Comedy Review: Chris Ramsey at Halifax Victoria Theatre.

In our house, I know there’s going to be a good night when we have an early tea. Usually, we eat anywhere between 8 and 9pm – late, I know, but we’re very continental, don’t you know – but when we’re off out, it has to be early. And tonight, we’re off out to see Chris Ramsey in Halifax, which is about a 35 minute drive away, so it’s a case of wolfing down a pasta bake after work, getting ready and then out the door!

Support tonight is provided by Carl Hutchinson. Like Chris, he’s a Geordie and a very funny one at that. And it’s always great when the support act is worth watching, especially when it’s someone that you were previously unaware of.

Carl’s set centres around marriage and fatherhood and how basically, it’s ridiculously hard work. As a fellow dad, it’s a very relatable set and there’s lots to laugh about. There’s a particular bit about the instructions for flat pack furniture which really rings true!

There’s laughs from both of us when he’s discussing the peaks and troughs of marriage and children though and it feels particularly satisfying when Carl tells us about older parents looking at his toddler and telling him, ‘Enjoy her when she’s this age’! I’ve even said it myself very recently when I know that the truth is more than likely that you’re really not going to enjoy the sleepless night, the nappies and the copious amounts of kid vomit!

Hutchinson saves both the best and worst tale until last and the story of his traumatic holiday poo – yes, really – is both cringeworthy and absolutely hilarious at the same time. He’s touring in the autumn and I’d highly recommend him if you like a laugh.

After a twenty minute break it’s time for Chris Ramsey and he strides on amidst a load of dry ice, loud music and flashing lights. Some entrance, but one that his comedy will definitely live up to. And when he tells us early on that tonight’s show is packed with stuff he can’t talk about on his podcast we know we’re in for a night of juicy tales!

Like Hutchinson before him, Chris spends a lot of his time on stage talking about life as a husband and father, all with the underlying proviso that we remember ‘but I love them, couldn’t live without them…’ which only serves to make it all even funnier.

Ramsey has been very successful in the last few years as the podcast that he does with wife Rosie has really taken off. Coupled with his individual success it has led to the pair ‘moving up in the world’ or as Chris himself puts it, getting above our station. So the show looks at life as a husband and parent having moved out of his home town of South Shields and out to leafy Northumberland. There’s no arrogance and no side here, by the way, he’s just as personable and funny as ever about it all. In fact, he’s very open when he tells us that it just didn’t work out and that they’ve been dragged back down by the universe!

Stand out moments here include his ‘remodelling’ of the Northumberland house complete with some ducks who ended up taking a very disappointing holiday in his back garden after he’d filled in the pond. There are tales of wanting to fight other dads – Chris is a blue belt in Brazilian Jiujitsu while also being, in his own words, ‘soft as shite’ – as well as the sharp theatre wide intake of breath when he declares that being a dad is harder than being a mam! And it’s no surprise when I find my wife laughing harder than me at this particular section!

Ramsey also does a little bit about the difference between being a ‘mummy’ and being a ‘mam’ which, being a Geordie with a mam, has me laughing like a drain.

The second half of the set covers how his professional life also took a bit of a battering after appearances on Soccer AM – he was subsequently banned from the show for life! – This Morning with Phil and Holly, where him and Rosie were the last guests before the presenting team, shall we say, ‘changed’ and appearances on the Graham Norton Show alongside P Diddy and then Will Smith. If you have a think I’m sure you can work out why he feels he might just be cursed!

The show closes with the tale of that appearance on Graham Norton with Will Smith. Or at least it sort of does, because the appearance that we may have witnessed on TV was not quite how it actually went. But don’t worry, Chris’ management have a video of how it really went which absolutely brings the house down!

While an early tea hints at a good night to follow, in our house we also gauge how funny something is on a sliding scale. At the top end of that scale you’re either crying laughing or your face hurts from laughing. Or both. Tonight, Chris Ramsey is at the top of the scale from beginning to end and leaves the stage to a thoroughly well deserved standing ovation.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Always Look on the Bright Side…Five Things That Made Me Smile in January.

