of teaching – what’s that, you wouldn’t know it to look at me and I should get out of town, you say? It’s true though and in my head that should mean that I’ve seen it all before and that a change like this shouldn’t really have an effect. But it is and there’s quite a lot that’s bothering me. But rather than write about it in a “pick me” as my kids say, kind of way, I thought I’d try to make people smile a bit. Let’s play this for laughs, not for sympathy.

Let’s start with how it all came about. I’d been at my last place for 9 years, most of them blissfully happy ones too. I was appointed as a Lead Practitioner and although at first it felt like the school might not know what to do with me, it was thoroughly enjoyable and I felt like I was contributing a lot. Over the years I felt like I was really helping out at the school and affecting change in my own small way. I’d occasionally run whole school or departmental training. I’d do morning briefings about various things, taking the lead on reading and oracy in particular with the emphasis on getting my ideas across while also giving people a bit of fun at the start of their day. I’d also do fairly regular assemblies. In short, I felt like I was good at my job. Apart from mentoring; I was shit at that.

Three years ago though, I was told that my role was no longer viable for whatever reason and that was that. Unless I wanted to apply to be in charge of KS4 English, I’d be back as a teacher of English only. The KS4 role just wasn’t for me and so I went about my business as a teacher. Sure, I sulked a bit but overall I was professional and did my job to the very best of my ability. The cut in wages and lack of challenge never left me though and I decided that I’d be leaving, as much as it would hurt.

Then, two years ago, I got ill. My heart decided not to bother working properly anymore and it resulted in me having 4 months off work. When I returned, nothing felt the same and I spent large parts of last year feeling really unhappy. Now, I’ll be honest, I probably look unhappy most of the time anyway, but this was different. Inwardly and outwardly, I just wasn’t smiling.

Luckily for me another chance presented itself and with a touch more luck, I got the job. So, just what is it that’s worrying me then?

I’m someone who likes to have fun at work. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a professional first and foremost, but I’ve loved being class clown for a long time too. For me, teaching is largely just showing off.

One of the ways that I like to have fun is via email. Childish, I know, but I love a daft email. Now though, I find myself worrying about how that first email will go down. At my last place, my first really silly one involved asking everyone in the department what music they’d have as their walk on music, if we could bring in such a thing. It’s the kind of thing that I daydream about in meetings. If you must know, I’d have a burst ‘No Limits’ by 2Unlimited, followed by a bit of ‘The Power’ by Snap before finishing with the drama of ‘One Voice’ by Barry Manilow. Genius, I know. I’d look fabulous as well, by the way.

Anyway, after 9 years at my old place everyone was more than used to this type of thing and most seemed to enjoy it. But how will it all go down in a new setting? I’m heartened by the fact that I know some of the people in my department, but still, I don’t want people to think of me as a complete knobhead. Not until they get to know me, anyway.

On a much more serious note, I’m anxious about creating relationships with my classes. It’s always hard and having been at the same school for 9 years, it’s not something I’m used to any more. Sure, I had new classes every year, but this year barely a pupil at the school knows me. I know that after a few weeks they’ll be used to me and I’ll be used to them, but the fact that it can be such a gruelling process is still a little daunting. I’ve never been one of the ‘don’t smile ’til Christmas’ brigade and want students to enjoy being in my lessons so for me relationships are key.

It’s a similar story where relationships with colleagues are concerned. As I said earlier, I already know some of my department having worked with them before, but as for the others, I don’t even think I’ve met them all. I’m really quite a shy person. In my recent leaving speech I joked that probably only 40% of the people present actually knew who I was, but I might not have been too far wide of the mark! Hopefully though, I’m able to come across as far less of a tool than I actually am. I might even try to chip in with some useful comments in meetings, just to smooth the way! Best to get some brownie points in the bag before that first email, I guess!

Learning names is also something to fret about. I’ve never been the best in this area of my job. With students I’m usually quite good, just because I see the same names on a register time and time again, although there’ll always be one or two that slip the net. However, it’s staff names that I really struggle with. There are already a couple of people that I’ve met where I’m unsure of their name. It’s a particular blind spot with me and although there’s always ‘Miss’ and ‘Sir’ to rely on, I always feel guilty about this particular flaw. A whole fresh start with an entirely new staff suddenly feels like an accident waiting to happen. I’m never far off an ‘alright Dave’ situation when I’m talking to a Mike or a Paul and it’s inevitable that I’m only weeks ago from a misnaming faux pas!

Almost a quarter of a century of teaching has seen me acquire quite a lot of ‘stuff’. And finding it a home makes me anxious too. I’m yet to see my classroom and so don’t know if there’s space for all I’ll bring. Further to that is the fact that it’s going to take loads of trips back and forth from my car to get it all in too. I deliberately left quite a lot behind and have even culled some of the stuff I brought home. I mean, I took around half a box of spare worksheets and paper resources that I had knocking around in my old room before looking at them in my front room and realising that, having not probably used any of it for the best part of a decade I’d probably have no need for it anyway! It’s odd the things that you cling on to. Luckily, there are probably only around 7 boxes worth to transport. And then some bags too! Someone help me!