So, a new year comes round again and for lots of us it’s time for major change…at least for a month until we get bored and go back to being our usual selves. Well, there’ll be no New Year, New Me here! But what there will be is the usual monthly feature looking for a few positives in life. So what turned my frown upside down in January?

Photographer recreates that iconic ET moment. This was a story from Wales where a photographer and his mate spent almost two years trying to recreate the iconic ET and Elliot flying across the moon moment. Michael Meighan and his mate Nathan Edwards had patiently tried everything to get the shot just right over the years, but something always got in their way. And with only twelve full moons per year, chances were limited. Eventually though, with Nathan pushing his bike – complete with taped on teddy bear covered in a blanket as E.T. – and Michael over a mile away watching through a viewfinder outside his house, they got the perfect shot as you can see below!

The Fast Show. The Fast Show was a huge influence on me in my twenties. A sketch show that just made me laugh and laugh. Full of ridiculous characters and catchphrases that just became part of everyday life in our house and in every workplace that I entered during that era. So, it was great to read about its new found popularity in January. Apparently, due to internet clips and an ‘An Evening with…’ tour by most of the stars last year the show has reached a whole new audience. Too right, as well. Whether it was Ken and Kenneth, two overly familiar gentlemen’s outfitters, Bob Fleming coughing his way through another show or even a Peruvian flute troop cropping up in the most unusual places, it was always my favourite show.

Tynemouth Igloo. As a native of the North East of England I’m always on the lookout for local news, even though I haven’t lived there for almost 30 years now. The North East will always feel like home. So in early January, when there was a lot of snow about, I was instantly attracted to a news story about someone building an igloo in Tynemouth, a coastal town near Newcastle. Two brothers, Isaac and Jakob had spent 15 hours building an igloo using plastic tubs to help with building blocks. The result was something that it seemed like the whole community would use over the next few snowy days.

Care Home Residents’ Podcast. This one really made me smile. Three residents of a care home in Birmingham have developed a podcast after a member of staff told them they’d be great at it. Doreen (92), Maureen (88) and Anne (92) now host ‘Do You Remember the Time?’, talking about just how life has changed over the years. And despite their initial reservations about the technology involved, they’ve found out that it’s just like having a chat with friends over dinner. As someone who’s fast approaching my retirement years it’s good to know that the future might be a bit more fun than I’d imagined.

Amazing miniatures. Having spent hours of his childhood making Airfix models, Lee Smithson has turned his hobby into a business and now makes miniatures that bring other people’s memories to life. And they’re amazing! Lee now runs Sheffield Miniatures, taking commissions to make everything from a recreation of someone’s front room to their local butchers and even a steam engine from way back in Sheffield’s history. What caught my eye though was an allotment he’d done for someone. My father used to have an allotment and had taken some photos of it and asked my daughter if she could do him a painting of it. However, try as she might she couldn’t get it quite right. A miniature would have been fantastic!

Try as I might I couldn’t think of many smiles that were personal to me for last month, but I hope you like the stories I stumbled across!

Anyway, keep looking for the positives, however tiny they might be!

Newcastle well and truly United!

On the morning of the first leg of the Champions League play off in Azerbaijan you could be forgiven for thinking that Newcastle United were in crisis. If you were thick as two short planks that is. Never mind the truth, the media were having a right go at stirring things up.

In the days leading up to the tie there’d been numerous ‘stories’ concerning Toon players wanting to leave. Sandro Tonali was unhappy and wanted to go back to Italy, but Arsenal, Man Utd and Manchester City were ready to bid, so of course his departure was a formality. Anthony Gordon would be subject of a bid from Liverpool come summer. According to the BBC Nick Woltemade, was homesick and wanted to either go to Bayern Munich or just back to Stuttgart, despite a report that said anything but. And then of course Tino Livramento was off to Manchester City for…a bargain £40m.

Having had his tactics and future questioned for the last few weeks, we were then told that Spurs were coming in for Eddie Howe to replace Thomas Frank. So, of course this being a London club we’d be looking for a new manager come May, what with the capital’s glamour and how the streets are paved with gold.

Throw in the questioning of our summer transfer window, with Anthony Elanga and Jacob Ramsey both being labelled a colossal waste of money by some of the internet’s finest ‘Big 6’ fans and this was going to be a tricky tie.