My new job is at a boys school. The first same sex school I’ll have taught in and although I know exactly what to expect (lads, lads, lads, I suppose), it unnerves me a bit. I know it’ll take a bit of getting used to. I know that I’ll spend the first few weeks looking at my class thinking stuff like, ‘There’s something not quite right here’ and doing comedy double takes at the fact that ‘THEY’RE ALL BOYS’!

And then, and by no means finally but I have to end somewhere, there are the little things. The ones that will probably turn out to be nothing, but will almost certainly keep me awake the night before it all begins.

Firstly, I haven’t got my pass yet. And what are we without a lanyard, eh? I mean, a chair of governors once wrongly accused me and a couple of others of turning ours around deliberately at an open evening in order to avoid parental questions, so I’m envisaging a horde of riot police charging at me when I turn up without one. But also, how do I get in to the building? What if no one comes to get me? And then, when I finally get it what do I do if the picture is one of those where my smile is on the wane, so to speak? You know, like it’s sliding off your face? What do I do then?

There’s also the bit where you have to introduce yourself to the whole staff. Sure, it’s just a stand up and wave thing, but if anyone’s going to trip over his own feet on the way up or miss his chair on the way back down, it’s me. My brain has a terrible habit of either making me say stupid stuff or do something even stupider. So, I’m really looking forward to winking at a hall full of people while pointing my fingers or doing a peace sign like some cheeseball gameshow host and all the while not having a clue how any of it happened.

Furthermore, I’ve never parked in the actual car park. I’ve always been in a handy visitor’s space. So what if I park in the wrong place? It’d be just like me to park in Big Tony’s space (the bloke who everyone fears and no one knows what he actually teaches – every school’s got one). I’m not a young man anymore; I could do without all of this!

All this is running round my mind and I haven’t even got to the usual expected raft of IT problems that have haunted me for years. The board that only works on days with an ‘e’ in their name, the forgetting of my own password, wrestling with a more advanced version of ClassCharts than I’m used to and then of course, my nemesis…the bloody visualiser! We still used a telly on a trolley when I first started, so it doesn’t take much in terms of IT to put me in a flap!

Changing jobs has made me feel ludicrously inexperienced again, before I’ve even started. I’m finding myself worrying about things that bothered me as a newly qualified teacher back in the late 1800s. Anyone that knows me will also know that none of this is an exaggeration either! Luckily, I know that really it’s just a case of getting the first month out of the way before I’m into some kind of routine and things are pretty much falling into place. Give it a year or two and they’ll have stopped talking about the amount of times I locked myself out of a building, the ridiculous resources I brought or even my inevitably ill fitting high viz for duties too.

Wish me luck! I think I’m going to need it!

NUFC: Sandro’s back, olé, olé, olé!

There are loads of things that shouldn’t really be exciting, but just are. The two pence machines at the arcade. Jumping waves with the kids. Getting something that scans at the wrong (reduced) price at the self checkout. Christ, for some of us getting a text or a WhatsApp message still causes a flutter. Truth be told though, none of these can hold a candle in the adrenaline stakes to things like white water rafting, bungee jumping or skydiving and yet there’s still at least a tiny bit of excitement to be had from them.

In a weird way, it’s a similar story with the return of Sandro Tonali for Newcastle United. We’re excited to see him back because he’s one of ours, but truth be told we’ve barely seen the lad play. We’ve certainly not seen anything like the best of him, I’d expect. Still though, there’s a skip in the step kind of feeling to the fact that he’s about to be available for selection once again.

In truth, Sandro owes us, really. We’ve stuck by him, just as the club has. His name has been sung lustily by thousands both home and away, but he hasn’t played in front of us for 10 months. But then, it’s not in the nature of Newcastle fans to hold back when it comes to support. Whether we’ve been telling the world that he “drinks Moretti” and “eats spaghetti” or just giving it the old “Sandro, olé, olé, olé”, we’ve been right behind a player that hasn’t kicked a ball for us in a a long, long time. Yes, there’s always a scapegoat or two, particularly if you enter the cesspit of the NUFC hashtag on social media, but in the main our team can be sure of receiving our backing. It’s just what supporting Newcastle is about. If they’re in the shirt, they’ll be backed by the majority at least. I mean, none of us are in it for the trophies…

Tonali’s ban ends this week and it’s already been revealed that he’ll be in the squad for Wednesday night’s game away at Forest in the Carabao cup. I for one, cannot wait. I honestly don’t know what to expect as well. He was someone who I’ll happily admit to knowing nothing about before he signed – I’d never seen him play. And I don’t play FIFA. So, after only 13 appearances and 1 goal last year, there’s still a lot to learn. To haul out the old cliché, it really is just like a new signing. Which given the window we’ve had as I write, can’t be sniffed at!

Since being banned for breaching betting rules by the Italian Football Federation, we’re told that Sandro has been working hard. “Incredibly hard” in fact according to Eddie Howe. And rightly so, to be fair. He’s trained as normal while also finding time to learn English, which will benefit him enormously. He’s also made numerous visits to Italy to undergo counselling for his addiction.

It’s to be hoped that being able to train regularly with is team mates will have helped help Sandro immensely, acting almost like an extended pre-season. Howe says that Sandro is popular within the group and so it’s to be hoped that he can slot straight into the action quite smoothly. I guess all that’s likely to be missing is match sharpness, but hopefully his reading of the game, natural athleticism and footballing intelligence can compensate in those first half dozen appearances. After that, it’s to be hoped that he’s flying for the rest of the season.

It could be argued that the highlight for Tonali in a black and white shirt was his debut. The link up play with Bruno and Joelinton promised much, the range of passing and the drive to get on the end of the cross and volley in the opening goal, well you couldn’t have written that. Now, after ten months of frustration for all, he’s back and vowing to repay everyone at the club. This far into his career at Newcastle, it shouldn’t be exciting. But it is!

Welcome back, Sandro!

Ben Brereton Diaz v Fabian Schar – what really happened?

So, even though we got three points and recorded a clean sheet in our first game of the new season at the weekend, there was really only the one talking point. What on God’s green earth was Ben Brereton Diaz’s reaction to Fabian Schar’s so called headbutt all about? I mean, I could end this one early and just confirm that he’s a massive cheat, but I’ve been having a think and wrote a few alternative ideas down, just for a bit of fun. Here’s what might have actually happened.

The famous sniper in the stands returns. The same person who got Steven Taylor all those years ago against Villa, the same one who regularly targets Mo Salah and sometimes hangs around SJP to get a pot shot at Miggy.

Or could it be the same one who ‘shot’ at Donald Trump a little while back? And if it made a superhero like Donny fall, then why not a bang average Premier League footballer? Will Diaz appear for his next game with an elastoplast on his forehead like Trump’s famous ear bandage, just to be even more convincing? Maybe, like Trump’s supporters, Southampton fans will follow suit. Who knows? Whatever happens, Diaz will forever look like a tw*t.

Thinking about the future. We all know that footballers have a short career. And gone are the days when they could just go and run a pub when they hit thirty something. So maybe Diaz is thinking of becoming an actor and just getting his audition in early. If they ever remake Platoon, he’s got to be up for a role along with the aforementioned Taylor.

Garlic Surprise? Even the most biased Newcastle fan can’t think that Fabian Schar was entirely blameless. You stick your head in, you’re asking for trouble. That said though…it was all Diaz’s fault, the cheat. But what if Fabian had eaten one of his famous garlic surprise (with extra garlic) sandwiches before the match? Or had a cheeky lamb bhuna for his pre-match meal. I mean, they’re famous for their love of curries in Switzerland, apparently. Death breath plus a very sensitive nose? Could be…

Karaoke? It’s a little known fact that Ben Brereton Diaz is a big, big fan of karaoke. Apparently, he’s got his very own machine. A top of the range one from Tandy with disco lights and everything. Could it be then, that in an effort to diffuse the situation, he was simply bursting into song. I mean, by the look on his face he’s got to be doing Total Eclipse of The Heart by Bonnie Tyler, right? Either that or he’s just a dick.

Hair problems. Fabian Schar leans in towards Diaz’s head and in an effort to pull away and, in the spirit of fair play, not get Wor Fabby sent off he lashes himself back just too quick and gets a stray lock of hair from that frankly magnificent mane in his eye. Listen, back in the day, I too had magnificent long, flowing locks. Or was it a shit mullet? I’m too old to remember. What I do remember though, is picking up a similar injury at a Europe concert at Newcastle City Hall in the late eighties. I think it was during The Final Countdown and believe me, it stung.

Or maybe all of this is just b*ll*cks and the truth is that VAR failed us and Ben Brereton Diaz is a cheat? In the end though, three points is all that matters. Ain’t karma a bitch, Benny boy?

NUFC: Reasons to be cheerful…

Let’s be honest, even for the most positive and patient of Newcastle fans it’s been a bit of a frustrating pre-season. It seems like a lot of our fans had expected a bit of a spend up after the last second PSR related drama that led to the sales of Yankuba Minteh and Elliot Anderson. Now was the time, in their informed opinion, for us to spend big. In fact, some of them seemed to think that they had a genuine insight into how the PIF work and that now they’d just be throwing money at big name signings.

And yet, here we are. Hardly in crisis, but with some of our fans seemingly apoplectic with rage for a range of reasons such as a £65m transfer taking too long or, at the time of writing maybe not actually happening, a club in a town you’ve never heard of in America being unable to afford Miggy Almiron and well, John Ruddy. Aye, John Ruddy seems to be a very unpopular 4th or 5th choice keeper with some people!

Anyway, in the interest of balance and hopefully common sense, I thought I’d offer some reasons to be cheerful. So, in no particular order, here they are.

The transfer window doesn’t close until August 30th! Now, I’m no mathematician, but that still leaves a decent amount of time for us to make more signings. So that right winger that most crave could well arrive yet! We all know that the last few days of the window are always when it all starts to heat up and so I fully expect us to get some quality in even if it takes until those last few days. And for the real naysayers, that’s also plenty of time for us to get rid of a few too!