And yet, we started like a train and were two up after 8 minutes and five up at half time having played brilliantly. It could and should have been more. What was a fluid, professional and lethal Newcastle attacking performance was somehow thwarted again and again by Qarabag keeper Mateusz Kochalski who was surely having the game of his life.

By the end, although we had conceded a consolation goal, we ended the game as 6-1 winners and had all but in name booked our place in the next round of the Champions League. Four goals for Anthony Gordon, some lovely stuff from Nick Woltemade, another goal for Malick Thiaw, a Dan Burn trivela assist, the return of Joelinton and a promising if brief debut for Sean Neave. Twenty two shots with 14 on target.

Six goals away from home in the Champions League. Regardless of who we were playing, not many teams have done that or will go on to do that. An excellent performance and a trip to remember for nearly two thousand of the best fans around.

Whatever the reports say, whatever way the media want to continually try and destabilise this club and however the ITKs want to earn their living, this was Newcastle United in name and in nature. A team running and fighting for each other. And all with smiling faces.

On to the quarter finals and bring on whoever it needs to be. Howay the lads!

NUFC in the Champions League – The alternative guide to Qarabag.

A long, long time ago in an internet galaxy far away…I used to write some stuff for a short lived NUFC fan site called The Pride of England (as in “Geordies are the…” an old, old song we sang back in the 80s & 90s). We were eager to provide something a little bit different in our approach to supporting the club and this meant that we looked at things in a bit of an irreverent style. And so it was a case of letting my imagination run wild…and making stuff up.

So, with irreverence, outright lies and a bit of fun in mind, I thought I’d relive the old days and write a guide to our next Champions League opponents, Qarabag, because let’s face it, where all of our knowledge of Azerbaijan is concerned, anything could pass for the truth.

Qarabag is situated in the Southern Caucasus region which covers the south west of Azerbaijan and Eastern Armenia. However the football team have been based in the Azerbaijani capital of Baku since 1993 rather than their spiritual home of Aghdam, which is actually over 200 miles away. The move was brought about by conflict in the Aghdam region making it unsafe to host football there.

The currency of Azerbaijan is the manat but this is largely unavailable in the UK simply because no one has ever heard of it. Instead, you’re advised to take Euros to exchange for manat once you get there, but a stash of Greggs delicacies and vintage Geordie jeans may actually make the exchange rate more favourable.

On your approach to Baku you may spot a few things that seem strangely familiar. For instance, certain parts of the outer Baku region like Marra are famous for the interbreeding of their donkeys, while places like Wheyskeyz and Nonse are run down and have what look like really shit versions of the Tyne Bridge. Strangely, all are twinned with sunderland.

Fancy a fun fact? Well, you’re getting one anyway. Qarabag’s president Tahir Gozel is a massive fan of mahogany tinted Yorkshire antique dealer, David Dickinson and runs his Azerbaijani fan club. He’s even been on Bargain Hunt back in the day. But it doesn’t end there. Not only is the training ground sponsored by Piz Buin but their home stadium is named the Azersun Arena and azersun is actually the Azerbaijani word for aftersun. Clearly, while the president loves Dicko, he’s also mindful of taking his tanning routine too far.

Two of Qarabag’s star players are branching out in a pretty successful sideline. Winger Leandro Andrade and central defender Kevin ‘Funky Cold’ Medina have been testing the water as love gurus. In fact, when the pair aren’t scoring on the pitch, they’re advising local men how to score with the ladies in their sex advice column, Shagger, written exclusively every month for the Qarabag matchday programme. In fact, such is the success of the column, the pair are about to launch a podcast along the same lines. Good luck on the sexual airwaves, lads.

Meanwhile, Qarabag goalkeeper Shahrudin Mahammadaliyev has a name that will score you 400 in Scrabble, ending any game immediately.

Interestingly, Qarabag run out to The Bay City Roller’s banger ‘Shangalang’. It’s not because it’s an absolute tune either. No, in fact the word shangalang actually roughly translates as ‘get into these’ in Azerbaijani.

If you’re off to the first leg, keep your eyes peeled for the local hooligans. Known as Baku Offa Oglan Balas their name roughly translates into Baku Aggro Boys. So if you see BOOBS written on a nearby wall, don’t build your hopes up; make a swift exit instead.

What you could do is perhaps make your way to imaginatively named local bar, Beer Station Pub which actually serves a local beer called ChitFyased coming in at a heady 14% volume. Be careful not to neck too much though or you might end up dangerously…surely you’ve got that joke? No? Wait a bit…think about that beer… it’ll land eventually.

Finally, if you notice any empty seats in the home areas of the Tofiq Bahramov stadium on Wednesday, remember that Qarabag play a long way from home. But also, a Japanese car giant have a large factory on the outskirts of the nation’s capital, so you could always just blame the Baku shift at Nissan!

So, there you have it, hopefully a useful and fairly comprehensive guide to all things Qarabag. Or just a load of juvenile lies with no offence meant…you decide!

Back on the roads again…

Just under a couple of weeks ago I took part in the Dewsbury 10k and having had time to reflect, as well as rest my aching legs, I thought I’d write a few thoughts down.

If you’re a regular reader you’ll know that I love running. I don’t think I’m quite at ‘running bore’ stage just yet, but I’m having a good go. And if you’re a regular reader you’ll know that for around the last year or so I’ve struggled to train consistently through illness and injury. For Dewsbury I was running on the back of only three training runs, brought about because of a chest infection and sinus problem that knocked me flat for just over a month.

In my final training run I’d dragged myself around a 10k route in just under an hour. It was horrible and I felt like death warmed up, but I’d gotten round. My attitude to Dewsbury was that I needed to just get round…and try and be a little quicker and less embarrassing!

Despite it all I was genuinely excited about running the night before and I woke up feeling pretty optimistic too. Better still, I felt reasonably healthy.

Thankfully it was a decent morning, weatherwise, with the sun making a rare February appearance and the wind barely blowing at all. Perfect conditions for running!

As ever with a race it was a battle to get through the start with a crowd of us just plodding forwards as the numbers gradually cleared in front of us, but once I got through the start line and into my running I felt pretty good. I’d decided to go out steadily and then up the pace as we turned for home at the 3 mile mark, but on the few occasions that I checked my pace I was always quicker than expected and I knew that this would probably catch up with me.

The Dewsbury course is reasonably flat though, with the first half going slightly uphill and the second half heading back down. Still though, I was right about my legs! It wasn’t long before I was feeling the strain, but it helped that I knew the roads and was obviously aware that every step was getting me closer to that 10k mark. So it was just a case of gritting my teeth and getting on with it.

The final mile felt like it might never end and frequently checking my watch wasn’t helping! But I managed to stay focused and ignore the fact that one of my hamstrings was cramping a bit and kept going.

As ever, seeing my family at the side of the road gave me a welcome boost and spurred me on a bit, so as I got to the final third of a mile or so I was really pushing myself. The trouble was, I couldn’t see the finish! At Dewsbury the finish is around a corner at the end of a long straight road and if I’m honest, it was killing me not being able to see it! Even when I rounded that final bend it still looked far too far away! However, knowing that I’d be finished the race in a matter of seconds, I just decided to sprint as best I could.

I could hear footsteps behind me; obviously anyone with any energy left is trying to sprint in these circumstances, and a glance over my shoulder told me that several people were intent on getting past me. Despite my age and lack of fitness these days I’m still very competitive though, so only one person passed me before the line, a young woman who was literally flat out sprinting! Fair play to her!

In the end, despite the lack of training, I finished in just over 54 minutes and although I’d have loved to have gone quicker, I couldn’t help but be pleased with my efforts. In fact, such were my efforts that when I came to drive home I couldn’t lower the clutch without my calf cramping up, resulting in about another 15 minutes spent stretching by the car before it was safe to go home!

Next up is the Wakefield 10k on 22nd March, which gives me a decent amount of time to increase my fitness and be ready to give things a real go. Well, that’s the plan anyway!

Gallowgate Cult Heroes – David McCreery

Sometimes it’s not the silky skills, the blistering pace or the ability to conjour a goal out of nothing that makes a player a hero to a fanbase. Sometimes, it’s just down to pure graft and commitment. Our next cult hero had those things in spades.