Lloyd Kelly and Will Osula. For me, both are very good signings. Hear me out. Lloyd Kelly looks both solid and agile. He’s no slouch either. Fitting in with the Eddie Howe criteria, he appears to be a very good character too and so you’d imagine he’ll fit in well. In my opinion, he improves us even just as a back up, but I suspect we’ll see quite a lot of him this season, should he steer clear of injury. Will Osula is another good signing. OK, it’s all potential and statistically there’s not a lot to back things up, but I’m hopeful that he’ll make the step up and maybe just be inspired by the support that he’ll get. I remember people questioned the signing of Andy Cole at the time and look how that turned out. The lad is young, so let’s give him time. Osula is quick, skillful and athletic which are all good qualities for a modern day striker. And if Eddie can work his magic, then we might just have got a steal at £10m.

Football’s back! I take a different view to most during pre-season in that I actually quietly enjoy the lack of games to worry about. Maybe it’s down to my formative years watching teams managed by Bill McGarry, Jack Charlton and Jim Smith or maybe just a direct result of Mike Ashley’s tenure, but while I miss watching football, I don’t miss the stress of it all and the idiot that it turns me into! Like I say though, I’m definitely in the minority here. So, crack a smile and enjoying getting back to the match, man! And regardless of whoever might be playing right wing, just support the team as you always do!

Sandro olé, olé, olé! By the time you read this it’ll be under a fortnight until Sandro Tonali is able to make his return in black and white. There was a lot of excitement when he signed last year. Here was a Serie A superstar and mainstay of AC Milan’s midfield signing for the Toon! I mean, what a signing! And then he made a great start with a goal and Man of The Match performance against Villa, as well as an unexpected appearance at ‘Spoons too! After that, there were more tidy performances, although he looked like he was still finding his feet a bit. And then, the betting allegations surfaced and all of a sudden he was banned. But Sandro was not forgotten, hence the chant. Sandro Tonali’s return is within touching distance and adding him into a midfield with Bruno and Joelinton is very much a reason to be cheerful.

Joe Willock. Injury restricted Joe Willock to just 9 starts and 5 sub appearances last season and there were times when we missed his guile and hard running. Since signing on loan under Steve Bruce in 2021 he’s played 95 times and scored 15 goals, creating some amazing memories in that time and in the last year or so he’s struck up an excellent relationship on the pitch with Alexander Isak. I, for one, can’t wait to see the lad back.

The future’s bright! In terms of youth, last season was all about Lewis Miley. He was superb and it was a joy to see another local lad break through into the first team. As we gear up for a new season, Trevan Sanusi seems to have had a breakthrough in pre-season and been the standout performer in terms of our young players coming through. And I’ve no doubt that he’s got a real future at the club and will make his first team debut in this coming season. However, he’s not the only prospect that could make strides in ’24/’25. Add in the likes of Alfie Harrison, Cathal Heffernan, Leo Shahar, Alex Murphy, Travis Hernes and even younger players like Anthony Munda and Sean Neave and there’s a lot coming through the ranks that can offer some hope. And don’t forget, another Miley – Jamie – has been performing pretty well in pre-season too!

So, while we might not have got your preferred option in at centre back, right wing or even up front – yet – I’d hope you’d agree that there are still plenty of reasons to be cheerful as a Toon fan! Here’s to a successful ’24/’25 season!

NUFC: The Magnificent Sevens, Part 2.

In the second of this series I’m having a look at another 5 of my favourite number sevens. As I mentioned last time, I’ve always loved watching wingers and so I thought I’d write a couple of blogs about some of the ones I’ve loved watching most. Mind you, as a disclaimer I have to point out that some of our best number 7s haven’t really been wingers at all!

‘Jinky’ Jimmy Smith. Growing up, I’d hear about someone called ‘Jinky’ a lot. It sounded like a daft name, but my dad would regularly bang on about him. Eventually, as I got old enough to understand and old enough to go to games, I started to listen. Sadly for me, ‘Jinky’ had left by the time I was able to watch him play. His skills lived on though, with tales of his genius passed on by my dad and grandad, as I’m sure they were for many of my generation. From what I could gather, Smith was a bit of a maverick; one of those unpredictable players that a crowd might fall in love with while never truly knowing what they’re going to do next. ‘A box of tricks’ is how my dad described him and if you need a modern reference point, then perhaps Hatem Ben Arfa would have been a similar type of player. Jinky – nicknamed so because of his ability to ‘jink’ past an opponent – was a skillful player. Already a Scotland international when he joined the club, he would become a crowd favourite because of his flair and willingness to take on defenders. Making 179 appearances and scoring 16 goals, Jim became a real crowd favourite until tragedy struck and a series of knee injuries forced him into retirement aged just 29.