Long before people started labelling players as things like ‘a six’ or a ‘holding midfielder’ we had players like David McCreery who did the dirty work, breaking up attacks and keeping things simple while running himself into the ground for the cause. Often it seemed that he was the focal point of the team, flying into tackles and winning the ball back in order to give it to someone to start another attack in those exciting first Keegan years.

Having played for both Manchester United and QPR, McCreery arrived on Tyneside fresh from representing Northern Ireland in the 1982 World Cup. McCreery had done well in a surprisingly positive World Cup campaign for Northern Ireland – only a defeat to France kept them out of the semi finals – and was named in the team of the tournament. Yet still he was almost unknown to Toon fans when he signed from Tulsa Roughnecks. But what an impact he’d make.

McCreery went on to make 272 appearances for the club, helping us win promotion in 1984 and staying until 1989. He was instrumental in the 1984 promotion season where despite the obvious glamour and flair of the likes of Keegan, Beardsley and Waddle, McCreery’s work rate and bravery was very much appreciated by Newcastle fans. He had a kind of scuttling running style and would race around making interceptions and breaking up opposition attacks, doing the dirty work that allowed the flair players to play. All of this way before it was trendy to be that kind of player!

Despite his somewhat small stature David seemed to be in possession of the heart of a lion. He never shirked a challenge and his work rate was superb. I’d liken him to someone like N’Golo Kante in modern terms; selfless, brave and not without the odd moment of skill. It’s safe to say that the St. James’ Park crowd took him to their hearts from very early on in his Toon career and his tough tackling approach is still fondly remembered today by those of us of a certain vintage, despite the superstar nature of the team that he started in.

Leaving Newcastle in 1989, David would go on to play for Hearts, Hartlepool (twice), Coleraine and Carlisle United before retiring from playing. Then it was into management with Carlisle and Hartlepool before his career took a bit of a swerve and he ended up in America in a role with the MLS. Later his globetrotting took him to Argentina where he took on a football consultant role.

David would also manage successfully in both Myanmar and Malaysia and nowadays he’s involved in the development of football in the UAE.

Davey Mac; a tough tackling number 6 before the internet had even thought of it and a Gallowgate Cult Hero!

Film Review: Extraction.

Different people want different things out of a film. Some want to see authenticity, gritty realism and some kind of rollercoaster of emotions that carries them along for a couple of hours before spitting them out the other side, exhausted. Other people just want to be entertained and watch from the edge of their seat. And if this is you, then ‘Extraction’ might just be right up your alley.

‘Extraction’ is a 2020 thriller starring Liam Hemsworth as a former Australian black ops soldier now working as a mercenary. And, with little regard for his own safety – in fact you could say he’s got a deathwish – he’s about to take on a stupidly dangerous mission. Cue much edge of the seat action and shoot ’em up fun!

Hemsworth plays Tyler Rake, a disaffected military mercenary who takes a dangerous mission in Dhaka, Bangladesh to extract the son of a drug dealer whose life is in grave danger. Little does he know that there’s more than one group hunting for his extraction target, Ovi and therefore more than one group hunting him down. Rake pulls out all the stops to battle through everyone from Ovi’s captors, to his so-called bodyguard Saju, a local drug lord and even the corrupt police. See what I mean about entertainment?

‘Extraction’ is classic good guys versus bad guys fun with the added twist that it’s actually difficult to work out who’s on the side of good on more than one occasion. Tyler and Ovi face death on multiple occasions with the brilliant bit of the plot being that just when you think one or both is about to meet his maker, fate intervenes. You’ll rarely leave the edge of your seat in this adrenaline fuelled thriller! And while the thrills are plenty, it’s also pretty amusing at times and the suspension of your disbelief is required with pretty much every kill. But will Tyler and Ovi make it out of Dhaka? Well, that’s anyone’s guess!

There are plot twists aplenty throughout the entirety of Extraction’s almost 2 hours. But every time you think that Tyler and Ovi are sure to be hooked by one of their many pursuers, they manage to wriggle free, which for me is a huge part of the attraction here. I don’t mind the implausability of it all – although my special ops experience is pretty minimal, so who am I to comment on implausability? – in fact I absolutely loved it.

There are some cracking performances here too. Hemsworth is excellent as mean and moody Tyker Rake, bur Rudhraksh Jaiswal as Ovi and Randeep Hooda as the shadowy Saju both add a bit of something to the mix.

If you like a bit of action and jeopardy, ‘Extraction’ is definitely a film you should have a look at. A fast moving thriller that, if you’re anything like me, will keep you involved from minute one and even having yelling and yelping at the screen from time to time. What more could you want from your entertainment?

I give ‘Extraction’…

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Magpie Moments Episode 6

There’s never a dull week supporting Newcastle. Even in the quiet times we’ve got the likes of Big Frank Chippa to get us in the news anyway. Anyway, another week, another selection of Magpie Moments to bring back a few good memories.

Matt Ritchie, corner flag killer. Matt Ritchie is one of my personal favourite Newcastle players of all time. A gifted footballer who joined us when we were at one of our lowest points and who could be relied upon to make things happen on the pitch. But it was a time when he made something happen just off the pitch that makes for a Magpie Moment. Picture the scene. It’s January 2020 and Newcastle are at 0-0 with Chelsea at home. We have a corner cleared out to Allain Saint-Maximin who plays a beauty of a ball back in to the box where Isaac Hayden gleefully heads it into the net for a 94th minute winner. I mean, that’s a moment in itself. And then Matt Ritchie says, “Hold my pint”. As players race over to celebrate with Hayden in the Gallowgate/Milburn corner, Ritchie isn’t far behind. But he’s not after Hayden. He’s after the corner flag and proceeds to welly it so hard that it leaves the ground and goes spinning into the crowd where it catches a celebrating fan square in the family jewels. Unaware, Ritchie continues to scream at the moon. Meanwhile the fan takes a deep breath, checks it’s all still there and gingerly sits back down!

Nobby channels his inner Maradona. If you’re old enough then last year’s Carabao Cup success won’t have been the first time you saw Newcastle win a trophy. Or rather, win a tile. Yes, tile, not title (don’t ask). In 2006 Newcastle ‘won’ the Intertoto Cup (again, don’t ask). Anyway in the first leg of our two legged semi final, Nobby Solano scored an absolute wonder goal, which because I can’t find on video I have to relate back to you via a few reports and my very patchy memory. Nobby took the ball fairly deep inside his own half and exchanged passes with Gary Speed. Then, he just went all Maradona. It felt like he took on the whole Munich team before getting into the box, drawing the keeper and dinking the ball over him and into the net. At the time it felt like the best goal I’d ever seen, including Maradona’s v England at the 1986 World Cup. Nobby remains one of my favourite players to this day.

Ball Boy becomes stubborn hero! A couple of seasons ago Newcastle staged a stirring comeback to beat West Ham 4-3 at home. Harvey Barnes came off the bench to score a screamer to win it at the Gallowgate as we came back from being 1-3 down. It was a bit of a Magpie Moment. However, there was another moment in the match, just after Mohammed Kudus scored West Ham’s second goal. Kudus ran towards the Gallowgate to celebrate and wanted to do his trademark celebration of sitting on a chair relaxing. No, me neither. Needing a chair with which to fulfil this amazing celebration, he asked a nearby ball boy for his. And the ball boy just said ‘no’. It felt like Kudus asked a couple of times more, probably confused to be told ‘no’. But the ball boy stood firm. No mate, you’re not sitting on my chair to complete your stupid celebration against my club. Well done, kidda!

So, there we have it. Three more Toon related moments that emphasise the fact that feeling that almost anything can happen at Newcastle United!

Always Look On The Bright Side – Five things that made me smile in December.

A bit of a different one for this feature this month. It has to be said that December was a bit of a disaster for me personally. It became clear that from pretty much the start of the month that I was poorly and this developed and stayed with me for almost the whole of the month. A lovely chest infection coupled with a sinus problem! So, moments of happiness were in short supply!

So, where were those few smiles?