Darren Jackson. Darren Jackson will always bring back special memories for me. Partly because I just liked him as a player, but mainly because I happened to look quite like him in my late teens and was genuinely mistaken for him on a couple of occasions. Believe me, having someone stop you in the Metrocentre to ask if you’re a footballer will stay with you for a while! Jackson was signed in 1986 from Meadowbank Thistle for the princely sum of £240,000 and while he was never a world beater, he was definitely a player who seemed to be giving everything he had for the club. Slightly built, but quite skillful, Jackson had the ability to take on full backs and – as John Barnes once memorably rapped – get round the back. As such could usually be relied upon for an assist or a decent attacking performance. He was quite a fiery character too and never let himself be intimidated by some of the old Division 1’s more burly defenders. His career on Tyneside lasted just 3 seasons, taking in 69 appearances and 7 goals and I for one was saddened when he was sold to Dundee United for £200,000 in December 1988.

Tony Green. Younger supporters have possibly never even heard of what is likely to be their grandad’s favourite ever player. In fact, there can’t be that many people left who actually saw him play. But to those who did, the mere mention of Tony Green’s name is likely to light up their eyes and bring a smile to their face. Signed for £150,000 – big money in 1971 – Green only made 39 appearances before his career was ended by a knee injury. He was an integral part of Joe Harvey’s rebuilt United, the star of the show in a team that included the legendary Supermac. Green had it all; searing pace, skill, hard work, an eye for a pass and a will to win. Without having seen him play, perhaps the best thing to do is to leave it to those who did. So here’s what Stan Mortensen, Joe Harvey (his mangers at Blackpool and Newcastle) and Harry Crosby (my old man and a bloke who spent many a year in the Leazes end) had to say about Green. Mortensen – “He was never afraid to take on a man…which allied to his enthusiasm, ability, guts, strength and temperament makes him a great player.” Harvey – “After they made Tony Green they threw away the mould. His skills thrilled me in a way that no one else has ever been able to achieve.” My dad (a man of few words, unless he’s regaling you with tales of Aussie Gold Hunters or something!) -“The best player I ever saw. Simple as that.”

Rob Lee. Legend has it that Kevin Keegan persuaded Rob Lee to join Newcastle rather than Middlesborough by telling him that we were technically closer to London because of the airport. Lee wasn’t keen to move so far from his London roots, but I’m sure he’d agree that the potential for home-sickness didn’t last long. Signed from Charlton for a bargain £700,000, Lee is – in my humble opinion – one of the greatest players Newcastle fans have witnessed in the modern era. He started as a right sided wide player, all power, turn of pace and in possession of a neat line in body swerves and as a result was popular from the start of his time. In later years he’d play more as an attacking central midfielder and wherever he played, powerful, driving forward runs were his hallmark. Staying with the club from 1992-2002, Lee had many highpoints in his Toon career. For me though, three stand out; firstly, his ghost ‘goal’ at Brentford in 1993 when he hit a volley from inside his own half following a clearance only for the ref to blow up for a free kick. Then, there was his hat-trick – all headers if I remember rightly – in our first game back in Europe since 1977. I didn’t get to go to the game and there was no TV coverage, so myself and a mate listened on the radio and when Lee scored after only a minute, we went mental! Finally, Rob gave me one of my favourite memories ever when he scored the equaliser at Wembley in the FA Cup semi-final against Chelsea in 2000. If I close my eyes, I can still see him leap and power that header into the back of the net and although it amounted to nothing as we lost, it’s a cherished memory. After surviving the Ruud Gullit era, Lee was eventually sold to Derby in 2002, when truth be told, he was past his best. For those of a certain age and those that remember Keegan’s Entertainers, Robert Lee will always be a favourite and an adopted Geordie.

Joelinton. Big Joe, J7, Joey…however you know him, it’s safe to say that none of us could have envisaged the player that Joelinton would become! Joelinton Cassio Apolinario de Lira was signed from Hoffenheim for a record fee of £40m and given the number 9 shirt, and sadly didn’t take long to look like a bit of a waste of money. In truth, he was played out of position, but still, the four goals in his first season was definitely not the return we’d hoped for. And while I always hoped there was a player in there somewhere, when he was struggling against Rochdale or blasting the ball into his own face when it would have been much, much easier to score, I didn’t think we’d still have Joelinton today. But thank goodness we do. Big Joe only took the number 7 shirt when Callum Wilson was signed, but it was Eddie Howe’s arrival and not the change of shirt that made the difference. And what a difference it was! We’re all familiar with the Norwich game and the whole transformation into a powerhouse midfielder, so I’ll save the repetition. However, as we prepare for a new season – Joe’s 6th in black and white – I think we’re all hopeful that he can stay injury free and push us back into Europe. The power, the pace, the attitude and the love of the fans – Joelinton’s turnaround has been remarkable really, seeing him become a vital part of the team as well as a Brazilian international too. In fact Joelinton has become so popular that not only does he have his own song, but a couple of years ago he became the face of a new fashion trend as the bloke who’s face we’d wear on Hawaiian shirts! As the song says, ‘He’s Brazilian’ and ‘we think he’s f***ing brilliant’!

So, there you have it. The second part of my Magnificent Sevens piece and my final five favourite players to wear the shirt. I hope you enjoyed reading about them, whether you agreed with me or not!

Book Review: ‘Above Head Height’ by James Brown.

Confession time. I had a little bit of a misspent youth. Nothing to panic about. Not committing crimes, not doing a great deal to disrupt others and not going out of my way to be obnoxious. My misspent youth consisted of doing the kinds of things that were important to me for as much as my time as was humanly possible, while neglecting the stuff that seemed boring, but on reflection might have actually done me some good.

My misspent youth largely revolved around football. Naturally, there were girls a bit later too, but I was no Casanova. Mind you, I spent endless hours playing football and I was no Maradona either! But wherever I could and whenever I could, I played football. ‘Above Head Height’ is a book for all of us who have obsessed and continue to obsess about football. ‘Above Head Height’ is what happens when your misspent youth continues through your entire adult life.

If you love football, then ‘Above Head Height’ is a must read. Even if you only have a casual interest in the game it’s still definitely worth a look. Brown – the former editor of the groundbreaking Loaded magazine – takes us through his own personal obsession with football, from days and nights playing any-number-a-side street football right up to his present day situation where he plays football with various social groups about 4 or 5 times a week. It’s an encyclopedic look at the game and why we play it, as well as why we get so obsessed and so for those of you like me and James, it becomes a very interesting read.

Brown’s experience of football as a kid will be familiar to a lot of us and as such, offers a huge slice of nostalgia for simpler football related times. Huge sided, barely organised games in the street, the park or wherever there was space and playing until you were either dragged in by a parent or it was just too dark to see anymore. Sometimes even that wasn’t enough to stop us!

‘Above Head Height’ takes us on Brown’s journey through football in its many guises. It’s a path well trodden for many of us. There are his experiences with school teams, playing with gifted players, playing at college and university, early adult five-a-side leagues and then onto time spent coaching his son’s team (something which a lot of us will have stumbled into inadvertently!).

This is more than just a book about football and a football obsessive. ‘Above Head Height’ starts with the funeral of a fellow player and Brown touching on the fact that, despite having spent years playing with this man, he really didn’t know him. He could pass comment on his playing style and pay tribute to his organisational skills – he was the bloke who organised the league – but what did he really know of the man he’d spent so much time with?

Ultimately, ‘Above Head Height’ is a book about friendship, camaraderie, obsession, health, fitness and the realisation that none of us are getting any younger. Football is just the orange or black and white checkered sun that it all orbits around. Of course, there will be family, careers, births and deaths, but sometimes it will feel like none of it is as serious as our feelings for the beautiful game!

If you remember the Wembley Trophy (or the penny floater if you’re from my neck of the woods), if you’ve ever spent far too long explaining the whys and wherefores of your latest ‘world-class’ goal, if the phrase ‘jumpers for goalposts’ still makes you smile and if you still dream that you might just get the call to play professionally, then ‘Above Head Height’ will be right up your street.

I give ‘Above Head Height’…

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Euro 2024 Final Preview: Some people are on the pitch…

They say that it’s the hope that kills you, don’t they? But sometimes as a football fan, hope is all you’ve got. Certainly, as an England and a Newcastle United fan, well I’ve bought the t-shirt and the season ticket as far as hope is concerned! So, tonight, I’ll go with hope as a means to help me get through the final.

Being born just 6 years after we’d won the World Cup hasn’t helped. It’s meant that I’ve spent my entire life almost expecting that it’s only a matter of time before we win again. And yet, waiting is all I’ve done. Unless you include the holding of my head in my hands and the crying over the latest failure. So hopefully tonight can bring an end to the waiting and the tears.

I’ve always loved my country and always been very proud of being English, despite the fact that sometimes it can seem like there’s not a lot to take any pride in. Watching even a minority of England fans throw tables and chairs around any town that they’ve found themselves in over the years has been hard to take and can make you question your loyalty a bit at times. Throw in the weather, the years and years of awful governments and the right wing associations that are sometimes levelled against any form of patriotism and being a proud Englishman can feel a little awkward to say the least. Not to mention the sporting flops over the years.

All of that being said though, every tournament brings out the same sense of belonging in me. The house is decorated with flags, England tops are worn and life comes to a bit of standstill while we tailor everything around England games. It’s been exactly the same this tournament; hope, optimism, pride…and a huge dollop of frustration, given some of the performances! It doesn’t matter though. Tonight, we play in the final and fingers crossed we get the result we all want.

Having watched our cricket, rugby, athletics and even our women’s football team achieve varying types of glory over the years I can’t help feeling cheated as a football fan. Sure, it’s great when any England team wins a tournament and I’ve revelled in those successes as much as any of us. But I can’t say it’s been the same as the feeling I hope for if the England men’s team can win something in my lifetime. Having made the final a few years ago, I really believed that we’d win, especially on home soil. That we didn’t left me devastated. The exact same feeling as I’d had years before with the World Cups in 1986, 1990, 1998, 2018 and 2022. I’m hoping tonight that some sort of higher power – Harry Kane maybe? – will decide that enough’s enough.

Over the years it’s even felt like we’ve even had more success with our tunes than we’ve had on the pitch. In fact, sometimes our accompanying songs have made our failure even worse, given their quality. I mean, I still have my 7 inch vinyl copy of ‘This Time [We’ll Get It Right]’, but since then some of our songs have been more than memorable. If we could have matched our performances to tunes like ‘World in Motion’ and ‘Three Lions’ we’d have won some silverware years ago! Sadly though, the music’s usually been one step ahead of the team.