Sunrises. Winter seems to bring with it some spectacular sunrises and I’m lucky enough to be able to catch a lot of them on my way to work. This December was no exception. I only have a short commute; about 7 minutes. This means that there’s not a lot of time sat in traffic, which means that I don’t get to enjoy the scenery or the sunrises. It also means that the car never has long enough to heat up in winter, but that’s another story! Brilliantly though, there’s a point in my journey where on either side of me is just beautiful countryside and when the sun is coming up and there’s no cloud it can be quite spectacular. Luckily for me, there were a number of those moments last month.

A giant advent calendar. This was a story I read about a charity advent calendar in Chorley, Lancashire that was made from 24 shipping containers. Each day a container of gifts was donated to a local charity as part of the Cash for Kids Mission Christmas campaign. I mean, what a wonderful thing to do. The kind of thing that helps you restore your faith in humanity. It couldn’t fail to make even the biggest Scrooge smile, could it?

The end of a long term. The first term of an academic year is always tough. And I know that people love to moan about teacher’s holidays – another thing that never fails to make me smile; if you’re so infatuated with our holidays, train to be a teacher – and I get that when we start again in September it’s off the back of 6 weeks off over summer. Still, that first term back is always a hard one, believe me. So, after 15 weeks of a term I was fully ready for the Christmas break and a glorious two weeks off. Smiles aplenty!

Family. I’ve lived away from my family in Newcastle for just over 30 years now and distance and busy schedules mean that I don’t get to see them very often. Christmas gives me that opportunity and even though we only managed a day this year due to my daughter’s busy work schedule, it was precious time spent with my closest family. It’s always lovely to see my parents engaging with with my kids – their grandchildren – and it always makes me smile. It was also good to see that my sister was healthy after a difficult year for her. And I must say, I enjoy giving presents, so watching my parents open their gifts is always good, especially my dad’s reactions; opens gift, looks at it for approximately 4 seconds, puts it down and just says ‘Aye’. The same every year!

A brass band! Every Christmas my local supermarket gets a brass band to come in and play carols on a Saturday morning close to Christmas. It’s always such a wonderful sound and that, plain and simple, is what made me smile!

And that was that for last month. I was poorly for almost the whole month and although I enjoyed the whole lead up to Christmas, there just weren’t as many smiles as usual!

Here’s hoping that January perks things up a bit!

NUFC: For the love of God, just get some cover in!

I read with interest yesterday that those at the club involved in transfers were planning a meeting to address the need for cover in the squad. And then I just allowed my head to rest softly in my hands and tried not to lose my mind.

I realise that there will be a lot going on in the background that we as fans never hear or even understand, despite what our social media ITKs and plane watchers would have you believe. But, seriously, did no one realise that January was going to happen? Did they miss the fact that it was creeping up? And has no one been in the treatment room lately?

It’s as clear as day that we need cover, especially in defence. I’m not here to make suggestions about players, mind you. I can’t say I watch a lot of football other than us really, so my finger just isn’t on the pulse as far as emerging talent is concerned. But I can’t stress the frustration I feel when I see the sheer amount of defensive problems we’ve been having. Schar, Lascelles, Livramento, Krafth and Dan Burn are all unavailable for varying amounts of time and no one appears to be postponing any of our upcoming fixtures. So what are we waiting for?

It’s great that we’ve discovered a couple more strings to Lewis Miley’s bow, but I’d be that bit more comfortable if we just could sign an actual defender.

There’s a need up front too. Will Osula seems to have vanished into thin air, Sean Neave is untried and possibly a bit untrusted too, leaving only Wissa and Big Nick as options. Wissa is only just back from a fairly serious injury and yet we seem happy to gamble with him staying fit.

I know that these things take time, but was the time between the start of the season and now not enough for a bit of forward planning? To still be reading that we’re monitoring players while also feeling optimistic about people returning from injury feels strange to say the least. It feels like an accident waiting to happen, in my opinion.

Maybe I’m panicking. Maybe I’m naïve. But with crucial and some might say season defining games to come over the next month, the need is now. I’m all for trusting the process, but I think that the process might need to hurry up a bit occasionally. I’m sure I’m not the only one wondering just what’s going on and waiting with everything crossed for some progress on at least a loan deal some time soon!

What do we think? Are the club right to be taking their time? Or does the current injury situation, coupled with the sheer amount of upcoming fixtures warrant a bit of urgency?