I really hope it all changes tonight. We’ve not been great this tournament, yet still here we are in the final. I don’t buy the criticism of Southgate as frankly, his record speaks for itself. We tried proven ‘winners’ with managers like Capello and went with what you might call with the people’s choice in Keegan, Venables and even Sam Allardyce. It brought us precisely nothing. Meanwhile, Gareth Southgate has come within a hair’s breadth of leading us to our first trophy since 1966 and blooded some cracking players over the years. In fact, if we’re completely honest he’s changed the face of the England football team in his time in charge. Jesus, he’s even made us feel like we can win penalty shoot outs! I for one would rather we were fighting at the top end of tournaments than heading home ranting about a perceived injustice as we’ve done in the past.

There’s no doubt that we have a lot of potential matchwinners in the squad. Despite his evident lack of fitness, Harry Kane has scored goals in this tournament, like he always does. Bukayo Saka has done the same and also offers the hope that he can beat a full back and put over the kind of cross that’s begging to be rammed home. Then there’s Jude Bellingham. I can’t say that I’ve been particularly impressed with him, but can’t deny that when it’s mattered he’s turned up. Kobie Mainoo has really impressed me since breaking into the team and I feel like he’ll play a big role tonight. It also seems to me that Phil Foden is growing into the tournament and he was really unlucky not to score in the semi. Hopefully tonight could be his night.

Even our bench has match-winning talent. Palmer, Watkins, Toney and Eze feel like the obvious picks here, for obvious reasons, but as a Newcastle fan I still hope that Anthony Gordon can get on and give us a few moments of quality. He’s very much a big game player and that pace can create something for us, without a doubt.

Tonight, we face a Spain team that will really test us. But I only have eyes for England. Can we win it? Is it finally coming home? I really don’t know, but I hope so, even if it really might just be the hope that kills you.

The form isn’t great and actually a lot of the optimism seems to be based around some kind of ‘feeling’. Still though, some people are on the pitch…so, COME ON, ENGLAAAAAAAAND!

Gallowgate Cult Heroes Number 8: Steve Watson.

At 16 years, 7 months and 9 days old, Steve Watson was our youngest ever debutant. And although he made his debut at home, during a time when I went and watched us play wherever and whenever, I missed it. A big thank you to Happy Shopper cash and carry in Blaydon where I was working at the time, for denying me the afternoon off to go to the match. I missed a bit of NUFC history, but I bet the sweet aisle looked amazing by the end of my shift. So, swings and roundabouts, eh?

A week later Watto would make his full debut – I was there for that one -, starting the home game against Derby, getting Man of The Match and assisting in a 2-0 win. He’d go on to play 24 times in that first season while also playing for 3 different managers as United struggled against relegation to the old third division before saving themselves on the final day.

While primarily playing as a full back, Watson played all over the field for the Toon. He made regular appearances in midfield, but also played up front on occasion too. In fact, on one such occasion after coming on as a sub at Liverpool in a League Cup tie, he grabbed the only goal of the game and still one of the most memorable I’ve ever seen and cemented his place as a cult hero in the eyes of many mags.

As the tie moved towards full time Newcastle broke out of their own box and Peter Beardsley took the ball from midway inside his own half from a headed clearance. Watson spun in behind the two defenders and Beardsley played a through ball that sent him a little right of target, but still heading towards goal. Watson still had a lot to do and little support, but twisting and turning he made his way to the edge of the box before chipping David James for a fantastic solo effort. An inspired moment that possibly no one in the ground would have seen coming and a brilliant goal from a very talented footballer.

Steve had produced an even more outrageous piece of skill years before though. Even as a 16-year-old he had an eye for something different. And so it was that his particular take on throw ins arrived in 1991. Steve had a good throw on him anyway, but little did we know he’d been working on something special; the somersault throw in! He needed a bit of space around the pitch to do it, but on occasion he’d bring out a throw where he would run forwards towards the line before performing a kind of forward flip, ball still in hands, and release it as he got back to a standing position. I’m hard pushed to remember where I saw it first and I can’t recall any particular successes, but it was brave to say the least, from one so young. Entertaining, as well!

Steve played for Newcastle from 1990 until 1998, taking in life in the then 2nd division, but mostly playing in the Premier League. He was a valued member of Kevin Keegan’s Entertainers before playing under Kenny Dalglish too. But then, mere months after a substitute appearance in the 1998 cup final, he was on his way to Aston Villa in a £4m deal.

For me, Watson seemed to suffer because of his versatility. Too often he was kept around to fill in various positions, never quite nailing one down for himself. Injuries didn’t help Steve either, but in all he never quite fulfilled his early promise. He always struck me as a good athlete; quick, agile and strong. He was a good attacking full back and so presumably would have made an excellent wing back in today’s systems. But alas, despite 208 appearances across 8 years at the club it felt like he never really cemented a place in the first team, which given his obvious talent was a real disappointment.

Some Toon fans might be able to draw a parallel between Watson and Elliot Anderson. Both were local lads that excited the fans. Both were skillful and athletic and should have had a bright future at the club, but both ended up leaving to further their careers. In Watson’s case, as the club’s youngest ever debutant, it felt like a real waste. I remember being excited watching his full debut against Derby and it wasn’t long before I was wondering if this was the next player to follow on from the likes of Beardsley and Gazza. Sadly, although an undoubtedly excellent player, Steve didn’t quite hit those heights.

Steve went on to have a long career, playing for Villa, Everton, West Brom and Sheffield Wednesday before retiring in 2009 after a long term injury problem. After that he teamed up with Lee Clark as a coach at Clark’s Huddersfield. Subsequent coaching moves took him to various clubs such as York and Gateshead and Steve is now the manager of Darlington in the National League North.

Another cult hero and another local lad done good!

Always Look On The Bright Side – Five things that made me smile in June!

The weather alone should be reason to smile in June, but alas here in England the month or season doesn’t always offer a guarantee where the weather is concerned! So, while sheltering from the almost incessant rain, I had to look elsewhere for my little moments of joy last month. Here’s what I found.

Cooking. I love the idea of cooking. I see recipes or even just pictures of food and think I’d love to make that. Sadly though, I’m not a great chef. I don’t enjoy cooking either and the process usually gives me no joy whatsoever. Instead, I find it stressful and tedious and the end result is often nowhere near what I was led to believe would happen should I follow these magical instructions. The kitchen is always a mess afterwards too. Lately however, I’ve managed to find some simpler recipes to follow and have actually found that I’ve put together some very tasty dishes. For now, I’m sticking to pasta with the aim of honing my skills and concentration levels so that I can attempt a decent curry, but we’ll see. What I’ve found so far though, is that every Thursday and Friday, making something like pesto chicken pasta or penne with tomatoes, cream and chorizo is not only making me smile, but it’s an unexpected delight to me tastebuds too! Definitely something to smile about!

Comedy Pet Photos. I wasn’t aware of the Comedy Pet Photo Awards until very recently. Last month in fact, which was obviously handy given this blog. Apparently, it happens every year and people from all over their world send their funny photos in to be judged. I’ll be honest, I didn’t think all of the finalists were that funny, but the two below definitely raised a smile. And although the winner – Hector the dog – was good, it wasn’t as good as the donkey for me! Regardless, both of them helped turn that frown upside down!

K Pop Hugging Marathon. Being 52 I’m not a fan of K Pop – in fact I have only the vaguest idea of what it is – and I’m also not the world’s greatest hugger. Still though, this story made me smile. To summarise, some bloke called Jin from the insanely popular K Pop boy band BTS – don’t ask me what that stands for, although I suspect it’s Bacon & Tomato Sauce, as in the filling in a delicious sandwich – has come up with an idea to celebrate the end of his 18 months of national service. He performed a hugging marathon with 1000 fans who were chosen in a raffle. In truth it sounds like a bit of a daft idea, but then when you think about the impact it will have on those fans you can’t help but smile. In an era where too many ‘stars’ keep themselves distant, this seems like a brilliant gesture and one that he really didn’t need to make. I’m sure fans of the band would have just been happy that he was ready to get back to the band, but instead he’s not only given out free hugs, he then performed songs to 3000 more fans in a different event. That Jin, eh? What a guy!

Classical Music. Classical music wouldn’t naturally be my choice. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate it, but usually only in the background of a film or some kind of video. In truth I wouldn’t know Bach from Beethoven! I’m an indie kid at heart still, despite my age! However, my opinion changed somewhat last month when a group called ‘&Piano’ came to our school to perform for our Year 7 students. ‘&Piano’ are a collective of musicians with only the one constant; the lad who plays piano. Last month’s incarnation was piano, cellist and an opera singer and it was fantastic. From the second that the opera singer sang her first note I was pretty much enthralled and despite one or two giggles in the audience, I think our students were too! A true testament to the power of live music and more than enough to raise a smile! I’ve added a link to their website below if anyone fancies finding out more.

https://andpiano.co.uk/

Birthdays! My wife and daughter’s birthdays are two days apart in June, so last month was a big one in terms of organisation, celebration…and presents! It can get very stressful and this year was no different apart from the fact that the stress levels ramped right up as it was my daughter’s 18th. It was all still really enjoyable though. Still though, one or two things really made me smile. Firstly, I bought my wife a joke present – some bubble wrap. She’d been wrapping some of our daughter’s things a few days prior to her own big day and was using bubble wrap for a couple of the more delicate gifts. So when she remarked, ‘I love bubble wrap!’ I was straight online to order some! What really made me smile though was how big it was. The bale was around 3 feet high and a couple wide which none of use were really prepared for! My wife took it in very good humour though, especially as it was alongside a pile of other gifts! My daughter’s party managed to make me smile too, even if I was quite opposed to the scale of the whole thing. We were lucky to get a local bar to host and around 40 friends and family showed up to celebrate. Our hosts were absolutely brilliant and everyone had a ball. And you can’t help but smile when it all turns out well!

So, another month passes with a few more smiles and standout moments. I’m hoping July, with its end of the academic year feel, will raise a few more! I’ll let you know soon!